Volume 13 Chapter 318 Shirogane Kotono, We are the Shirogane Family
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
It has been a few days since that terrible terror incident was finally resolved.
Aqua and the others should be returning soon from their school trip.
Back in my room at the Shirogane Kingdom, I turned on the TV.
”Right… it should be today.”
Tonight was the broadcast of the comedy show featuring Aqua and his friends.
I switched to the right channel and waited for it to start.
Kanon and the others were probably recording it too, but just in case, I set my own recorder.
That way, even if Emily or Kaede accidentally recorded the wrong show again, we’d still be safe.
When Kaede once taped a Buddhist chanting program by mistake, we all laughed until we cried.
”Oh, it’s starting.”
The stage lights brightened, revealing Aqua lying on a tatami mat, rolling lazily.
The audience burst into cheers the moment he appeared.
How nice… I’d wanted to go see it live, but as part of the staff, I decided to stay away.
Aqua leaned on his elbow and flipped through a magazine.
”Whoa!? It’s Ayana’s swimsuit shoot!”
He suddenly sat up, spreading the magazine open, his face almost pressed to the page.
The crowd roared with laughter.
The show was called Shirogane Aqua’s Daily Life—a skit series based on Aqua’s own everyday antics.
”Maron’s swimsuit barely covers anything… And Fran’s—hold on, isn’t this basically illegal?”
He turned the magazine toward the audience.
But the page showed not Maron, but Tenga Akira in a tight boomerang swimsuit.
”Oh—my bad. That’s Tenga-senpai’s protein drink ad.”
Laughter rippled through the theater again.
As expected of Aqua. Even when promoting a sponsor’s product, he turned it into a joke.
He really knew how to work the crowd.
Oh—someone was stepping out from the wings.
Ah, it was Kohina Yukari.
Her appearance alone drew another wave of laughter from the audience.
”Hey! What’s so funny!? I just walked out here! You laugh again and I’ll knock you out!”
The audience clapped and cheered.
Meanwhile, Aqua buried his face in his hands. A few people shouted:
”Hang in there, Aqua!”
”Do your best, Aqua-sama!”
”Anyway—Aqua, you here?”
”Sorry! Nobody home!”
That got another big laugh and a few “Nice one!” calls.
Even though it was one of their old routines, I couldn’t help but chuckle too.
Kohina glared at the laughing audience.
Scary… The entire room went silent in an instant.
Without a word, she slid open the stage door.
”I told you I wasn’t home!”
”Then who are you, huh!? You idiot!”
She leapt onto Aqua’s back.
He caught her and spun her around in a full circle.
The crowd shouted things like “Lucky!” “So jealous!” and “Switch with her, Kohina!”
”So, Kohina-senpai, what do you want? If you’ve got nothing to say, go home. I was about to enjoy some refined men’s time with the Eau de Cologne photo spread.”
The audience howled with laughter.
Judging by the reactions, they were probably the same bulletin board fans as me.
I recognized the energy instantly.
”I do have something to say! Toa and Mayuzumi were just talking—Tenga’s dead!”
”What!?”
Aqua looked shocked, and the crowd gasped even knowing it was just a skit.
”Wait—Kohina-senpai, you mean a fake funeral or something, right?”
”No, they were serious! They were saying they needed black suits!”
Aqua grabbed the magazine again, opening it to Tenga’s page.
”Look at this! Does this look like a dead man to you!? Six-pack abs like these don’t just die overnight! That smile’s got at least five more years left in it!”
The audience burst into giggles.
It was true—Tenga’s bright grin and the way he downed that protein shake didn’t exactly scream “death.”
”I mean, just recently I went skydiving and the parachute cord snapped. I landed with only a few scrapes!”
”That’s you! Don’t compare a normal guy like Tenga to a monster like yourself!”
The audience exploded in laughter again.
Ha… ha ha…
I watched the screen, unable to smile anymore.
Everyone watching across the country was probably wearing the same complicated expression.
No one could have imagined that between filming and today’s broadcast, Aqua himself would fall from a far greater height than any skydive—and survive without a single scratch.
”Anyway, do you even own a black suit for the funeral? You’re a student, so your uniform would work, but this is a good chance to buy one.”
”Got it!”
They left their house set and disappeared backstage.
The stage turned, and the next set lit up.
Ah, a rotating stage system. Nice.
Now it was a clothing store.
From the back, a frail old lady shuffled in.
Wait—that’s Inko, isn’t it!?
The audience hadn’t noticed, but that was definitely Inko under heavy grandma makeup.
”Grandma, are you here?”
”You’re supposed to say, ‘Sorry to intrude,’ not that!”
The audience stirred as soon as they heard Inko’s familiar voice.
A few people must have recognized her just by sound alone.
”Well, if you’ve got that much energy, you’ll be fine.”
”No, no, I think I just saw the light from heaven callin’ me. Praise be~ praise be~”
Hands pressed together, Inko bowed deeply toward Aqua and Kohina, who had just entered the little shop.
It was the kind of scene you might see in an ordinary family home, and the women in the crowd who lived with their own grandmothers chuckled softly.
”Hey, Grandma. We’re looking for clothes to wear to a funeral.”
”Eh?”
Maybe because she was playing a hard-of-hearing old lady, Inko cupped a hand behind her ear.
Kohina leaned close and shouted each word clearly.
”Fu–ne–ral clothes! Do you have any!?”
”Ah, yes, yes, I see. Hold on just a minute.”
Inko vanished backstage and came back almost right away.
”All ready! You can change in the fitting room.”
”Thank you, Grandma.”
”Much appreciated!”
Aqua and Kohina disappeared together into the side of the stage.
Hmm, the sign actually said Boutique Inko, and there were tiny holo-spray goods scattered around as props. Such nice details.
By now, nearly everyone had figured out it was really Inko under that makeup.
Knowing that, she turned to chat with the audience while they waited.
”This makeup’s amazing, right? When I looked in the mirror, I scared myself! I even sent a photo to my mom—she tripped over a step ’cause she thought our dead great-grandma had come back to haunt her. She’s in the hospital now, broke her toe. Lucky it wasn’t worse, or I’d be at a real funeral instead of doing this sketch! Good thing it’s not!”
Wait, Inko—
That joke was way too dark! Are we even allowed to laugh at that!?
”Oh, looks like they’re ready. How is it, you two?”
”We changed, but something’s… wrong!”
Kohina came out holding Aqua’s hand.
Wait… their outfits looked more like—
”Hold on! These are kids’ sizes! This isn’t a funeral—it’s a kindergarten graduation! Honestly!”
The audience burst into laughter at Kohina’s sharp retort.
Still… she did look adorable.
I tried not to laugh as I glanced at Aqua.
Wearing a neat suit and old-fashioned glasses, he looked like a young dad—definitely a high score moment.
If Kanon had seen this, her squeal would’ve echoed through the whole castle.
”So, today’s your graduation ceremony, huh, Yukari? You’ve grown so much.”
”Don’t suddenly start acting like my dad, you idiot! And—hey! You just looked at my chest when you said that, didn’t you!? Pervert!”
Kohina blushed and crossed her arms over her chest, glaring at Aqua.
The audience giggled warmly; this playful exchange had become one of their classics.
Maybe her childish outfit made it even funnier.
”Grandma, not graduation. Fu–ne–ral, remember?”
”Yes, yes, I know.”
Inko gestured toward the fitting room again.
”This time, it should be fine, right?”
Kohina sighed, gave Aqua—a perfect “Dad Aqua”—a side look, and pulled him backstage once more.
As soon as they were gone, Inko turned to the audience again.
”He actually looked good in that graduation outfit, didn’t he? Maybe next time I’ll give him a backpack!”
Laughter rippled through the theater.
He really would look good with one, I thought.
And Kohina—if she just kept quiet, she’d be really cute too.
Then, a phone ringtone rang out on stage.
”Sorry, everyone! It’s my mom in the hospital callin’ me!”
Wait—she was really answering a call during the skit!?
Even the audience froze for a second, then laughed awkwardly.
So typical of her. The “nightmare generation” at work again.
”Hello, Mom? You better already be better! …What? Of course not that fast? Yeah, yeah, just saying hi. So you want me to go to the funeral in your place? Mom, don’t call me with confusing stuff during a funeral sketch! You sure it’s a real funeral and not one of those ‘Berry-Berry’ pranks!? …Oh, it’s a wedding!? Which is it, Mom!?”
Even though they weren’t supposed to laugh, the crowd couldn’t help themselves.
And they were right—it was a ‘Berry-Berry’ prank.
The ‘Berry-Berry’ staff were known for plotting things more precisely than actual terrorists.
I’d even seen a thread earlier: “Berry-Berry staff >>> (wall of unbeatable talent) >>> terrorists (lol).”
Inko hung up and looked toward the backstage area.
”Oh, looks like they’re ready again. Come on out, you two!”
The moment Aqua and Kohina stepped out hand in hand, the room erupted in cheers and screams.
”Yukari! Aqua! Congrats on your wedding!”
”Hey! Why would I ever marry this guy!?”
Kohina, dressed in a pure white wedding gown, swung her flower bouquet threateningly at Inko,
but Aqua—handsome in his white tuxedo—stopped her.
”Come on, Kohina-senpai, why not? Let’s just get married already—it’s easier. We already live together anyway.”
The audience burst out laughing again, and I could even hear Yui’s laughter echoing from the next room.
”As if, idiot! You’re a few hundred years too early to marry me! At least surprise me with an amazing performance before you propose!”
Was she serious… or just embarrassed? Hard to tell.
But like Kanon said, maybe she didn’t hate the idea.
If she really disliked it, she’d have shut him down cold.
”Anyway, Inko—!”
”Not Inko, Grandma! Stay in character, Yukari!”
The audience laughed again at Inko’s calm correction.
”Ugh, whatever! What matters is, I said funeral! A funeral! Weddings and funerals are totally different! If we show up like this, nobody will know how to react! You get that, right? You’d better fix this!”
”Relax, I got it. I’ve got the right outfits ready.”
Inko gestured toward the fitting room once more.
Kohina’s eyes narrowed suspiciously.
”This time, it’s really right, isn’t it?”
”It’s fine, I promise. If we drag it out any longer, we’ll run out of time. I’ve got another show after this!”
Please don’t break the fourth wall like that, Inko…
Kohina sighed and disappeared into the fitting room again, only to come right back out.
”Wait a sec—Aqua’s outfit was already fine! He was wearing a black suit! Why did he change into a white tuxedo!?”
The audience burst into laughter.
After venting, Kohina turned and disappeared backstage once more.
”Is she even an actress? She’s more like a comedian!”
”Says the one to talk!”
Inko’s eyes widened at the audience’s teasing, and laughter filled the hall again.
I couldn’t blame them—it really was hilarious.
After all, Inko was a VTuber.
So why was she performing live on stage under all that prosthetic makeup?
”You there—whoever just shouted that! You’re from Osaka or Hyogo, right!? No one’s ever heckled me from the crowd before! This whole thing’s chaos!”
Don’t worry, Inko.
It’s been chaos ever since they cast Kohina and Aqua together.
If I remember right, Aqua only picked the theme for this skit, and the rest was pure improvisation.
Watching them pull it off without a script, I realized—these two could make anything work.
As I thought that, the pair stepped back onto the stage.
”All changed now.”
”Looking sharp! Even a horse looks good in a saddle, huh!”
This time, the clothes were finally appropriate.
No more graduation outfits—perfect for a funeral.
”Here, special service. I’ll throw in prayer beads and an envelope for condolence money.”
”Thanks, Grandma.”
”Much obliged!”
They exited the shop and headed toward the opposite side of the stage.
The set spun again, transforming into a funeral scene.
Nice. Very smooth.
”Namyo~ honge~”
That chanting voice sounded familiar…
It was Kaede, dressed as a monk.
Behind her stood a sign reading Buddha-Lessons (Hoge Sutra)—and I went completely expressionless.
Oh no. Was this really okay to air?
The audience tried hard to stifle their laughter, caught between hilarity and guilt.
”Aqua, we’re here. This must be the place.”
”Really? I still can’t believe it… every time I close my eyes, I see Tenga-senpai in a boomerang swimsuit.”
Despite his doubts, Aqua followed Kohina into the funeral hall.
From the side, Emily appeared in a black suit.
Kaede and Emily both—what were they doing here?
”Thank you for coming today to attend the funeral of the late Shirogane Kanon.”
Emily kept a perfectly straight face as she lifted a framed black-and-white photo of Kanon for everyone to see.
Oh no! They definitely didn’t get her permission for this.
When Kanon finds out, she’s going to be furious—and she won’t talk to them for at least three hours. Maybe a full day.
Hearing Kanon’s name, Aqua turned pale and whispered to Kohina.
”Wait—Kohina-senpai! I thought this was Tenga-senpai’s funeral?”
”That’s what I heard too… maybe we came to the wrong place.”
The two whispered to each other as the audience chuckled softly.
Then Aqua stepped forward and addressed Emily.
”Um, just to make sure—how exactly did Kanon die?”
”She died of adorableness.“
Emily’s sharp, serious tone shattered everyone’s restraint.
The audience erupted in laughter.
Even I couldn’t hold back—if anyone could die from being too cute, it’d be Kanon.
Aqua, meanwhile, just stood there with a blank, confused face that made it even funnier.
”‘Adorableness’? What was so cute it killed her?”
”That’s a secret. A maiden’s mystery she’ll take to the grave.”
The laughter grew louder.
Okay, come on, admit it, everyone here’s from the message board, right?
And Emily—at this point, it’s a miracle no one’s realized you’re Hagetoru.
Emily guided them to the coffin and opened the viewing window.
”See? Beautiful, isn’t she? Dead as can be.”
Wait—she’s in there herself!?
I nearly shouted just like Inko would.
Kanon, please—just because your friends invited you doesn’t mean you have to say yes to everything!
The audience’s laughter turned into pained wheezing.
Emily leaned toward Aqua and whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.
”Aqua-sama, she’s dead right now, so feel free to kiss her as much as you like.”
”W-what!?”
Aqua’s face went red. He leaned toward the coffin, lips trembling, inching closer to Kanon’s.
The crowd screamed—half excitement, half panic.
Before he could reach her, Kohina yanked him back.
”What do you think you’re doing, idiot!? Even Kanon doesn’t know whether she’s supposed to move or not! Come on, we’re leaving!”
”Whaaat!? Nooo—!”
Laughter filled the theater as Kohina dragged him offstage.
The stage rotated again, revealing a new set.
”Looks like this is the right one now.”
”Are you sure? It’s not someone else’s funeral again, right?”
Aqua frowned suspiciously as they entered.
Then Toa and Mayuzumi appeared, both wearing sleek suits and styled hair.
The audience cheered loudly at their entrance.
”Um—”
Just as Kohina stepped forward to greet them at the reception, Aqua suddenly froze, eyes wide.
He grabbed Kohina’s arm and pulled her to the side of the stage.
”What is it?”
”Don’t ‘what is it’ me, Kohina-senpai! Look at that sign over there!!”
Aqua pointed at the sign, and Kohina frowned as she turned to read it.
*“Congratulations on your marriage, Tenga Akira and Sakuraba Haruka!!”*
Her eyes went wide, mouth dropping open.
The audience roared with laughter.
”What are we supposed to do now!?”
”Well, for starters—take off that black tie! Wearing that at a wedding is totally wrong!”
Flustered, Aqua yanked off his tie. Then, in a panic, he looped it around his neck again and tied it into a sloppy ribbon bow.
”You’re one to talk, Kohina-senpai! You’re dressed head to toe in black!”
”Wait here.”
Kohina glanced around, spotted Mikuni emerging from the wings, and dragged her right back offstage.
”Give me that ice-blue outfit you’re wearing! I’ll take it by force if I have to!”
”What are you—gahhh!”
Moments later, Kohina reappeared wearing Mikuni’s outfit as if nothing had happened.
Wait—was that Mikuni’s only appearance? The crowd murmured at the waste of such a star actress.
”Phew. Finally got my hands on this pretty ice-blue dress.”
”I heard a scream just now! You did sort that out peacefully, right?”
Kohina whistled and looked away.
The audience broke into laughter again.
Smiling politely, Toa approached the two suspicious-looking guests.
”Um, is something wrong?”
”N-no, not at all. Haha… just a little mix-up, that’s all.”
A mix-up? Mistaking a funeral for a wedding was way beyond that.
Toa tilted his head, his eyes drifting toward the prayer beads in their hands.
”Huh? Those beads…”
”Oh—uh, these? They’re not what you think! We bought them from a shop just now—they’re power stones! Not, uh, funeral stuff or anything!”
Both Aqua and Kohina hurriedly shoved the beads into their pockets.
But wait—there was fake blood on Kohina’s beads!
So she really did steal them from Mikuni!
Mayuzumi stepped forward from behind Toa, bowing politely.
”I see. Well then, thank you for coming today despite your busy schedules.”
He extended both hands with a gentle smile.
”Oh, right, the gift money—wait, no!“
Aqua grabbed Kohina again and pulled her toward the corner of the stage.
”What now!?”
”Look! We can’t give condolence money at a wedding!”
The audience erupted in laughter.
I wondered how on earth they’d fix this one—
and then Kohina performed a miracle.
She dipped the fake blood from Mikuni’s beads onto the envelope’s cord, turning it bright red.
Ridiculous, but impressively detailed.
”Thank you very much. Please, come inside,” said Toa.
Aqua and Kohina stepped into the wedding hall set—
and out came Tenga in a tuxedo, and Haruka in a wedding dress.
Wait—Haruka too!?
The audience applauded warmly as the couple took center stage.
Tenga waited for the clapping to settle, then took a microphone.
”I’m Tenga Akira. I hadn’t been able to share this properly before, so I wanted to announce it here today: I’ve officially registered my marriage with Sakuraba Haruka. We’ll both keep doing our best from here on, so please keep supporting us!”
The applause swelled again.
After all that chaos, this heartfelt moment felt almost surreal—but it was the perfect, smiling way to end.
I joined in, clapping toward the TV.
”Tenga-senpai! Haruka-san! Congratulations on your marriage!”
At Aqua’s cheerful words, the rest of the cast came out from backstage to join in the applause.
It seemed like the perfect happy ending—
but wait, someone was missing.
Where was Inko?
”Hey, where’s Inko?”
A staff member stepped out from behind the curtain—oh, that was Inko’s manager.
”She apparently went to the wedding instead, standing in for her mom with the broken leg.”
Everyone on stage immediately collapsed in exaggerated shock.
Ah, so that’s the punchline.
”Ughhhh! Stop doing confusing stuff in the middle of a skit, you idiot!”
Kohina’s exasperated shout was followed by the ending credits rolling across the screen.
Ah… I wish everyone would come back soon.
Without them, it’s been a little too quiet.
Smiling at the memory of our usual noisy Shirogane Kingdom,
I crawled into bed, closed my eyes,
and drifted to sleep—praying that everyone would return home safely.
Please bookmark this series and rate ☆☆☆☆☆ on here!
Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
Leave a Reply