Chapter 73 Anxiety
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”Ah… huh?”
My body would not take strength. I lay on the bed in the private room, foggy and dull.
The soot and oil that stuck to my nose were gone. The smell of blood and mud had also left me. The dungeon’s sticky, wet air had vanished from my skin.
But the fatigue was fierce. I had run at full speed and used Psionic Power again and again, so a sharp pain burned near my stomach.
The confusion lasted only a moment. Then I remembered I did not have time for this. I rolled onto my back and shut my eyes.
”I have to focus. I have to go back and help them. Trash-san, Flatty-chan. Even Natsume-san is waiting. I’m coming.”
I called up the list of Psionic Power in my head. I set my mind on a name. My body felt light, and I began to pass up through the ceiling.
Halfway there, focus slipped. My mind fell back into my real body. My five senses did not fly off. My view snapped back to the bed.
”This is wrong. No good. One more time… No good. Again. More. I can’t stop until it works.”
I chose Trash-san’s name again and again.
Ah—no. I had not picked it right. And now the far side was pushing me away.
It was my first time feeling this. Using Psionic Power felt harder than usual. A moment ago it was easy, like moving my own hand. Now that feeling was gone.
Why would Trash-san do this? I just learned what Psionic Power truly is, and yet the other side itself shuts me out.
Something is wrong. I cannot focus at all.
”One more try… damn it… I must focus. I must move fast,” I said, breath rough.
Even so, my brain felt starved of blood.
To use Psionic Power, I must give it my whole heart. I must see my own power and pour all my will into the one thing I want to do.
At some point, Maggot-san stood by me, eyes wide, staring. I had not moved at all. In the end, I could not even feel my mind float.
This was the private room. A white room. A white ceiling. A bed with clean sheets. The same private room as always.
…Wait. What is a private room again?
Maggot-san rushed to stop me. She had stayed near me the whole time, ready for trouble while I used my power.
”Honored young master,” she said softly, “please stop using Psionic Power for now. Your face is very pale. Any more will harm your person.”
”Maggot-san, this is interference. We don’t have time,” I said.
”Then all the more, you must keep calm,” she said.
I shook off her hand without mercy.
Maggot-san could not pin me down. In truth, she was not allowed to touch me as she liked. Even as an attendant, she was still a woman.
So she tried to talk me down without grabbing me. Maybe my face really did look that bad.
”Then use a medical treatment drug to fix my condition,” I said.
”However—”
”Just do it. Hurry!”
”As you wish.”
At my word, Maggot-san took the best medical treatment drug from the shelf and held it out to me. It was the rest of the one we used before to treat the hole in my belly.
This would heal not only wounds but also bring back strength. I broke the seal again and poured it down in one go.
”Ugh… u—kuh. Uoee…”
My nose burned. Some of it would not go down my throat, and coughing sent it back up through my nose.
Still, I had to force it down.
”Geh… oee—… ugue… goh…”
The drug came up from my mouth. I felt Maggot-san rubbing my back.
I felt sick. My stomach would not take it. White liquid dripped from my nose and mouth and spread over my face. The headache and nausea would not stop, and the drug I had swallowed soaked into the sheets.
”Haa… u—uoe… ha… uuu…”
What am I even doing?
Why does my throat hurt so much? I don’t understand. Where am I, anyway? My head was heavy, and my sight flickered on and off. My thoughts would not line up.
”Please, rest your body,” she said. “I will turn you to your side so you will not choke.”
A stranger spoke to me.
Through tears I saw her. She was an older sister type, with a kind face and a full chest.
She was very pretty. If I could marry a woman like this, I would be so happy.
Such a foolish thought rose in my head.
”Honored young master, please hold fast,” she said. “I will call the doctor at once. He is in the next room.”
Her face had turned pale. She started to run for the door.
What was this? I felt I had seen this before. In my mind I saw my hands, covered in blood. The same woman had rushed in first that time too.
Poor thing. She looked so worried it hurt to see it.
”Wait, Maggot-san. Don’t go,” I said, and I pulled at the sleeve of the older sister I ‘didn’t know.’
”We don’t need a doctor. I’m not hurt.”
Right. My mind cleared. Trash-san pushed me out from her side and sent me back to my body.
She must not want me to see her last breath. She is trying so hard.
I never thought the person on the other end could refuse me like this. My gut and my instincts never planned for a full, serious refusal from a woman. It hit me out of nowhere. I had no idea Psionic Power could act like this.
I thought no woman in this world would feel a refusal toward a man she had once shared her body with.
If so, I could not waste time.
I grabbed Maggot-san’s hair and yanked hard to pull her toward me. A few strands tore out with a sharp sound. She flinched at the sudden pain, held her head, and stumbled into my arms.
It was my first time pulling a woman’s hair.
”Ah—my… my lord… what are you—”
”Bite it off,” I said.
I held her head and jaw to force her mouth shut. I pushed my fingers between her teeth.
Her teeth bit into my finger joints. A slow, hot pain spread there. Her face twisted with pain.
”Please. Bite it through, and swallow,” I said.
We need a Psionic Power user. Everyone will die. The names in my list will soon all have a line through them.
It might last for a short while, but that only means the torture or interrogation will stretch on, and it won’t save anyone. In the end, if no one helps them, the result will be the same.
”Maggot-san, please. I don’t need my fingers. You can have them. Just help them,” I said.
Her soft lips felt too real on my finger. It must have hurt her too. Biting with dull teeth would bring terrible pain.
But I did not care. The pain they were fighting through was far worse.
”I don’t need my arms or legs either,” I said. “I don’t mind if I never walk again. Even if I stay on this bed for the rest of my life, just eat my nerves and become a Psionic Power user.” I held back a shout as I spoke.
The truth was, a big ritual was not needed to make a Psionic Power user. The Oath of Fealty Ritual was an important ceremony that made a master–servant bond and lowered the pain for the man. But in fact, if she bit off the finger and swallowed the nerves as they were, she could still gain the power.
”Then save them. Please…”
As I almost lost my mind, she placed her hand over mine and slowly moved my finger from her mouth.
In such a short time, she had become calm again. Maggot-san closed her eyes, thought for a moment, and asked quietly:
”Is this truly the path Your Lordship chooses?”
”Maggot-san, hurry. Do you hate it?”
”Not at all. If it is your wish, I cannot refuse,” she said.
Even so, she did not move. She had told me before that she would follow my actions no matter what.
Her quiet eyes looked at me. There was no pity there. They only showed me myself, like a mirror.
I was about to lose my Imperial Guard, and I could not accept it. I was ignoring the wishes of those who cared for me and acting on emotion alone.
I felt like a child about to throw a tantrum.
Her calm look almost turned my panic into anger.
”Are you saying… I can’t?” I asked.
”No,” she said softly. “I simply believe the Cult Slut will be very sad. Even the first Sow, and those who remain, will suffer if Your person keeps hurting himself for the Imperial Guard. It will begin long days of pain for them.”
Her words made me imagine it.
If I did this, how shaken everyone would be.
And Maggot-san would become the foolish attendant who ate her master’s finger. I did not know if such a case had ever happened since the Oath of Fealty Ritual began.
People would blame her for not stopping me. Society would look at her as a useless human being.
I hesitated for a moment, then made my choice.
”I’m sorry. Even so, I can’t leave those three to die,” I said.
Even if it caused trouble for others, there was something more important.
”I can’t watch my Imperial Guard die. It’s terrible, but I don’t care what you all think of me,” I said.
To me, the most important thing was the Imperial Guard’s lives. Even if the motherly Cult Slut-san suffered deeply, I could not abandon Trash-san and the others. I did not want to.
”There is no replacement for them. Even if this world has only one person who loves me, or so many that I could throw one away, it’s the same. I don’t want to leave someone I care about,” I said.
To be honest, this world had many beautiful women. Their kind nature toward men was almost too good. I could find a replacement if I wanted.
But I could not think that way.
Each time I hurt myself, others suffered. And yet I was willing to let all the guards suffer.
I knew it was heartless. But I accepted it.
Even if the Imperial Guard who stayed with me for life, and the ones who returned alive, looked sad whenever they saw me… even if society judged us… I did not care. If we could stay together and live, even covered in wounds, that was enough.
”Please. Suffer with me. I want us to live our whole lives together, even if we must carry this pain,” I said.
Maggot-san listened without cutting in.
Her eyes were like deep blue sea, full of quiet thought. She did not deny my words. She held them with the same calm face.
One look was enough to know.
Even if her face did not change, she had heard me, and she understood.
”I understand your resolve. And I see the three are in a very urgent danger,” she said.
Yet she did not agree at once. She asked calmly:
”But even if you give Psionic Power to myself, will it be in time?”
”I… I don’t know. But they need help now!” I said.
”It takes three days to receive the power,” she said.
She gave me the fact with a steady voice.
”I know, but still—”
”With travel to the battlefield, it will take even more days,” she said.
The truth was, even if I gave up my nerves, a woman’s body needed time to change. In my rush, I had forgotten.
She would get a fever and lie in bed. Only then would her body start to grow and her Psionic Power would show its first signs.
She would need time to learn her new body and train her power.
And Maggot-san worked in the office. She had no real fighting experience.
It would be like giving a new gun to a beginner and sending her to war that same day. There was no way it would go well.
”Ah, damn. I’m confused. I’m sorry… what do I do?” I said.
My thoughts would not come together. It hurt. When I tried to calm down, madness rose instead, and I wanted to run from it.
”I just wanted to help fast, and I lost myself. I need to calm down. Ah… ah… calm down,” I said.
Maggot-san took my small finger that had left her mouth. She wiped the wet, teeth-marked tip with a cloth.
Then she gave me another answer.
”There is already a Psionic Power user among us: the Vocal Slut,” she said.
”R-right! Vocal Slut-san! With her power, it will be fine. We can send her to the Uncanny Valley at once,” I said.
My mind spun again.
She trained her body often, and as a guard, she should know some fighting. When I thought about it, it was far better than forcing Maggot-san to become a Psionic Power user in a rush.
I had other friends in this town, Imperial Guard from other houses who were close to me. I could ask them for help. I could also use my links to borrow a mystical object.
I grabbed onto that idea like a drowning man catching straw.
”Vocal Slut-san’s Psionic Power makes her faster, right? We’re lucky. Then she can make it in time,” I said.
The more I thought about it, the more it felt like her power was made for this. She did not need to fight. If it was only to run and escape with them, she would do well.
Maggot-san did not rush to deny me. But her calm air showed the cruel truth.
”Then I will tell her so and arrange it,” she said. “If Your Lordship gives the order, she will go, even alone.”
Her eyes stayed like a clear mirror. I could not answer.
”She will likely not return,” she added.
”Ah… but if it’s Vocal Slut-san, she can… she will…”
She said nothing. Her calmness closed my throat.
Vocal Slut-san.
The tall, natural, bright older sister. My newest Psionic Power user, who took the ritual with Flatty-chan.
Could she survive that harsh dungeon?
She was still new. She had never faced monsters or Psionic Power users. Her level had not grown at all.
Her Psionic Power was not for battle. It only let her run fast. It did not make her reflexes quick or speed her thoughts.
And it was not only about running. She would need to take the three from the enemy and bring them back.
She would need to carry days of food for rescue, stay awake alone, watch for patrols, and find where they held Trash-san and the others.
And even if she saved them, she would need to run back here chased by foes, guiding three badly hurt people.
It was far too hard.
I could easily imagine her getting caught.
I saw her in my mind, held by the enemy.
Would I send that kind, big-dog-like girl—who loved me so simply—to her death? Would I make the same mistake again, send a woman into danger, and drown in regret?
The image of her being tortured was enough to make my chest tighten.
”You need time to calm your heart,” Maggot-san said.
She stood there, quiet and gentle.
Her words felt like cold water on my wild thoughts. She was not blaming me, yet I felt scolded.
”Trash and Flatty both went to battle to ease Your Lordship’s worry,” she said. “They wished nothing more.”
”I…”
”It is not fear for myself,” she said. “Myself has no fear of giving my life for Your Lordship.”
It was not that she did not want to go because she cared for her own life. Maggot-san did not think that way.
Even so, she was warning me about my rash choice.
”The state above ground has also changed,” Maggot-san said.
”Please tell me,” I said.
”If, after hearing it, Your Lordship still will not change your heart, then myself will accept your finger,” she said.
”…I’m sorry.”
”You have done nothing wrong,” she said.
”I’m sorry. I panicked. I’m sorry I acted alone. But when I thought they might die, I lost myself.”
”No. It is my fault for being a little too wise, and so I placed a burden on you,” she said kindly.
I still held the strands of Maggot-san’s pretty hair that I had torn out. The wavy light brown hairs were broken and rough.
I had never lashed out at her like that. She had accepted it without a word.
”Maggot-san… I’m sorry I hurt you,” I said.
”Kindness to a female is no sin. Myself would not call it so,” she said. “I am sure they will return safe. Because Your Lordship wishes it.”
I lowered my head.
I pressed my hand to my mouth to hold back a scream and sobs. No matter how quiet I tried to be, I could not stop shaking with fear.
One of them might already be dead.
But even that thought felt like self-pity. I forced myself to hold down my emotion and told her everything that had happened.
I still could not send my mind to Trash-san.
Later, I also heard Maggot-san’s report.
The ground war had changed a lot.
Because we held the oni women trapped inside the dungeon, the south front was almost at its end. Our battle was behind the scenes, while outside, a fast and fierce ground war was moving.
The southern force of Kujukuri Town had pushed to Kamogawa Town and Isumi Town and struck down many Imperial Guard and leaders.
It was a small-town war. With my information, they had moved at the right time, and in only half a day, the battle had tilted.
In our town, they now called us second-class heroes for our results. But I did not care at all.
”Won’t they trade hostages?” I asked. “They should swap people they hold, right? There must be rules for that, even in war.”
That was the only hope I had.
If the three held some value as hostages while they suffered, a way to save them might open.
”Yes. Soon, the time for negotiation will come,” she said.
”Please ask now. Right now. I don’t want medals or honor. I’ll do anything. Even in war, there must be someone we can talk to.”
”At once,” she said.
”I can even go in their place if needed—”
”I will arrange it well,” she said.
Maggot-san went to a terminal and began contacting someone.
What if they die?
I sat on the bed and held my own body with both hands. If I was not talking to someone, my body shook on its own.
Then I heard their screams, even though no sound came.
I saw Trash-san, who always comforted me and gave me courage, now being violated by the enemy and crying without her usual calm.
Flatty-chan was dragged by townsfolk, shaking with fear and begging them to kill her quickly.
Natsume-san might have already broken. Maybe she was being played with while her mind fled into a dream.
And then… she died.
It wasn’t only imagination. Kaede-san really died—burned, charred, nothing left to bring back, not even a lock of hair. She left for my sake, and died without achieving what she set out to do.
Kiri-san died too. I could still see her body twitching with springs bursting out like a jack-in-the-box, her crushed head accusing me—saying she still wanted to live.
”If only I had cut my losses halfway. But I didn’t. I chose not to.”
Looking back, why did I let Kaede-san join the others?
The moment we learned the oni woman could revive through suicide, I should have told them to lead her somewhere else.
I thought I had set priorities of who to save.
If I had told Kaede-san to act as bait and die to buy time, she would have gladly nodded. Maybe Trash-san and the others could have escaped. I ignored that option on purpose.
Even earlier—when Kiri-san lost a hand and the top of one foot—I should have ordered them to split up. If I had, even Kaede-san might have lived.
Later, even when Natsume-san acted selfishly, I still refused to abandon her.
”Ah…! Ah! Stop. Thinking won’t change it. The past is useless. There’s no point.”
Even thinking that I should never have agreed to the strategy in the first place was the most meaningless thought of all.
My bad habit of refusing to abandon anyone brought all this tragedy.
I talked big, yet ruined everything. But I couldn’t abandon them then.
”Maggot-san, help me. I don’t know what to do anymore.”
”Please wait a moment longer,” she said.
”Everything I do just makes things worse. People keep dying because of me.”
”It will harm your body. Please calm your heart,” she said.
I thought I understood my Psionic Power smartly—yet everything turned horrible. If I had never gotten these powers, none of this would have happened.
I wanted to throw them away.
Hours passed.
I tried to think of every possible way.
If they could return alive, I would give the enemy town anything except my life.
I would marry an old authority woman, be kept as property for life—it didn’t matter.
When a town loses a war, males can be transferred as compensation. If they took me instead, could I save them?
I told Maggot-san everything, then collapsed. My body had reached its limit.
”…What are you doing?!”
I heard women arguing—young, sharp voices.
Something broke, something fell.
I woke in a dim, blurry state. I must have fallen asleep. My head ached.
”What Rare One? What legend? Don’t drag this boy into such things!”
Cult Slut-san’s voice.
Why was she yelling? She almost never shouted at others.
She was desperately arguing.
”Don’t let him hurt himself anymore. Never let a man use Psionic Power. Please—I’ll do anything instead—”
Her voice grew rough and cracked. She was crying—like always.
Her crying face came to mind easily.
Why was she here?
”No! Absolutely not! Please! If not, I’ll cut open my own stomach! If I don’t stop this, he won’t stop!”
”That’s pointless. It would only wound his heart more. And I don’t want the young master to see us fight like this. Even if it’s a hospital room, it’s still a man’s private room. Let’s go outside,” another voice said.
That second voice belonged to Sow-san.
Many women had crowded into my room.
No—this wasn’t my old room. It looked like the large hospital room I once stayed in. Big enough for them to care for me completely.
At some point, they had moved me to a hospital in the southern town.
It was about the size of a school classroom, with only one bed—bigger than the northern hospital rooms.
Familiar faces, familiar voices—all my Imperial Guards.
How long had they been there? I didn’t know what they were discussing, but they were blaming Maggot-san heavily.
She and I shared many secrets—ones that would be landmines for others. But they probably needed to know the truth.
I didn’t know what Maggot-san confessed, but it must have been about me.
”It’s okay… stay,” I said.
I forced my eyes open through the headache and sat up.
Everyone turned to me at once.
”Ah—! Please don’t get up!” Cult Slut-san panicked.
Her face showed how cornered she felt. They were all fighting because of me. Only I could stop it.
”Sow-san, Cult Slut-san… stay. C*m Bucket-san, Crybaby-san… don’t go anywhere today,” I said.
Cult Slut-san froze mid-breath. The others stared wide-eyed.
”Young master…”
”If anyone leaves now, I feel like they won’t come back. I know it’s just anxiety, but…”
That night, in a room with all the remaining Imperial Guards gathered, I trembled until morning.
The tears and fear wouldn’t stop.
Maybe it was a child’s brain, or maybe it was just who I was—but I was terrified.
I kept checking the list in my mind, waiting for Trash-san’s name to get a line through it.
Yes… the line. The same line that marked C*mslut.
Kaede-san’s death taught me the meaning of that line: death. That was a clear rule of my Psionic Power.
I had held onto a little hope. But reality and reason told me to accept death. To give up. To know she was gone.
Eventually, the headache from overusing my power returned.
Earlier, I had thrown up my medicine onto the bed sheets. It was too expensive to waste. They soaked the sheet in water to recover it, filtered out dust and oil, and I kept licking the thinned liquid.
Notes:
• Psionic Power – Mental energy concept in Chapter 35’s lecture. Trash-san teaches it to strengthen the protagonist’s mind after dungeon ordeals.
• Natsume – A female companion and younger sister of Kaede-san, cared for by Kaede-san during their journey through the dangerous valley, at risk of infection from the parasitic creatures.
• Kaede – A female psionic explorer known as Necksplitter, is a veteran assassin and messenger of Lord Ichimatsu. Her appearance is both young and old, with gray hair streaked through black and vibrant, unlined skin. She is graceful yet carries the fatigue of a long life in war, resembling an old hunting dog. Her psionic ability is mysterious and potentially dangerous.
• Kiri – A female sniper and member of Kaede-san’s team, white-haired with sleepy eyes, wielding a disguised sniper rifle, known for her quick hands and slow speech, often joking in dire situations.
Please bookmark this series and rate ☆☆☆☆☆ on here!
Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
Leave a Reply