Chapter 398 Wriggle Ddo-Buddy ①
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Between the thrill of handled brand-new materials and the sheer headache of actually processing them, my work on the new product line was moving at a snail’s pace. Breakthroughs don’t usually happen overnight, but I’d made enough promises to enough people that I really needed to show some results.
Feeling the pressure, I turned my attention to the Fairy Bee¹ honey-the same stuff my Master used to make my life miserable the other day. I wondered if that tongue-numbing effect could be repurposed for an aphrodisiac or a specialized lubricant.
At the same time, I needed to figure out if that effect was a property of the nectar itself or some secretion produced inside the Fairy Bee’s body.
They say honey’s flavor changes based on the flowers the bees frequent. If that was true, the effects probably shifted too. But like my Master said, this honey didn’t come from their usual habitat in Monica’s Forest; it was harvested from a hive found a bit further north in Kazu’s Forest.
Since my Master already knew about the effects, it meant the location didn’t matter. The numbing property was likely inherent to the Fairy Bee itself. Thinking through all these variables was starting to give me a migraine.
Anyway, between analyzing the samples from both forests, dissecting the bees, and trying to mix the honey with a dozen different compounds… I was stretched thin. I simply didn’t have enough hands for the job.
That must have been why I messed up. I left a beaker of Fairy Bee honey sitting right on the workbench when I stepped out of the lab. I’d left a few other experimental materials out, too. Usually, I’m better about keeping my station organized, but I was being careless. This was the result.
”What… the hell is this?” I muttered.
I’d finished my errands and returned to the lab only to find my desk in a state of absolute carnage. To be specific, it looked like a small bomb had gone off. Everything was a sticky, disorganized mess. Several beakers had tipped over, and the Fairy Bee honey had turned into a thick, slime-like sludge that was practically fused to the wood.
I couldn’t even guess what had happened or when. It didn’t look like my Master had stopped by… which was a relief. If she’d seen this disaster, I’d never have heard the end of it.
I tried to reconstruct the timeline. After I left the lab, I did my daily rounds to check on my four pregnant wives, then headed home for lunch. In the afternoon, I played chaperone for the Prince’s social studies field trip-which basically meant power-washing the Canarias Cathedral-and then hit the guild to discuss the next shipment of materials from the Ferguson Kingdom. I’d gone home for dinner and finally made it back here… only to find my workbench looking like a crime scene.
How did it even get like this? I tried replaying the day in my head to avoid the reality of the cleanup, but the mess wasn’t going anywhere. Groaning, I started scraping the desk. I had to get this sorted before my Master found out.
”Dammit…” I hissed.
The hardest part was the sticky glob that used to be the honey. It was plastered to the desk and wouldn’t budge. When I finally peeled a piece off, it just clung to my hand like it was part of my skin.
Is this stuff even safe to touch? I wondered. It didn’t seem to be melting the desk or my skin, so I kept at it. I struggled with the sludge, eventually rolling it into a ball between my palms. It had a fascinating texture, but I couldn’t think of a single use for it. I didn’t even know what the chemical reaction had been.
Once I’d collected all of it, I decided on a whim to hit it with a Hardening spell². I was hoping to kill the stickiness. Looking back, it was a reckless move my usual self wouldn’t have made. But then…
”Oh?” I said, surprised.
The result was surprisingly clean-a translucent, amber-colored object. Wait, why not mold it into a rod? I thought. Something like a “Crystal Edition” of the Ddo-Buddy…
”Whoa…” I breathed.
I successfully shaped it into something properly obscene. Hey, this might actually work! I thought. Talk about turning a disaster into a windfall. Or so I thought, until-
”WHAT THE-!?” I yelled.
It’s the male urge: if you’re holding a good-looking rod, you’ve got to thrust it toward the sky. I tightened my grip to do just that, and the “rod” suddenly thrashed and squirmed like it was alive. It wriggled right out of my hand and went clattering across the floor.
That was seriously gross! That mysterious rod had just throbbed its way out of my palm. I rubbed my hands together, the phantom sensation still lingering, and stared at the thing on the floor. I picked it up tentatively and gave it another squeeze.
”Unbelievable…” I whispered.
Sure enough, it pulsed and squirmed in my hand. It felt like an octopus tentacle, or maybe a squid’s… or, to be more blunt, it was exactly like a living tentacle from a smutty game³.
”I actually did it…” I said, stunned.
This was exactly what I’d been chasing for a long time. If I could develop a Ddo-Buddy with a built-in gimmick-something like the Tremble-Ddo-Buddy but without needing complex magic circuits or a mana supply-it would be a gold mine.
And here it was, right in my hands. It was so sudden and random that I felt a bit lightheaded. But slowly, the joy of the accident started to bubble up. There was just one problem.
”I have no idea how I made it,” I admitted to the empty room.
Right. This mystery rod was born while I wasn’t even here. All I knew was that it needed a Hardening spell at the end and the main ingredient was Fairy Bee honey. As for the other stuff on the desk…
Digging through my memory, I got back to work on the cleanup. It was tedious, but I was actually enjoying myself now. I carefully cleared away the broken glass and the mystery solutions. Once the desk was spotless, I started mixing every material I could think of back into the honey.
With a suspicious grin on my face, I dove into another all-nighter. I logged every combination in my notes, brute-forcing the formula through trial and error. Just as I was starting to lose all sense of time, I finally managed to replicate the results.
”I did it!” I cheered.
I compared the original rod with the new one, holding one in each hand as they both squirmed. There was no doubt; the movement was identical. I could feel the adrenaline dumping into my system. It was the exact same rush I felt when I finished the original Tremble-Ddo-Buddy.
The “secret ingredient” turned out to be the liquid I’d used to dissolve those crushed Fortress Ants⁴. Thinking back, I could see it: one of the materials I’d left out must have reacted to the air over time.
I didn’t know if it was a small explosion or if it just melted through the glass, but the Fortress Ant liquid and the honey beakers had tipped over. They mixed, and that sticky substance was born.
Even as I reflected on how lucky I was, I couldn’t help but chuckle. I’d managed to unlock the “Mad Scientist” achievement by pure accident.
I still had to test the rod’s properties before it was ready for the shop, but the path to a new product was finally clear. Standing there in the middle of the dark warehouse, I made my declaration:
”I’m gonna call this one the ‘Wriggle Ddo-Buddy’!”
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Summary:
The protagonist accidentally creates a new adult product after leaving his lab in a mess. By combining Fairy Bee honey and Fortress Ant liquid, he discovers a substance that wriggles like a tentacle when gripped. He successfully replicates the accident through a night of intense research, naming the new product the ‘Wriggle Ddo-Buddy’.
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Trivia:
- The protagonist has four pregnant wives.
- The numbing effect of the honey was previously used by his Master to torment him.
- The ‘Social Studies Field Trip’ with the Prince was actually manual labor (cleaning a cathedral).
- The Ddo-Buddy line already has a ‘Tremble’ version that uses Magic Circuits
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Character Insight:
The protagonist shows a mix of domestic responsibility (checking on his wives) and obsessive scientific curiosity. His ‘Mad Scientist’ persona emerges when he forgets basic safety/organization in favor of experimentation.
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Behind the Scenes:
The term ‘O-chinpo-kun’ in the raw text is a cutesy personification of male genitalia, common in lighthearted adult Japanese media.
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TL Notes:
Notes:
• Slop – Leader of the hound-kin pack; Laika’s father. Has orange hair and fluffy tail.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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