Chapter 39 Damp Graduation Ceremony
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
The voting results were in.
”I should answer the draft call”: five votes.
”I’ll leave it to the Young Master”: two votes.
”I don’t really know”: one vote.
By majority, my future course was decided—we would go to war.
Well, I suppose there’s always time to run away, or to dedicate my finger to some stranger if things go wrong. For now, I’ll trust their will and entrust my life to it.
I’ve never lived through wartime.
So I decided to receive a proper education in chaos, and let those who already live with war close to their daily lives make the choice for me.
It’s not that I gave up thinking. I may not understand battles, but I know these girls care about me. So I chose to believe in their decision and simply act according to the situation as it comes. In fancier words, I chose not to think for myself.
Of course, I can’t sound noble about it—after all, I won’t be the one stepping onto the battlefield.
In the end, I simply lacked the courage to push aside their protests and grief and dive into a slow life of my own.
And honestly, who can say what’s right? I’m just an ordinary man from peaceful Japan at heart.
Still, I’m not alone.
The most impressive vote was that single “I don’t really know.” Someone among the Imperial Guards understood the situation even less than I did—and that was my own guard, Vocal Slut-san.
Those who supported my decision included Maggot-san and Flatty-san. Their support didn’t exactly give me confidence, but it did ease my heart somehow.
All the other Imperial Guards chose to enlist willingly. Even Cult Slut-san, who hates conflict and violence, agreed. So perhaps this was the commonsense choice.
Lately, my sense of initiative has been fading. It’s been a little cowardly these days—only popping out during romantic situations.
At present, I was living through a personal hell. Surrounded by beautiful women who valued my life more than their own, yet unable to sleep with any of them—half-alive, half-dead.
I couldn’t even hold them close to feel their warmth.
Clenching my teeth, I faced the returned Imperial Guards inside a plain white room.
”Gugigigigi…”
”It… it really hurts… but I’m glad you’re safe…!”
”Oh… Young Master actually came back.”
”We were so worried… ah, tears…”
I stood perfectly straight before them.
Cult Slut-san was crying with a messy face. Flatty-san’s voice broke every few words. C*m Bucket-san’s tears slid down her cheeks like droplets tracing glass. Every one of them, even in tears, overflowed with sensual charm.
Their voices were hoarse, perhaps from crying all the time since I went missing. I tried to calm them down, but they wouldn’t stop; we stayed like that for quite a while.
The others weren’t sobbing outright, but their tired faces made it clear they felt both deep strain and relief.
Because of Sow-san’s strict presence—and Trash-san’s recent vigilance over my lustful behavior—we weren’t allowed any kind of late-night contact.
During this time, none of us could touch, even just to confirm each other’s safety. This was, after all, a formal debriefing after the incident.
There was another reason I couldn’t flirt with the Imperial Guards: certain documents were waiting for me. I had to suppress the urge to tear them apart and accept them properly.
The damp air shifted as Sow-san spoke.
”Enough, everyone. You’re troubling the Young Master. Crybaby, give him the item.”
”Y-yes… h-here…”
Sow-san scolded the Guards who were crying as if at a funeral. Then, from the corner of the room, the foreign-affairs officer Crybaby-san stepped forward.
She looked like a small household spirit as she handed me a sealed envelope. I took it carefully.
But before I checked its contents, something about her face caught my attention. Her dark eye circles were so deep I almost doubted she was the same person, her expression dull and skin pale yellow like someone facing death.
I couldn’t help but ask, “A-are you okay?”
”I’m just a little tired, that’s all… really.”
”I-I see… what happened?”
”I haven’t slept for a week, that’s all…”
As soon as she said that, the other members of the intelligence division looked at her with pity. Startled, I asked again.
”A whole week? That’s not normal. Why?”
”It’s nothing serious… I only handled the negotiations to bring Young Master out of Tateyama, adjusted Ichihara’s compensation to you, created excuses to refuse the assembly’s questioning, and used Trash’s psionic power to settle the conscription issue and reconcile with the Kujukuri assembly…”
She spoke in a flat, emotionless tone. Her profile carried the exhaustion of an overworked salarywoman.
”O-oh. Sounds… heavy. Let’s not dig deeper.”
”Sorry,” I added quickly, “I’ll look at it right away—please, get some rest.”
”Much obliged…”
I broke the seal and unrolled the paper. It was a graduation certificate from Ichihara School.
Sow-san confirmed that I’d read it, then addressed everyone.
”As of this day, the Young Master has received his certificate and is hereby recognized as a graduate of Usui-castle’s Ichihara High Elementary School. Congratulations on your graduation.”
”Uguuuuh… thank you so much… I’m so glad… I-I’m really…”
”Cult Slut, you were supposed to hand over the certificate, remember? Can you do it?”
”Uuu…”
”No? Can’t?”
”A-aghh…”
Cult Slut-san shook her beautiful face side to side, tears scattering like spray from a waterfall.
”If you can’t, I’ll take over.”
”I-I can do it… I’ll do it…”
Winner of both Miss Beautiful Face and Miss Ugly Cry contests, Cult Slut-san staggered toward me, sobbing miserably.
”Uguu… uuuh…”
Everyone was already tearful, but she in particular kept sniffling nonstop, her eyes swollen like a child throwing a tantrum.
Then she snatched the certificate from my hands and, still sniffling, began to read aloud—though her voice was so broken I could barely understand a word.
”By… the grace… of Your Majesty… p-presented…”
”What… what did you say?” I asked, not sure if I’d heard right.
”Guh… ojou… uuhh…!” she wailed, her words breaking into sobs.
After several failed attempts to speak, Sow-san finally stepped in, frowning and placing a steadying hand on her shoulder.
”Here, I’ll read it for you. You can still hand it over, right?”
”I-it’s my duty… but… the letters are too blurry to see…”
Taking a slow breath, Sow-san straightened and took over. Her eyes followed the lines of the certificate from the side, and with a calm, dignified tone, she began to read aloud.
”…Ahem. Though it is most regrettable that we must celebrate this boy’s graduation before the Imperial Edict is proclaimed, we honor his resolve to dedicate himself in service without awaiting royal command, and to offer his life for the peace of His Majesty’s heart. Believing without doubt that he shares the glory of those who stand as the shield of beauty, we hereby present this certificate of graduation. May you remain in good health, and stay close friends with the Imperial Guard. — Principal Junko Ichihara.”
Supported by Sow-san, Cult Slut-san carefully rolled the certificate, slipped it into a presentation tube, and handed it to me.
She couldn’t even meet my eyes; her hands trembled as she tried to stay on her feet.
Finally, her tear-filled eyes lifted toward me.
”Uuhh… y-you even got hurt, didn’t you…”
I took the slightly damp—possibly tear-stained—certificate tube.
Then all the Imperial Guards began to clap, their hands echoing in the quiet room. One by one, they offered words of congratulations.
”Young Master… please, say a few words.”
”Cult Slut-san’s too noisy,” I muttered.
Actually, not just her—the intelligence division members were crying too. Even those who once opposed my schooling looked moved; apparently, they’d been waiting for this day since my first disappearance. It felt less like a graduation ceremony and more like a gathering of weeping guardians.
As it turns out, my outdoor lessons had been dangerous enough that Ichihara compensated me with both a graduation certificate and some financial and material support.
And just like that, my short, chaotic school life came to an end.
Or rather, the school itself was gone, which made me one of its final graduates by accident.
For male graduates, once their minds and bodies mature and the duty of reproduction arises, they are considered adults through engagement and consummation. In this world, adulthood begins when one marries and proves fertility.
The waiting period after graduation—something like a male moratorium—differs by region. In Kujukuri, there’s still some time left. It will take a few more years before my so-called decadent life begins. I’m already prepared, of course, and discussing early registration—but given my body, I doubt anyone will believe it.
My current plan? To hurry the process along by, well… a public “display” surrounded by the old ladies of the town assembly.
I refuse to wait.
Aside from the money, I also gained access to Maggot-san’s medical treatment connections. That compensation was actually more important; the graduation certificate was just a bonus.
Since the Kazusa Province itself is crumbling, it’s unclear how valid these promises remain. Still, it’s not like we’re fighting an extinction war. Agreements made in Ichihara’s name are personal, not political.
Even if the Kazusa regime disappears, the town of Ichihara won’t. The only time those promises would break is if every noble family tied to Ichihara were completely wiped out.
For now, a few small payments are still being made, and since I got to skip the graduation exam, I’ll take that as a win.
As for why Ichihara—never known for kindness—would compensate me personally, that’s a long story fit for a historical drama. And since Crybaby-san would probably die of overwork writing it, let’s skip it.
The important thing is this: I’ve taken a step closer to adulthood. Which means the Imperial Guards will now start keeping their distance from me.
Honestly, I feel like tearing this certificate apart. The intelligence team looks exhausted, begging silently to go to bed, and the rest of the Guards can’t stop crying.
Who even benefits from a graduation ceremony like this?
Even so, Cult Slut-san, though sniffling and pitiful, somehow managed to pull herself together and congratulate me through her tears.
”C-congratulations on your graduation… sniff…”
”Thank you. Honestly, the one I’d like to graduate is you, not me—and it’s not this certificate I want to tear apart.”
”…? I’m not graduating from Your Lordship,” she said, puzzled.
”I don’t plan to, either. I just mean… someday, I want to be the one to let you graduate, Cult Slut-san.”
”…Huh?”
Come to think of it, was it even allowed to “touch” one’s own Imperial Guard after reaching adulthood? I should probably check that in the archives later.
Cult Slut-san gave me a confused look, like she’d just been fired without realizing it. To avoid more chaos, I decided to close the ceremony right there.
”That’s it. Ceremony over!”
Now then—war.
It wasn’t starting immediately.
There’d be some delay before the official notice reached me, and about three weeks of preparation time in total. Though war had been declared, the first battle was still a while away.
”The southern part of town looks pretty worn down,” I murmured.
I was being carried south through the streets of Kujukuri.
A few days after agreeing to conscription, I received my official assignment. Apparently, my Imperial Guards and I were to be stationed along the southern defensive line—one of the safest areas.
In short, it was rear-line support.
So now, I was being carried in a small palanquin down a long hallway toward the south. I wouldn’t be fighting myself, but it was still inconvenient enough that I had to move my base of life closer to that area.
After a while, the palanquin rocked to a stop, and Maggot-san peeked in with a gentle smile.
”Shall we stop and prepare some tea nearby, my lord?”
”I’m fine. Still full of energy.”
Through the small opening, I could see her kind face—and just below it, her deep cleavage.
”I apologize, my lord. Vehicles can’t move in the southern region…”
”It’s fine. I chose to come, remember? Besides, this is kind of fun.”
”Your thoughtfulness is deeply appreciated by everyone. Still, you could have stayed near the town hall, enjoying a tea party and some rest.”
”Sounds boring. No thanks.”
Right—this town, or rather, this alien-ship-like dungeon, just gets more inconvenient the farther south you go.
Kujukuri Town stretched like a single endless hallway—sixty kilometers from north to south.
Unusually for a dungeon, its first layer was on the surface. It lay across the eastern coast of Chiba Prefecture, like a spinal cord running along Chiba-kun’s back.
Now, about the difference between north and south.
Simply put, the north side where I used to live was the rich district, while the south was the poor one.
As the palanquin moved farther south, the town grew rougher. The rooms behind evenly spaced doors looked increasingly shabby, the corridor tilted and buckled, and the floor became uneven. There were more rooms, but they got smaller and narrower.
It felt like moving from a first-class cabin to a third-class one on a ship.
”We’ll rest your feet here for a moment, my lord.”
”Got it. I’ll step out—whoa, what a view… What happens if I fall off that edge?”
We’d reached the end of the hallway, in front of a massive bulkhead.
Once we passed through it, everything turned to glass.
It was like walking inside an aquarium tunnel—transparent glass walls surrounding us on every side, even underfoot. For a moment, I felt as if I were floating.
”This glass… it won’t break, right?”
”It’s stronger than stone, my lord. Please be at ease.”
The white corridor had transformed completely into glass. The space ahead looked like a bright tropical greenhouse dome, with a single slender bridge of glass stretching across it.
And beyond that clear wall—stars filled the sky.
An infinite sea of darkness and color surrounded us, each tiny light twinkling like candy stars. It was a sight you could never see on the surface: night above, below, and all around.
”So this is where the town splits between north and south?”
”Yes, my lord. The ‘Path of Stars’ is separated by a narrow corridor, which makes it hard to transport goods across. That’s part of why the southern district remains poor.”
”I see… what a strange mystery.”
Supplies reached the northern part of town—including Ichihara—from Tokyo, but only a fraction ever made it to the south. That alone explained much of the poverty here.
I crossed the short thirty-meter bridge feeling oddly like a traveler crossing the Milky Way to meet Orihime.
Once I reached the end and passed through another thick wall, the glass gave way again to white corridors.
From here on, it was southern territory.
The people here reacted differently when they saw me.
At first, they froze in surprise, then quickly lowered their heads. Apparently, men were a rare sight in this area.
From inside the palanquin, I often saw them bowing deeply before hurrying away.
I’d learned recently that this wasn’t out of simple respect.
If they met a man’s gaze and he took offense, the Imperial Guard might retaliate—or worse, kill them. It was an act of self-defense.
Most of the townsfolk looked a little worn, their clothes rough and plain.
Not that they weren’t beautiful—their outfits were lighter and more revealing, which was… well, not unpleasant.
Honestly, clothes didn’t matter much once they came off. I even wondered half-jokingly where the bandits were—the kind that would raid a noble’s palanquin and “teach” a spoiled boy a lesson.
After a few more hours in the palanquin, we finally reached my new residence. Some of the elderly women of the town had already furnished the room ahead of time.
”Thank you,” I said.
”…Ah! M-my lord! I am most honored to be addressed directly!”
My simple thanks seemed to shock her. She bowed deeply and hurried out of the room.
I started arranging my space—hanging the lantern Trash-san had given me, setting down Tokumasa-kun’s strange metal sphere—until it finally felt like somewhere I could live.
”Phew… finally, I can relax. Honestly, I was tired of those endless tea parties with other men. Even if it’s a bit inconvenient, I’d rather live here.”
Up north, there were safe zones where men gathered to avoid the flames of war. They held political parties every day—drinking tea while gossiping about women fighting on the front lines.
War wasn’t seen as something tragic here. For men without risk of death, it meant business opportunities and new treasures to show off—a detached mindset typical of the upper class.
I couldn’t fit in with that world, so I chose not to join them. Someday I might have to, but for now, I wanted to delay facing that suffocating male society as long as possible.
There were two reasons I’d decided to move south.
The first was simple—I didn’t want to be too far from everyone.
If I couldn’t see them, I couldn’t notice danger. During wartime, all the Imperial Guards except for attendants and watchers would be deployed here in the south.
Even though the trip between north and south took only half a day, I wanted to stay close enough to reach them quickly.
If I ever received word that Cult Slut-san had died, my heart might stop right there.
She’d started feeling like my mom lately.
And Trash-san—she always seemed one careless step away from disaster.
In fact, most of the Imperial Guards were willing to die for my sake without hesitation, which was exactly why I couldn’t leave them out of sight.
I wasn’t at the battlefield itself, but I planned to stay close enough behind the lines to make myself a sort of hostage—half safety measure, half excuse to be near them.
It also made certain… opportunities easier. Let’s just say it was part of my broader strategy.
The second reason was that there was a place I wanted to visit.
Down south was C*m Slut-san’s hometown—or rather, the room where she’d been born.
I’d thought about her many times.
Common sense said she was gone. But since I’d never actually seen her last moments, I couldn’t be sure.
Not that there was any safe way to confirm it—the dungeon was too dangerous, and I couldn’t order the Imperial Guards to investigate something that risky.
The forest had burned down, but no one knew whether that monstrous creature had died.
Even now, Ichihara and the neighboring countries were still fighting over what was left behind.
If I could, I’d go see for myself right now.
But that was impossible—and, truthfully, I was afraid to know.
Part of me wanted to find out, and part of me didn’t.
Pathetic, maybe. But that’s how I felt.
I’d been turning those thoughts over in my head for days, yet time wouldn’t stop for me.
People would assume I’d lost an Imperial Guard, and her replacement would need to be chosen.
With the war approaching, I might have to perform the Oath of Fealty Ritual once or twice more, and candidates had to be selected soon.
Maybe it was meaningless.
But precisely because it might be, I wanted to see the place where she grew up.
I didn’t know what difference it would make—but I just… wanted to go.
”Ah—my finger…”
My nails had dug deep into my palm. I must have clenched my fist without realizing. The skin wasn’t bleeding, but it was scraped raw.
”…”
Anyway, partly because of my own stubbornness, I’d decided that tomorrow I would visit C*m Slut-san’s family estate.
She had long since abandoned that home, so it wasn’t as if my presence there could change anything.
Notes:
• Kazusa Province – A region cited in Chapter 29 dungeon records defining unreturnable dungeons. Serves as a geographic and academic reference for explorers.
• Tokumasa – Friendly male student from Nokogiriyama, Tateyama Town. Sun-darkened skin, approachable.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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