Chapter 166 A Late-Night Colloquy
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
This war must be brought to an end, and as swiftly as humanly possible. Having sworn that oath, I set off for the Canarias Cathedral with Sister Amelia in tow. No matter the depth of my indignation, the impact I can make as a lone individual is inherently limited. I must leverage every asset at my disposal.
”Good heavens. The sun has long since retired for the evening, yet you come calling at such an hour? For what purpose, I wonder?” Archbishop Trantestar asked.
Despite his verbal protestations, the Archbishop greeted us with his characteristic, mocking smirk. While Amelia appeared understandably cowed by the breach of etiquette, I no longer harbored any intention of mincing words.
”I’m going to saturate the Coalmine Kingdom with ‘Ddo-Buddy’¹. I need your cooperation,” I said.
Foregoing all honorifics, I cut straight to the heart of the matter. The Archbishop’s eyes widened ever so slightly before the corners of his mouth arced upward into a jagged, predatory grin—a smile far more malevolent than his usual smirk.
”I see… If I may be so bold, might I inquire as to the rationale behind this endeavor?” Trantestar asked.
”It’s the same principle as always. We stoke the women’s libido, incite their consumerist impulses, and effectively blindside the fools preoccupied with this idiotic war. We stop the rain of blood and replace it with a downpour of love juice.”
”Pfft! Aha… Ahahahaha!”
It seemed my crude turn of phrase struck a chord with His Eminence. He doubled over in laughter, slapping his knees with unbridled mirth. Watching this uncharacteristic display from the Archbishop, Amelia looked utterly repulsed.
”Hee… hee… Goodness, I truly cannot recall the last time I enjoyed such a hearty laugh. Very well then, perhaps you could indulge me with the specifics?” the Archbishop asked, dabbing at the tears pooling in the corners of his eyes.
I hadn’t expected the coarse banter I’d picked up from those adventurer thugs to resonate so effectively with a high-ranking church official. Whether he genuinely harbors a penchant for the lewd, or if such is the nature of all men—or perhaps he was simply mocking my grandiose ambitions—I couldn’t say. Regardless, as long as he’s amenable to the pitch, that’s sufficient for me.
”Specifics aside, the logic isn’t the least bit convoluted. It’s exactly as I stated: we sell, sell, and sell the ‘Ddo-Buddy’ until the market is utterly inundated.”
”Hmm. Are you intending to distribute the ‘Ddo-Buddy’ exclusively? If past market trends are any indication, the women who acquire a ‘Ddo-Buddy’ inevitably find themselves yearning for the rest of your inventory, do they not?” Trantestar asked.
”That’s precisely the angle. We’ll distribute only two items throughout the Coalmine Kingdom. The first is the standard ‘Ddo-Buddy’ Mark 3. The second is a promotional pamphlet included as a purchase bonus—a ‘Product Catalog’ showcasing our entire lineup. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind printing them as single-page flyers and scattering them for free.”
”A shrewd maneuver, I must admit. Or perhaps ‘nefarious’ is the more appropriate descriptor… The more they appreciate the craftsmanship of the ‘Ddo-Buddy,’ the more they will succumb to an insatiable curiosity regarding the other items featured in that ‘Product Catalog,’” Trantestar said.
In this world, the concept of ‘commercial advertising’ has yet to achieve mainstream recognition. Much like my shop’s initial offerings, quality merchandise typically gains traction through word of mouth. However, the Archbishop—acting every bit the priest of the fiscally astute Salvation Faction²—appeared to grasp the underlying psychology perfectly.
”Furthermore, I’ll equip the sales personnel with several ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy’³ units to serve as functional samples.”
”I see, I see. Indeed, once they have the opportunity to witness and handle the device firsthand, the desire to possess it will become overwhelming. And then, I presume, the staff will lament, ‘Alas, this particular model is not for sale. We could potentially offer it if only the war were to reach a conclusion…’ Is that the gist of it?” Trantestar asked.
As our dialogue progressed, the Archbishop’s expression grew increasingly diabolical. I suspect I wore a similar countenance. Flanking us, Amelia glanced between the two of us with a look of profound concern, as if questioning our collective sanity.
”Precisely. If possible, I’d also like to utilize the ‘Hot-Hot Ddo Buddy’⁴, though I’m uncertain if Her Majesty will grant her authorization… That product is bound to see even higher demand in the Coalmine Kingdom than in Canaria. Any individual with a shred of intellect who sees it will realize the sheer futility of prolonging this conflict.”
”The ‘Hot-Hot Ddo Buddy’…? Whatever is that?” Trantestar asked.
”K-Kento-san! Is it… r-really wise to discuss that…?!” Amelia asked.
”It’s fine, Amelia. If we’re genuinely committed to halting this war, this will be our most potent weapon. If I’m soliciting his aid, I must demonstrate the full extent of my resolve.”
”Ah—so you’re implying that once I’m privy to this information, my cooperation is no longer optional?” Trantestar asked.
”Spot on. I appreciate how quickly you catch on.”
When I flashed a grin, the Archbishop mirrored it with one of his own. Amelia looked as though she were suppressed a tiny shriek of terror. The ‘Hot-Hot Ddo Buddy’ is a specialized model our shop developed last year that generates heat equivalent to human body temperature.
It was the very product that facilitated our recovery during the ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy’ prohibition scandal, yet it was subsequently restricted due to its perceived strategic military value. Given that it serves as the prototype for the ‘Hot-Shot-kun’ and the X-type flamethrower, its classification as a military secret has likely only intensified—but frankly, I’ve had quite enough of those constraints.
To begin with, the internal mechanism is far too sophisticated for anyone to replicate simply by peering inside. Once the conflict subsides, its tactical utility will diminish regardless, so I’m inclined to believe we can navigate the red tape.
”I’ll proceed. Regarding the manufacturing of the ‘Ddo-Buddy,’ I will require the full cooperation of the Canarias Convent. We may need to temporarily suspend the production of goods destined for other convents currently in our pipeline.”
”Understood. I shall have to consult with Mother Marian on the logistical specifics, though I anticipate little resistance.”
”I doubt Mother would raise any objections if the objective is to secure peace,” Amelia added with a resolute nod.
Both the Archbishop and Amelia signaled their firm agreement. Their reverence for the Mother appears absolute. Then again, it is indeed difficult to envision that woman standing in the way of an operation designed to end the war.
”We were already in the process of discussing a production surge for the Coalmine Kingdom’s markets. It’s possible we can even secure additional personnel. Furthermore, I’m relying on your ‘Sacred Artificer’⁵…”
”Ah, you’re prepared to accept them? In that case, feel free to exploit their labor to your heart’s content,” the Archbishop said.
”Very well. Once this operation concludes, I’ll take them under my wing. Besides… I have another individual in mind, so our production capacity shouldn’t be an issue.”
This was a rare moment where my shop had to yield. In truth, I’d preferred to reserve judgment until I’d met the candidates in person, but given the scale of the ‘Ddo-Buddy’ expansion, every pair of hands is a vital asset.
For the record, the other ‘individual’ I’m counting on is my alchemy mentor, that old rascal Kogima Pigole. I intend to exploit every connection in my repertoire. As the saying goes: if they’re available, use your parents—or in this instance, use your master.
”Next, we must address logistics… I am essentially banking on the Church’s supply chains, which are purportedly capable of reaching the Coalmine Kingdom even now. Can you guarantee their reliability?”
”Let me see… It is certainly feasible, though a significant increase in the carriage count risks inviting suspicion. We have a few discreet backroads at our disposal, but we are quite frankly lacking in manpower…”
”Then make it happen. I’ll enlist the Tasogare Merchant Guild⁶ to manage the domestic legs of the journey. I’ll lean on Lady Tina Badcage to establish a logistics hub in the north. We’ll consolidate the ‘Ddo-Buddy’ stock within the Badcage territory; from there, I’m relying on your expertise for the border crossing and internal distribution within Coalmine. I’ve heard there are local sympathizers, so ensure your coordination is seamless.”
”Good grief, you’re delegating the entire burden to me? This is shaping up to be a monumental undertaking…” Trantestar said.
Despite his complaining tone, the Archbishop looked positively delighted. To a casual observer, he might have appeared as a devotee of the dark arts or demonic conjuration, yet in this context, he was an invaluable ally.
Just as that thought crossed my mind, his expression reverted to its standard, vacuous smirk. It finally dawned on me that this look was merely a facade—a mask to obfuscate his true intent. A face that projects the image of a shady, indolent, yet harmless bureaucrat. In all likelihood, this is the most terrifying face he possesses…
”By the way, Kento-kun, are you aware of the historical impetus behind the development of the ‘Succubus King’s Incense’⁷ and ‘Succubus Queen’s Amatory Fluid’⁸? Do you know the purpose for which they were deployed?”
The sudden pivot caught me off guard, and I found myself faltering. The ‘Succubus King’s Incense’ and ‘Succubus Queen’s Amatory Fluid’ are among the most hazardous artifacts classified as Forbidden Tools⁹ by the Church—malevolent relics rumored to have orchestrated the downfall of entire civilizations…
”…Are you suggesting their purpose was to terminate a conflict?”
”Hardly. They were engineered for the total extermination of every living soul within an enemy nation,” Trantestar said.
Even after hearing my guess and delivering such a chilling rebuttal, the Archbishop’s smirk remained undisturbed. However, I caught a predatory glint deep within those half-lidded eyes. At my side, I could feel Amelia’s body going rigid with tension. Yet, the Archbishop seemed unbothered, his gaze quickly returning to its deceptively placid state.
”I’m truly relieved to find you are a man of peace. My thanks as well for seeking my counsel first. However, do bear in mind that the Church will be observing your movements closely. I look forward to maintaining our mutually beneficial arrangement, understood?”
”As long as my establishment and the people I hold dear remain unharmed, you’ll have no cause for concern. I too hope for the longevity of our partnership,” I said.
I met the offered hand with a firm, uncompromising grip, sealing the silent warning contained within the gesture.
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Summary:
Kento convenes a clandestine midnight meeting with Archbishop Trantestar to propose a radical ‘sex-toy insurgency’ to end the ongoing war. By flooding the Coalmine Kingdom with ‘Ddo-Buddy’ products and catalogs, Kento aims to distract the populace and undermine the military effort from within. The Archbishop agrees to the plan but closes the deal with a grim warning about the Church’s watchful eye and the dark history of the tools Kento is playing with.
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Character Insight:
Kento displays a ruthless pragmatism, discarding social masks to treat a high priest as a business partner, signaling his growth as a leader. Trantestar’s character is further deepened; his ‘lazy official’ smirk is revealed as a calculated mask for a man who understands the genocidal origins of his Church’s forbidden relics. This interaction establishes a precarious balance of power where Kento’s idealism is forced to coexist with the Archbishop’s cold-blooded realism.
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Behind the Scene:
The ‘Salvation Faction’ serves as a commentary on the intersection of faith and capitalism in fantasy settings, where the Church functions more like a corporate conglomerate. The reveal of ‘Hot-Hot Ddo Buddy’ as a precursor to a flamethrower illustrates the classic trope of civilian technology being co-opted for warfare—a central theme in Kento’s struggle for control over his inventions.
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T/L:
Notes:
• Amelia – The Sister of the Church of Demon-Subjugating, who usually buys from Kento, has light blue hair.
• Trantestar – The middle-aged man Archbishop of Canarias and the initiator of the current trial. He is an alleged ally of Kento but remains suspiciously neutral.
• Kento – The owner of the magic tool shop ‘Harvest,’ which discretely sells adult goods. He’s a former overworked, ordinary salaryman from modern Japan who was suddenly transported (isekai’d) to this fantasy world. He has dark hair and an unremarkable appearance, typically wearing a plain, slightly suspicious-looking shop owner’s clothes looks like Kazuma Satou from certain series. He has a minimal amount of magic power, enough to craft his specialty items.
• Marian – A ‘Mother’ and supervisor from the Church of Demon-Subjugation. Her appearance and demeanor defy the Church’s purported ‘chastity,’ instead she has wavy purple long hair, busty, black nun, tear mole under eye, and monroe walk. She has arrived with a clear purpose: to confront Kento about the ‘Devil’s Stick.
• Kogima – Kento’s alchemy master. A middle-aged man who is a henpecked husband to his wife, Josephine.
• Tina Badcage – Silver-haired, red-eyed woman with a very formal, old-fashioned way of speaking, often ending sentences with ‘no ja’. She is the only daughter of the Duke Badcage, tasked with guarding the North for the Canaria Royal Family. She is described as a beauty. Her inexperience suggests a slender build, and her dress is likely formal and aristocratic, though not explicitly stated.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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