Chapter 496 Warrior ③
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
A few days had passed. By this point, I had essentially devolved into a ‘Data-Collecting Freak,’ haunting the women associated with my shop to inspect their ‘Tremble-Tech Ddo Buddies¹.’ I spent my hours meticulously logging every scuff and sign of use in my notebook like some obsessed researcher.
It wasn’t that I wanted to watch these women present the very tools they’d used to vent their deepest desires. And it’s certainly not like I derived any pleasure from seeing them flush with shame as I scrutinized their ‘buddies’ right under their noses—checking the textures, the scents, and cross-referencing everything with their personal usage habits. Why would you even think that?
This was strictly for science. I needed data to facilitate the ‘resurrection’ of ‘Warrior Alex’ and to draft our official warranty and repair policy. Though, I suppose for our royal clientele in Canarias, I might start requiring a detailed ‘usage demonstration’ as the fee for free repairs. I’m already looking forward to how that pans out in a few years.
Regardless, the data yielded some insights. First and foremost: even the most ‘enthusiastic’ users among our regulars hadn’t put their buddies through anything even remotely approaching the hell ‘Warrior Alex’ had endured. That was a relief. It meant the product itself wasn’t flawed; Alex’s owner was just a statistical anomaly of solo-play. Because of that, I don’t think I need to overhaul our manufacturing process or materials. The investigation was worth it for that alone. I also managed to map out the degradation cycle. As expected, wear begins at the head and tip, followed by the grip.
I could counter this by thickening the casting or using high-durability polymers in those areas. But that would drive up production costs. Would a ‘Premium Pro’ line actually sell? Well, regardless of whether I actually build it, I’ve gained a much deeper intimacy with my inventory. It was a highly educational session, but as a researcher, raw field data is just as vital as the final summary. To ensure I didn’t miss a beat, I took a moment to replay the highlights in my head.
* * *
My first stop was Lady Tina Badcage, the daughter of Duke Badcage. Since she’s always around to check on our little Silva, she was the easiest to approach. On a side note, Silva is an incredibly chill baby. He rarely cries, and even when he does, he’s the type to settle down the second someone scoops him up. A very ‘good boy’ indeed. When he nurses, he takes his sweet time, suckling slowly and steadily for what feels like forever. I was worried it would exhaust Tina, but once he’s had his fill, he drops off into a deep sleep. He’s got a solid rhythm, which makes him easy to care for.
I suspect he knows he’s in the safest place in the world. The entire Badcage household is so smitten with him it’s actually a little terrifying. From the maids and vassals to Tina and my Father-in-law, there is a literal 24/7 watch rotation just to adore him. The maids are the worst—or best—offenders. When they peer into his crib, their faces literally melt. They look like puddles of goo about to evaporate. It’s the exact same look the Elven reinforcements give to Wakaba, Tania-san’s son.
Yeah… I’m actually a little worried about these kids’ futures. I have a bad feeling they’re going to grow up to be absolute heartbreakers. Honestly, I wonder where they get it from? Then there’s my Father-in-law. He’s gone full ‘Grandpa Mode.’
The man is so obsessed with his first grandson that he’s moved his entire office next to the crib. He’s tearing through his paperwork at record speeds just so he has more time to make goofy faces at the baby. And because he wants to leave a ‘perfect world’ for his heir, he’s launching radical reforms left and right. He’s obsessed with the Coalmine Kingdom to the north, planning to turn the capital into the ultimate trade hub by the time Silva is grown. He’s never looked more alive, so I guess I’ll let him cook.
Anyway, when I explained my ‘research,’ Tina turned bright red but handed over the box of magic circuits we’d used… well, back when we were ‘making’ Silva. ‘I must say, ’tis quite embarrassing to have you inspect it so… Oh, pray, do not stare quite so intently, noja…’ Oh, I stared. I stared long and hard. Even after becoming a mother, her ‘noja’ charm and daintiness are off the charts. If anything, she’s only getting cuter.
As for her ‘Ddo Buddy,’ she hasn’t given it a name. She admitted that when she uses it, she just calls out my name. Since we don’t live under the same roof, she relies on the box to get her through those lonely nights. I spent a solid thirty seconds debating whether or not to just pin her to the bed right then and there. I restrained myself since she’s still recovering from the birth, but I made sure to compensate with a very long, very thorough kissing session. She looked delightfully flustered—a mix of confusion, shyness, and pure joy. She didn’t quite get why looking at a toy led to that, but she wasn’t complaining.
In terms of wear and tear, hers was right in the middle. She started using our products after the Heresy Trial², so she’s a late bloomer compared to the others. Considering that, she’s actually putting in some serious work. Her ‘buddy’ is essentially the ‘Gold Standard’ for a typical high-frequency user.
* * *
Next, I went to check in on Aerith, our ‘Love-wolf.’ Her children are twin girls, Kaine and Heine. Unlike Silva, these two are little predators. Every time I visit, they’re practically competing to see who can nurse more aggressively. Aerith just gives me a tired smile and says, ‘Thank goodness I have two.’ It’s honestly a sight to behold. Seeing her nursing twins with such fierce, maternal grace… she looks less like a shop girl and more like a goddess of fertility.
Of course, handling two hungry pups is a team effort. She’s got wet nurses on rotation, which isn’t an issue since her family, the Garou Merchant Guild, is loaded. Plus, the Beastmen Units are tight-knit; they have a ‘it takes a village’ approach to parenting. Apparently, because ‘Estrus³‘ leads to so many kids, they’ve always raised their young in a pack. Aerith’s father is also part of the ‘Grandpa Club.’ He and the other fathers-in-law have become best friends, trading baby tips and bragging about their grandkids. It’s actually pretty wholesome.
Now, as for Aerith’s Ddo Buddy—he has a name: ‘John.’ I first learned about the whole ‘naming culture’ back at the Beast-person Association when she called out to him. Aerith insists on calling him ‘John-kun,’ but honestly? I feel like I should be calling him ‘John-sama.’ Given the sheer intensity of the ‘Estrus’ he helped her survive, he’s earned the title of a lord. ‘Please, My Lord, gaze upon them to your heart’s content. These are my precious collection… ♡’
Unlike Tina, Aerith led me straight to her ‘Collection Room.’ There’s no other word for it. It’s a room with a single bed and walls lined with shelves displaying every product we sell. Some are even framed like fine art. The standout was a ‘Ddo Buddy’ from Viscount Nixfen’s land, decorated with ‘Help Cords.’ It was wrapped in so much ornate rope that it was basically a sculpture at this point—completely unusable, but very ‘aesthetic.’
It seems my plan to market these as ‘Artisanal Decor’ for wealthy wives is working perfectly. My Father-in-law and the former Viscount Nixfen (Mr. Tail) have been using their ‘Grandpa Club’ connections to move a lot of units. But back to ‘John-sama.’
His body was covered in deep scratches and teeth marks. Aerith explained that even when she’s using other tools, she never lets go of ‘him.’ When things get intense, she can’t help but dig in her claws or bite down. I’ve been on the receiving end of those claws and teeth, so I know exactly what she means. It’s a primal, unstoppable urge.
Unlike me, though, ‘John-sama’ can’t regenerate. If she really let loose, he’d be dust. She’s clearly trying to be ‘gentle’ with him in her own way. ‘You know better than anyone, My Lord… this child is the reason I’m still sane. No matter how battered he gets, I’ll keep him by my side forever.’
Yeah. ‘John-sama’ is a hero. A veteran. Just like ‘Warrior Alex.’ It reinforced my resolve. For Aerith’s sake, and for all of them, I have to master the art of Ddo Resurrection.
—
Summary:
The narrator acts as a researcher, inspecting the ‘Ddo Buddies’ of his associates to gather data for a repair policy. He visits Tina and Aerith, observing their domestic lives as new mothers. The chapter highlights the contrast between his business as an adult goods shopkeeper and the wholesome, doting behavior of the ‘Father-in-Law Assembly.’
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Trivia:
- The ‘Help Cords’ are being sold as high-end art decor to noblewomen.
- Aerith’s toy, John, has a name and is treated with extreme sentimental value.
- Beastmen raising children in packs is a cultural norm due to high birth rates from ‘Estrus’.
- The protagonist’s father-in-law is prioritizing economic reforms specifically for his grandson’s inheritance
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Character Insight:
The protagonist struggles with his dual role as a ‘monstrous’ adult goods researcher and a caring partner/father, choosing restraint with Tina despite his desires. Aerith shows a deep, almost traumatic attachment to her original toy, seeing it as a savior from her biological drives.
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Behind the Scenes:
The author uses the ‘Grandpa Club’ as a comedic foil to the adult themes, showing how even hardened dukes and merchants become soft for grandchildren.
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TL Notes:
Notes:
• Tina Badcage – Silver‑haired, red‑eyed noblewoman with a slender, aristocratic bearing, she speaks formally, ending sentences with “no ja”. Daughter of Duke Badcage and mother of Silva, she serves as a high‑ranking Canaria royal guard, embodying beauty and refined, slightly antiquated speech.
• Silva – Infant son of Tina and the narrator. Described as a calm, laid-back baby who rarely cries.
• Wakaba – Newborn son of Kento and Tania. A half-elf magic user with large Mana Circuits. Has squishy cheeks, tiny fingers, and soft floppy ears. Emits magical discharges when throwing tantrums. The newborn son of Kento and Tania. Has green hair and elf ears.
• Tania – An elven adventurer, Kento’s love‑elf, defies her race’s low‑desire reputation with passionate, easily embarrassed charm. She wears light armor over a simple tunic and short pants, exuding grace. Senior‑junior to Raika, she’s a seasoned Harvest shopper, constantly buying pleasure items while keeping a dignified façade.
• Aerith – Gray‑fur wolf‑beast with a sleek tail and elegant dress, she is Ouka’s daughter and a member of the Merchant Guild Garou’s “Love‑wolf” tribe. Mother of twins Kaine and Heine, she openly pursues Kento’s creative genius, unafraid to show her interest.
• Heine – Twin daughter of Aerith. Similar in temperament to her sister Kaine.
• Kaine – Twin daughter of Aerith. Described as energetic and aggressive when nursing.
• Slop – Leader of the hound-kin pack; Laika’s father. Has orange hair and fluffy tail.
• Nixfen – A viscount aristocrat who has started manufacturing and selling adult goods similar to Kento’s products in the Royal Capital’s pleasure district. He is described as a ‘pretty boy’ or ‘gentle-looking man’ (yasao) but is a territory-holding noble likely trained in combat.
• Tail – Former Viscount Nixfen and Ray’s father. A master craftsman with rugged, calloused, and scarred hands. Stern expression, socially awkward, and proud of his family’s ‘specialized’ trade.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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