Chapter 246 The Ddo-Buddy Cannon ③
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”That’s just plain cruel, Lord Harvest! You were hiding all this juicy research from me?! Keeping all the fun for yourself?!”
It had been a few days since the Lead Court Mage of Coalmine Kingdom¹, Kushe, had officially joined our little project. By then, I’d already begun working with our own Royal Mage, Satsuki, and my senior, Marsetta, and we were finally getting into the meat of the Testi-Circuit² production.
I’d actually pushed the schedule forward, assuming there was a chance Kushe might not get clearance to join us. I figured we should build what we could on our own. Turns out, I needn’t have worried.
”We’ve been waiting, Kushe. Did you get the green light?”
”Hehehe, but of course! I’m not the type to go betraying my motherland on a whim. Though… depending on how Her Highness Princess Ierse answered, I might have had to apply some rather… aggressive persuasion.”
Her usual casual remarks about being a backstabbing schemer always left me with a bad taste in my mouth, but having her on board was a godsend. Her expertise was vital for taking the mana generated by the Testi-Circuit and concentrating it within the Seminal Reservoir³.
”Oh, don’t look at me like that. My nose for discovery is twitching. For the Coalmine Kingdom to sit out on Lord Harvest’s research would be a disaster, even if it means losing our edge in massive magical weaponry. What you’re building here… it’s in a league of its own.”
Kushe’s expression went uncharacteristically somber. She hadn’t even seen the full blueprints yet, but her instincts were razor-sharp. Honestly, I agreed with her.
Even if the completed Dong-Buddy Cannon⁴ ended up being a prototype, the technical leap was massive. The Canaria Kingdom⁵ had no experience with integrated heavy magic, and Coalmine had nothing in the way of ultra-compact tech. Between the two, the compact tech was the real winner.
Heavy magic had already hit a ceiling in terms of size and power. But ultra-compact magic? That could be adapted into anything. It was infinitely scalable.
From that perspective, Coalmine was getting a lucky break by having Kushe here, while Canaria was arguably giving away the farm. Still, if this collaboration helped us survive the Stampede⁶ and fostered some actual diplomacy, it was worth it.
”By the way, did they brief you on the terms?”
”Yep. Total tech-sharing. No secrets between us. But, we keep it strictly between our two nations. And once the Stampede is over and we’re all still breathing, our country gets one Dong-Buddy Cannon of its very own.”
Princess Ierse was bolder than I gave her credit for. And Queen Cecile too, for that matter. I was surprised they’d signed off on a ‘no-strings’ tech exchange, but if there were no shackles on the research, I was going to make this the most powerful Dong-Buddy Cannon the world had ever seen.
”Alright, let’s get to it. But first-introductions. Satsuki, you two have met, right?”
”Yes,” Satsuki said, her voice tight. “We crossed paths during that… ‘Sister-Complex Incident.’ As fellow Royal Mages, we’ve exchanged the mandatory diplomatic pleasantries…”
”Ah, right. And Marsetta?”
”We’ve… been introduced,” Marsetta added, her expression equally strained.
”Mmm, Lord Harvest? Aren’t you forgetting one teeny-tiny little detail?” Kushe asked.
”Eh? Did I miss something?”
”Only the fact that until about five minutes ago, we were all trying to murder each other in a bloody war.”
”Oh… right.”
My bad. I’d been so hyper-focused on the looming threat of the Stampede that the whole ‘recent war’ thing had completely slipped my mind. No wonder Satsuki and Marsetta looked like they’d swallowed lemons. Meanwhile, Kushe acted like she didn’t have a care in the world.
”So… er… is there still some… lingering animosity?”
The two girls looked even more uncomfortable at my idiotic question. Just as the air in the room was getting thick enough to choke on, it was Kushe who threw us a lifeline.
”Look, I don’t care if you hate my guts. It’s true I’m here because my own curiosity is driving me mad. But it’s also true that I want to work for the Canaria Kingdom now that we’re allies. Don’t take my word for it-just watch how I work. I’ll prove it.”
”Phew… Fine,” Marsetta sighed. “It’s true we need your brain, Kushe. I won’t say it’s all ‘water under the bridge,’ but for now, we work together.”
Marsetta shot a look at Satsuki, who gave a sharp nod. Marsetta held out a hand, and Kushe took it. A silent pact was made.
And so, the four-person Dong-Buddy Development Team was born. In hindsight, it was actually a pretty solid start to international relations.
But we didn’t have time to pat ourselves on the back. I put Marsetta and Satsuki on the Testi-Circuit fabrication while I took Kushe aside to walk her through the core philosophy of the cannon.
”Alright, Kushe. Take a look at this. These are the master blueprints I drew up for the Dong-Buddy.”
”Finally! Let me see!”
Kushe didn’t just look at the paper-she practically tried to crawl inside it. Her reaction was… well, it was something.
”Pffft-! Ahahaha! Hah! It really is a dick! It’s a giant penis! This is the best! Lord Harvest, you are a god-tier genius!!!”
She was cackling, her eyes wide and manic, scanning every line of the schematic. Unlike Satsuki and Marsetta, she didn’t ask questions. She was just… vibing with the insanity of it.
I had a whole lecture prepared, but it looked like she’d already ‘gotten’ it. Marsetta watched her from across the room, looking utterly exhausted.
”So that’s what a ‘true’ obsessive looks like,” Marsetta muttered. “She’s exactly how I pictured her.”
”You pictured her screaming ‘Dick! Dick!’ while drooling over a blueprint?” I asked.
”Kento,” Satsuki warned. “Watch your phrasing.”
An hour passed. Kushe hadn’t moved a muscle, save for a creepy, permanent smirk. I’d given up on the lecture and started helping with the circuit soldering when suddenly-BAM! Kushe slammed the blueprints onto the table.
Before I could ask what was wrong, she lunged at me. She didn’t just hug me; she tackled me like a linebacker. A heavy THUD echoed as her head buried itself into my gut.
”Guegh! K-Kushe! What the hell?!”
”It’s so goooood! It’s too good, Lord Harvest! My brain… I think my brain is melting…!”
She looked up at me with the glazed, frantic expression of a beastman in heat. I was glad she liked the design, but the sheer intensity in her eyes was genuinely terrifying.
”Okay, okay! I get it! So… any notes? Questions? Improvements?”
”I have a million! What kind of twisted, beautiful mind do you have to come up with this?! It’s not just the shape-the internal logic is a perfect anatomical match! And yet, every single ‘organ’ serves a precise, hyper-efficient purpose as a magical weapon component!”
She was so worked up she started trying to climb me like a tree. She kept accidentally headbutting me in her excitement until finally, my legs gave out and we both hit the lab floor. She pinned me down, hovering over me.
”Haaah… haaaah… It’s amazing. It’s truly, deeply amazing! I am totally, head-over-heels in love with your Dong-Buddy! Ah…”
”Wait! Kushe! Your nose! You’re bleeding!”
”Oh…”
Her brain had overheated so hard she’d popped a vessel. A thick drop of blood fell right onto my cheek.
”…Was this part of the ‘figure’ you imagined, Marsetta?” I heard Satsuki ask from somewhere above us.
”Mmm. I was hoping she’d be at least slightly more dignified, but… no. This feels about right.”
While I scrambled to find a cloth to plug Kushe’s nose, the dry commentary of the other two girls drifted over us like a cold breeze.
—
Summary:
Kushe, the Lead Court Mage of Coalmine, joins the development team for the Dong-Buddy Cannon after a tense introduction with her former enemies, Satsuki and Marsetta. Despite the awkward history of war between their nations, the group agrees to cooperate to face the upcoming Stampede. Kushe becomes hysterically obsessed with Kento’s blueprint, recognizing its technical genius despite its vulgar design.
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Character Insight:
Kushe demonstrates a ‘mad scientist’ archetype where her intellectual curiosity and professional admiration for the cannon’s efficiency override her political allegiances and social decorum. Her willingness to ‘aggressively persuade’ her own royalty suggests she is driven more by the pursuit of magic than national loyalty. Meanwhile, Marsetta and Satsuki show pragmatic maturity, choosing to set aside wartime trauma for the sake of survival, though they maintain a sarcastic distance.
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Behind the Scene:
The title ‘Dong-Buddy Cannon’ is a creative localization of ‘Ochinpo-kun Hou,’ maintaining the comedic contrast between a childish honorific (-kun/buddy) and a crude anatomical term. The scene utilizes the classic ‘nosebleed’ trope as a biological reaction to extreme mental/sensory stimulation, signifying Kushe’s ‘brain melting’ from the ingenuity of the design.
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T/L:
Notes:
• Marsetta – A senior court mage and specialist in magical weaponry. She has disheveled hair tied back, wears glasses, and has deep dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. She hasn’t eaten in two days and is under heavy pressure to find a countermeasure for the enemy’s weapons.
• Satsuki – A talented Court Mage who was forced to analyze the shop’s adult magic tools. Miranda’s granddaughter. Now she’s the new worker at Harvest, a development she finds both humiliating and surprisingly fulfilling due to the rapid progress in her research under Kento’s guidance. Has long black hair, palace mage robe, and staff.
• Kushe – The Chief Mage of the Coalmine Kingdom. She has dark green hair grown out haphazardly and wears a mage robe loosely over her shoulders. She has a blunt, informal, and somewhat insensitive personality, focused on her ‘thinking experiments.’
• Ierse – The Crown Princess and wife of Gilliam, originally from a foreign land. She is described as lively and healthy with a unique charm. She wants to cheer up her husband. Has long haired hair.
• Cecile – A high-ranking, powerful woman in the capital who possesses the authority to regulate business and commerce, particularly concerning moral or public order issues. She is currently investigating Kento’s shop, ‘Harvest.’ Have long golden hair, elegant, and wearing expensive white dress with gold accesories.
• Kento – The owner of the magic tool shop ‘Harvest,’ which discretely sells adult goods. He’s a former overworked, ordinary salaryman from modern Japan who was suddenly transported (isekai’d) to this fantasy world. He has dark hair and an unremarkable appearance, typically wearing a plain, slightly suspicious-looking shop owner’s clothes looks like Kazuma Satou from certain series. He has a minimal amount of magic power, enough to craft his specialty items.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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