Volume 4 Chapter 111 Welcome, Newlyweds (of ㉚ Years)
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
There was a problem plaguing the Elf village. And that problem was-
”A declining birthrate, it is noja,” Lady Sphica said.
The word that came out of her mouth was far more mundane than I had expected. I felt the tension drain right out of my shoulders.
”This is no laughing matter wai,” she added, noticing my relief.
Lady Sphica pulled Lifia closer on her lap, her expression turning deadly serious.
”At this rate, this village won’t last another thousand years before it faces total extinction wai,” the Clan Head continued.
”A thousand years, huh?” I muttered.
I started to say she was being a bit premature, but I caught myself. To an Elf’s sense of time, a millennium probably felt like it was just around the corner. Still, I never expected to hear about the same crisis facing modern Japan in a place as fantastical as an Elf village.
”Well… I mean, when you put it that way, it definitely sounds like a crisis. Yeah,” I said.
But ultimately, this was a problem for the Elves to solve. It wasn’t really my place to interfere. Or so I thought.
”Master… if it’s you, couldn’t you do something?” Lifia asked softly.
The small voice piped up from the girl on Lady Sphica’s lap. It was Lifia. Oh, boy.
”What?! My Lord Husband, you can actually help?!” Lady Sphica’s eyes lit up instantly. “For the Spirit God’s messenger to appear at such a time… this must be the hand of destiny itself noja!”
”I don’t know about that…” I replied.
”Master, please… won’t you help my aunt?” Lifia asked.
Lifia looked up at me, her eyes brimming with tears. She’d been totally spoiled by her aunt and was now playing her part perfectly.
This was bad. There was no way I could say no to this. Besides, it was a request from my adorable wife-the same girl who rarely, if ever, asked for anything selfish. I didn’t have the heart to shut her down.
”I can’t promise how much I’ll be able to do,” I said.
”I do not mind! Simply doing what you can is enough noja!” Lady Sphica exclaimed.
”If it’s Master, I know you can do it!” Lifia added.
As usual, Lifia’s expectations were heavy. Fine, whatever. I’ll give it a shot.
Fortunately, my skill is ‘Love Hotel.’ While it tends to carry a bit of a lewd reputation, the act of s*x is, at its core, the act of procreation. In that sense, a Love Hotel is practically a sacred ground for making children. With that power… maybe I really could do something?
* * *
A short while later, several Elf couples were summoned. They all looked young-or rather, they were all incredibly handsome men and beautiful women. Apparently, they were the “newlyweds.”
They hadn’t been told who I really was, so they were understandably wary of a human male at first. However, once they saw the Clan Head and her brother both bowing to me, they shifted to a polite, if confused, demeanor.
I began to interview them.
”We have been married for about thirty years, but…” one husband began.
”We have yet to be blessed with a child,” his wife finished with a sigh.
I see. So the newlyweds had arrived. “Newlyweds” by Elf standards, anyway.
Regardless, I started looking for the cause of their infertility. I combined my interviews with Lifia’s magical sensing.
The result? Everyone was perfectly healthy. Their mana levels were normal, and they even claimed to eat the fruit of the Ambrosia tree regularly. That stuff was supposed to cure any and all physical ailments.
”I don’t get it. I don’t get it at all,” I grumbled.
It wasn’t a disease. And even if it were a matter of individual constitution, it was statistically impossible for this many couples to have the exact same issue. No matter how I looked at it, there was no logical reason these healthy couples couldn’t conceive.
As I stood there with my arms crossed in thought, Rozmiaque walked up to me.
”My Lord. I believe there is one possibility de gozaimasu,” he said.
”Hm?” I grunted.
He paused for a beat, seemingly choosing his words with great care.
”It is a particular trait of the Elves, but-“
When I heard what he had to say, I froze.
”No way. You can’t be serious… Is that even possible?” I asked.
”Regrettably, for Elves, it is very much a possibility de gozaimasu,” Rozmiaque replied.
The theory he proposed was simple: They didn’t actually know how to do it.
Still half-doubting him, I tried asking the couples about their “nightly activities.” The only responses I got were vague and non-committal. When I pushed just a little bit further with a direct question, their faces turned beet-red in unison and they all looked at the floor.
…Are you kidding me?
Well, there was only one way to find out.
”Let’s go ahead and verify this,” I said.
I turned to the Elf couples.
”I need you all to keep what you’re about to see a secret.”
I doubted they’d tell anyone outside the village anyway, but it was better to be safe. I activated my skill, ‘Love Hotel.’ Instantly, a red door manifested, growing straight out of the ground.
”What is this?!” one Elf cried out.
”What in the world…?” another whispered.
”Just go inside,” I instructed.
I nudged the bewildered Elves toward the door and we entered the hotel.
”Whoa!”
”So this is my Lord Husband’s power…” Lady Sphica whispered.
We were now in the Love Hotel lobby. It was a massive, opulent space. Chandeliers glittered overhead, plush sofas were lined up in rows, and a pristine counter sat at the far end.
In a space that so clearly defied the common sense of their world, the Elves stood frozen. Even Lady Sphica’s eyes were wide with shock.
Ignoring their reactions, I began my diagnosis using the skill’s interface. At my mental command, a semi-transparent display flickered into existence before me. I tapped the ‘User Information’ icon and opened the profile of one of the wives.
Normally, I’d feel guilty about peeking into someone’s-especially a married woman’s-private data. But desperate times called for desperate measures. I’d just have to ask for forgiveness later.
————————————————–
[Race: Elpum]
[Possessed Skill: Spirit Magic]
[Status: Healthy, Virgin]
[Sexual Experience: 0 partners]
[Kissing Experience: 587 times]
[Masturbation Experience: 0 times]
[Orgasm Experience: 0 times]
————————————————–
”Oh…”
The word slipped out before I could stop it. She was a virgin. Just to be sure, I checked the husband as well. Yep. A total cherry.
Rozmiaque’s prediction had been dead-on. These Elf couples hadn’t actually been having s*x at all. It was no wonder they weren’t having kids.
Suddenly, an old joke came to mind.
There was a wealthy couple who struggled with infertility. They consulted a doctor, but both were perfectly healthy. The cause remained a mystery. Eventually, the doctor suspected there was a problem with their technique. He asked them to demonstrate the act right there in the office.
The mystery was solved instantly. The doctor’s prescribed treatment was:
”Try the other hole.”
I don’t know how much of that story is true. It’s a joke with dubious origins. But the idea of a tragedy born from a couple lacking correct knowledge because s*x is treated as a taboo… that’s a framework that could easily exist in reality.
And it fit the Elves perfectly. Their estrus cycle only came once every few years. In recent centuries, the shift toward nuclear families meant there were fewer opportunities to learn from their elders. Add to that a naturally fastidious culture that avoided the topic of s*x entirely.
”Opportunities for actual experience are rare, and many reach adulthood without any means of obtaining the correct knowledge de gozaimasu,” Rozmiaque explained.
The room erupted in a panicked rustle as the surrounding Elves began to whisper.
”Wait, Rozmiaque, what about you?” I asked.
When I asked, he looked away awkwardly. This guy was actually a bit of a player. The proof was the fact that he’d managed to have a child, Lifia, in the first place. He was the polar opposite of these couples.
”When I left the village, I… encountered a human female adventurer,” he said.
”Oh?” I prompted.
”At the time, she was the one who… taught me many things for the first time de gozaimasu,” Rozmiaque replied.
I see. So a predatory adventurer had enjoyed a delicious meal of the ignorant “young Rozmiaque.”
”After that, well… it is as My Lord imagines de gozaimasu,” he added.
He’d mingled with humans and discovered the pleasures of the flesh. Then, he’d spent his time hooking up with human women wherever he went.
Lifia was grimacing. I guess no daughter wants to hear about her father’s s*xual history.
”Back in the village, the atmosphere was such that even holding hands wasn’t permitted until after the formal wedding ceremony de gozaimasu,” Rozmiaque said.
”I get it now,” I replied.
As I listened to more of the story, the true problem of the Elf village came into focus. Basically, it worked like this:
In the village, cultural taboos prevented anyone from gaining s*xual knowledge. If an Elf left the forest, they could learn, but those who did were usually so pampered by humans that they lost interest in their own kind. And even then, half-elves were incredibly rare.
The result: a declining birthrate.
I looked at Lifia standing beside me. I see. This girl’s birth really was a miracle of sorts.
Still, to think the great crisis plaguing the Elves was nothing more than a simple lack of know-how.
* * *
And so, the Elves’ s*xual education began.
Regardless of the necessity, gathering a mixed-gender group would have been unbearably awkward. I decided to start with the men.
After enduring the usual routine-revealing my identity, followed by their predictable cycle of throwing themselves at my feet in shock and tearful gratitude-we finally got down to business.
We were in a room at the Love Hotel ¹.
Aside from myself, there were five others: Rozmiaque and four newlywed husbands. All elves. Though they were slender and strikingly handsome, they were men nonetheless.
Six men crammed into a single Love Hotel suite. To put it bluntly, the atmosphere was stifling. This was a space intended for intimacy with a lover or a wife, yet here we were.
But grumbling wouldn’t solve anything. It was time to begin.
Almost every room in this hotel came equipped with a massive display, typically used for watching television or adult videos ². While those videos were usually meant to help couples get into a certain mood, the selection here was surprisingly thorough; it included proper instructional materials for s*x education.
”Listen up. From this moment on, you are going to learn the truth,” I said.
I pressed a button on the remote, and the screen flickered to life.
”W-what is this? What’s starting?” one husband asked.
”A video? Is it… a sacred record of the spirits?” another wondered.
The naive elves hadn’t even begun to grasp the reality of their situation.
Then, the first image hit the screen. It was a man and a woman on a bed, entwined in an embrace.
”–!?”
The entire room turned to stone.
One man started coughing uncontrollably.
Another buried his face in his hands.
One nearly slid right off his chair in shock.
Only Rozmiaque remained composed, nodding slowly as if confirming a deep, personal philosophy.
”W-wait! Stop! What on earth are you showing us!?” a husband shouted.
”Is this… is this the ‘Ritual of Union’ between spouses…?” another whispered.
”Guh… even if I close my eyes, the sound… the sound is everywhere!” a third gasped.
”Don’t look away,” I commanded. “Watch. Learn.”
As the video progressed, the elves began to unravel. Their faces weren’t just red; they were glowing. Their ears turned a deep crimson as they peeked through the gaps in their fingers. Even a hormone-crazed middle schooler would have shown more restraint. Eventually, one of them actually slumped over and started praying.
”Uhm… well… I mean…”
”Wait… you put it there…?”
”In a place like that…?”
Their reactions were so pure they practically reached the level of performance art.
”Calm down,” I said. “This is a natural act. This is how it’s supposed to be.”
”N-natural?” someone asked.
”You’re saying… this is normal?” another questioned.
”It is. More importantly, this is how you actually conceive a child,” I explained.
At that, every head in the room snapped back and forth, looking from me to the screen and back again.
”Then… what have we been doing all this time…?” one of them asked softly.
Silence fell.
It seemed they finally realized the sheer depth of their ignorance. But I wasn’t done with them yet. They needed to see this through to the end. The video continued, building toward the climax.
”–!?”
”Wait, wait, wait! This is too much to take in!”
”How… how could…!”
And so, the elves’ crash course in s*x education continued.
Meanwhile, I had left the women in Lifia’s capable hands. They were receiving a similar education in a separate room. I could only imagine the same sort of chaos was unfolding over there.
* * *
I returned to the lobby and waited. After a while, the women emerged. It seemed the wives’ session was over as well. As the four couples reunited, I noticed one thing immediately: every single face was flushed.
No one would meet anyone else’s eyes. Despite being married, the couples kept a conspicuous distance from one another. Their movements were stiff, and the air between them felt heavy.
They now knew that their ‘acts’ up until today had been nothing more than playing house. They finally understood what it truly meant to conceive a child.
Awkward? Absolutely. It was a bit of shock therapy, but it was necessary.
”Well,” I said, breaking the silence. “Now you know the proper way.”
A collective, rhythmic nodding followed.
”In time, I’m sure children will be born,” I added.
The tension in the room thawed, just a fraction.
But “in time” wasn’t good enough. Elven mating seasons only come around once every few years. Since I was the one intervening, I wanted to see results sooner rather than later. It was time for the finishing touch.
”I have something for all of you,” I said.
”?”
I pulled two small vials from my pocket.
”This one is for the men. It’ll keep your energy up all night long.”
It was the same stamina tonic ³ I used myself. I heard the elf men collectively swallow hard.
”And this one is for the women. It… helps with the timing. Makes things more effective.”
The second was for the wives-a fertility booster with a little aphrodisiac kick for good measure.
”What do you mean by ‘effective’?” a wife asked.
”You’ll see,” I replied.
I didn’t feel like giving a detailed lecture. They’d figure it out. I handed the vials to each couple.
”Tonight, these rooms are yours,” I said.
I gestured to the row of guest room doors at the back of the lobby.
”One room for each couple. On the house.”
The elves stood frozen for a few heartbeats. Then, one by one, they began to nod.
”I… I will do my best,” one husband said.
”For the future of our village,” another added.
”May the spirits watch over us,” a third prayed.
One man actually started praying as he walked. With bright red faces and trembling hands, the couples awkwardly led one another toward their rooms. I watched them go and whispered to myself.
”Yeah. I have a feeling they’re going to be working hard tonight.”
This should solve the birthrate problem once and for all. I never imagined I’d be saving an elven village this way, but here we were. In a way, bringing new life into the world is the healthiest thing one can do.
Love Hotel ⁴ also, must be satisfied with its true purpose.
”Muko-dono…” Sphica whispered beside me noja.
Her cheeks were stained a deep rose.
”Hm?” I asked.
”With this… the future of the village… it looks bright, doesn’t it?” she said noja.
”I think so,” I replied.
She was fidgeting, her gaze wandering restlessly around the lobby.
”Sphica?” I asked.
”Eek!?” she squeaked hyai.
Ah, right. She had been in the other room, watching those videos with the wives. Even though she was the clan leader and several hundred years old, she was still an elf-perhaps the most ‘elven’ of them all. Given that she’d never even realized why their population was shrinking, her own knowledge was likely lacking. That viewing session must have been a massive shock to her system.
”Muko-dono, you… well…” Sphica started noja.
”?”
”You’re quite… knowledgeable about these matters, aren’t you noja?” she asked.
Her blush deepened.
”Well, I do have quite a few wives,” I said.
”I-I see…” she murmured noja.
She looked almost disappointed.
”…Uhm, if… perhaps…” she began again noja.
”Yes?” I asked.
”If there is ever another… consultation… regarding these things…”
She trailed off, struggling to find the words.
”Do you think… you could… teach me as well… noja?” she asked softly.
Our eyes met. Her emerald gaze was wavering, and her ears were as red as a sunset.
Oh.
Well, well…
”Of course. For you, Sphica, I’m always available for a consultation,” I answered.
Her face lit up instantly.
”R-really… noja!” she cried.
Her voice was practically trilling. I realized then that I hadn’t just solved the village’s problem; I might have just invited a whole new one.
”If you like, we could start the consultation right now,” I suggested.
”–! B-but… noja!”
She shot a nervous glance toward Lifia. It was a classic struggle: ethics versus instinct. She was torn between her role as an elder and her curiosity about her niece’s husband.
”Elder Sister-sama, please, don’t mind me,” Lifia said with a playful, beaming smile.
She actually looked thrilled. She leaned in close to Sphica’s pointed ear and whispered, “Why don’t we all… enjoy ourselves together?”
”Hyaaa!?” Sphica squealed hyaun.
Her shoulders jumped, and her face went from rose to full-blown scarlet. She was completely caught off guard. It was adorable.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.
How many new lives would begin in the elven village tonight? I couldn’t say for sure.
But one thing was certain: it was going to be a very long, very fun night.
—
Summary:
The protagonist discovers that the Elf village is facing an extinction crisis due to a declining birthrate. After investigating several healthy ‘newlywed’ couples, it is revealed through his ‘Love Hotel’ skill that the Elves are biologically sound but socially ignorant of s*xual intercourse.
After that, the protagonist provides explicit s*x education to naive elven couples in a Love Hotel. He uses adult videos to demonstrate the reality of procreation, shattering their previous misconceptions. To ensure results, he provides stamina tonics and fertility boosters before sending them to their rooms.
—
Trivia:
- The definition of ‘newlyweds’ for Elves is couples married for around 30 years.
- Rozmiaque is the only one with s*xual experience because he learned from a human adventurer outside the village.
- Elf culture is extremely fastidious, forbidding even hand-holding before marriage.
- The protagonist’s skill can display ‘User Information’ including s*xual history and virginity status.
- The ‘Ambrosia’ fruit ensures physical health, ruling out medical infertility.
- The protagonist gathered men and women separately for the lesson.
- Elves have a very low birthrate partly due to absolute ignorance of biological s*x.
- The ‘Mamushi’ drink/stamina tonic is the same one the protagonist uses personally.
- Sphica is several hundred years old but has zero s*xual knowledge.
- Lifia is not jealous; she encourages her aunt to join in
—
Character Insight:
The protagonist shows a mix of reluctance and husbandly devotion, unable to refuse Lifia’s plea. Sphica shows a desperate, pragmatic side beneath her regal authority, while Rozmiaque’s past reveals him as an outlier in his own culture.
Sphica’s naivety creates a humorous contrast with her status as an Elder. The protagonist moves from a clinical ‘teacher’ role to a more predatory but playful ‘husband’ role by the end of the chapter.
—
Behind the Scenes:
The author uses the ‘declining birthrate’ trope (shoshika) which is a major social issue in Japan, transposing it into a fantasy setting via cultural ignorance rather than economic or biological factors.
The ‘mamushi’ (viper) drink is a common trope in Japanese media for male stamina/libido enhancement.
—
TL Notes:
Notes:
• Sphica – Matriarch of the Elf Village. Elder sister to Rozmiaque. She has long golden hair, blue eyes, and looks like 20s.
• Rozmiaque – High-ranking elf investigating large-scale Spirit Magic usage. Condescending, believes a High Elf is involved. Uses 6-letter Spirit Magic to trap targets. Displays contempt for half-elves and humans. Aggressive interrogator, possibly capable of sensing hidden information.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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