Volume 13 Chapter 154 Kohina Yukari, Legendary Shopping Program
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”Huh? A shopping show!?”
”Yeah, it’s true. Emily-chan got this job herself. And somehow, Aqua-kun is also going to be on it.”
Akocchi says that idiot is going to mess something up again.
And this time, it looks like he’s doing it with Emily-chan.
”I’m worried since it’s live. Plus, Kaede-san isn’t here for some reason…”
”Yeah, I hope nothing goes wrong.”
Kotono-san and Kanon-san are both worried. I don’t know what Kaede went to do, but I already have a bad feeling about this.
”Everyone! It’s starting!”
Marin-san’s voice makes everyone rush to the TV.
Hehe. When I was alone, I used to talk to the TV by myself, but living with a lot of people is nice.
As everyone waits nervously in front of the TV, a cheerful and poppy intro plays with the animation.
[Beryl Dream Group’s shopping show, Beryl Net Aqua]
What’s that? Did Beryl create another new company?
”Akocchi, what’s this company?”
”I want to know too…”
Why doesn’t the president Akocchi know?
As the fancy animation plays, I can hear Aqua and Emily-chan singing.
’Not just in Japan, but delivering dreams to Stars and States!’
What you’re delivering to Stars and States isn’t dreams, it’s despair!
Kanon-san is laughing, but there aren’t any Stars left!
The people in States must be shaking when they hear this song! Be a little nicer!
’Hello everyone, I’m Shirogane Aqua, the president of Beryl Net Aqua.’
’And I’m Yukishiro Emily, your supporter… not mistress!’
The two of them with big smiles appear on screen.
Even though it seems really suspicious at this point, their looks probably fool everyone.
’President, what kind of products do you have for us today?’
’Well, today I brought a really sharp knife for those who aren’t good at cooking.’
Hmm. Can I use it since I’m not good at cooking?
If it’s really a good product, I might buy it.
Aqua holds up a knife that looks like it’s sold everywhere.
’Yes, this knife that you can find anywhere. It really is everywhere!’
’Wow, it’s amazing!’
Wow, what’s so amazing about a knife you can find anywhere?
It looks like a normal knife to me!
’Look, see how sharp it is? Isn’t it amazing?’
’Wow! I want one!’
Aqua, wearing an apron, skillfully slices a cucumber.
No, no, it’s not the knife that’s amazing; you’re just good at cooking!
Someone like me couldn’t slice that evenly and quickly.
’Everyone watching on TV, are you thinking, “That’s just because you’re good at cooking!”?’
I nod repeatedly.
’That’s not it! Even people who aren’t good at cooking can slice like this!’
The scene changes, and Kaede appears holding the knife.
Kotono-san nearby shouts, “Watch out!”
’Look, even Morikawa Kaede-san, who isn’t great at cooking, can do it!’
’Wow! The knife is so sharp it even cuts through the cutting board! President, is it okay to sell such a dangerous knife?’
That’s not about the knife’s sharpness; it’s just Kaede’s strength!
And Emily-chan, didn’t you just call it a dangerous knife?
I didn’t mishear that, right?
’Also, the knife is useful in emergencies. Like when you’re cooking…’
Suddenly, a doorbell rings.
’Yes, yes! I’m coming!’
Aqua moves from the kitchen still holding the knife.
Huh? Where’s Emily-chan?
When Aqua opens the front door, Emily-san is standing there with a big smile and her hands together.
’Shall we pray to God? Aaahhh!’
’Look, just like this. Even if someone suddenly tries to sell you a religion while you’re cooking, if you have a knife, you’re safe! If you open the door for a second, the person will just leave!!’
No way, that’s dangerous!!
What if it’s a delivery person?
Put the knife back in the kitchen!
’Of course, this knife is great for more than just dealing with religious salespeople. It can handle door-to-door sales and sudden robberies too. How about getting one for your home? Even the legendary Shirogane-san uses this knife!’
Who’s this legendary Shirogane? It’s probably you, right!!
Don’t add silly extra value! Just because your name is on it, idiots will buy it!
”Is it really from the legendary Shirogane-san!?”
”I have to buy it…”
Kanon? Yui?
I feel hopeless knowing that top-class idiots… I mean, victims are so close to me.
’But, boss. This knife is used by the legendary Shirogane-san, right? It must be expensive?’
’Yes, it actually costs over 10,000 yen, but how about 9,980 yen this time?’
That’s so expensive! I guess if it’s Japanese-made and has some special coating, it could cost that much?
I don’t cook, so I have no idea what the right price is.
’Boss, can you lower it a bit more? How about 7,210 yen?’
’Okay! This time, I’ll make it special and sell it for 7,210 yen!’
Why did it suddenly drop by 2,770 yen? That’s suspicious!
You should have just started with that price!!
’Boss, do you have any extras?’
’Yes, of course! This time, as a special offer, you’ll get a knife sharpener with my signature on it for free!’
’Wow! That’s amazing! Boss, it’s cheaper if I buy the set, right?’
Aqua shows a pained expression again, just like before.
Stop with the acting and just tell me the final price already!!
’…! Emily, how much would you buy it for?’
’Well, since it’s my first time, how about 4,730 yen with my signature?’
That’s such a random price. Where did that 4,730 yen come from?
And wait, it’s less than half of the first price!
How much is this knife really worth? You didn’t buy it from a 100 yen shop, did you!?
’Alright! For 4,730 yen, I’ll also include the cutting board recommended by the legendary Shirogane!’
’That’s super cheap! If it comes with the knife, cutting board, and sharpener for 4,730 yen, I have to buy it!’
’Yes! I’m sure you’ll be satisfied!!’
No way, no way. No one is going to buy that.
”Uh, hello? About that knife I saw on TV…”
”I want to buy the knife. Do you still have it in stock?”
Kotono!? And Akocchi!?
Are you really planning to buy that knife!?
”Sorry, can I get 3? One for saving, one for backup, and one for using?”
Kanon!? Why would you buy 3!?
You’re not planning to stab Aqua, are you!?
”I’ll buy all the remaining stock. Yes, all of it. Please make the receipt out to Sumeragi Kukuri.”
Kukuri-chan!? Why are you buying so many knives!?
Since the last recreation when you said no one was in your stomach, your eyes look empty. Are you okay? Useless Aqua should focus on this instead of selling knives on TV!!
’Boss, don’t you have other products you want to recommend today?’
’Yes! I brought a special product for everyone today!’
Aqua points to something that looks like a deck.
I hope it’s a decent product this time.
’Boss, what is this?’
’It’s a DVD player.’
What’s a DVD? Is it about DVDs?
You’re talking weirdly, and it sounds strange!
’Of course, it’s not just a player that plays DVDs, right?’
’Yes, that’s right! This DVD player can record the videos from your tapes onto a DVD disc!!’
’Really!? That’s amazing!’
…I might want that a little.
If I have this, I can record the footage from the old video tapes I collect onto DVDs, right?
Yes, if it’s this one, I’d be willing to buy it for you.
”This one’s a bit lackluster.”
”Yeah, these days, with subscription services, other Japanese brands offer devices with better features.”
Kotono-san and Kanon-san, who are knowledgeable about computers, chat fluently about home appliances.
But if they’re so well-informed about computers and gadgets, then what was up with them getting scammed into buying those awful knives earlier?
’And this DVD player──amazingly, it also supports playing CDs and recording from cassette tapes!’
’Wow! So it can play CDs and even record from cassette tapes onto CDs!’
Hmm. I’m not too interested in that part, so whatever.
’What’s more, this deck comes with a monitor, making it usable as a standard portable player. And it’s not one of those tiny 9-inch ones──it’s 11 inches! With headphones or earphones, you can use it while traveling, at a hotel on a business trip, or even during a hospital stay.’
Oh, that’s nice.
It could be handy for long shoots out of the prefecture or overseas!
’And for everyone watching right now, we’re offering a special deal! You’ll get premium headphones or earphones and a custom Beryl Net Aqua pouch as a bonus! Of course, the pouch will feature signatures from both me and Emily-san!’
’Amazing!’
I don’t care about your signatures, but getting headphones or earphones in the set makes it a good deal.
Should I seriously consider buying it?
”This is worth buying.”
”The pouch is the main draw, huh.”
Huh? Didn’t Kanon-san and Kotono-san just say they didn’t need it?
Did I mishear them?
’But, boss, I think some people might feel uneasy about using such a device. What about that?’
’No problem! To ease those concerns, we had this person try it out!’
The screen cuts to a relaxed, unguarded Kaede.
Hey! Your silly face is being broadcast nationwide right now! Hurry up and notice!
When Kaede realized the camera was rolling, she pressed the DVD’s power button, inserted a disc, and hit play.
Hmm. While the many buttons look intimidating, even I could use it if it’s this simple.
’As you can see, it’s easy enough to operate.’
’Even Gorikawa-san… uh, I mean musclehead Morikawa-san, can use it! Amazing!’
Emily-chan clapped her hands in delight as Kaede scratched her head, looking embarrassed.
Hey! You just got compared to a gorilla! Show a little outrage!
Don’t look so honored, as if you’re thinking, “It’s a privilege to be compared to a gorilla!”
Are you seriously the top student of Mary’s school? They might start considering suing you soon!
’But isn’t it expensive?’
’Yes, but as a token of gratitude to everyone watching, we’re offering it for 9,980 yen!’
You should be studying properly at school instead of perfecting that shady salesman tone!
’Boss, one more discount!’
’Alright, how about 7,210 yen! This price is revolutionary!’
Why does the price keep dropping?! Just announce that price from the beginning!
This is why you come across as sketchy. What’s next, 1,980 yen?!
’Boss, if you’re going that low, wouldn’t the earlier price have been fine?’
’Alright, 4,730 yen! I can’t go any lower than this!’
4,730 yen, huh…
Maybe having one wouldn’t hurt.
It’s portable, comes with a monitor, and includes headphones.
’Boss, are you sure it won’t go any cheaper?’
’Yes… But! As a special deal, we’ll include a CD featuring the Beryl Net Aqua opening theme sung by me, Shirogane Aqua, and a DVD recording of the opening video!’
’Amazing! And we’ll also include a CD of the ending theme sung by me, Yukishiro Emily, called *Dreamlike Affordability*!’
No, no, that’s unnecessary!
Seriously, don’t throw in useless junk; just sell the device itself!
”Excuse me. Can I get 3 CDs, please?”
”I don’t need the main unit, so can you just send the CDs, DVDs, and the pouch?”
Wait, what!?
What are Kanon and Kotono talking about? Isn’t the main thing the player!?
”I might buy one too. I can watch Aqua-kun’s videos when I’m filming overseas.”
Yeah, yeah. That’s classic Mikuni.
I’m glad she’ll actually use the player properly.
”Well, then I’ll use it in the dressing room…”
Ayana-chan, if you’re buying it, I can get it for you.
Don’t hold back, okay?
”Um, the phone number is shikoshiko (4545), MM (0721), and… what’s with this silly number?”
I call and order 2 DVD players for Ayana-chan and me.
’Next, I want to recommend this Aqua Sleeper!’
’Is that a futon?’
Hmm. A futon, huh? If it’s comfy, I might buy it.
’Yes, if you use this Aqua Sleeper, you can feel like you’re sleeping with me!’
’Wowwwww!’
The video switches to Kaede sleeping peacefully in a futon.
Hey! This is live! Wipe your drool!
’This Aqua Sleeper was developed in collaboration with Hogewave Research Institute, and it cuts out Hoge-lar Waves while you sleep.’
Where’s the cut? She was just sleeping with a normal Hoge face!
This definitely doesn’t work. I’ll report it to the consumer center later.
’Right now, if you buy this Aqua Sleeper, you’ll also get a mattress for free!’
’Wow! But, boss, isn’t it expensive?’
Come on, we know the drill. It starts at 9,800 yen, then goes down to 7,210 yen, and finally 4,730 yen!
I get it!
’This Aqua Sleeper is available for 4,730 yen!’
’Eh!? Boss, is it really okay to sell it that cheap?’
’Yes! But that’s not all!’
Aqua places a mattress next to the Aqua Sleeper.
’And you’ll also get this mattress developed with Hogewave Research Institute. Plus…’
Aqua puts a pillow on top.
’You’ll also get this pillow developed with Hogewave Research Institute! All for 4,730 yen!’
’Wow! But, boss, can you give us one more deal?’
’Okay! I’ll throw in another identical set for family or guests for 4,730 yen! Please, just let me off the hook! I’ll even add a perfume that smells like me for free!’
Wait! Just that perfume alone is definitely a loss!
Everyone else in the room suddenly picks up their phones in silence.
Eek! Everyone’s eyes are bloodshot!!
’Boss, it’s almost time to wrap up.’
’Yes. Now, I’d like to introduce our last product.’
What’s next?
I glare at the two on the TV.
’Boss, what is this?’
’This is the Beryler Premium High-Pressure Washer, specially developed by Beryler and Beryl Net Aqua!!”
Hmm. I’ve never heard of that brand, but maybe it’s famous over there?
Well, I don’t need it since I never clean anyway.
’This Beryler high-pressure washer comes with various options to tackle any dirt!’
’Wow!’
Hmm…
You guys should really clean your dirty minds with that high-pressure washer.
’Also, with this attachment, you can clean these kinds of dirt and these kinds too!’
That’s way too many options.
Listen, for someone who can’t clean, switching those attachments is a hassle.
If you can’t clean, you probably can’t organize either, so you’d just lose the attachments.
’But, boss, does it really clean the dirt?’
’Yes! Now, let’s see the cleaning power of this Beryler high-pressure washer in action!’
The screen switches, and suddenly Kaede is outside holding the high-pressure washer and cleaning.
’Hyahaha! Time to disinfect the dirt!!’
Huh?
The screen suddenly changes to a boat floating on a foreign-looking lake.
[※Sorry for the inappropriate video that just played. Please wait a moment until the video switches back.]
What is this…
And Kaede, you’re pregnant, so calm down a bit.
I hope the baby learns from your mistakes, but what if they end up copying you?
When the video returned to the studio, Aqua and Emily were bowing their heads.
’Uh, it seems like there was a problem with the connection.’
’Yeah, it does.’
No way, the connection has nothing to do with this!
’So, Boss, how much is thisBeryler High Pressure Washer?’
’Ah, yes. To apologize for earlier, it’s 4,730 yen. We’re running out of time, and of course, it comes with a proper signature!’
So cheap! I’m actually worried if it’ll work well for just 4,730 yen.
”I really want one. It’d be great for the year-end cleaning.”
”Yeah, it could be handy.”
Marin-san and Agewa-san are casually making a phone call.
I thought one would be enough, but this house is big, so one or 2 won’t be enough. Plus, the maids usually do the cleaning, so I feel like we don’t really need it… but whatever.
’Alright everyone, see you tomorrow!’
’Huh? Emily, are we doing this again tomorrow?’
A message pops up saying there will be a rerun tomorrow.
Well, it was a decent way to pass the time.
I went back to my room, looking forward to the DVD arriving.
Please bookmark this series and rate ☆☆☆☆☆ on here!
Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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