Volume 13 Chapter 399 Shirogane Aqua, Valentine’s Confession Championship
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
To mark the occasion of Valentine’s Day, the “Valentine’s Confession Championship”¹ was officially underway within the Shirogane Kingdom. Naturally, the mastermind behind the event was my chief of staff, Emily-a girl whose reputation for goading me into mischievous plots was well-earned.
”It was a total breeze once I lit a fire under Auntie Mikuni and Upperclassman Kohina-senpai! Just leave everything to me on the big day, ssu!” Emily said.
I’d expect nothing less from her. On the day of the event, I took my place upon the stage Emily had prepared.
”Now then, to kick things off with a perfect example… Shirogane Kanon, you’re up, ssu!” Emily shouted.
”Wait, what?! M-me?!” Kanon asked.
Emily gave Kanon a forceful shove from behind, herding her onto the stage.
”Uuugh… why do I have to go first…” Kanon muttered.
Her face a brilliant shade of crimson, Kanon fidgeted bashfully atop the stage. At the mere sight of her, I silently hoisted a placard with a giant “10” written on it.
”Hey! She hasn’t even done anything yet!” Kohina-senpai shouted from the sidelines.
Yeah, yeah, whatever, you noisy senior in the peanut gallery. This is my time with Kanon, so zip it!
Kanon slowly approached me, then thrust the Valentine’s chocolates she’d been hiding behind her back toward me.
”I… I love you! P-please go out-I mean, p-please chuki-atte! Ah… I tripped over my words…” Kanon said, her face burning.
”I love you, Kanon!” I replied.
I pulled her into a tight embrace and silenced those adorable lips with my own. Honestly… can we just call her the winner now? I released Kanon and triumphantly raised her hand in the air.
”Don’t give me that crap! There’s a limit to how much of a farce this can be!” Kohina-senpai yelled.
As Kohina-senpai barked her protest, the high-spirited Emily led a chorus of playful boos. Caught up in the mood, the rest of the crowd followed suit with wide grins.
”I can’t help it! Kanon is just too cute!” I shouted back.
”Geez! Aqua, you big dummy!” Kanon cried.
Kanon hopped off the stage and ran toward her older sister, Victoria-sama. Phew… even though my Kanon is already a married woman with kids, how can she still be this freaking adorable?
”Alright, next contestant up!” Emily announced.
Victoria-sama stepped onto the stage to avenge her little sister. My heart hammered in my chest at the thought of a confession from her. Standing on the stage, Victoria-sama peeked at me over the edge of her folding fan, her eyes darting toward me and then away.
Wait… what’s with the sudden change in vibe? Normally, this is where she’d chuck the chocolates at my head or drop them on the floor and make me crawl for them!
”Shirogane Aqua…” Victoria said quietly.
”Y-yes, My Lady!” I replied, snapping to attention.
Then, Victoria-sama smoothly extended the chocolates toward me.
”I… This is a special exception. Hand-made chocolates, from me. Yukishiro Emily assisted with the flavor, so the quality should be… acceptable,” Victoria said, her voice trembling slightly.
WHAAAAAAA-?!
Seeing Victoria-sama looking so bashful, I felt like I was seeing the pearly gates. Seriously, these sisters were trying to tag-team me with a one-hit KO!
Watching me writhe in ecstasy, Victoria snapped and glared at me. “…What? You don’t want them? Because if not, I’m tossing them in the trash,” she snapped.
”Wait, wait! I’ll take them! I’ll take them!” I cried, scrambling to snatch the handmade chocolates from her.
Man… I never thought I’d see the day the Great Victoria-sama would actually make something by hand for my sake.
”We have our winner,” I muttered, overcome with emotion as I looked up at the heavens.
”Hold it! You’re just going to give everyone a perfect score again, aren’t you?! We’ll never have a winner at this rate!” Kohina-senpai screamed.
Kohina-senpai… there are some things in this world that simply cannot be ranked. You’re a grown woman; try to act like one.
”Alright, thank you very much, Victoria-sama! Next up is our very own chatterbox-Upperclassman Kohina-senpai!” I announced.
”Hmph! Finally, my time to shine!” Kohina-senpai barked.
Clutching her chocolate box in a death-grip, Kohina-senpai stomped onto the stage with heavy thuds. Classic Kohina-senpai… at this point, any sense of romance had been tossed out the window. She did a quick pirouette in front of my now-blank expression and turned her back to me.
”Ahem! Alright, here goes,” she said.
She slowly turned her face back toward me, wearing a look of slight embarrassment. Oof… As a guy with a well-documented history of being a total pushover for girls, that tiny gesture was enough to send me reeling.
”Dearest Brother, would you deign to accept these chocolates from me?” Kohina-senpai asked, her voice dropping into a different register.
I-i-it’s… it’s Sayuki from Yuu-oni²! The rest of the world might find Sayuki terrifying, but as far as I’m concerned, playing captive to a yandere little sister was a role I was more than willing to play!
”Big Brother… even though you already have a real little sister like Lapis…” Kohina-senpai whispered.
H-huh? That’s weird. A sudden chill sprinted down my spine. Maybe I was coming down with something. I should probably bundle up and hit the sack early tonight.
”…Dearest Brother? Why are you just spacing out? Come now, open wide. Say ‘ahhh,’” Kohina-senpai said.
She popped the box open, pinched a rather misshapen piece of handmade chocolate, and brought it to my lips. Hey now, Kohina-senpai. That’s playing dirty! Swallowed by an irresistible urge, I took a bite of “Sayuki’s” handmade chocolate.
In that instant, something spread through my mouth that was the polar opposite of happiness.
”NGGG-GWAARGH?!” I shrieked.
Feeling like I was about to breathe actual fire, my eyes rolled back into my head as I collapsed sideways onto the floor. That’s right! This isn’t Sayuki’s chocolate! It’s Kohina-senpai’s death-treat!
”MEDIC!” Emily shouted.
Tamamo-sensei and Maria-sensei came sprinting over immediately.
”Wa… waaaater!” I wheezed, snatching a plastic bottle and chugging it in one go.
Haa… haa… For a second there, I thought my tongue had literally detonated. Having returned from the brink of death, I leveled a deadpan stare at Kohina-senpai.
”Well, I mean… you know how they say you need a bit of ‘excitement’ in these things? So, uh… I thought just being sweet was boring, and I went to add a dash of Tabasco… but the whole bottle kind of fell in,” Kohina-senpai explained, looking away.
You’ve gotta be kidding me. How am I even still alive? I offered a silent prayer of thanks to my parents for gifting me such a sturdy constitution. Seeing me sitting there dazed, Kohina-senpai actually looked apologetic.
”Look, I’m sorry, okay? Next time I’ll just get something from a shop,” Kohina-senpai muttered.
I shook my head at her. Sure, store-bought chocolate is delicious. But whether or not handmade chocolate tastes good is a completely trivial matter.
”Kohina-senpai… I’ll still eat it. If it’s handmade by you, I’ll eat every bit,” I said firmly.
”Aqua, you…” Kohina-senpai whispered.
The crowd broke into warm applause. Even if it was Kohina-senpai, she was still a girl at heart. So what if there was a whole bottle of Tabasco in there? Sure, maybe ninety percent of men would succumb to the agony and drop dead on the spot. BUT! If it’s me-if it’s Aqua Shirogane-I can endure even that!
So even if I know it’ll be the death of me, what choice do I have but to eat it?!
Looking at my face, Kohina-senpai’s expression suddenly shifted to one of deep concern.
”Wait… did I actually break your brain?! Hey, we need to get you to a hospital right now! Come on!” Kohina-senpai cried.
She was genuinely panicking over my well-being. Huh? This wasn’t the reaction I was expecting… Still, being the object of her intense concern didn’t feel half bad.
”Uh, well… I’m fine, really. I mean, I’ve always been a bit of an idiot…” I said.
”Are you absolutely sure?! Just in case, you are getting a full check-up later, do you hear me?!” Kohina-senpai insisted.
Kohina-senpai hopped off the stage, glancing back at me with a worried look until the very last second. Ugh, quit it, Kohina-senpai. If you act all out of character like that, it’s gonna make me feel weirdly self-conscious.
”Now then, to cleanse the palate… Yui-san, take it away!” Emily shouted.
”Understood,” Yui replied.
Yui stepped onto the stage with a measured, graceful stride. With every step, her voluptuous breasts, nestled within her rib-knit sweater, swayed heavily. My hand involuntarily crushed the “10” placard. Damn it! Ten points isn’t enough! Don’t we have a placard for a billion?!
”Aa-sama… please, choose,” Yui said.
Choose? Choose what?! While I was still reeling, Yui reached down and hiked up her sweater. In an instant, her ample breasts, encased in a chocolate-colored bra, were revealed to the world.
”Tell me, Aa-sama… which ‘chocolate’ would you prefer? My handmade sweets, or these breasts wrapped in this chocolate bra?” Yui asked.
As if I could ever choose one over the other!! Despite the thought, my eyes were already glued to Yui’s cleavage. Ah… I’m so glad I turned down that People’s Honor Award³ when Prime Minister Habu brought it up. I’d heard about a certain baseball player who declined the award because it would mean he couldn’t just pee on the side of the road anymore, and I think I finally get where he was coming from.
If I accepted a prestigious award like that, I wouldn’t be able to just gawk at a girl’s chest whenever I felt like it! As the Chairman of the All-Japan Breasts Association, some stuffy medal is nothing compared to the nutritional value packed into a pair like those!
”Yui… if the path I walked were to ever split in two, I would choose neither. I am a man who blazes his own trail!” I declared.
”Aa-sama…” Yui whispered, her eyes practically melting.
”You’re trying to make that sound cool, but you just want both, don’t you?!” Kohina-senpai yelled from the crowd.
Kohina-senpai, zip it with the commentary! Right now, I’m using my signature “Cool Guy” face to charm Yui so I can snag both prizes. Don’t go throwing a wrench into my flawless plan!
”Listen well, Yui. Got it?” I asked.
”Yes, Aa-sama…” she replied.
I took the chocolates from Yui and pulled her gently into my arms. Thanks, Yui… Just you wait. I’m gonna make it up to you later.
”Alright, the only one who can top that is Maron-san! Maron-san, the stage is yours!” Emily shouted.
”Wait, what?! M-me?!” Maron cried.
Pushed forward by Fran-chan, Maron swapped places with Yui and stepped onto the stage, casting bashful glances in my direction. Uh oh… when Maron starts acting like this, it’s usually the prelude to something absolutely outrageous. I braced myself for the impact.
Then, Maron-san pulled a bag of chocolates from her pocket and opened it right in front of me. She popped a piece into her mouth, then threw her arms around me and pulled me into a kiss.
”Hmm…ah, hmm…”
The wet, lewd sound of Maron-san’s devouring lips echoed through the now-silent room. Everyone around us turned bright red, yet they stared with wide eyes, unable to look away. Maron-san and I let the chocolate melt between our two feverish, tangled tongues.
”a…”
When her lips finally released mine, a thin glistening string of saliva stretched between us.
”How… was it? Was the chocolate from me delicious?”
”It was incredible!!”
In the “Female Ai-dol Ranking Chosen by Men,” Maron-san is always fighting to stay out of last place… I can’t believe it!!
Emily, having had something whispered to her by mother (Kaa-san), suddenly blew a whistle.
”Beep! Activating the Naughty-Naughty Police via parental authority!!”
Inko-san and Iria-san stepped onto the stage. “The vibes are getting way too thirsty, time to wrap it up! Recovery, recovery!”
Maron-san was grabbed firmly and dragged off the stage. Yeah… I was about half a second away from losing my cool there.
”Okay! Since Maron-senpai is done, I’m up next!”
Fran-chan bounced up to take her place. Lately, just looking at Fran-chan makes my heart race.
”Ew! Big bro, you’re in high school and you still don’t have a girlfriend? That is so cringe! You’re such a loser!”
Her bratty little sister setting!? I feel an impact as if my spirit was blown to the far side of the universe.
”I guess it can’t be helped. Here, I’ll give you this ‘courtesy chocolate’ I made for practice while working on my real one.”
Practice for her ‘True Feelings’ chocolate?! It felt like someone smashed my brain with a sledgehammer. Who the hell is the guy!!
”Just kidding~. Big bro, I’m only in elementary school. There’s no way I’d have a ‘true love’ yet.”
I let out a massive sigh of relief… only for her to go in for the kill.
”Geez, you’re hopeless. Here, big bro. Take this.”
Fran-chan placed a chocolate-colored foil packet into my hand. It was a condom.
”Since it can’t be helped, your sister Fran will give you a ‘Giri-Pako’ instead of chocolate.”
A ‘Giri-Pako’ from my own sister?! No brother on earth is built to withstand this Nano… I felt my knees buckle.
”Beep! Naughty-Naughty Police, moving out~!”
Iria-san and Inko-san reappeared and dragged Fran-chan away. Considering she’s an elementary schooler, that was definitely for the best.
”Umm, for a palate cleanser, Ayana-chan, please.”
Ayana-chan walked up to the stage with a steady gait. Usually she’d be acting shy, even though (Nano-ni).
”Look, Aqua. What are you dazing out for?”
I peeked at her face. Where’s the chocolate? She just stood there smiling. Did she give up on me? I felt my shoulders slump… then she let out a soft laugh.
”What’s with that face? You think I’ve finally had enough of you?”
Kohina-senpai-senpai in the front row was nodding like a maniac. “That’s only natural, right?” Shut up! I’m about to cry here!
”Fufu, there’s no way that’s it.”
Ayana-chan gently put a chocolate in front of me. She leaned in and whispered into my ear. “Aqua, I love you.”
Before I could react, she stuck her tongue out playfully and vanished off-stage.
”Finally, Marin-san, please!!”
Mother came up wearing an apron. “Aqua-chan. Will you accept some Valentine’s chocolate from Mama?”
In my previous life, I never had a mother. I took the handmade chocolate from her, my eyes welling up with tears. She pulled me into a hug, welcoming me against her ample chest.
”I love you, Aqua-chan. Forever and ever!”
”Ugh… sob… There’s nothing better than chocolate from family. Can we just let mother win?”
Great applause broke out. And so, the 1st Valentine’s Confession Championship concluded with mother as the victor.
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Summary:
During a Valentine’s confession contest hosted by Emily, Aqua serves as judge, deftly navigating a whirlwind of heartfelt, comedic, and chaotic declarations—from Kanon’s sincerity and Victoria’s elegance to Kohina-senpai’s nearly lethal Tabasco-laced chocolate. Just as he recovers, Yui raises the stakes with a daring, scandalous move, setting the stage for Maron’s unforgettable turn.
The event swings wildly between passionate intimacy, exemplified by Maron’s overtly sensual kiss, and absurd comedy, as Fran’s outrageous “condom gift” steals laughs from the crowd. Yet amidst the spectacle, the contest closes on a touching note when Aqua’s mother delivers a simple box of chocolate laced not with romance, but with the unconditional, familial warmth missing from his past life—sealing her as the unexpected champion.
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Trivia:
- Kanon is already married with children despite her timid behavior.
- Victoria usually treats Aqua harshly, making her handmade chocolate a significant shift.
- Kohina-senpai’s roleplay is a reference to an in-universe game called Yuu-oni.
- Aqua’s rejection of the People’s Honor Award was specifically to maintain his freedom to be a ‘degenerate’.
- The setting is a ‘reversed’ world where gender ratios and social norms are flipped
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Character Insight:
Aqua demonstrates his ‘Harem King’ resolve by refusing to choose between romantic gestures and instead aiming for both, despite physical danger (Tabasco).
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Behind the Scenes:
The mention of a baseball player refusing the award refers to Ichiro Suzuki in real-world Japanese culture.
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TL Notes:
Notes:
• Maria – female medical genius originally from the United States, now a Japanese citizen, affiliated with Saint Claris and Mary Foundations, renowned for her research and humanitarian work.
• Inko – Vtuber from ‘Generation of Ruin’ (Nightmare Generation)—Beryl’s shut-in gamer idol with self-deprecating high-energy personality, stupidly huge tits, long skirt, and hair transformed into braided pigtails for the date. Former baseball club member in youth. Usually messy long haired ponytail.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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