Chapter 40 View of Life and Death
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Emotions are messy things. Sometimes, even the conclusions we reach contradict themselves — and this time, with C*mslut, it was exactly that kind of story.
Her family’s estate stood in the poorest district of Kujukuri Town, a place infamous even among the locals. The north–south wealth gap was as clear as a border drawn by a single road, just like the one separating New York’s rich neighborhoods from its slums. People were divided neatly by where they lived.
Even within the southern half, her slum felt like another country compared to the northern side with its government offices and male quarters. Though it was all the same town, stepping here felt like crossing worlds.
Kujukuri had a population of about sixty thousand, and fifty-eight thousand of them lived in the south. So, it wasn’t surprising that things got a little chaotic.
The wide white corridor that ran like a national highway had no cars passing through. Instead, the streets were crowded and noisy with people. Peddlers with grimy hands called out to passersby; old women sat blankly by the roadside; children spun around in circles, laughing.
Everywhere, the ground was stained — vegetable mud, fish blood, and the damp trail of barefoot shell-sellers dragging their baskets through the filth. Around us stood tailors patching clothes from rags, grubby rice cake stalls, and fish-drying vendors with their nets hanging open.
Watching it all from inside the palanquin, I felt as though I were looking at old prewar footage of Japan — part fascination, part guilt. It was like some kind of slum tourism, the kind people pretend not to enjoy.
By the time the morning’s work ended, fisherwomen, their hair still stiff with salt, were buying hot sweet-scented water from vendors. Some people were already drinking, and young women, half-dressed and laughing, lounged in the sun.
The scene clashed with the sci-fi backdrop of this world, and my brain couldn’t decide if I was watching an erotic period drama or a Japanese fantasy. Either way, it was strangely beautiful.
Ah—one of the girls sitting with her legs open just noticed me. She quickly fixed her clothes and looked down, her face flushed. What a waste…
The reason people here could move so freely in and out of town lay in the environment around the dungeon. In the northern part, violent storms and lightning made it impossible to stand outside, but in the south, there were several exits that opened onto calmer weather. From the seaside road, you could simply walk in through a door that looked no different from any other — security was lax, and travel between inside and outside stayed active.
”This is the place… though I must say, I’m not sure the young master should have come here.”
Surrounded by the Imperial Guard, I arrived before a heavy wooden door. This was where C*mslut had been born and raised — in a large chamber known as the ‘room of the non-humans.’ It was home to nameless, lower-class townsfolk, living together like an orphanage or welfare shelter.
What a name, though. I didn’t know whether ‘non-human’ was meant as an insult or simply a word for children. Either way, it carried an old weight, like language from before modern censorship existed.
”It’s just a shack where the poor townsfolk live,” the guide said hesitantly. “Since this is your personal request, we’ve arranged a visit, but… it’s hardly worth your time.”
”Yeah,” I replied softly. “It’s not exactly a beautiful place.”
”The residents have been asked to leave for now. Please, take your time.”
”…Thanks.”
They had cleared the people out before my visit. It couldn’t be helped. C*mslut was an orphan by record, and the Imperial Guard would never let me meet random paupers.
When I asked Sow-san, she told me C*mslut was born out of wedlock to a woman who never officially took a male partner. No matter how I pressed, she wouldn’t reveal details, but it seemed likely that her mother was an unemployed woman who gave birth on her own.
Let’s not get into how that was possible. In this world, even women without men could bear children — through semen reuse or trade.
Whatever her origins, it didn’t change how I felt about her. If she had any family left, I would have wanted to meet them. But she’d left this place nearly ten years ago, when she began her free Imperial Guard training, and never returned.
Stepping through the door, a stale, human smell hit my nose — the scent of cramped lives packed into one space.
”It’s admirable that the young master came to visit the resting place of his fallen guard,” someone murmured behind me, “but even so… this is quite something.”
The white chamber stretched at least fifty meters across. Tables the size of ping-pong boards lined the space, covered with bits of cloth and mysterious trinkets. On the floor lay woven mats, half-made straw sandals, hats, fishing nets, food scraps — all signs of life just hours ago. Everything belonged to children.
Feeling a little guilty, I started sifting through the clutter. I found seashells, stones, dead maggots, handmade paper dyed with persimmon, pressed flowers, and other bits of junk whose purpose I couldn’t name.
It looked like a bird’s nest, or maybe a secret base built by kids. Even though the room had been cleaned before my arrival, a faint trace of death still clung to the air.
”Wow,” someone said behind me. “Haven’t seen these toys in ages. Didn’t think I ever would again.”
”Try not to disturb the young master,” another warned gently.
”Yeah, yeah.”
Trash-san and Flatty-san were looking around with nostalgic smiles. They’d probably grown up in places like this themselves — many from the active division had.
Sow-san and Maggot-san, on the other hand, looked visibly uncomfortable. They were from good families, unused to scenes like this.
”Ah, this…” I murmured.
I’d found a cord, the same kind C*mslut used to tie her hair sometimes. Made of reed fiber, dyed with fruit. Her hair had always been cut roughly, but she’d pull it back when she worked or sweated.
Feeling guilty, I slipped the cord into my pocket and, in return, tore one of the expensive buttons off my jacket and placed it on the table as payment.
After that, I kept looking for something — anything — that might move me. But nothing did.
”So this is it…”
I hadn’t come to find anything in particular. So, of course, I found nothing.
No trace of her lingered here. Yet, spending this time, learning just a little more about her, felt like enough.
”Young master, shall we go?” Sow-san asked quietly.
”Yeah… I think I’m ready.”
Guided by her words, I turned away.
Maybe this couldn’t be called an achievement. Maybe trying to understand her like this was just a form of comfort. But even comfort has its worth. I hadn’t discovered anything amazing, yet I’d gained something worth remembering — that was enough.
I was just about to leave when—
Flatty-san approached me carefully, as if afraid to disturb me.
She used to joke around with C*mslut all the time — from what I’d seen, she was like an older sister to her, and probably the one closest to her. Even more than Trash-san, I think.
”Um… c-could I talk to you for a moment, young master?”
”What is it?” I asked gently.
”Ah—uhm, i-if you don’t mind… I mean, if it’s not a bother… oh no, that’s not what I meant! If it’s not unpleasant for you, that is…”
Flatty-san’s whole body jerked when I replied, as though I’d startled her. She looked terribly nervous, probably because she’d never spoken to me directly before.
It almost felt like talking to an ordinary girl — like one of those shy students trying to deliver a message from the teacher and finally speaking to a classmate for the first time.
To help her calm down, I nodded and urged her softly to continue. After a few moments of hesitation, she finally gathered her courage and spoke.
”W-well… when C*mslut was little, there was a small hut where she used to live for a while. I often played there too. If you’d be interested, I could take you there…”
”When she was little?” I asked, curious. “So you two were friends since childhood?”
”Yes,” she said, her voice trembling but warm. “We were childhood friends. Since you seemed to be looking for something connected to her, I thought maybe that place could hold something for you.”
Hearing that, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy for her. Of course, I wanted to accept. A place filled with memories between the two — how could I refuse?
”I wasn’t really searching for anything specific,” I admitted. “I just wanted to come here. But you’re right — there’s nothing more I can do here. So, yes, please take me there.”
It seemed Flatty-san had known C*mslut since they were very young. Despite her shyness, she nodded quickly, stumbling over her words as she agreed.
She led the way, and we left the room together. Passing through several narrow hallways, we reached a small door shaped like an airplane’s emergency exit. Surrounded by my guards, I stepped through.
The latch clicked — and sunlight poured in.
For the first time in this world, I saw a normal beach.
The winter sky stretched high and pale, and a cold wind swept across the lonely sea. Along the coast stood scattered pine trees, and the ground was thick with dried, nameless grass.
When I looked back, far in the distance stood a vast white structure — battered endlessly by storm and thunder. Kujukuri Town looked as though it were trapped inside an electromagnetic cloud.
”It’s nice weather,” I murmured. “But there’s really nothing here.”
”That’s true,” Flatty-san replied with a small smile. “There’s nothing at all.”
When I turned toward her, she looked embarrassed but oddly pleased. Her chest didn’t offer much shelter from the wind — only her hair swayed wildly in the sea breeze.
Back when C*mslut couldn’t get a proper room inside Kujukuri, she’d often stayed in a shack by the shore, near the pines outside the dungeon. Flatty-san, who lived in a nearby chamber, used to visit her there and play.
As I stepped down from the palanquin, she brushed aside the tall weeds with her hands, clearing a path for me to walk. Some of the local townsfolk watched from afar, but the moment the Imperial Guards glanced their way, they scattered. The guards’ white uniforms and swords made them look frighteningly out of place.
I quietly asked the guards to give me a bit of privacy — to let me and Flatty-san talk alone for a while. I wanted to hear more from her. So, while Sow-san and the others kept their stern silence behind us, we walked along the beach together.
”U-um, this is the area,” Flatty-san said, her voice rising nervously. “The kids around here used to play by the sea all the time. When we got hungry, we’d pick up clams to eat. After a storm, sometimes an octopus got stranded on those rocks — it was a feast! Oh, I’m boring you, aren’t I? W-wait! I can perform a trick!”
”It’s fine,” I laughed. “You’re a lot more entertaining than I expected, Flatty-san.”
”Oh, um—really? Hehe… maybe I am…”
I followed her as she tried too hard to please, like a nervous new employee pushed to do a party act. She had started to fidget with her clothes — was she about to dance? Maybe a belly dance? I almost wanted to see it, though the guards would have stopped her instantly.
”This way,” she said after a while. “I hope it’s still standing after all those typhoons…”
We pushed through the overgrown path until a small hut came into view. It was made from scraps and old trash, leaning against a pine tree in a field buzzing with mosquitoes.
It wasn’t really a house — more like a makeshift camp built by some wandering soul. A few tin sheets reinforced the walls, giving it the look of a vagrant’s palace under a bridge.
”Well now,” a voice called out, “someone fancy’s come visiting.”
From the hut stepped a young girl in tattered clothes. Her long, pale hair was sun-bleached and salt-worn, her face marked by wind and light — yet something about her carried the faint shadow of the Imperial Guard I remembered.
A sudden rush of feeling tightened my chest. Her sharp, wild eyes — yet soft, catlike and curious — reminded me so vividly of someone I once knew.
I couldn’t stop staring. The girl looked like a smaller, stray-cat version of C*mslut herself.
”…You the big sister who made it all fancy?” she asked bluntly.
”Sorry,” Flatty-san said gently. “An important guest is here. Go play somewhere else for a bit, okay?”
”What kinda talk’s that? Don’t sound like you at all.”
”Shh, hush. Please, just go for now.”
It seemed the two knew each other. I ignored the uneasy looks from my guards and stepped closer to the shabby pair. Sow-san and the others clearly didn’t like me getting near the hut or its people, but I couldn’t help it.
”Hello,” I said.
”Uh… wow,” the little girl blinked. “You’re really pretty. Who are you?”
Her voice was dazed, almost dreamy. When I asked politely, she hesitated, then brushed the dirt aside and invited us inside.
”E-excuse the mess,” she mumbled. “This old shack ain’t no place to welcome a man, though…”
”It’s fine,” I said, smiling. “You’ve kept it neat. Thank you.”
I stepped carefully over the plywood floor and sat down on a rough, stained cushion. The inside wasn’t much different from the outside — small and poor. With just the three of us inside, the space was already full.
The girl looked so much like C*mslut that I couldn’t resist lifting her gently onto my lap. I ran my fingers through her coarse, oily hair, hugged her, tickled her a little. A louse jumped across my vision; I pinched it and flicked it away.
Her face turned bright red, almost steaming.
Flatty-san watched us with an expression that said, “Are you serious right now?”
”So,” I said lightly, “you’re not real sisters, then?”
”Ah—ahhh… n-nooo,” the girl stammered.
”Good girl,” I said, patting her head.
”Uuuhhh…” she whimpered, her cheeks glowing.
She smelled like sunlight and sea salt.
Flatty-san told me she wasn’t sure if that little girl was truly C*mslut’s sister, but around here, the children didn’t separate themselves by mothers. They all called each other sisters — so maybe, just maybe, it was possible.
Apparently, the shabby hut C*mslut had once built and abandoned had turned into a playground for local kids.
I stayed inside for a while, searching for traces of her, but there was nothing that truly felt like her presence. Instead, as I looked at the girl sitting on my lap, I felt a strange sadness — a longing for someone who wasn’t here.
”Ah, that’s enough. Sorry,” I said gently.
”Ah—! Please don’t be mad!” she squeaked.
When I let her go, she bolted outside, screaming at the top of her lungs, shouting someone’s name as if bragging to her friends.
”Young Master,” Flatty-san said quietly. “Did you really come here to mourn C*mslut?”
”…If she’s truly dead, then yes,” I replied. “What else would I come for?”
”I just… didn’t think any man would go this far. I thought you might have had some other reason.”
But I didn’t. I had simply wanted to come. When I said so, she widened her eyes in disbelief.
”So really, no other reason at all,” she murmured. “All the other Imperial Guards were shocked, too. Normally, condolences are written letters — ghostwritten by guards in secret, not delivered in person.”
”I see,” I said, a little embarrassed. “I guess that’s the usual way.”
”Oh! I didn’t mean anything bad by it,” she said quickly, flustered.
Her apology only made me feel more deflated.
Maybe it was because I wasn’t used to living in a world where death happened so easily. My sense of life and death just didn’t match theirs.
I decided to be honest and told Flatty-san that I still hadn’t fully accepted C*mslut’s death — that something inside me refused to. Somehow, there was a gap between how I felt and how everyone else did.
I’d thought, arrogantly perhaps, that the Imperial Guards would appreciate that I cared. But instead, they seemed puzzled, even uneasy.
Even Trash-san, who had been so close to C*mslut, almost never mentioned her now. I hadn’t seen a single tear from her. That mystery gnawed at me.
So what did Flatty-san think about losing her childhood friend to such a dangerous duty?
When she finally spoke, her voice was calm but matter-of-fact.
”Well… it’s not just the Exploration Squad. Women die all the time,” she said softly. “I don’t like scaring men with talk like this, but that’s how it is. Of course, we’re grateful you care — please don’t misunderstand. But if you start feeling burdened by it, that makes us feel guilty instead. I’m sorry… I don’t know how to say it well.”
She looked embarrassed and unsure.
”Really?” I asked. “Don’t you feel sad when someone close to you dies?”
”If it were me,” she said, “I’d want a reward.”
”A reward?”
”I’d want to be praised for protecting my master.”
I thought about that for a moment. “I see… so what you really want is gratitude.”
If I said, *Thank you for dying for me,* would that make them feel fulfilled? Was that what honor meant?
Still uncertain, I looked at her again. She stood there like a wall between our two ways of understanding — smooth, solid, impossible to grip.
”Do all the others feel the same way?” I asked.
”I think most Imperial Guards do,” she said simply.
”I guess I still don’t quite understand that,” I admitted. “Anyway, could you tell me more about C*mslut? What she was like?”
”Y-yes! I mean—oh no, it’s just… one-on-one makes me nervous…”
We sat together in the hut, and she began telling me small pieces of their childhood — how they’d trained to become Imperial Guard candidates, how proud their neighborhood had been, how deeply they’d admired the honor of serving, even at the cost of their lives.
The stories were a mix of laughter and hardship, but not once did she sound sorrowful. They were stories of joy — of women who found meaning in risking their lives for their masters.
”So that’s it,” I murmured. “I should thank her, then.”
”Y-yes,” she said with a shaky smile. “That would make her happy. Probably…”
”Would it?” I asked quietly.
”She protected her master and became a spirit of honor,” Flatty-san said. “Offer your words, and she’ll rest in peace… that’s enough.”
At last, I began to see the difference between us.
To them, an Imperial Guard and her master were like a knight and a king. Knights might mourn each other’s deaths, but what the king owed them was not tears — it was praise, glory, remembrance.
But what happens after praise? Would they gladly die again just for more gratitude?
And if that’s true, then every time I thank them, they’ll keep walking toward death without hesitation.
”Happy… huh,” I whispered.
My farewell with C*mslut had been too sudden — I’d had no time to accept it. So I forced myself to think calmly.
My only reason for still believing she might live was her psionic ability — the Fixed Field. It didn’t just block wounds; it could protect her from suffocation, from organ failure — even from death itself.
So I told myself this: after we parted, when the Horned Owl escaped and chased us, C*mslut must have used her power again. She fixed herself in place, enduring the fire, the bleeding, everything — freezing her body in time at the edge between life and death.
But psionics draw power from the body. Every ability in this world burns stamina to work, and hers must have limits too. Unless — she somehow learned to fix even her own strength, keeping her body alive forever.
Like a game bug, I thought. Lock the health bar, and you never die.
But could that really happen?
When I calmed down, it all sounded like wishful logic — a story I’d built just to comfort myself.
I’d been twisting reality to suit my hope. And still, I kept believing — because I was terrified to admit she might really be gone.
Even now, I can’t let go. That’s why I came here — to her hometown — while still telling myself she’s alive. That way, I can both believe she survives *and* give her a funeral.
Because if I truly believed she was alive, I wouldn’t be here at all.
Reason doesn’t agree, and anxiety builds up. To quiet it, I came to see this place with my own eyes.
”…I guess I’ve turned C*mslut into a kind of ghost,” I said quietly. “Everyone else has already let her die, but I’m the only one still keeping her alive.”
As long as her death isn’t proven, I want to keep believing she’s still out there. Even understanding that, I can’t bring myself to think of her as dead. I still want to believe that, through our bond and her psionic will, she’ll somehow endure.
Stupid, right? Completely foolish…
”Young Master,” Flatty-san said softly. “C*mslut is already—”
”But she’s still alive,” I interrupted. “I know she is.”
”A woman’s life isn’t worth much,” Flatty-san said softly. “So just by coming here, you’ve already given her more than enough.”
”I don’t like that,” I replied. “She’s still alive.”
”Ah—r-right. Then… let’s go with that. She’s alive.”
After that, Flatty-san didn’t argue with me. She neither agreed nor disagreed — just murmured quietly, almost to herself.
”If someone had told us back then that a man would one day come here for her… we never would’ve believed it.”
The look on her face made my chest ache. Then, lowering her eyes, she suddenly turned to me and blurted out:
”Oh, right!”
”Hm?”
”Did that woman… smile a lot?”
”What?”
”C*mslut always said her dream was to die protecting her master — with a smile. She wasn’t very smart, so she meant it literally.”
Her words stirred my memory. I tried to recall that final moment — her smile, her farewell. She had smiled at me, hadn’t she? Told me she’d never forget me, that I should live well.
”Yeah,” I said quietly. “She smiled — gently.”
”Then that’s enough,” Flatty-san said with a bright, relieved smile.
”To leave this world smiling — that’s almost unheard of for the Exploration Squad. She must’ve been happy. Please, Young Master, let her live in your heart as a good memory.”
Her words carried a weight of truth — the understanding of someone who had seen the harshness of her world and the loneliness of those never acknowledged by their masters.
Her tone was soft, soothing — like calming a grieving child — as she tried to help me accept what had happened.
”…No,” I said.
Wait. That wasn’t right.
”No. That’s not it.”
”Young Master?”
I muttered the words, and she leaned forward, worry in her eyes.
”That’s not how it was,” I said. “I didn’t see her final moments. What I saw was the burning forest… and her motionless body. She was still alive then.”
I took a breath, my voice trembling.
”She wasn’t smiling. I don’t even know what kind of face she had — the monster had taken her eyes. I couldn’t see what she felt. So no, it’s not some pretty story.”
Sometimes that scene flashes back to me — the sunset beach, the image of her standing there. I still don’t know if it was real, or just my mind inventing a memory I wanted to believe.
”I just wish… I could’ve known what she really felt.”
Flatty-san suddenly leaned toward me, her face twisted with hesitation, as if she couldn’t hold back anymore.
”P-pardon me, but may I ask something…?”
”Huh? What is it?”
”I… I probably shouldn’t. It might be disrespectful. But if her feelings matter that much to you, then maybe I should… oh no, forget it! Still… I can’t help wondering…”
Her hands trembled, but her gaze was serious.
I sighed and nodded. “It’s fine. I won’t get mad. Go on — say it.”
”…All right.”
She swallowed hard, a bead of sweat running down her forehead. To her, it was clearly a big deal.
”Did you… ever hold her hand?”
”…Her hand?”
The question stunned me. Silence filled the air. She waited, fidgeting, her face flushed.
After a moment, I whispered, “Her hand, huh…”
”Yes,” she said, almost breathless.
”…I think I did.”
”—!”
Flatty-san gasped, then nodded to herself as if confirming some private theory. “I knew it… of course. That explains it. That woman—she must’ve been over the moon. Honestly, she was such a pervert.”
”What?”
”She was always talking about men. Always! She even looked at you that way, Young Master — I could tell. Even after she became an Imperial Guard, she never changed!”
”R-really?”
”She talked about you constantly, telling us not to look at you with lust, even though she was the worst one! She was hopeless!”
”Okay, okay! That’s enough!” I said quickly. “It’s fine — please stop.”
”Y-yes! Sorry! I’ll be quiet now!”
Flatty-san looked flustered and embarrassed, completely lost in her own words. She’d probably just broken a dozen rules about what not to tell a master. Still… she wasn’t wrong. C*mslut had always been like that.
And with that, our somber conversation came to an end.
Afterward, she guided me along the beach where they’d played as children.
”This,” she said, pointing ahead, “is what we used to call our dojo. The waves are just right for riding on boards.”
”The waves are pretty big,” I said, half-smiling. “Like a surfing spot?”
”The child who rides them best earns the title of C*mslut,” she said proudly.
”So that’s how that name started… huh.”
To think she could beat even Flatty-san, whose body barely resisted the water — her physical skill must’ve been incredible.
We kept walking, talking about nothing and everything. The stories were trivial, but I knew I’d never forget this day — or this place.
Looking out at the sea, I thought quietly to myself.
In truth, I’d learned nothing new, changed nothing at all. It had been a lonely, quiet visit — like today’s pale winter sky, sad but strangely beautiful.
There were no dramatic revelations, no comforting answers.
So I decided not to draw a conclusion about C*mslut. I wasn’t strong enough yet to accept death so easily.
From now on, if I ever get another chance to explore the Forest of Mystery, I’ll keep searching. For her traces, her signs — anything that remains.
A Maggot-colored ending, I thought wryly. But maybe that’s fine. If there was any progress today, it was that I’d learned to treasure the small things more.
Time doesn’t wait. Soon, I’ll have to prepare new recruits and discuss the next Oath of Fealty Ritual. Life keeps moving.
Then—”Ah… wait.”
I stopped. A strange feeling brushed my cheek.
”Young Master?” Flatty-san asked.
”Sorry,” I said, my voice cracking. “It just hit me, all of a sudden. I can’t stop it. I know it’s weird…”
”Why are you… crying?”
Her panic was obvious. But she knelt beside me anyway, her hand gently resting on my shoulder.
”I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” I whispered.
”It’s— it’s okay! It’s okay!” she said, flustered.
Her hand on my back was warm — trembling, but kind.
And then she started singing. Some clumsy, made-up tune that sounded like something she’d use to calm crying kids. She really did feel like a hopeless, but kind, older sister.
”Z-zekkeki-chan is a reliable big sister, the hero of Tōrōmi, the shining star of everyone’s hope for promotion~! S-so please don’t cry, Young Master~!”
”Yeah,” I laughed weakly through tears. “Thank you… Zekkeki-chan.”
What was this even? I didn’t know. But the tears wouldn’t stop.
”Th-this always worked on the kids!” she panicked. “Why isn’t it working now!? Wh-what do I do!?”
I didn’t answer. I just clung to her and cried for a long time.
Soon, the other Imperial Guards came running toward us.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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