Volume 13 Chapter 286 Kohina Yukari, Dck VS Pssy
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
The second morning arrived. I downed the Seijo Energy drink in one gulp and suggested to everyone that we rotate taking breaks.
”Kohina-senpai, I can keep going without sleeping!” he said confidently.
”Don’t be ridiculous! You’re already dumb enough as it is, so get some sleep while your brain still works!” I snapped back.
They say kids grow up while they sleep… well, you might just get bigger in size, but I don’t need you growing any taller. I already have to crane my neck to talk to you, and it’s starting to hurt. Honestly, you should shrink a little! Enough already!
”We can still manage!” another voice piped up.
”Of course we can. There’s no way you or Hagetoru are taking breaks,” I said with a knowing smirk.
”Huh?”
”Hmm?”
The characters controlled by Inko and Emily-chan suddenly froze.
[Inko, Hagetoru. Since when did you think you could sleep?]
[Lol, seriously.]
[Other teams are cutting sleep too, so it’s tough.]
[Kano-pon-sama’s a kid, so she crashed after midnight.]
[As expected of Kanon-sama!]
[She’s good at games but the only weak point is being a kid.]
[She’s also terrible at handling trash talk!]
[Aqua-sama’s been grinning while watching Kanon-sama’s sleep-drop clips!]
[Kohina Yukari says Nee-san won’t sleep — go convince her, since she’s pregnant.]
[Morikawa’s worried too!]
[Morikawa was just asleep but woke up now.]
Honestly, what are you all getting so serious about? I let out a light sigh.
”…I’m joking, of course.”
My words made the two twitch awkwardly.
I already told you, it’s just a joke!
”For now, Inko and I will stay up. Aqua, Mikuni, and Hagetoru, you go ahead and take a break. Come on, snap out of it!”
I attacked Mikuni’s completely frozen character.
”…Nyaa?”
”Nyaa? Don’t ‘nyaa’ me! You’ve been asleep holding your mouse for five minutes! I got the report from the chat, okay?!”
”W-well, I’m still good, nya.”
You’re not good at all! Seriously! What’s so cute about that? Are the people in the chat deaf or something?
”Look, you’re tired, so rest. Aqua, watch over this one. And only you can put Kotono-san to sleep, so make sure she gets some rest too!”
”Understood! Kohina-senpai, Inko-san, I’ll leave the rest to you. I’m going to put Mommy Mikuni and Kotono to bed, then give a good-morning kiss to sleepy Kanon!!”
That last part? Totally just because you want to! Hey, don’t log out so fast before I can even respond!
[Good-morning kiss!?]
[Aqua-sama, do you have that part of the stream saved!?]
[Someone clip it and post it on Hakuryuu-sensei’s channel!]
[I want Aqua-kun to give me a good-morning kiss too.]
[Kohina Yukari, demand a good-night kiss too!]
Why would I ever beg him for a kiss?! Wait, what’s Emily-chan doing? She’s trying to go gather materials normally. I called out to her.
”Hey, where do you think you’re going? You should sleep too.”
”S-sorry. I slept until evening yesterday, so I’m not really sleepy… guhehe.”
Hmm, if that’s the case, it can’t be helped. Emily-chan might be as silly as him, but she’s smart enough to judge for herself. I’ll just remind her to be careful and leave the rest to her.
”When you get sleepy, make sure you sleep properly. Don’t push yourself too hard. Got it?”
”Yesss!”
With our numbers down from five to three, we silently started working. Inko continued fortifying our base and restocking tools and gear, while I went with Emily-chan to gather materials. I guess I was getting a little tired too. The simple, monotonous work was easier on my brain, so it felt less exhausting.
[Kohina Yukari’s chatter has decreased.]
[It’s not as fun without Aqua-kun.]
[Inko’s too busy to joke around, so no one to talk to.]
[Even Hagetoru isn’t messing around.]
[Are we all quietly napping now?]
[Smart women figured out they all slept right after Aqua-kun logged off.]
[Viewer count dropped because everyone slept when Aqu-tan logged off.]
[Tenga-senpai, Mayuzumi-kun, Maruo-kun, Kujaku-kun, Hajime-kun went to bed late; Toa-chan stuck around but went straight to sleep after hearing Aqua logged off.]
[Guys disappear and the girls sleep immediately—so predictable.]
[Breaking news: Nee-san went to sleep.]
[Aqua-sama, nice one!]
Hmph, looks like he pulled it off well. Kotono-san’s asleep, so Kanon-san must be waking up, which means only Kaede is left awake… huh? Could this be a chance?
[Breaking news: Mary-sama launched an unhesitating attack on Kanon team’s base.]
[Mary-sama unstoppable!]
[Going hard on her own granddaughter, wow.]
[She was just as ruthless with her own daughter.]
[Other teams seem to be scavenging too. President Atori and Kato Iria’s teams started raiding.]
[Hey, Kohina Yukari! Morikawa’s the only one defending over there, so you can handle this!]
Wait, everyone’s attacking Kanon-san’s team? This is the perfect moment for a scavenging run.
”Hey, listen up, everyone.”
”Okay, but only you’re on team chat.”
Oh, Emily-chan isn’t on the team chat, so I can’t talk to her unless she’s close. I told Inko that Kanon-san’s base was under attack.
”Isn’t it tough for just the two of us to scavenge? Mary-sama and President Atori, Iria’s teams seem to be gathering their people. No matter how good we are, I don’t think we can pull it off. Plus, if we leave our base undefended, someone might attack us…”
Hmm… but doing nothing in this moment would be the height of foolishness. I double-checked the rules and then came up with a good plan.
”I’ll just bring the minimum items and make a quick hit-and-run. Basically, I just need to gather coins — the defeated enemies should be lying around anyway.”
”That works. That won’t take much time, so I’ll come with you.”
With that decided, we quickly prepared and got in the car Emily-chan made. On the way, I drove and somehow fell off a cliff, flipping the car about six times.
”Wait, wait, wait. Are you really that bad at driving even in the game?”
”Hah!? Then you drive.”
Inko took over and smoothly stopped the car just before the base, deep in the forest.
It annoys me how she’s better at driving than me.
”Why stop here? You could get closer.”
If I were driving, I probably would’ve crashed the car right into their door.
”The engine noise will alert the enemy. We have to be sneaky thieves. If we want to steal, we need to be quiet. Plus, we’ll be using this car to get back, so it’s better to keep it hidden.”
I must be losing it—maybe it’s because I’ve been awake for too long, but my brain feels just as dumb as his. Inko and I stepped out of the car, moving slowly toward Kanon-san’s base.
”Whoa, it’s huge! Already built such a massive stronghold…?”
Right in front of us, a colossal fortress sprawled wide. And the location was perfect. Nestled between two large rivers, the place was practically a sitting duck for any assault. If you tried to storm it head-on, you’d be completely exposed. They’d set up walls halfway through the crossing, forcing anyone to move cautiously—otherwise, you’d be pinned down by archers up in the towers, getting picked off without a chance.
”Inko, look—someone built a wall over there. Let’s sprint for it!” I urged.
”Got it!” she replied.
We dashed toward the barricade near the water’s edge. But suddenly, someone aimed a gun at us.
”Damn it!” someone hissed.
”Inko!?” My heart skipped as Inko’s character got caught in a hidden trap—a bear trap submerged in the river—pinning her foot. She instantly became the target of a relentless assault.
”Sorry, Yukari. I died, so I respawned at the base,” she called out.
”That was unavoidable. Leave the rest to me!”
Timing my move perfectly, I clung to the wall of Kanon-san’s team base. The door was open. Slipping past bullets whizzing by, I slid inside the safety zone. This should be alright. I paused to catch my breath and scanned the surroundings. Then I heard the roar of a vehicle approaching.
”Ehh, test test test. Today’s candidate for the Self-Pleasure Party, your very own on*nii Hagetoru!”
Emily-chan popped her upper body out of the van window, waving wildly as she drifted the van straight into the base. I was already at my limit—seeing her antics, I slammed my face onto the desk.
[This one’s LMAOLOL]
[Here comes the troll LOL]
[This is a trainwreck from the start lol]
[Alright! All the boys and kids are asleep, right? Time for the corrupted v**gina hour!]
[Hagetoru gets all lively once the boys are down lol]
[Aqu-tan, wake up fast!]
[Sorry for the wait, everyone. It’s Hagetoru’s turn from here on out.]
[I stayed up just to see this!!]
[↑ Me too, figured Hagetoru would do something wild lol]
[Hagetoru’s the best! Hagetoru’s the best!]
[Saturday mornings are Super Hagetoru Time!!]
[Hagetoru’s like a pro announcer lol]
[↑ Heard she once worked part-time as an announcer lol]
[Hagetoru’s ridiculously talented LOL]
Ughhh! What on earth is Emily-chan doing this early in the morning?! Everyone who was attacking the base stopped shooting, completely frozen!
”Oi, Hagetoru, shut it!” came Kaede’s voice.
Kaede poked her head out from the top of the base and shouted back at Emily-chan, who matched her volume without hesitation.
”I’ve been rubbing v**inas for 20 years. Loved by v**ginas and loving v**ginas—your very own on*nii Hagetoru! Please cast your filthy vote with those dirty hands covered in morning mas***bation residue for this on*nii Hagetoru!!”
Emily-chan weaved skillfully, dodging Kaede’s gunfire. Granted, Kaede’s shots were wild, but still—the driving was just unreal.
[She’s trying to get banned on purpose, right?]
[Oh, right. Using banned words in voice chat could get her banned.]
[↑ Too smart lol LMAO]
[If it were team chat, it’d be fine, but this might disable global chat during alliances and negotiations. Clever.]
[Good news, Hagetoru’s smart after all.]
[So this is Mary’s wisdom…]
[Not just a naughty girl after all.]
[Trying to get banned on purpose—Hagetoru is a tactical genius lol]
No way she’s thinking this through! But then again… Emily-chan isn’t dumb. Or rather, she’s dumb but not dumb? What am I even saying? This ridiculous election speech must be making me lose my mind.
”Well then. If it comes to this, I’ll have to use my trump card…”
What trump card? Kaede, you’re not seriously about to do something stupid too, right? I almost sent a message in global chat to stop her, but I remembered my mission and held back.
”Test test test! I am Morikawa Kaede, also known as the bulletin board’s Chinposuki!”
What?! Everyone was pretending not to notice, and you just had to out yourself? You’re definitely still half asleep!
[It’s fine. Everyone knows.]
[Sudden Chinposuki confession LOL]
[Oh, so we don’t have to pretend anymore?]
[on*nii Hagetoru: ↑Chinposuki’s just sleepy and will forget by tomorrow. Let her be.]
[↑ LOL]
[Same here lol]
[Moved by Hagetoru’s kindness and the Verification Team’s bond!!]
[I was sleepy, but that woke me right up lol]
[Those who slept first, pgr!]
[↑ It’s because she chase after boys’ d*cks all the time.]
[Of course everyone from the bulletin board is awake.]
[↑ Obviously lol]
[Even with the confession, everyone knew already lol]
[Someone please pretend to be surprised at least lol]
I buried my face in my hands. Why did I come here thinking it’d be fun?
”D*ck number one! Leave all d*ck matters to me! I’m Chinposuki of the d*ck Party!”
Kaede suddenly started her speech, and I nearly fell off my chair.
Don’t ride Emily-chan’s ridiculous joke train too, damn it!
”Ladies, you know, v**ginas can’t beat d*cks. If a d*ck gets hard, the proper ladyly thing is to gracefully admit defeat, isn’t it?”
”Listen, everyone. Don’t be fooled by such nonsense! d*cks exist because of v**ginas. Without v**ginas, who would calm a raging hard d*ck? We mas***bating v**ginas refuse to lose to such d*cks!”
I once heard that conflicts only happen between equals. Covering my face with both hands, I stared up at the ceiling.
”on*nii, on*nii, on*nii Hagetoru and the Self-Pleasure Party ask for your filthy vote, no, one d*ck, please!”
”D*ck! D*ck! Chinposuki! Ladies who love d*cks, please vote for the d*ck Party and Chinposuki!”
Run away, no, I mustn’t run away! I repeated silently to myself as I stared seriously at the monitor.
”Yukari, you okay?”
”Yeah, I’m fine. But this place? It’s finished. The civility is finished.”
I glanced at the sub-monitor—comments were flooding by at lightning speed.
[Lolololol]
[This is chaos LOL]
[Election mas***bation VS power d*ck LOL]
[Hagetoru, it’s all your fault lol]
[Hagetoru better clean this mess up lol]
[I heard there’s a national broadcaster spouting banned words nonstop.]
[↑ I sent an encouraging call to Morikawa’s consulting room to do more b]
[This is the future of national broadcasters. How can the truth be told with d*cks beeped out!!]
[↑ Amazing! A national broadcaster needs this kind of resolve.]
[How can the truth be told? LOL the board users’ sharpness is amazing w]
[Their civility is done but ours is done too w]
[Everyone’s awake, so they’re all crazy lol]
Aaaahhhh! No coins are dropping at all—why did I even come here?! I raked my hair with both hands and yelled into the mic.
”Someone please help meeee!”
I didn’t care about stealing from a fire anymore; I just wanted to get out of here ASAP. Peeking out from safety, I took one cautious step forward. Right then, a group of wild gorillas crossed in front of me.
”Hey! For a second, I thought one of those hopeless squabblers came by! Just wild gorillas messing with me!”
I quickly retreated back into the safety zone where I’d been moments ago.
What am I supposed to do? There’s no escape!
I watched the van driven by Emily-chan speed past right in front of me.
Where do you think you’re going this time…?
”Hey, busty lady over there! Want to use those big, sloppy boobs of yours to earn a high income? Seijo Works, the staffing agency. Call 081081—oppai oppai!”
There they are—Marron and the others raiding the base.
Better log out or retreat before some weirdo messes with me.
[LMAO this guy.]
[Hey, you! Don’t hijack someone else’s stream to push your own agenda!]
[The management made this chaos possible lol.]
[Hagetoru’s insane. Normal tournaments don’t go like this lol.]
[This guy waited for Aqua-sama to fall asleep, didn’t he?]
[Hagetoru’s having fun, and we board watchers are smiling.]
[↑ Totally.]
[Hagetoru, show your face and stream too. Don’t just hide in the bulletin boards lol.]
I desperately tried to find a way out of this hell, but then another idiot’s voice rang from above.
”Good morning, everyone! Are you awake yet? National broadcaster Morikawa Kaede here, aka Chinposuki, delivering fresh morning ‘D*ck News’ just for you!!”
I slammed my face onto the desk and pounded it with both hands.
”The other day, T…T-san—who hadn’t seen a live d*ck in a long time—was bewildered, wondering if something so big could even fit during their first s*x in a year. Now, let’s hear from our on-site reporter, onan* Hagetoru-san, who got there first. Onan* Hagetoru-san, do you copy?”
”Yes, this is Saint Newspaper’s sex reporter onan* Hagetoru speaking!”
Seriously, you’re jumping in?!
I facepalmed alongside the viewers in the chat.
”During the earlier bathroom break, we learned that sleep-deprived Tashinami-san was wearing light pink underwear today! Was it sexy?”
”Yes, very sexy! Also, we checked Nee-san’s underwear earlier—satin red. She’s definitely pent up.”
”Got it. Very useful info. That’s all from onan* Hagetoru on the scene.”
I silently wished for these two to get scolded by Kanon-san and Kotono-san when they woke up later.
Oh, chat, clip this footage and post it as soon as those two wake up.
[Verification Team is too strong lol.]
[I’m moved we get to see live interaction from the Verification Team here.]
[Morikawa is half a celebrity, but these guys are actually great at banter.]
[Hagetoru, an amateur, totally outshines other celebrities lol.]
[Even the exhausted Kohina Yukari can’t get a word in, that’s wild.]
[So Morikawa Kaede loses to Kohina Yukari on shows, but as Chinposuki, she wins?]
[Verification Team is OP lol.]
[Verification Team domination!]
[Please, Tashinami, log back in soon lol.]
[Nee-san just fell asleep but can she come back?]
[The improvisation between Awake Chinsuki and live Hagetoru is the best.]
[Yo, Kanon-sama just woke up!!]
[Huh?]
[Don’t believe it… She really came!!!]
[Tashinami joins!!]
[Tashinami vs. Hagetoru is waking me up fully.]
[Kohina Yukari, sorry. Tashinami’s my pick now.]
Wait, Kanon-san’s awake?
Can I slip away in this moment?
I tried to escape this toxic place.
”Hey! What are you two blabbing about? Idiots!”
”By the way, the light pink underwear matched Tashinami’s n**ple, lips, and p*ssy color.”
”Ughhh! Hagetoru, where are you? What? A car running downstairs? Got it. Hagetoru! Don’t run, wait for me! I’ll come and destroy it right away!!”
”Huh? Just me? Hey, Chinsuki, where did you go!? Damn, she ran off ahead!!”
As I measured my chance to run, I heard a door creak open nearby.
”Ah.”
”Huh?”
I reflexively knocked Kaede down when our eyes met.
Yes! I got the coin!
”Inko, I got Kaede’s coin!”
”Nice!! Hurry back somehow!”
Right.
I rifled through Kaede’s AI items while looking at the door she had opened earlier.
Wait, is that door still open because she fled in a hurry?
[Automatic door alert!!]
[Lol, she totally messed up.]
[Of course it was our Chinsuki.]
[Close the door when you open it, please.]
[Kohina Yukari, this is your chance—all doors are open now lol.]
[A base that can’t even protect a virgin is a mess!]
[The bulletin board folks are getting fired up now!]
[Lol LMAO.]
[Chinsuki hasn’t noticed yet—she respawned far from the base to avoid Tashinami, so this is really our chance lol.]
[Tashinami is distracted by Hagetoru, Nee-san is sleeping soundly.]
[Good news: Hagetoru might actually be competent.]
[Kohina Yukari, go!]
Yeah.
This is definitely my shot.
Carrying just this one coin back is nothing—if I switch to the coins Kanon-san and the others collected, I could have a huge stack.
Maybe our team can turn this around in one go.
With that thought, my hand gripped the mouse, guiding my character through the open door and into the base.
[Watch out for turrets!]
[Be careful!]
[If you steal all the coins, you can brag to Aqua-kun!]
[Yeah, show Aqua-sama who’s boss!]
[Go, Kohina Yukari!]
[This is why you woke up!!]
I carefully dodged turrets and traps as I moved through the maze-like interior.
Luckily, Kaede left the door open, so I easily reached the deepest part of the base.
[Good job, Morikawa. Even if you get fired from being an announcer for d*ck news, you can be a tour guide—your voice is great lol.]
[Lol LMAO LOL.]
[Tour guide lol.]
[The bulletin board’s quick wit is on point.]
[Chinsuki’s base tour LMAO.]
[Thinking about d*ck all the time makes her base a mess.]
[Chat’s toxic as ever.]
[Wait, it’s all bulletin board people here.]
Ah, here it is—the box!
I moved all the coins I’d hidden into my item slot.
”Inko, I got all the coins!”
”Nice job!! We’re tightening security now assuming Yukari will bring coins back.”
Smart, Inko.
No need to say it—us, the nightmare generation, are no match for the Verification Team!
I always forget there’s that one idiot caught in the middle, belonging to neither side.
”Retreat!!”
All that’s left is to grab this and run.
[Breaking news: Kanon-sama, Kohina Yukari has infiltrated!]
[Kohina Yukari, run!]
[Run with everything you’ve got! Don’t lose to the two women beaten by Chinpo!!]
[Hagetoru’s been keeping Tashinami distracted this whole time—this guy’s really good at this game, lol.]
Wait, wasn’t there a helicopter stored somewhere along the way?
Remembering the heli, I decided to gamble on that one slim chance.
”This should be it.”
I blew open the hangar door with the bombs these guys had stashed and jumped into the helicopter, starting the engine.
”Wooooaaaaahhhhh!”
[Shutter opened perfectly! Let’s gooooo!]
[The propeller—oh nooo!]
[It’s hitting the wall, but it’s moving!]
[Good news, Kohina Yukari is driving better than ever!]
[She’s clutch under pressure and lucky too—she’s really got it.]
[Alright! When Aqua-sama wakes up, we’ll see that smile for sure!]
[Yeahhhhhhhh!]
This is it!
Once the hover stabilized, I pushed the chopper forward with all my strength.
”Let’s gooooooooooo!”
My helicopter burst through a gap in the enemy base and climbed fast into the sky.
Yes! I’d never flown a heli properly before, but on a whim, I pulled it off perfectly!
[She took off!]
[She really made it!]
[Kohina Yukari, you rock!]
[Is this the Aqua-kun team’s win?]
[No, it’s the Kohina Yukari team!]
Okay! The propeller’s just a little damaged, and there’s enough fuel to reach the base.
This should be a clean getaway—then, suddenly, the helicopter shook violently.
”Ah! What the—?!”
I glanced back just in time to see the tail rotor completely destroyed.
Uh-oh. Before I could think, the chopper lost control and started plummeting toward the ground.
”What do I do now?!”
”Aaaaaahhh!”
That familiar voice—I looked toward the crash site and spotted a van just as the heli fell.
No way… And then my screen switched to the death screen.
[Of all places, it crashes right on top of the fleeing Hagetoru. LMAO.]
[Perfect setup.]
[Escape → crash → collision sequence, flawless.]
[Was it hit by a rocket launcher?]
[Yep.]
[Tashinami’s rocket launcher?]
[No, Prime Minister. This is from someone who’s actually used the real thing.]
[Ah, Mary-sama stole all the coins again.]
[Mary-sama totally timed this perfectly.]
[Mary-sama’s not just skilled at the game—her strategy is flawless.]
[Plus, Kohina Yukari and Inko left the car, and Hakuryuu-sensei grabbed it. They used their ally Furia-sama as a scout and kept perfect tabs on the situation.]
[It’s hilarious how they’re trying to make Tashinami realize whose genes they’re made of.]
Grrrrrrrr!
I slammed the desk silently.
”Bureau, what? I just went to the worst community and got to watch pointless exchanges!?”
I glanced at the comment section.
[That’s exactly it.]
[We really thought you had it there.]
[So close. Yeah.]
[Was gonna tease you, but you did great.]
[Surprisingly, Kohina Yukari’s comment section is being nice to her!]
[That’s normal.]
[Can’t help it.]
[Don’t sweat it!]
[Let’s just farm quietly!]
Hmph… With comments like that, it’s hard to stay mad.
Well, whatever. There’s still time, and this isn’t my only chance.
I quietly started farming.
A few hours later, Aqua logged in early.
”Good morning!! Hey, did something happen?”
”Nah, nothing.”
Inko and I kept silent.
”Well then, I’m going to sleep. See you later!”
”Good night, Inko-san! Leave the rest to me!!”
We let Inko rest since she looked tired from base upgrades and crafting.
Emily-chan? Seems like she was tired too—already asleep.
Mikuni still hadn’t woken up, and since I had no clue what she might do alone, I decided to stay up a bit longer.
”Kohina-senpai, you’re not sleeping?”
”No.”
”Then let’s hit the offshore oil platform real quick.”
”Sure.”
It’d only take a few minutes, and Mikuni should be up by then, right?
How naïve I was.
”Hey, what about the helicopter to get back?”
After finishing the oil platform raid, we stared at the burnt wreck of the helicopter still sitting on the heliport.
”Uh… apparently it was burned with a flamethrower…”
No way! How are we supposed to get back?!
No one’s awake to pick us up, and Mikuni, the notorious sleepyhead, isn’t waking up either!
”Well, no choice. Kohina-senpai, let’s use this raft someone forgot.”
”Hey! That’s not a raft—it’s just a plank!”
You’re not seriously saying that stick you’re holding is an oar, right?
Wait… you’re serious?
[That raft belongs to Hagetoru.]
[Why does he play so miserably even in-game?]
[It’s amazing he made it this far.]
[The entire bulletin board is crying.]
[Hagetoru, the woman who’s famous even when she sleeps.]
Ugh, but waiting here only means enemy NPCs will respawn, and we’ll be cornered.
Alright, I’m going all in.
I steeled myself and climbed onto the raft with Aqua.
”Hey, isn’t this drifting too much?”
”Yeah, it’s basically adrift…”
No way… How did Emily-chan even make it here?
She read the charts and currents to navigate here? She did a job like that before?
What on earth is going on in her life…
”So, this is the second impromptu radio broadcast of Shirogane Aqua and Kohina Yukari!”
No way…
But we’re adrift now, and unless someone from our team—especially Mikuni—wakes up, we’re stuck.
Well, whatever. I grabbed another can of Seijo Energy and popped the tab open.
By the way, the raft was left abandoned because Emily stole the enemy’s helicopter on the way back.
Please bookmark this series and rate ☆☆☆☆☆ on here!
Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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