Chapter 437 New Sales Strategy ①
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”So… how did it even come to this?” I asked, sighing.
”Isn’t it obvious? We need you to develop some new gear for the Wielope Empire¹ market!” Rose replied with a grin.
After finishing the tour of Loire-Rose’s factory – the woman known as the Divine Sculptress – we had relocated to the Second Lab in the northwest district of the Royal Capital. I was willing to play along to a point, but now there were three of us sitting on the bed together.
”Just so we’re clear, I have no intention of taking on an apprentice,” I said.
”Are you still harping on that?” Rose groaned. “Come on, Nina, do the honors. Ask him nicely!”
”Wait… for real? You’re actually serious?” Nina asked, her voice cracking.
The two women were, of course, Rose and the Sacred Artificer², Nina Mailse. Rose seemed hell-bent on forcing Nina to become my official disciple. Even if that whole ‘poisoned bun’ theory had been debunked, it was way too early for me to be teaching anyone. Besides, I couldn’t see why a high-ranking Sacred Artificer would want to study under a mere Magic Toolmaker³ like me. And more importantly…
”Look, I definitely want to learn the trade, but I haven’t exactly steeled my resolve to be ‘used however you like’…” Nina muttered, looking away.
”Ugh, that’s exactly your problem!” Rose snapped. “If you’re a member of the clergy for the Church of Demon-Subjugation, you should have enough professional pride to seduce one perverted guy. Your dignity is on the line!”
”Don’t hold me to your standards, Lady Rose!” Nina cried. “What does ‘seducing him’ even have to do with an apprenticeship anyway?”
By this point, Nina didn’t seem particularly thrilled. Whether that was her ‘pure-hearted’ persona talking or genuine reluctance, I wasn’t about to force the issue. If she was out, I was out. But Rose wasn’t the type to take no for an answer, so I decided to throw out a compromise.
”Look, the goal is just to make products that actually move in the Wielope Empire, or at least come up with a better marketing angle, right? Give me the details,” I said.
”Well, if that’s all, then… I guess,” Nina said, after a pause.
”Hmph. Fine for now,” Rose pouted. “But it’s going to happen sooner or later, you’ll see.”
With the apprenticeship talk on the back burner, I focused on the task at hand. Ignoring Rose’s weirdly confident prophecy, I turned back to Nina. Arrayed before us was our shop’s pride and joy: a full lineup of adult magic circuits⁴.
”So, first things first,” I said. “The ‘Dildo-Buddy’ is basically a non-starter there, right?”
”Pretty much,” Nina replied. “Setting aside the average person, you’ll never sell that to the clergy or the more devout believers. They aren’t exactly known for being tolerant of anything done purely for pleasure.”
Nina seemed relieved to be talking shop. Rose was still acting a bit huffy, but I pressed on to figure out the local tastes in Wielope.
”Right. Then what about the ‘Slime-Pal’? The one for… well, the back door. It has beauty benefits! That means it isn’t just for pleasure,” I suggested.
”No! If they’re hesitant about the front, they’re definitely not going to go for the back! Your moral compass is completely spinning, Master…” Nina said, sounding appalled.
Hey, the moment you start talking about ‘fronts’ and ‘backs,’ you’re just as far gone as I am, I thought, but I kept it to myself. Things were already complicated enough. It really did seem like Wielope was a whole different beast.
Rose, meanwhile, was mumbling to herself, “Wait, is anal not a mainstream thing?” She was clearly going to be zero help. I sat there, trying to figure out how to crack this market.
”No, no, no. This isn’t something to get hung up on. Out of everything here, there’s only one real choice,” Nina said.
Surprisingly, it was the junior who spoke up. With an exasperated look, Nina picked up the ‘Uterine Massager.’ She clicked the switch, and as the device began to hum and vibrate, she pressed the head against her shoulder.
”You sell it for that kind of usage, but you don’t say it’s for that kind of usage,” Nina explained, her voice vibrating as the massager shook her. “The current name is atrocious. If you rename it to something like the ‘Aetheric Muscle Wand,’ people will find it way easier to buy.”
It was like a lightbulb finally went off in my head. Back in my old world, these things were originally marketed as health products, not adult toys. My brain had been so warped by the business that I’d completely forgotten the oldest trick in the book. This might have been the first time Nina was actually useful.
”Nina… are you a genius?” I asked.
”Stop. Seriously. It makes me want to drop the ‘Master’ bit entirely,” Nina replied.
”I never asked you to call me that anyway.”
”See? You’re being extra harsh today, aren’t you?” Nina grumbled.
Well, that’s what happens when you keep insisting on being an apprentice. If you’re going to get fed up this easily, don’t say it in the first place. Regardless, the path was clear.
”Okay, so if we market the other stuff as health gear, do you think the resistance will drop?” I asked.
”Maybe? But how do you turn this stuff into health products?” Nina asked, gesturing to the rest of the pile.
”Easy. We sell the ‘Slime-Pal’ as a cure for chronic constipation! It’s not a toy; it’s a pharmaceutical aid. We could even bundle it with healing potions!” I exclaimed.
”Uh… I guess? But that’s still a bit of a stretch,” Nina said.
”Wait, why stop at health? We can sell them as home decor or novelty items!” I said, his mind racing.
”Are you okay in the head?” Nina asked, backing away.
She looked horrified, but I was on a roll. This was my territory! I knew my history. We could make a vibrating device camouflaged as a tube of lipstick, or a streamlined model that looked like a sleek glass ornament. We could even disguise anal beads as a strings of high-end pearls!
”How do you just… have these ideas ready to go?” Nina asked, looking genuinely creeped out.
”Heh. That’s our Kento,” Rose laughed. “A brain that’s been loved a little too much by the magic of the bedroom.”
Nina was looking at me like I was a freak of nature, but I didn’t care. I grabbed a notepad and started scribbling down every idea that hit me. This could work. I could take on the entire Wielope Empire with this!
Then, another flash of inspiration struck. What about a vibe disguised as a fountain pen? Or… wait. What about that thing Nina made?
”Nina, you really are a genius!” I shouted.
”What? What did I do now?” Nina asked.
”The ‘Luminescent Buddy’!” I cried.
”The what? What about it?” Nina asked, her mouth hanging open.
The ‘Luminescent Buddy’ was a special ddo Nina had made that – true to its name – glowed in the dark. During the ‘Stampede’ disaster, I’d used it as a makeshift flashlight after being swallowed by a giant snake.
”We sell it as a lighting fixture! You can keep it on the nightstand or use it as a hands-free torch for adventurers! No, wait… we market it as a device for ‘setting the mood’ during a romantic evening!” I said.
”I… I mean, I didn’t make it for that, but… maybe?” Nina said, her resistance crumbling. “It’s true that while Wielope is prudish about pleasure, they’re big on ‘encouraging the bonds of marriage.’ If it’s for that, they might actually buy it…”
Nina was finally getting it. If we camouflaged the products or sold them as ‘relationship boosters,’ we had a thousand different angles to play.
”Wait, could ‘Mr. Squirty-Pants’ work as home decor too?” I asked. “No, it’s not actually fun to use, so that’s out… unless we sell it as a novelty lotion dispenser?”
”Okay, that’s definitely impossible… wait. Is it?” Nina asked, her head tilting as she got sucked into the madness.
She was clearly losing her grip on reality, mumbling “No, but maybe…” to herself, but there was no harm in a trial run. We’d make some prototypes and do a bit of market research. I’d need Nina’s help, too. Since she was from there, I needed her woman’s intuition to make sure the designs weren’t ‘too much.’
I was ready to dive into the work, but Nina timidly raised her hand. She picked up one of the gadgets and spoke up.
”Um… if that’s the plan, there’s one more product I’ve been thinking about…”
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Summary:
Kento, Rose, and Nina brainstorm a strategy to sell adult goods in the conservative Wielope Empire. Nina suggests rebranding the ‘Uterine Massager’ as a health tool, sparking a wave of ‘camouflaged’ product ideas from Kento. The chapter ends with Nina beginning to succumb to Kento’s business madness and offering her own idea.
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Trivia:
- Nina is a member of the Church of Demon-Subjugation, which explains her initial prudishness.
- Wielope is a conservative nation compared to the Royal Capital.
- Kento was once swallowed by a snake and used a glowing ddo to see inside.
- Rose owns the factory they just toured.
- The ‘Uterine Massager’ rebranding is a direct parallel to the real-world Hitachi Magic Wand
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Character Insight:
Nina shows her first sign of practical contribution by using her cultural background to rebrand products, marking a shift from a ‘straight-man’ role to a collaborator. Kento’s manic innovation highlights his attachment to his past life’s marketing tricks.
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Behind the Scenes:
The author often uses the ‘Wielope’ setting as a satirical take on puritanical societies in fantasy settings.
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TL Notes:
Notes:
• Loire-Rose – Current Saintess and top of the Great Cathedral food chain. White hair, pale skin, blue eyes—the full divine aesthetic. Can literally manifest light and blessings, but don’t let the holy glow fool you. She’s pragmatic, money‑minded, and way too playful for church politics. Runs a workshop (yeah, even sells adult goods on the side) and keeps her “holy” mask on… most of the time. Originally born to a Salvation Faction family, later adopted by the previous Holy Figure. Total mix of divinity and chaos, and somehow it works.
• Slop – Leader of the hound-kin pack; Laika’s father. Has orange hair and fluffy tail.
• Kento – Lord Harvest—the unassuming owner of the Harvest magic tool shop (with a discreet adult goods side). An isekai’d Japanese salaryman resembling Kazuma Satou, with dark hair and basic magic for crafting. Recently triumphed over a Great Dragon; now juggles his harem, tinkering, and ties to Amelia and the Queen at Ddo-Buddy Manor.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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