Volume 4 Chapter 79 The Perfect Crime of the Phantom Thief Pokochin-maan
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Once Kian and Talia deactivated the barrier¹ and bypassed the iron-barred gates, they emerged within a sprawling medicinal herb vineyard spanning roughly thirty square meters.
With Crete remaining warm year-round, cultivation was a simple endeavor provided the sea breeze was mitigated. The fields teemed with vibrant flora that even Kian—who had spent a decade gathering herbs for Aliona—failed to recognize.
Talia briskly navigated the rows and pointed toward the threshold of the main house.
”The bolt is drawn,” Talia observed.
”I’ll handle the lock,” Kian replied.
It had been quite some time since he had engaged in scout work, but the skills ingrained in his fingertips remained sharp. Kian reached into his tunic, retrieving a set of professional lockpicking tools. He crouched before the robust wooden door. Within ten seconds, he had bypassed the mechanism along with a hidden blast trap.
”How proficient. I’ve never seen such craftsmanship before,” Talia remarked.
”It’s nothing special. In my prime, I’d have finished in half the time,” Kian said.
As the door swung open, a humanoid golem lunged. With a swift knife-hand strike, Kian pierced its chest cavity and wrenched out the mana stone. The magic circuits flickered and died; severed from its power source, the combat doll slumped to its knees and ceased to move.
”Heh… what a fascinating mechanism,” Talia whispered.
Beside him, Talia was also probing an interception golem. However, her left hand—belonging to Lyritisse—had become semi-transparent, merging with the golem’s chest as if to parasitize the circuits. Then, her right hand sank into the stone wall. Schloop… her hand was swallowed by the surface, much like when Linca used ‘Penetration’ to phase through structures. A moment later, a heavy thrum shuddered through the entire interior of Vice-Commander Medea’s workshop.
The pitch-black foyer was suddenly bathed in the amber glow of a mana lamp.
Kian and Talia stood in a narrow wooden entrance with a vaulted staircase ahead. While the Kian Merchant Guild hall was inviting, complete with plush guest sofas, this place felt gloomy and unsettling, as if designed specifically to repel visitors.
”In a witch’s workshop, one must never be deceived by appearances,” Talia whispered, gently tracing the head of the magic doll she had disabled. The doll’s head flickered with a round light as if malfunctioning, but it eventually stood up clumsily and began repairing the unit Kian had destroyed.
”The vaulted stairs ahead are a trap. The true path lies beneath them, behind that square lid resembling a small storage space,” Talia explained.
”The workshop of the Vice-Commander of the Order of the Lightning Knights… no one but her would ever come in here, yet she’s obsessed with these gimmicks,” Kian muttered.
”Magicians, even in a home they rarely frequent, tend to over-indulge in defensive measures. Think about it. We are a breed that stares at grimoires for thousands of hours without tiring, repeating experiments like a form of masturbation without being solicited. Moreover, there is an inherent desire to obscure one’s knowledge, leading to an abnormal level of paranoia,” Talia elaborated.
”I think it varies by person. Christy didn’t seem like that,” Kian countered.
”Christina is a very good girl for a witch. Treasure her. —Now, this way,” Talia replied.
Once the two magic dolls were back at their posts as if nothing had occurred, Talia pulled on his arm. At the end of a long corridor were two stylish staircases leading to the second floor, but Talia ignored them, walking straight into a white wall and vanishing.
When Kian followed, the light of the mana lamp dimmed for a split second before his vision opened into a living room brimming with the squalor of daily life. It was roughly twenty meters square. While large for one person, the sheer volume of detritus made it feel claustrophobic.
(God… what is this mess?) Kian thought, stunned as he stepped into the room, which reeked of stagnation.
A large wooden table sat in the center, cluttered with ham, cheese, bread, and empty bottles that presumably once held alcohol. Some had fallen, spilling their contents into viscous gel pools on the floor. This wine—or whatever it was—seemed to be cheap, under-fermented swill.
Women’s undergarments and socks were draped haphazardly over the chairs. Some socks smelled foul, and there were even black panties stained white with discharge. Conversely, elegant dresses and gold necklaces hung on other chairs. It was pure chaos.
The guild dormitory where Kian lived last year had been bad, but Kian had kept his space as clean as possible. This was different. Medea’s living space was filthy simply because she neglected it. He could feel the presence of numerous cockroaches.
While some men might find a woman who is messy in her private life charming, this exceeded the limit; it was at a level that would repel any suitor. Among those close to Kian, Sarah also couldn’t tidy up, but in her case, Kian or servants did the cleaning. She just couldn’t throw things away; she didn’t leave half-drunk alcohol to rot or sleep in a cockroach paradise.
(I want to clean this. I want to throw out all the trash and polish the table and floor until they shine. I almost want to do her laundry for her,) Kian thought.
”Oh, so that dark elf was husband-hunting after all,” Talia said, undeterred by the filth. She touched the edge of a cloth pinned to the back of the table with a knife.
Beyond some moldy bread, the cloth featured a portrait of a man with a large red ‘X’ painted over it. ‘I’m the one turning him down!’ and ‘This guy doesn’t see me as a woman because I’m a half-elf either’ and ‘Am I a failure as a woman if I can’t have kids? Die, I’ll curse you (the rest was scribbled over and illegible)’ were written in red ink with palpable resentment. It was the same handwriting Kian had seen during the interrogation.
”Whoa… yikes…” Kian muttered.
”The target basement workshop is over there. Let’s go, Pig-D*ck,” Talia said.
”Ah, right. …Uh, out of morbid curiosity, what’s behind that door? It smells weird,” Kian asked.
”Abbas Shakerdoust is in there,” Talia replied.
”Oh,” Kian said.
”Let’s go. I can’t breathe in here. Let’s pray the air in the basement is slightly better,” Talia said.
”Yeah. It’s a bit late, but it feels like we’ve trespassed into a truly terrifying place,” Kian said.
”It’s fine as long as we don’t get caught,” Talia replied.
They entered the room to the right of the foul-smelling living room. It appeared to be a kitchen area; a pot of stew of unknown age sat abandoned on the stove. Talia lifted a wooden lid that looked like a simple cellar entrance and slipped inside. Kian followed, thinking she moved like a snake.
* * *
To Kian’s relief, the space under the kitchen was a wide, empty room. However, looking closer at the back against a gray concrete wall, a three-dimensional celestial model was enshrined. In front of it was some kind of magic circle, a blackened doll, and a bear’s paw hanging in mid-air. The paw floated without support, stirring the air of its own accord. It was surreal.
”Eyah!” Talia cried out.
With an expressionless face, Talia struck the bear’s paw. The hunk of meat covered in black fur was sent flying, hitting the wall and dropping to the concrete floor.
”Eyah! Eyah!” Talia shouted.
Talia the Tyrant. Raging like a giant monster (albeit with a blank face), she smashed the astrology model to pieces and trampled the magic circle on the ground, ruining everything.
”Eyah! …There. Construction complete,” Talia said.
”We’re going to get cursed if she finds out,” Kian said.
”Weren’t you already? Perhaps your fate was being manipulated so that you would die,” Talia remarked.
”Don’t say such scary things,” Kian replied.
”It’s entirely possible. It would explain why death omens were showing up for me and Pig-D*ck for no reason,” Talia said.
”Well… when you put it that way, it does feel like it. Even though I didn’t feel like I’d lose to Mansoor, the divination said I’d lose my life in this war—it was hard to believe,” Kian admitted.
Kian used fire magic to turn the bear’s paw to ash, then tossed the remaining bones onto the floor and stood up. Meanwhile, Talia looked around the basement space illuminated by the mana lamp.
”Nothing missed. Well, since we’ve done what we came for, shall we leave a note before we go?” Talia asked.
”Wait. We chose not to talk to Medea and trespassed here instead,” Kian said, frowning as Talia pulled a bucket of red pigment and a brush from thin air.
”Leaving a note is completely inconsistent behavior! Forget it, we’re erasing our footprints and getting out of here fast,” Kian insisted.
”If we do that, she might not realize her fate manipulation was broken. From that hole we came through, this corner is a blind spot. It’s ideal if Medea opens the cellar lid and knows instantly: ‘Someone messed with my bear’s paw!’” Talia continued.
”Medea had her own reasons for manipulating fate. If she was doing it for something other than indirectly killing Pig-D*ck, the worst-case scenario is that she might die as destined,” Talia added.
”Hmm. True enough,” Kian conceded.
It was natural to assume this ritual was for her own benefit. For instance, if Medea had only survived with a heavy wound due to fate manipulation, Kian’s destruction of the ritual might cause her condition to worsen and lead to death. He didn’t want to be responsible for that, so giving her a chance to realize and re-do the manipulation made sense.
”Then we should have just talked to her from the start…” Kian muttered.
”I think your purity is your unique merit. However, there’s no guarantee Medea would manipulate fate in a way that benefits us this time,” Talia said.
”You mean she might say ‘I’ll manipulate fate so Lord Kian doesn’t die,’ but in reality, she wouldn’t stop the manipulation that negatively affects us?” Kian asked.
”I mean, normally that’s what you’d do. To Medea, Kian is a nuisance. You aren’t someone she can just leave in the country forever. If I were her, I’d eliminate you along with Azrael. For sure,” Talia stated.
Medea had her own circumstances and position. For the sake of the country, both Azrael and Kian had to be repelled as barbarians. And the weakening royal authority had to be upheld. From Kian’s perspective, kicking out the guild that brought so much profit to Crete was madness, but from Medea’s perspective, that wasn’t necessarily the case.
”So this is an invisible war between me and Medea. We struck first with a surprise attack, but from now on, we fight fairly at the negotiating table,” Kian said.
”Huh?” Talia asked.
”Eh?” Kian blinked.
”…Ah, right. Exactly. She manipulates fate, we ruin it. Just as supply and demand are balanced by an invisible hand, we shall compromise on a just-right line of fate,” Talia nodded with a serious face, then slapped the paint-soaked brush onto the floor.
STUPID!!
IDIOOOT!!
Azrael sees through everything, husband-hunting Witch (lol)
”Hey!? That content is inappropriate!” Kian shouted.
”We used up precious time because of Medea. It’s necessary in negotiation to convey our anger that she shouldn’t cause us extra trouble,” Talia argued.
”That’s ridiculous,” Kian said, finally snatching the bucket from her. Her behavior was baffling. She was just taunting Medea. Medea was already heavily wounded; seeing this graffiti might make her die of pure rage.
”The note should be more charming. Like a mischievous child proudly announcing their crime. Do you have black paint?” Kian asked.
”I can make some. —Here,” Talia said.
”Thanks. This has to be something that makes Medea smile naturally and think ‘Oh, honestly…’ even when she sees it. I’m familiar with this from taking lots of such requests in my adventurer days,” Kian said.
”Is that so. Embarrassingly, I’m not familiar with such things. I mean, the world I lived in was different from these miserable commoners, wasn’t it? When hurling lowly insults, one must lower their intelligence appropriately, which is difficult…” Talia remarked.
”That comment is already kind of annoying,” Kian said.
Regardless of Kian, Medea was royalty by birth. Talia’s rebuttal wasn’t much of an excuse.
”Let’s see, the message on the floor should be…”
Ms. Medea
I’ve taken the liberty of changing your fate manipulation ‘STUPID!!’.
I can’t afford to die either. ‘IDIOOOT!!’
‘Azrael sees through everything, husband-hunting Witch (lol)’
Goodbye, let’s meet again somewhere.
From the Phantom Thief
”What about the sender’s name? I want to make it playful, like ‘Phantom Thief something-or-other’,” Kian said.
”I don’t care. Can we go home now?” Talia asked.
”I want to include ‘man’ and ‘D*ck’…” Kian pondered.
”Then how about Pokochin-maan? Phantom Thief Pokochin-maan,” Talia said, sounding utterly disinterested. She took the red bucket Kian had set down and added letters.
Ms. Medea
I’ve taken the liberty of changing your fate manipulation ‘STUPID!!’.
I can’t afford to die either. ‘IDIOOOT!!’
‘Azrael sees through everything, husband-hunting Witch (lol)’
Goodbye, let’s meet again somewhere.
From Phantom Thief Pokochin-maan
”Aaaargh!” Kian cried out.
”Quiet. We’re done, let’s go. If we have time to waste on this nonsense, we should be discussing concrete measures against Shidarkan with everyone. We have to annihilate a ten-thousand-man army with just a few people,” Talia said.
”Oh, that’s true. I shouldn’t be playing around. Well, I guess the name doesn’t matter,” Kian said.
”In that case, I’ll erase all evidence except the message, so go out to the garden and wait,” Talia instructed.
”Eh, so you are erasing footprints? Why?” Kian asked.
”Because it would be bad if it looked like Abbas Shakerdoust did it,” Talia said nonchalantly. She began turning the bucket and paint into powder, letting it be absorbed into the concrete.
”Abbas is tied up upstairs, isn’t he?” Kian asked, looking up toward where he felt a weak magic power pulse.
”But he’s the first one Medea will suspect when she gets back,” Talia said.
”True,” Kian agreed.
”Wait outside. I’ll finish everything in a second,” Talia said.
Kian nodded and left the basement. Back in the filthy living room, he heard weak noises from the confinement room to the left, likely made by Abbas. Ever since Kian caught him, he had been interrogated by the Order of the Lightning Knights. Once he’d finished talking, he was locked up by Medea.
(I want to save him, but that would mean a fight with the knights. I believe the day will come when you’re free, Abbas,) Kian thought.
He exited the house and waited in the herb garden. Talia took quite a while, perhaps because erasing evidence was tedious.
”I’m locking the front door,” Talia said.
”Ah, wait. Give me ten seconds,” Kian replied.
”Eh?”
”Eight, nine… okay. You can lock it now,” Kian said.
”Right,” Kian added.
”Let’s get out of here. I’ve already copied the barrier formula for the workshop’s perimeter. I can reproduce it in an instant,” Talia said.
”Ah, so you can copy those too, not just junk like knives and handkerchiefs. Well, if you can make beetles, you’ve clearly ripped off the magic circuits Sarah built, so copying formulas is natural,” Kian said.
He let it slide without deep thought, his mind shifting to how to defeat the Shidarkan forces swarming toward Underworld Island.
* * *
Walking along the sandy beach toward the guild under the morning sun, they encountered a group from the Order of the Lightning Knights returning from the direction of the trade hall. At their head was the dark elf Commander—Circe.
She had come to meet Asterios and Kian, who were tasked with guarding ‘Grass Island’. However, she had been turned away by Guria and Aliona, who said Asterios was sleeping and Kian was out. Kian apologized for the rudeness of the guild members and stated with a sincere tone that they should leave the defense of Grass Island to him.
”Master Kian. I heard you’ve also been entrusted with the management of Underworld Island by Asterios,” Commander Circe said.
”Yes, I formally bid for the cleaning and maintenance duties recently. Leave Underworld Island to us. Cleaning up the incoming enemy fleet is part of the job,” Kian replied.
”According to our intelligence, the enemy wasn’t expected to attack in earnest yet. However, this morning, there was suspicious movement from the Azrael Army on Cyclops Island,” Circe noted.
”Which is?” Kian asked.
”They are showing signs of retreating toward the Nile region,” Circe explained.
”I see. I shouldn’t overstep, but it could be a lure. It might be best not to move rashly,” Kian suggested.
”Yes, yes. Of course. However, we intend to remain on standby at sea just in case,” Circe said.
”I see… Princess Guria Selda said you are the spiritual pillar of Crete. Please be careful,” Kian said.
”Thank you. I will be fine. I am not destined to die yet… there is much I must still do. I likely couldn’t even stay dead if I tried; I would rise from the underworld,” Circe joked.
”Hahaha,” Kian laughed along with the beautiful dark elf’s joke. Circe shook Kian’s hand firmly.
”In place of my unworthy disciple who cannot fight properly due to her wounds, this old soul shall give Mansoor a run for his money. Good luck to you, Lord Kian. It was a blessing to welcome a dependable warrior like you,” Circe said.
”I’m glad I came to Crete too. We’ll prove that the Kian Merchant Guild isn’t a harbinger of plague, but a bluebird bringing happiness to Crete,” Kian said with a smile. Seeing his good-natured smile, Circe nodded with satisfaction.
Kian and Talia parted with Circe’s group and finally returned to the guild.
”Ah! Welcome back, Kian!” Guria called out.
As they walked the path to the hall, Guria came running from the beach where she had been assembling golems. Isthbaran followed slowly. On the beach, ten giant Wyvern Golems and piles of beetle golem parts were visible.
”Commander Circe was here earlier,” Guria said.
”Yeah, we met her out there. She gave us some encouragement before the battle,” Kian replied.
”I see,” Guria nodded, her sun-kissed face turning serious.
”The war is close, right? Can we win?” Guria asked.
”We will. We’re going to plan the details now. You just stay here and wait for the report of our victory,” Kian said.
”U-um…” Guria started.
”My Lord,” Isthbaran performed a warrior’s salute.
”Ten Wyvern Golems are assembled. The beetles and stags are ready to be built as soon as transport to the other side is complete,” Isthbaran reported.
”Good work. Focus on preparing your own equipment and condition now,” Kian said.
”Understood!” Isthbaran replied.
”General, I am Talia,” Talia said.
”Hm? Oh? Oh! It’s you!” Isthbaran looked at Guria and then back at the flaxen-haired beauty.
”What on earth happened? The letter said…” Isthbaran began.
”As I explained briefly in the letter. Just understand that we have one more usable magician now,” Talia said.
”I see,” Isthbaran said.
”Is this person also one of Kian’s witches?” Guria asked, bobbing up and down in front of the elegant Talia.
”Yes, Princess Guria Selda. My name is Talia. Some call me Lyritisse, but I would appreciate it if you called me Talia. I look forward to working with you,” Talia said.
”Yes. Nice to meet you, Ms. Talia,” Guria replied, then shifted to girl-talk, complimenting her hairband. Kian left them and entered the hall.
* * *
”—I wonder what Azrael uses to determine a ship’s position these days? Lunar distance method?” Talia asked.
”No, they use a chronometer-based method. However, the precision isn’t high. Latitude can be determined fairly accurately, so when trying to reach a destination nearby, they first align the latitude and then sail straight east or west-ssu,” Rou explained.
”Is the clock a pendulum one? Surely not a sundial,” Talia said.
”It’s a pendulum type, of course. For military use, I believe they use the latest models that only drift about fifteen minutes a day. …But what of it?” Rou asked.
”Hehe. No, nothing. I see. Hmm,” Talia hummed.
”Ms. Aliona, Rou,” Kian said.
”Ah…! Welcome back, Guildmaster!” the Oriental youth looked up from the table in the center of the entrance and trotted over. Aliona also approached with a soft smile.
”Sorry we’re late, you two. Did you enjoy the banquet?” Kian asked.
”Oh, Kian. Everyone came straight back here to assemble golems,” Aliona said.
”Guildmaster, Leprobus and Ms. Leanan Sidhe have already moved to Underworld Island and are finishing the defensive installations at high speed. We should move quickly as well,” Rou said.
”After we finish the rough strategy plan,” Aliona added, her gentle eyes suddenly turning sharp.
”I got a letter from Ms. Talia, but apparently you aren’t just staying in the cardinal’s daughter’s body; you plan to use Kian’s somatic cells to mutate?” Aliona asked.
”Yes…” Kian said.
Rou hadn’t been informed of Talia’s presence. Kian didn’t know how Talia had explained it in the letter, but Rou remained polite with his usual squinted eyes.
”Ms. Aliona, are you against it?” Kian asked.
”First, I can’t tell you to leave the cardinal’s daughter’s body,” Aliona said, glancing at the flaxen-haired beauty behind Kian.
”But I’m against the mutation. You plan to use that body for a flashy battle, don’t you? If the Church’s Inquisitors have someone specialized in reconnaissance, they’ll realize something is wrong instantly,” Aliona stated.
”With all due respect, Lady Aliona, I will hold back, of course. I intend to move within the limits of what a human magician can do,” Talia argued.
”…I’ll talk about the details now, but if the info Rou gathered is correct, even with my power, it will be a tough fight. I wonder if you’ll have the luxury of holding back,” Aliona said.
”First, I’d like to confirm the information obtained through Mr. Rou’s espionage,” Talia said.
”Hey, Talia. Ms. Aliona. Please don’t fight,” Kian said, stepping between the two witches as the atmosphere turned hostile. While he felt Talia had smooth-talked him, her logic seemed sound, and he didn’t understand why Aliona was so upset.
Lyritisse was a Rank 1 Adventurer; by normal standards, using Physical Ability Enhancement would make her a monster anyway. He didn’t think anyone would look at her and instantly scream “Aha! This is a vampire!” If an Inquisitor harassed Kian over that, he’d just complain to Maribel or Homolka about their tyranny.
Aliona’s golden eyebrows narrowed.
”Kian, you’re trying to take an unnecessary risk,” Aliona said.
”Lady Aliona, this is to avoid the fate of death,” Talia said.
”You’ve already spoken with someone from the Order of the Lightning Knights who was manipulating fate, haven’t you? Then do the Astromageia again. This time, I’ll watch from the side, not just Ms. Talia and Kian,” Aliona insisted.
”Ms. Aliona, there is no time for that,” Rou whispered.
”The situation is as I explained. If we don’t use every scheme, there’s no probability of winning with just your firepower,” Rou added.
”…I know,” Aliona said, a bitter expression crossing her face—one Kian had never seen before. She looked down at Talia.
”Ms. Talia, I will report this to the Head Magician. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I won’t forgive you if you plan to cause Kian trouble,” Aliona threatened.
”I am always on Kian’s side. Right, Kian? Have I ever caused you trouble? No, right? I have always, always been your loyal secretary,” Talia said.
”……..” Kian was speechless.
Was this… a ‘love-quarrel’ scene? He looked at Rou, feeling completely overwhelmed.”
—
Summary:
Kian and Talia successfully infiltrate Medea’s filthy workshop to break the fate-manipulation ritual destined to kill Kian. After sabotaging the magical altar and leaving a taunting note, they return to the guild and encounter Commander Circe of the Lightning Knights. Back at the hall, Aliona clashes with Talia over the danger of Talia’s proposed physical mutation, leading to a tense confrontation.
—
Character Insight:
The discovery of Medea’s squalid living quarters reveals a hidden depth of loneliness and resentment in her character, contrasting her prestigious public role. Talia demonstrates both lethal efficiency and a petty, chaotic sense of humor. Meanwhile, Aliona’s hostility toward Talia underscores her deep-seated concern for Kian’s safety and her jealousy regarding Talia’s influence.
—
Behind the Scene:
The use of the alias ‘Pokochin-maan’ is a crude pun typical of the genre’s lowbrow humor, used here to defuse high tension. Medea’s resentment notes hint at the broader social issues facing half-elves in this world.
—
T/L:
Notes:
• Talia – A high-ranking vampire spirit currently possessing the body of Lyritisse. In this form, she has flaxen hair, blue eyes, and thick lips.
• Linca – Jibril’s favorite girl. High-ranking warrior monk woman from Shin, with strong abilities like ignoring attacks and poisons.
• Mag – The wolfwoman under Yelmar—the one who was caught by Kian’s group earlier.
• Abbas – The heir of the Shakerdoust family, a prominent clan within the Twelve Divine Generals.
• Mansoor – Crimson-eyed elder monk and Azrael’s Divine General from the Shakerdoust domain near Dacia. Wielding mist form, blood-drinking, rapid healing. He ties to allies like Ryoma and Hanami Tsai. First appearing in Vol. 4 Ch. 25. Quick tag: vampiric red-eyed grandpa-general who mist-forms and drinks blood, obsessed with rescuing his captured son unlike other human monks.
• Shidarkan – Gloomy, bearded son-in-law of the Malc family (Flora’s clan); once a modest Malc magician, ordinary next to Shajar’s elites. Attends the Cyclops Island war council after losing his wife, Flora, and sisters-in-law in the northern base’s destruction. First appears Vol. 4 Ch. 45. Reminder: bereaved Malc son-in-law—sober, doubtful, and dim but dutiful.
• Isthbaran – The High Warlord of the ‘Storm Herd.’
• Leprobus – Rou’s comrade who sacrificed his chance to escape during a pirate raid by pushing Rou off in a small boat. He returned to the deck, sword in hand, to protect the others. Distinguished by his giant blood and burning red hair, marking him as more than human. He is released by Kian on Cyclops Island jail.【v4c23】.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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