Volume 13 Chapter 420 Shirogane Kanon and the Goddess of the Sealed Cave
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”Hey, Kukuri! Open up, I’m begging you! Come on, I said I’m sorry, didn’t I?”
”Kukuri-sama! I’ll show you my brand-new Triple-Spinning Rolling Dogeza¹, so please! Just a moment of your time, I beg of you!”
”Kukuri-sama, I just got a little over-excited because I was so happy for you! At least let us see your face!”
I stood in front of Kukuri-chan’s room, watching Emily-senpai, Prime Minister Habu, and Fuji Ranko-san make an absolute spectacle of themselves.
I didn’t even know what kind of face I was supposed to make.
(Everyone… I know you’re happy, but seriously, you’ve gone way too far. Yeah.) As I watched them grovel, my mind drifted back to the chaotic chain of events that had started this morning.
It all began right after Kukuri-chan and Aqua were united.
The hotel where they’d stayed was immediately swarmed by a literal wall of reporters.
Every major TV station had pre-empted their scheduled morning news for a non-stop live feed from the scene.
The second the two of them stepped out of the hotel entrance, the air was filled with the deafening, synchronized clack-clack-clack of a thousand camera shutters.
”Kukuri-sama! Over here from Fuji TV! Congratulations!”
”This is the national broadcaster! Give us a comment, please!”
Kukuri-chan turned a shade of red I didn’t think was humanly possible.
It was a rare sight for a girl who usually acted so refined and graceful whenever a camera was nearby.
Suddenly, one reporter lunged through the crowd, thrusting a microphone forward with terrifying momentum.
”Hello, hello! Your favorite Seibaku Press is on the scene!”
Even with her voice disguised for the broadcast, I knew exactly who it was.
So did Kukuri-chan. It was Emily-senpai.
She was leaning so far forward she was practically grinding the microphone into Aqua’s cheek.
Aqua just laughed it off, but if she’d pulled that on any other male celebrity, she would have been cancelled and doxxed before the commercial break.
(I honestly hoped she’d get flamed, just so she’d learn a lesson,) I thought.
”Aqua-sama, give us a quote! Is the future of this country looking bright?”
”Eh? What kind of question is that?” Aqua asked. “I mean… yeah, sure? It’s bright, I guess?”
The crowd erupted.
A massive stir went through the press corps.
(Yeah, that’s it. She’s officially crossed the line,) I thought.
I understood the excitement, but this was pure insanity.
Then again, after the crushing gloom of the Meteorite disaster, everyone was suffering from a massive emotional rebound.
They were high on the first bit of good news in ages, and our Emily-senpai was leading the charge.
”Kukuri-sama, how many rounds did you go² last night!?”
”Hah!? Like I’d ever tell you that!” Kukuri replied.
I nearly spat my tea all over the screen.
If she’d asked “How was your night?” I could have excused it.
But “How many rounds?” That was a total foul! She’d even managed to make Kukuri-chan break character and snap back at her.
(Seriously… did Emily-senpai just leave her sense of common decency in a gutter somewhere? Any pity I’d felt for her a second ago evaporated instantly.)
”At least tell us how many loads you took raw! Give it to us straight—!!”
”It’s the same damn thing, you idiot!”
Kukuri-chan buried her face in her hands, her skin glowing scarlet.
Seeing her distress, Aqua gave a strained, weary smile and pulled her against his chest, shielding her from the prying lenses.
”Look, I know everyone wants to celebrate with Kukuri-chan,” Aqua said. “But you’ve got to think about the situation. You’re making a scene and causing trouble for everyone else at the hotel, right?”
(Yes! Exactly! That’s my Aqua,) I thought, nodding vigorously from my spot behind the scenes.
”Also,” Aqua continued, “if you keep bullying my Kukuri like this, I’m actually going to get angry. Are you sure you want to go there?”
The words ‘my Kukuri’ hit like a physical shock.
Kukuri-chan looked like she was going to melt into his shirt.
(Gosh, Aqua—no, Aqua-sama—really is the world’s greatest, coolest ‘Super Darling.’) I was practically beaming with pride, but Emily-senpai wasn’t finished.
She stepped up for a second hit.
”Producer Aqua! This makes the third member of your own idol group, Milk Dipper, that you’ve claimed! The internet is already buzzing with rumors that you only gathered your favorite girls just so you could take them all for yourself. Is there any truth to these allegations!?”
”Oops…”
The charismatic hero vanished in an instant.
Aqua immediately averted his eyes and started whistling a suspiciously casual tune.
(Hey, Aqua… can you give me back the cool version of yourself? Please?) The crowd, however, went into a total frenzy.
”Wait, three!? I thought it was just Lapis-chan and Kukuri-sama!”
”Does that mean one of the others—Haa-chan, Fi-chan, Subaru-tan, or Miyako-chan—has finally found happiness!?”
”This is incredible news! That’s another front-page exclusive!”
”Damn it! As expected of the Seibaku! They’re getting scoops we didn’t even know existed!”
”Well, we wouldn’t have even been here today if the Seibaku hadn’t tipped us off.”
”Mad respect for the Seibaku. They always share the joy with the rest of us.”
(Oh, right,) I realized. (The news about Haru and Aqua hasn’t actually broken yet. I can already see the headache forming; the Stars’ home office and ‘Mother’ are going to have another collective meltdown.)
Aqua, seemingly cornered by Emily’s interrogation, finally gave up and started mumbling into the mic.
”Look… as far as Milk Dipper is concerned, I chose every member based on their talent as a producer. I can say that with total confidence, so the fans have nothing to worry about! It’s just… you know. Things happen. I mean, can you blame me!? They’re all so cute!”
He’d completely stopped making excuses.
Right there on national television, Aqua started gushing about how amazing every girl in Milk Dipper was.
”Hell yeah!”
”That’s our Aqua-sama!”
”That’s right! Take them all! Don’t leave a single one behind!”
”Aqua-sama, don’t you ever stop!”
(See? This is what happens. Everyone just keeps spoiling him. But I couldn’t deny it—for the girls involved, this was a dream come true.)
In this world, “ordinary boys” were so rare and intimidated by the spotlight that idols were almost always virgins.
Most had never even held a hand, let alone spoken to a boy their age.
For the idol industry, Aqua—the man who had personally “completed” the collection of top idols—wasn’t a playboy; he was a literal savior.
Emily-senpai, sensing blood in the water, delivered the killing blow.
”Speaking of which, we’ve heard rumors that you’ve also reached out to Fran-chan, the final holdout of the rival group Eau De Cologne! Care to comment?”
”Make Up Cosmetics RECORD Co., Ltd… I am deeply, TRULY SORRY!”
Aqua didn’t just bow; he launched into a full-body dive, sliding across the pavement until his entire front was pressed into the dirt—the ultimate face-down dogeza.
I found myself reflexively applauding the screen.
The speed, the form, the sheer timing… it was flawless.
He really had learned from the best; Prime Minister Habu’s training had clearly paid off.
”Wait, Aqua-sama! Please, get up!” a reporter shouted. “We aren’t trying to blame you! Because of you, so many women have been saved. We’re happy for them! We just want to celebrate the fact that they’ve found happiness!”
”Yeah!”
”Preach, Seibaku! That’s exactly how we feel!”
(Everyone’s right,) I thought. (I didn’t really get why Aqua felt the need to grovel, but nobody was actually mad at him. Nobody wanted an apology. But that specific “wavelength gap” in Aqua’s head was exactly why everyone loved him, so nobody was going to tell him any different.)
Beside me, Kohina Yukari-san was working her way through a sandwich, her eyes dead and unimpressed.
”Ugh, here we go again. Emily-chan and Aqua’s weird, self-scripted comedy routine. They do this every single time. Honestly, Aqua needs to wake up and realize the ‘Seibaku Reporter’ is just Emily-chan in a hat. The guy is a total genius until it actually matters, then he’s a complete klutz.”
Yukari-san patted the shoulder of Ayana-chan, who was currently a human strawberry.
(Wait, Yukari-san? Shouldn’t you be checking on Maron-san too? She’s just as red. Ah, I see… you’re ignoring her because she brought it on herself. Fair enough.)
”Everyone… thank you! Thank you so much!”
On screen, Aqua was actually tearing up as he pulled Kukuri-chan close again.
”I, Shirogane Aqua, swear to you all! I will make Sumeragi Kukuri the happiest girl in the world! And not just her! I will take responsibility and bring happiness to every single girl I’ve laid hands on!”
”””””UOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!”””””
The roar was deafening.
It wasn’t just the press; bystanders, hotel staff, and even guests who had been watching from their balconies started cheering and clapping for the couple.
Yukari-san turned to me with a smug look.
”See? I told you. This is their standard operating procedure. Don’t let those two trick you with their sob stories, Kanon-san.”
”Ah… right. Of course.”
(I’m so sorry, Yukari-san… I was actually genuinely moved by that…) I thought.
So this was how Aqua and Emily-senpai played the game.
Whenever I was the one being “dealt with,” I always had this nagging feeling afterward that I’d been tricked into being okay with something.
I guess my intuition was right all along.
So, I think things were still mostly under control up to that point.
Emily-senpai usually knows where to draw the line; she might tease and toy with Kukuri-chan, but she’s an expert at making the right adjustments.
This time, however, the adults simply got too caught up in the heat of the moment.
”Starting today, I am declaring a national holiday!!”
Prime Minister Habu… look, I can meet her halfway on the holiday thing.
I really can.
But appearing in front of the nation while stuffing her face with a celebratory sekihan³ rice ball the size of a human head? That is completely out of line.
”Prime Minister Habu, what on earth is the meaning of this!?”
”We won’t understand unless you give us a detailed explanation!!”
The cameras caught the reporters throwing out questions, but every single one of them was smirking.
(They all know exactly what’s going on, and they’re loving it,) I thought.
”It is… quite difficult for me to say it myself…”
Prime Minister Habu continued to smirk while shoveling more red bean rice into her mouth.
A voice barked from the sidelines, “Prime Minister! Your manners are atrocious!” Agewa-san, you aren’t wrong, but you’re focusing on the wrong part of this disaster.
”Well, my fellow citizens, just look at the rice I am eating and read the room!!”
The Prime Minister shot a smug look at the camera.
Yeah, they definitely pushed the joke too far.
Even Kukuri-chan, who was just trying to eat her lunch, had hands that were visibly trembling as she gripped her chopsticks.
And Prime Minister Habu wasn’t the only adult riding the hype train.
[Special Extraordinary Broadcast: Sumeragi Kukuri-sama—The Radiant Days from Her Glorious Birth to the Present]
Fuji TV had invited Chairman Fuji Ranko and a roster of other special guests to provide a non-stop loop of footage looking back on Kukuri-chan’s life.
It was only natural that, after seeing that, Kukuri-chan would lock herself in her room.
I looked down at the flyer in my hand.
[Kukuri-chan-sama is Pregnant!? If She Gives Birth, When is the Due Date!?]
This was an absolute trash-tier flyer being handed out by the followers of the Holy Aqua Religion.
I’m sure the kids working under Kukuri-chan just lost all their self-control and went rogue.
Emily-senpai acted like she knew nothing, of course, and Claire said she simply couldn’t stop them.
”Come on, Kukuri. I made your favorite—Emily-oneechan’s special handmade pudding! Look! Look!?”
Oh, Emily-senpai’s pudding. That looks delicious.
Wait, really? You made enough for everyone, so I can have the leftovers? Score!
”Dammit, do I have no choice left but to play my ‘Resignation’ card!? Kaede-kun… if the worst happens, I’m counting on you!!”
Prime Minister Habu… if you’re going to pass the torch to someone, at least make it Agewa-san or Kuga Rihito-san.
Out of all the potential successors, the trio of Kaede-senpai, Emily-senpai, and Aqua is the absolute worst-case scenario.
And Kaede-senpai actually looks like she’s considering it…
”Kukuri-sama! I was just so happy for you! The Prime Minister will take all the responsibility anyway!!”
Watching Fuji Ranko casually throw the Prime Minister under the bus made me realize how formidable she really is.
Between Emily-senpai and the rest of the Yukishiro clan, it’s easy to get distracted, but this is the raw tenacity of the Six Former Noble Families.
I shifted my gaze away from the three people pathetic enough to be clinging to the bedroom door and looked over at Grandmother, who was nonchalantly sipping her tea.
”Hehe, everyone seems to be having such a lovely time.”
Only Grandmother could be this relaxed in a mess like this… honestly, wasn’t Grandmother the one pulling the strings behind the Holy Aqua Religion in the first place? Noticing my cold, judging stare, Grandmother simply turned back to her pudding with a look of feigned innocence.
”Good grief, there’s no helping them.”
Since this clearly isn’t going to resolve itself, I suppose I have to step in.
Just as I started to move, Aqua arrived home.
”I’m back! …Wait, what’s going on? Why is everyone huddled here?”
I quickly brought the clueless Aqua up to speed.
”I see. In that case, leave it to me!!”
That’s my—no, that’s everyone’s Aqua for you.
Aqua walked up to Kukuri-chan’s door and gave it a gentle knock.
”Kukuri-chan, I’m coming in.”
With that, Aqua turned the knob.
Or rather, he tried to—I’m pretty sure I just heard a loud CRACK like something just snapped! Kaede-senpai watched this and folded her hands in prayer.
”In the end, power… power is the only thing that solves everything…”
Everyone else nodded in solemn agreement with Kaede’s wisdom.
Having forced his way into the room, Aqua sat on the edge of the bed and spoke softly to the lump under the covers that was Kukuri-chan.
”Kukuri-chan, I’ll give everyone a proper scolding for you later, so cheer up, okay? Let’s go eat. Look, today we’ve got that special Hearty-Chunky Curry that Kaede simmered until it turned black. It’ll taste great if we all eat together.”
”…Okay.”
As Kukuri-chan slowly shuffled out from under her duvet, a cheer went up from the crowd.
”I’m sorry, Kukuri,” said Emily.
”Kukuri-sama, please accept my deepest apologies!” shouted Prime Minister Habu.
”I am so sorry, Kukuri-sama,” said Fuji Ranko.
Seeing them all bowing their heads, Kukuri-chan gave a shy, slightly bashful smile.
”No, it’s okay. I’m not really mad. I know everyone just wanted to celebrate for me. I was just… a little bit embarrassed.”
I know, I know. I’ve been in that exact same spot, so I totally feel for her.
It’s not anger; it’s just the sheer mortification…
Everyone welcomed Kukuri-chan back with beaming smiles.
We headed to the living room and had a wonderful time eating curry with a much-happier Kukuri-chan.
”Truly, curry… curry brings a smile to everyone’s face…!”
Yeah, I can’t argue with that.
I nodded along to Kaede’s words.
Afterward, Aqua gave Prime Minister Habu and Fuji Ranko a stern talking-to, and everything was finally settled.
”And they all lived happily ever after!”
I grabbed the shoulder of Emily-senpai as she tried to slip away to her room.
Since Aqua didn’t know the full story, I made sure to give her a lecture of my own.
After all, this whole mess started because Emily-senpai got way too hyped in the first place!
—
Summary:
Following the public revelation of Aqua and Kukuri’s union, the media erupts in a frenzied ‘celebration.’ Emily-senpai goes undercover to grill Aqua about his relationships, leading to a public admission of his ‘Super Darling’ status.
The chapter ends with Kanon realizing the entire event was a masterfully staged skit to manipulate public opinion.
A national frenzy erupts over a rumor regarding Sumeragi Kukuri-sama, leading the Prime Minister to declare a holiday.
Kukuri-sama shuts herself in her room out of embarrassment until Aqua forcefully enters and comforts her with Kaede’s special curry.
The situation is resolved with apologies and a stern lecture for the instigators.
—
Trivia:
- The gender ratio is a staggering 1-99, making any male interaction extremely valuable.
- Dogeza is treated like a martial art discipline with licenses and specific techniques.
- The ‘Meteorite’ event was a major dark period that current society is rebounding from.
- Aqua has now officially admitted to ‘laying hands’ on three members of Milk Dipper plus Fran from Eau De Cologne.
- The ‘Six Former Noble Families’ hold significant social power and tenacity.
- Grandmother is likely the mastermind behind the Holy Aqua Religion’s extremist actions.
- Kaede’s cooking is notoriously ‘black’ but apparently effective for comfort.
- Fuji Ranko is the head of a major television network (Fuji TV).
- The ‘Resignation card’ is a comedic political trope used by Habu
—
Character Insight:
Aqua displays his ‘Super Darling’ charisma by protecting Kukuri, yet quickly reverts to his ‘ponkotsu’ self when cornered about his harem. Emily shows her ruthless side as a tabloid orchestrator.
Aqua acts as the ‘stabilizer’ who uses direct (and sometimes destructive) action to bridge the gap between Kukuri’s social isolation and the overbearing ‘love’ of the adults.
—
Lore And Worldbuilding Context:
The title references the myth of Amaterasu hiding in a cave, suggesting Kukuri’s seclusion is like a goddess hiding from the world.
The author notes that this chapter follows a bulletin board style update and emphasizes that the characters’ intentions were purely celebratory, despite the chaos caused.
—
Glossary:
Notes:
• Kukuri – Sharp‑eyed Otomezaki Academy vice‑president in a crisp uniform, refined high‑status girl and Milk Dipper member (alias Beginning 616). Secretly a Servant of the Twelve Bishops and Sumeragi heir of the Holy Aqua Church, she hunts the Saint’s body double, fervently fans Lord Aqua, and recently united with him, sparking a national media frenzy.
• Emily – Emily (Yukishiro Emily), graceful heir of the Yukishiro family, famed for flawless Kanon impressions and crowned “Impression King”. She co‑hosts variety shows with Shirogane Aqua, is one of his wives, heavily pregnant near term, and serves as Kukuri’s ‘oneechan’ who once gave explicit sexual‑encounter advice. Also a Kanon senpai who goes undercover as a Pure‑White Press reporter to harass and scoop Aqua.
• Ranko – Fuji Ranko, the Chairman of Fuji TV and part of the Six Former Noble Families.
• Habu – Habu Chiyoko, Japan’s Prime Minister and ex‑fighter pilot, flies BERYL’s jet in camouflage fatigues, leading the Meteorite‑destruction mission and granting idols a chance to perform in space. A decisive, strong‑willed leader, she also masters dogeza and has taught its art to Aqua.
• Aqua – Charismatic male idol and BERYL leader, once a hikikomori now posing as a high-schooler at Otomezaki Academy, he serves as the central figure of the Holy Church of Aqua, known for his light footwork, spontaneity, and kindness toward followers. Husband to Yukishiro Emily, father of a newborn, he wields a legendary sword, emits pheromones that subdue women, loves baseball, and is emotionally driven—juggling multiple wives, children, a U.S. tour, and a space mission amid a skewed gender ratio, all while working as a mascot sub.
• Fran – A younger girl who looks up to Aqua. Innocent yet practical about her contributions to his pleasure.
• Kohina Yukari – Female idol‑actress with a striking cowlick hair, battling a severe flu and nasal congestion, portrays the General in a Taiga drama; she rolls on tatami mats, picks her nose in‑character, and often works with Shirogane Aqua. Though a shut‑in, she maintains a surprisingly toned physique and dreams of motherhood.
• Kohina – Small‑statured veteran actress and mentor, wearing a wool belly warmer gifted by Yukari, oversees space‑flight training, handles filming, and supports logistics while guarding BERYL. Perceptive, blunt, protective, she’s suspected by Aqua of merely passing time, having endured the same idol‑level training.
• Yukari – Tall, broad‑shouldered actor, a junior (kouhai) to Kohina with a teasing bond; recently landed a drama role. Sharp‑eyed and cynical, he instantly spots the staged antics of Emiri and Aqua, dissecting their performances.
• Ayana – Ayana Tsukimachi is a kind junior and associate of Yukari, hailed as “the best” by her, and a classmate of Aqua. She sports a typical school‑girl look — short hair, uniform — and often feels jealous and flustered by Aqua’s physical affection. She also treasures a poorly designed ‘Aya‑nyan’ plushie.
• Maron – Jou Maron, a charismatic senior woman with a sharp mind and a high libido, appears confident yet soft‑spoken. When sober she’s attentive and reliable, earning trust from peers and a favorable broadcast judgment. She often role‑plays a caregiver for Aqua, sharing openly when flustered.
• Shirogane Aqua – Male idol and BERYL leader, known as Master Aqua or Aqu‑tan, dazzles with a striking face, sparkling eyes and a beige suit on live broadcasts. Easy‑going yet cool, he’s a recent father of Satsuki, married to several women including Kanon, dubbed a ‘libido monster’ by Yukari, and his ‘descending god’ aura fuels the group’s ethics amid a satirical tabloid scandal over his many wives.
• Kanon – Kanon‑sama, an idol‑group member and chapter narrator, is Aqua’s cool‑jealous domestic partner and celebrated Internet Master/fashion icon. She warmly accepts Aqua’s hand‑knitted socks, shows a tender side, is close to Emily, and recently became a mother. She watches the turmoil with Aqua and Kukuri, mixing admiration and exasperation.
• Agewa – A partner who works in the assembly; she receives a handmade hair tie.
• Chairman – Petite leader of the Women’s Mutual Aid Society, head of a secret committee and shadow ruler for over a millennium. She wears a corset to support a fresh back fracture, her large chest contrasting with her small frame. Prone to temper tantrums and high‑blood‑pressure spikes from salt, she harbors deep prejudice and trauma toward men from a past Drama Club incident.
• Kaede – Morikawa Kaede is a tall silver‑haired woman, former host of Morikawa Kaede’s Room (now held by Aqua), Nightmare Generation member and Intelligence rep of the Church of Power. She leads the “Power” chants, mother of Satsuki, scholarship student at Mary’s, Verification Team participant known for practical, odd wisdom. Acquaintance of Emily, she advocates the Power Birth Method and, as a senpai, believes power solves everything — even making pitch‑black curry.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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