'Causes and effects are not woven together, but they are threads. If thou desirest to mend the broken thread, it will be intertwined with the thread of the other thread.'
In my room, which is moderately hot.
I sit on the edge of the bed there, eagerly waiting for the moment to arrive.
The person sitting next to me now is not Ayano, but Kyouka, who has changed into her casual clothes.
It was the afternoon of the last day of school, and Kyouka was finally ready to fulfill her promise to give me fellatio.
For my part, I was not in such a hurry.
However, my parents were coming back this weekend. I was also thinking that I should do something before then.
Once the New Year's holidays came, even Ayano and I would not be able to enjoy ourselves at home. For Ayano, I can change the place or wait until her parents go out, but for Kyouka, it is not so easy.
So, I took the opportunity of the school vacation to invite Kyouka to my house, thinking that I could make a different kind of invitation to her if I could develop our relationship by the end of this week.
Of course, I told Ayano not to come over today. Not only that, but I also made her put her personal belongings in the closet.
Normally, this would be a terrible thing to do.
But I had no intention of dating Ayano. I've made that clear to Ayano from the very beginning. I told Ayano that she can think of me as her boyfriend all she wants, but I'm going to make moves on other women, too.
Ayano must have known that, and I could see a little bit of [Jealousy]'s black emotion as if she didn't like the idea of inviting her to my room. Well, it's not so bad at a trivial level, though, since I hugged her and kissed her lightly, and she was immediately painted pink with [affection].
So now I'm not thinking about Ayano, but about how to lead Kyouka, who is sitting next to me.
"...Oh, no, I'm at my wits' end. I can't believe I'm so nervous with Shuu-kun."
"Really? You don't seem to be that nervous."
"I don't look that nervous? I couldn't sleep much last night, you know."
Unlike with Ayano, I didn't want to force things.
There was a good chance that Kyouka thought I was a virgin with no experience at all. If such a lover suddenly turns into an experienced man, it is natural to ask him when he had such an experience, and if he is not careful, it could turn out to be a dangerous situation.
I do not know what Kyouka actually thinks about it, since she did not ask me about it so clearly. However, I am aware that I have been playing the role of a new lover who has just started dating.
I doubt if I was able to play the role of the 17-year-old me, but I don't think I'm that out of touch.
Considering this, I couldn't just pull down his pants and roughly ask her to give me fellatio.
Though this kind of crude way was not suitable for my nature, I was feeling very timid because of the future that I would ruin everything by making a hasty move.
This is probably because I am concerned about the gray color of [Anguish] that Kyouka sometimes shows.
"It seems we are both on the same page. I'm trying to act calm, but I don't have that much leeway either. I've been woken up from sleep several times in the middle of the night, just like Kyouka."
"Geez, Shuu-kun. Does that mean you're getting excited like an excited schoolboy before a field trip?"
"Well, of course, I'm going to invite my girlfriend whom I love to my room. You're right if you say I was expecting it, but why do you compare it to being a kid?"
"Because lately, Shuu-kun has become more masculine and childish at the same time."
"Really? I don't think I'm doing it consciously, but maybe it's because I've tried to show my true self as much as possible."
"Then it means that Shuu-kun originally had a childish side to him, didn't he? Though I like Shuu-kun who has such a side to him..."
Seeing Kyouka's smile, which was so bright that it made dimples appear on her cheeks, brought out the negative feelings that had been dormant inside me.
Despite what I told Kyouka, I could never really show my true self.
What Kyouka sees now is another me pretending to be a normal high school student.
No matter how much she likes this false image, it is impossible for me to feel happy, and there is a part of me that is feeling a bit constrained in this relationship that is coated with such lies. Because of all the lies, I have told, I sometimes have a moment when I feel like revealing everything.
The only thing I told Kyouka that was true was that I woke up in the middle of the night.
Lately, I have been having a hard time falling asleep, and according to Ayano, I'm usually in a doze.
Though things have finally calmed down recently, I still had such an experience. It seems understandable that I have bad dreaming. However, if I'm having nightmares quite often, I can't help but be concerned about it.
I don't think it's possible, but does it mean that I am frightened of something?
"I like your childish side, too, Kyouka"
"What? I'm more like a big sister..."
"No, not at all. You don't look like a big sister at all."
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