Volume 13 Chapter 171 Shirogane Aqua, Kohina・Freedom・Yukari
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
We continue flipping over some cards and dealing with each topic one by one.
In the middle of it, Kohina-senpai clutched her stomach and looked exhausted.
”Are you okay? Is your tummy hurting?” I asked.
”I’m kinda getting hungry. Can we order takeout?”
”Wait!? We’re still recording!”
Kaede immediately jumped in on Kohina-senpai’s overly free comment.
The name “Freedom” I thought of for Kanon got scrapped, but if Kohina-senpai has a kid, I’d be okay with passing this name on. Kohina Freedom. Yeah, I think it sounds pretty good.
”What do you want, Kaede? Katsudon? Bento? Sushi?”
”Lately, I’ve been using up a lot of energy, so I think I need meat──Wait, why am I included in this!?”
Ah, now I kinda want to eat too.
I wave over the assistant producer who was offstage.
”Excuse me. I’ll have tempura udon.”
”Even Aqua-kun!?”
”Then I’ll have kitsune udon!”
”W-well then, I’ll have niku udon! Wait, no──!”
Kaede… you really need to learn to give up sometimes.
From the moment the producer asked Kohina-senpai to fill in, we should have known this would happen.
They even added a clause to the emergency contract saying she could do whatever she wanted.
”The audience must be hungry too. Staff, and everyone, order whatever you like; I’ll treat you!”
””””””””””Whoa!!””””””””””
Wow, what a generous offer!
As expected of Kohina-senpai.
Maybe I’ll order some inarizushi on the side.
Seeing that, Kaede froze.
”No way…”
”Come on, let’s move on to the next topic while we wait for the takeout to arrive.”
Encouraged by Kohina-senpai, I randomly draw a card from the pile of topics on the table.
”What was it?”
”Hey, just the other day, in the most beautiful person ranking announced on the States’ site, people from Japan did really well, but do you have anyone around you that you think is beautiful? I mean…”
”What’s that?”
The 3 of us exchanged glances and turned our eyes toward the producer.
”Well, you see, when it comes to beautiful people, it’s not just about looks; there’s a site that ranks them based on a multifaceted perspective that includes inner beauty and all that.”
”Hmm, I bet this guy is number one, right?”
Kohina-senpai, sitting next to me, pointed her thumb at me with a little flick.
Huh? Am I number one? How embarrassing!
”Ah, actually, Aqua-sama was banned after the Morikawa cannon was fired by Japanese netizens.”
”””What’s the Morikawa cannon!?”””
Huh? So, it’s not a program, but they call it the Morikawa cannon when people manually vote in large numbers?
If it were a program, it would just be cheating, but the fact that it’s manual seems to have made it a big deal online.
”It seems it all started when a person from Kanagawa, Mr. Y, voted 1,500 times for Morikawa-san in a poll to choose the most disappointing announcer of the year for the national broadcaster.”
”Mr. Y from Kanagawa? That sounds familiar…”
Kohina-senpai and I quickly realized the answer and looked at Kaede with disappointed expressions.
If someone says Y-san from Kanagawa, only Kaede and Kanon wouldn’t realize it’s Emily.
”Wait a minute, if it weren’t for that vote, I wouldn’t have been chosen as the Disappointing Announcer!”
I was surprised to find out that there was such a ridiculous award, considering the national broadcaster had a stiff image.
Huh? An award made for Kaede? The national broadcaster… surprisingly has a good sense of humor.
”No, from what I saw, even without those 1,500 votes, Morikawa-san was still way ahead in first place.”
”Gah!”
Kaede opened her mouth wide, showing a face of despair.
”Ahahahahaha!”
Hey! Kohina-senpai, you shouldn’t be laughing that hard!
I get how you feel!! Even I couldn’t help but laugh when I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
”By the way, it seems Aqua-sama got banned because S.K-san from Tokyo was voting multiple times like a fool all by themselves. The official source even called S.K-san out by name and told them not to vote.”
Oh, S.K-san, huh? I don’t know who they are, but I thought it was kind of nice that they voted so many times by themselves.
I turned my gaze to the camera and thanked S.K-san again.
”Thank you, S.K-san from Tokyo, for voting for me! Your vote may not have reached the world, but it definitely reached me!”
”””””Kyaa~!”””””
What’s up with you two? Kaede and Kohina-senpai are looking at me with weird expressions, but did I say something strange? Or was it just a bit too cheesy?
Huh? I feel like the audience and the staff are looking at me with disappointed eyes too…
Am I overthinking this?
”There’s only one S.K-san, you know. Are you really that clueless?”
”Aqua-kun, are you serious? Well, if you don’t get it, that’s fine too…”
Huh!? You both know who they are!?
Oh no. I have no idea who it is.
”So, what was the actual ranking? Of course, I’m in it, right?”
”Kohina-senpai, you actually want to be in it, huh…”
That’s surprising. I thought you weren’t interested in that kind of thing.
Or is there some deep reason behind it?
”What? You got a problem with that? Of course, I don’t want to lose in a competition!”
That’s such a childish reason for being competitive.
As expected of Kohina Yukari-san. She never fails to meet my expectations.
”I see… so doing this means that I, Morikawa Kaede, am ranked as a representative of Japan!?”
”I love that super positive side of you.”
You too, senpai!
I mentally poke fun at Kohina-senpai.
”By the way, there are 7 Japanese people who made the ranking.”
There are 7 out of 100!?
That’s amazing…
”This is Morikawa Kaede, coming in strong!”
”If there are 7, then I must be in there too!”
One of the staff hands me a flip with a sticker on it.
I see. So this means I have to peel off the sticker, right?
”Alright then, um… I’ll start peeling from the top. Got it.”
I peel off the sticker at the very top.
[1st Place: Shirogane Kanon / Social Activist]
The moment I stood up, I threw my hands up in a victory pose.
Kanon won! The world really knows what’s up!!
I can’t say it’s an exaggeration to call this my complete victory.
”You’re way too happy about this.”
”Aqua-kun, you’re happier than Kanon.”
Well, I mean, I’m just really happy.
I read the reason for the award written below.
”Um, Shirogane Kanon-san was highly praised by people all over the world not only for her beauty but also for her social contributions and activities through volunteer work and donations. Also, she married idol Shirogane Aqua-san, um, married idol Shirogane Aqua-san!!”
”Don’t repeat that! And don’t raise your voice just for that part!”
Come on, that’s not fair.
I should be able to show off that I’m her husband!
”Also, marrying idol Shirogane Aqua-san and being pregnant with his child were factors that gathered votes from many women. That’s what it says.”
”Huh.”
”Wow.”
Wait!? Why do both of you look so uninterested!?
My Kanon took first place!!
I have to make red rice for this. I thought today would be a red rice day.
”More importantly, hurry up, next, next!”
”You don’t have to rush me, I get it.”
I flip the next sticker.
[7th Place: Habu Chiyoko / Politician]
Oh, wow. I really feel that the Prime Minister is an amazing person who is recognized worldwide.
Today, she was even apologizing on her knees for groping Agewa-san’s breasts due to a lucky accident…
”Um, Prime Minister Habu received a lot of votes, especially from foreigners, and the main reason was that she’s just really strong.”
”Over there, strong women are valued more, right? Strong equals beautiful, kind of.”
”Thinking about it, Prime Minister Habu really fits the bill, huh?”
I see, that makes sense.
I keep peeling off the stickers one after another.
[12th place: Yukishiro Mikuni / Actress]
Oh, it’s Mommy Mikuni.
I should congratulate her later.
She probably doesn’t care much about this kind of thing, so she might not even know…
”Mikuni is really popular in the States, so I’m actually surprised she’s only 12th. I thought she’d be in the top 10.”
Is that so? It really hits me how amazing Mommy Mikuni is.
Looking at the reasons, it said she’s always beautiful, an eternal star, and my idol.
It’s impressive to see her being praised like this even by foreign women.
I peel off the next sticker.
[21st place: Kuga Reira / Actress]
Ah, Reira-san, huh? This one makes sense too.
”Reira is a real action star, so of course she’s on the list. That means, since I beat both of them, I should be on here too, right!?”
Yeah, yeah.
The reasons Reira-san was supported were exactly as Kohina-senpai said.
Long arms and legs, beautiful. I admire her great figure. It said she’s the most beautiful among beauties.
I peel off the next sticker.
[44th place: Sumeragi Kukuri / Former Aristocrat]
Whoa!?
I was surprised when Kukuri-chan suddenly popped up.
I read out the reasons why Kukuri-chan was chosen.
”Mystical. Even though she’s a foreigner, seeing her in person makes you want to put your hands together in prayer. The pinnacle of Japanese beauty. Her poise and grace are in a league of their own. She’s practically a work of art.”
That’s amazing. What high praise! I mean, how did she not get first place with that…?
”Maybe it’s because of her recognition. For foreigners, they might not know much about Kukuri-chan.”
”I heard there were votes from Japan too, but maybe some Japanese people thought it was too presumptuous to vote for something like this and didn’t. My grandma is kind of like that.”
Oh, that’s true. It even says that as a reason for her ranking.
I think the rankings are pretty high even without Japanese votes.
I peel the next seal.
[72nd Place: Yukishiro Emily / Actress]
Oh, it’s Emily!
That’s amazing, but I think she deserves a higher rank, or at least a little higher.
”Emily-chan is still new to the public eye, so she lacks recognition. Besides, she hasn’t been active much abroad. Just the fact that she reminds me of a young Kohina is enough, and her rank will naturally rise over time.”
”Yeah, that’s true.”
I see, I agree with Kohina-senpai’s reasoning.
”Well, there’s only one left now.”
Kohina-senpai and Kaede, who had been looking bored and uninterested until now, suddenly start stretching.
”I’ve been aiming for this from the start.”
”Yes, indeed.”
After confirming they’re ready, I slowly build up the suspense and then quickly peel the seal.
[98th Place: Morikawa Kaede / Announcer]
”Yesssssssssssss!”
Kaede jumps up in excitement.
Kohina-senpai rushes to stop her.
”Hey! You’re pregnant! Don’t go jumping around like that, you idiot!”
”Oh, sorry. I got carried away with excitement…”
Nice play, Kohina-senpai.
I read out the reason for her ranking, written below.
”The reason for voting is… ‘Because it would be interesting.’ ‘Morikawa cannon fire!’ ‘Just a joke.’ ‘World, meet Japan’s secret weapon.’ ‘It would be fun if she ranked.’ These are the main reasons for votes from Japan.”
”Hey! Why is my reason for being chosen different from everyone else’s? Why am I just a ‘joke’ or ‘interesting’?”
Calm down, Kaede!
Kohina-senpai tries to calm her down.
Wait, there are some good reasons written in small letters in the corner!
But it’s so typical of this show to pick the more amusing reasons.
”On the other hand, votes from abroad included: ‘Her legs are beautiful.’ ‘Powerful girl.’ ‘It’s great that she’s strong despite her intellectual profession.’ ‘Her constant smile and happiness are appealing.’ These are the reasons for her ranking.”
”I think I might transfer to an overseas station now…”
”Stop it. If you and Aqua move from Japan, people will think you came here for war. It’ll become an international issue.”
Me too!?
That’s weird. I haven’t done anything harmful like Kohina-senpai…
”Look, Kaede. If you look closely at the corner, it says that Japan voted for this reason too.”
”Oh, you’re right. Thanks, everyone!”
I’m glad. I gently pat Kaede’s head.
”Hehe, hehe.”
Wait, what? Looking closely, there’s somehow another sticker stuck on it.
I slowly peel off the sticker.
”By the way, the site listed up to 300th place, but it seems Kohina-senpai’s name wasn’t there.”
”Alright. Let’s destroy the States. Kaede, Aqua, go to the States and cause some chaos!!”
Kohina-senpai, what you just said is way too different from earlier.
”Well, it’s fine. I just can’t resist making them understand from there.”
That’s scary… I’ll just stay out of it.
I quickly look away from Kohina-senpai and pretend to be someone else.
”So, once again, Morikawa Kaede-san. Congratulations!!”
Whoa. One of the staff members came out with a bouquet.
In response, warm applause comes from me, Kohina-senpai, everyone in the audience, and the staff.
I’m glad, Kaede.
”Thank you, everyone!”
So, is that it?
Huh? You want me to talk more?
I think it ended nicely just now.
You want to see more? Well, I guess I can’t help it.
”Kohina-senpai, it says to draw the next card.”
”Hmm.”
Kohina-senpai draws a card and hands it to me.
Come on, please read it yourself properly.
”Um, I heard a rumor that Shirogane Aqua-san is collecting a certain alcohol. Is that true?”
Huh? Kohina-senpai and Kaede both have unusually serious looks on their faces. What’s up?
”Hey, you sit right there! It’s lecture time, lecture time!”
”Aqua-kun has gone down the wrong path. Oh no, oh no. I have to contact Nee-san…”
Ah, I see.
I wave my hand sideways, saying, “That’s not it.”
”Listen, that’s not the case.”
”Enough with the excuses! Just sit down!”
No, no, I mean, it’s interesting, so I’ll sit, but it’s not for the reasons those 2 think.
”So, what did you drink?”
”I didn’t drink anything. I bought wine, though.”
I’m not lying. It’s the truth.
I did buy wine, but I haven’t had a single drop.
”What kind of wine did you buy?”
”It’s a royal wine made from Stars, produced in 2015.”
”Oh.”
Kaede, sensing something, makes a face that’s hard to describe.
”Why did you buy that wine? It’s probably for some silly reason, right?”
”It’s not silly at all! It’s wine that was stepped on by 9-year-old Kanon!!”
Huh? Kohina-senpai, is something wrong?
”Uh, that’s kinda gross…”
”No, no! It’s wine made by the person I love stepping on it! I absolutely have to secure it!!”
Seriously. Kohina-senpai really doesn’t understand the rarity of this wine.
It’s wine that 9-year-old, untouched Kanon stepped on, you know? It’s not an exaggeration to say it’s a national treasure level.
Plus, it’s not just me; Emily said she secretly bought some too.
”Huh? Are you planning to buy up all of it or something?”
”Of course.”
What a ridiculous thing to say!
I turn my gaze back to the camera.
”Uh, to everyone watching in Morikawa Kaede’s room, if you have wine from the royal store made in 2015, could you please sell it to me? Of course, it doesn’t have to be for money; I can pay with other things too. I can’t change my nationality or get divorced, but if it’s not something impossible like that, just let me know!!”
””””””””””Anything!?””””””””””
Whoa, that surprised me…
The staff and customers who were a bit withdrawn just a moment ago suddenly leaned forward and shouted loudly.
When the producer stepped forward, she called out to me.
”Aqua-san, is it true that you’ll take anything?”
”Of course.”
”Okay, so if I said I wanted to make a baby with Aqua-san…?”
”There’s no such word as ‘no’ in my dictionary.”
Is that really all it takes?
There’s no woman in this world I can’t embrace.
”Whoa, a world war is going to break out over wine!”
”I don’t care. I’ll just leave it to Kanon-san, Yui-san, and Prime Minister Habu.”
Some of the audiences start to hurriedly prepare to leave.
Wait, the staff seems to be packing up suddenly too. Is something going on?
”Ah, both of you, the staff brought us udon.”
”I’ll have kitsune udon.”
”Meat~ meat~!”
We eat the takeout udon while still sitting at our seats.
Come on, everyone, make sure to eat some udon before you head home.
”Seriously, eating udon during the show is way too free!”
”No, it’s just that I’m hungry.”
Yeah, yeah. Besides, the staff is preparing to pack up while eating udon, and for some reason, all the customers in the audience are eating udon together too. Plus, there’s a cameraman filming them while they eat udon.
This is definitely a show where Kaede is the main MC. Even beryl&beryl isn’t this free.
”Ahh, it’s so good. Hot udon is the best when it’s hot outside. The flavor of the fried tofu is soaking in~.”
”Maybe I should’ve gone with kitsune too.”
”Then, give me a bit of your tempura. Here, I’ll give you the half-eaten fried tofu.”
”Sure thing.”
As Kohina-senpai and I are exchanging side dishes, Kaede looks over at us with a sad expression.
”I’ve been thinking since the beginning of the show, but aren’t you two being more lovey-dovey than me, who’s married?”
”Me and this guy?”
”No way!”
Huh? I thought Kaede wore glasses in private just because she looks smart, but her eyesight should be excellent, right?
Could it be that her eyesight has gotten worse? I look at Kaede with a worried expression.
”Huh? That’s strange… Is it just my imagination?”
”It’s just your imagination.”
”Yeah, yeah.”
I nod along while slurping my udon.
I was just thinking, what kind of faces do the people in front of the TV make when they see this scene of the cast eating udon, leaving the viewers behind? They have to cut that, right?
”Those staff members definitely won’t cut it.”
”No way…”
By the way, Kohina-senpai, please don’t read people’s thoughts.
Later on.
When I checked on TV, that mysterious scene of just slurping udon was actually aired.
There were definitely other scenes they could have shown…
”Ugh, Aqua, you idiot! And Emily-senpai, you’re an idiot too!”
Also, Kanon’s face turned bright red and she sulked, so Emily and I seriously apologized to her.
By the way, S.K isn’t just one person; it’s 2.
Shirogane Kanon-san and Sumeragi Kukuri-chan both from Tokyo voted a lot.
Also, T.K-san, aka Chihiro Claire-san, used the Holy Aqua Religion for group voting, so it went unnoticed.
And S.K-san, who got thanked by Aqua through the screen, apparently went into a frenzy of happiness and embarrassment in front of the TV.
Also, coming in second after Kanon was the religious figure, Saint Emily-san. Actually, if you add up all of Emily’s votes, she would surpass Kanon, but since they were all voted separately, she didn’t. I guess that’s just like Emily.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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