Chapter 288 Like That Star.txt
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
I had once wished to become a night sky—if I couldn’t shine myself, then at least I wanted to help others shine brighter. But even with that wish, it didn’t change what I needed to do.
Back then, I simply followed Cany without thinking, moving only by her will. Now, it’s different. I choose to act on my own. I want to protect Neil-sama’s light—not because someone told me to, but because I want to.
Even though nothing else has changed, just the fact that I changed… made everything feel different. The gray days I lived through began to show a little color. Bit by bit, I started to feel like each day was warm—like it was something I could enjoy.
A courtesan works alone, one guest at a time. Even if other girls are doing the same job, we don’t really work together. So, we rarely talk much.
And since this job sees new faces often, the people working at Toys of Preference—Shikou no Gigu—come and go quickly. We’re just passing shadows. That’s why I never bothered to get close to other courtesans.
But once I started helping Neil-sama, I found myself talking with them more. We’d end up doing chores together, chatting along the way. It felt natural somehow.
”Ah, Remia! Could you help me with the laundry for a bit?” one of the girls called out as she passed by.
”What is it this time?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “Did you drop the clothes again and need to redo everything?”
”No!” she said, waving her hands fast. “We got more laundry just now. The others already went to help at the dining hall and bakery, so I’m short on hands.”
”I get it,” I said, sighing lightly. “I’ll help. If I leave it to you alone, you’ll just get them dirty again.”
”Do you think I’m that clumsy?” she asked with a frown.
”Do you know how many times I had to rewash your clothes?” I replied, raising an eyebrow.
”S-sorry! I really am, okay!?”
I could joke around with the other girls now. The kind of casual talk I once only shared with Cany came easier lately. When we worked together, I felt like some regular village girl helping out in town.
But… that was just a dream. I was never just a normal girl. Still, for someone like me who’s only lived through cold and bitter days, these moments started to feel precious.
That’s why I became so careful. I needed to protect my false identity more than ever. And the one I feared most was Estesia Pordhail.
Even if I completely suppressed my magical energy, it meant nothing in front of her sharp senses. I had worked with her many times at the mansion, and though she never said anything directly, her gaze was always different when it landed on me.
The only reason she hadn’t called me out was because I’d made no mistakes. So long as that continued, my secret would stay safe.
One morning, just like any other, I finished cleaning the second-floor room and figured I’d head to the dining hall or bakery to help out next.
As I descended the stairs, Neil-sama appeared from the first-floor south corridor. We both paused when our eyes met halfway.
”Ah,” I breathed, blinking in surprise.
”Oh, Remia-san,” Neil-sama said, stepping back slightly. “It’s rare to see you here. What brings you to this part of the house?”
”I should be the one asking that,” I replied, smiling gently. “What brings you here, Neil-sama?”
”Ah, I’m looking for Estesia-san,” he said, then tilted his head. “Did you change your hair again?”
At his words, my heart jumped.
He once told me he liked it when my hair was black with just a hint of green… and so, even though I wasn’t sure we’d ever meet again, I changed it back to that color.
Honestly, I wondered why I did something so silly… but hearing him say that made me glad.
”Does it look strange?” I asked, brushing a lock behind my ear.
”No, I think it suits you very well,” Neil-sama said with a nod.
”Really…?” I murmured, warmth blooming in my chest.
Then I remembered the reason he was here.
”Ah, you were looking for Estesia-san, right?” I asked quickly.
”Yes,” he said. “Do you know where she might be?”
”This morning, I helped with laundry,” I answered, thinking. “But after that, I went back. I believe she had no work scheduled this afternoon.”
”I see…” Neil-sama said, falling silent.
”Is something bothering you?” I asked, tilting my head.
”Ah, no, it’s just… a personal thing,” he said, his voice trailing off.
”Neil-sama?”
He froze, staring at my face. I blinked in confusion, and he suddenly looked flustered.
”I’m really sorry,” he said quickly. “But could I ask your name again?”
”Huh?”
”No, no—it’s awful, I know!” Neil-sama said, waving his hands. “Even though we met before, I forgot! Not because I don’t care—it’s just that I’m terrible with names, really! It’s not your fault at all!”
”Hehe,” I laughed, unable to hold it in. “It’s okay, really. You don’t have to explain so hard. If it were just yesterday or today, maybe I’d get upset, but that meeting was… business. It’s natural to forget.”
”Even so, I feel like it’s rude of me,” Neil-sama said, looking troubled.
After all, it was just a paid meeting. This was only our third time talking. But still… Neil-sama tried to face me like any other person. That sincerity made something stir deep inside me.
”If you feel bad about it,” I said softly, “then could you try not to forget my name this time?”
”Yes! Of course,” Neil-sama said, straightening.
Living like this, I slowly found myself smiling more.
One day, as I was about to go back upstairs after finishing my shift, I saw a few courtesans from the house peeking at me from the first-floor north corridor.
”Sorry, Neil-sama,” I said, bowing my head. “I’ll excuse myself now.”
”Ah, yes, and I’m sorry for keeping you.”
As I hurried down, the other courtesans quickly vanished.
When I glanced down the hallway they disappeared into, they were waiting there, waving me over.
I had a feeling I was about to be questioned, so I walked toward them.
”Hey, that was Neil-sama, right?” one of them asked, wide-eyed. “How did you get so close to him so fast?”
”We’ve only met twice before,” I said calmly.
”Even so, I’m surprised,” another said. “You were smiling the whole time.”
”I smile if something’s funny,” I replied, blinking.
”No, not that kind of smile,” one said, shaking her head.
”What do you mean?” I asked.
”You really don’t know?” she said, staring at me. “You were smiling with a real smile the entire time you talked with him.”
”…Huh?”
* * *
That night, after finishing with my first guest and tidying up my room, I waited for the next.
Suddenly, a knock came at the door. Cany leaned in through the crack.
”Remia, come downstairs for a minute,” she said sharply.
”…Yes,” I answered quietly.
Once we reached the first floor, Cany crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at me.
”Do you know why I called you?”
”Is it about that guest?” I asked.
”Yes,” she said, her voice sharp. “You were completely out of it during your session, weren’t you? Usually, you’re quiet—but today? You didn’t even pretend. He complained a lot.”
”I’m sorry,” I said, lowering my head. “I understand.”
”So,” Cany said, leaning closer, “what were you so distracted about?”
”………”
”You’re making that face,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “Is it about Atmiras’ little genius?”
”…”
”Ah,” she muttered, smirking. “From that look, I guessed right—or close enough. Is it because you’ve been smiling a lot lately?”
”!!”
I lifted my head fast.
”Was I… really smiling that much?” I asked quietly.
”Yes,” Cany said, her voice softening. “You’re always talking about the mansion, and every time, you have that same smile on your face.”
”My smile…?” I echoed.
”You hate smiling?” Cany asked, tilting her head.
”Because… my smile is…”
‘I’ve always wanted to wipe that creepy grin off your face.’
‘That smile isn’t happy or sad. It’s just empty—like you’ve stopped caring about anything.’
The memory struck hard, dragging old pain up from deep inside.
If I smiled like that in front of Neil-sama too…
”I get it now,” Cany said gently. “But don’t beat yourself up. It’s not that serious.”
”It’s serious to me,” I replied, clenching my fists. “Even if others don’t understand—”
”I know it matters to you,” Cany said, cutting me off. “When I said it’s ‘trivial,’ I didn’t mean your feelings are. Remia, have you ever looked in a mirror and seen yourself smile? Truly smiled?”
”I haven’t. But why would that matter?”
”It matters,” she said firmly. “You’re scared you still have that same fake smile, right? But honestly, when you talk now, you have this light in your face. It’s bright—it shines.”
Her words left me speechless.
”Did… my smile really shine?” I whispered.
”Yes,” Cany said with a nod. “Even when I’m working like crazy, I look at you and feel jealous. You look like you’re glowing sometimes.”
”I’m sorry… I──ow!” I yelped as she flicked my forehead.
”Idiot,” Cany said with a grin. “Don’t say sorry for that. If you fall apart from something so small, how will you carry Grelego’s dream? Now that you know, go back to work.”
”Yes… thank you.”
I went back up to my room and sat on the bed, still holding the warmth of her words.
”…So I really was smiling.”
I had long since given up on smiling from the heart. But without noticing, I had started to again.
Surely, it was because of Neil-sama.
Just being near him made me feel like I could shine, too. And that thought alone was enough to fill me.
”No.”
I reached up and pressed my fingers to the corners of my lips, trying to stop the smile from rising again.
I must not forget my place—I am the Darkness. Even if my heart longs for that shining star, I must not dream of becoming one. My role is to stay in the shadows and support Neil-sama’s light. While I repeated that thought and went on with my quiet days, the day of fate finally came.
It was a large-scale assault, involving nearly all members of the organization. The mission was tied to a frontier settlement, and it had grown so big that even someone low like me was dragged into it. I was given little information. That was normal—if they didn’t tell me, I didn’t need to know. And so, I never asked. But this time… something felt different.
”Cany, is the target this time connected to Neil-sama?” I asked, keeping my voice low.
”Why would you ask something like that?” Cany replied, raising one brow.
”This target… didn’t it visit Neil-sama three weeks ago?”
”Yes, that was the first meeting. We’re not close to them,” she said, brushing her bangs aside.
”I see… But, has Neil-sama been told about this attack too?”
”Sounds like it. That genius from Atmiras figured out a lot about the target, and since keeping it a secret was hard, I guess the warning was passed on. It would’ve been smoother if Grelego’s name was dropped, but that didn’t happen. Well, it’s not like there’s a need to worry about someone you only met once. Are you feeling better now?”
”Better? I wasn’t feeling uneasy or anything…” I replied, glancing away.
”Liar,” Cany said, smirking. “It was all over your face—you were thinking, ‘What if someone important to Neil-sama is part of this?’”
”……”
”…Hey, Remia, this is only a ‘what if’, alright?” she said, her voice quiet.
”?”
”If you wish—”
She stopped. Her words cut short as her eyes turned toward the shop entrance. A moment later, Luck, one of our members stationed near the Spear of Shouhyou, came out from behind a nearby stall.
”We meet in thirty minutes,” Luck said, slipping between the merchandise. “The operation starts then.”
”Got it. Let’s go, Remia,” Cany said, stepping forward.
”Yeah,” I replied with a nod.
Even though I was still wondering what Cany had tried to say, there was no time to dwell on it now. I had my own role to play.
Covering my face with a mask and robe, I made my way south, slipping quietly out of the settlement. A strange feeling grew in my chest as I traveled.
But it wasn’t fear about the mission. No matter the size or how little I knew, my job didn’t change.
What made my heart stir was something else—something I couldn’t name.
”What? Something’s getting closer!”
The voice came sharp and urgent. I felt it too—the sound of someone coming. I knew then, They’ve come after all.
”You say there’s no reason to help someone you barely met,” I muttered to myself, clutching my dagger. “But for Neil-sama… for someone who tries their best, even with a woman they only met once at a brothel… just that reason is enough.”
The noise grew louder. A red light flashed through the trees like a flicker of fire.
That light—it could only mean one thing. Momoka had arrived.
I clenched my dagger tighter. She worked at the manor, like me. If I could, I didn’t want to fight her. I didn’t want to hurt her. But if Neil-sama’s people ruined this mission, the group would see Neil-sama as a danger to the empire.
I wasn’t trying to protect Neil-sama’s wishes. I wanted to protect her light. Even if it meant going against her will, even if it meant hurting Momoka—
I had to stop her.
So I ran straight into the light.
”No—!”
Just like I feared, it was Momoka. But she wasn’t alone.
Standing with her were Estesia, Lewya… and Neil-sama himself.
I was ready to face anyone to guard her brilliance. But this? I never imagined Neil-sama would come in person. My hands shook. My dagger wavered—I couldn’t pick a target. That moment of hesitation—
Momoka didn’t waste it. Her kick struck hard, and I was thrown back, crashing into a tree.
Pain shot through me. I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t even breathe.
As I lay there, gasping, Estesia walked toward me.
”To someone like me, who can see auras, this disguise means nothing,” she said, reaching out.
She removed my mask.
She said something after that, but I wasn’t listening.
Neil-sama had noticed.
He was coming closer, his face filled with worry.
Please… don’t come. Not you.
In front of him, I wanted to stay as “Stella.”
”…Stella-san?”
Don’t look at Remia (me).
The moment Neil-sama spoke my name—my real name—my mind went blank.
I remember nothing after that.
* * *
When I woke, it was already over.
Neil-sama had seen my real self.
After that, I was empty. I couldn’t bring myself to help around the brothel anymore. I stayed locked in my room. Cany told others it was just “mental fatigue,” but the truth was, I couldn’t stay here now that everything had been revealed.
By the third night, when I had already decided I could never be near that shining light again, Cany came to see me.
”Remia, I need to talk about what comes next,” she said, sitting down carefully.
”I know,” I said softly. “My identity’s exposed. I can’t stay here. I don’t want to be a burden. I’ll leave the frontier on my own.”
”Yes… that’s probably for the best,” she replied.
”Cany?”
Something was off. Her face was serious in a way I’d never seen.
”Remia, if you want… you could leave the organization. Go to Neil-sama,” she said.
”What are you saying? That’s a joke, right—”
But her eyes were firm. She wasn’t joking.
”…Why?” I asked.
”Because I think it’s what’s best,” she said. “It’s not about Grelego’s ideals or any sudden feeling. From the day I brought you into this life… I’ve always wondered if I was making a mistake.”
”A mistake? But Cany, you saved me…”
”No. I saved your life, yes. But I didn’t save you. I acted under orders. I was a tool. I used others to get what I wanted. I’m not proud of that. But I didn’t bring you in just to use you. I wanted you to live. To be happy.”
”…Yeah. I know.”
I could feel it, even without words—Cany cared.
If she had wanted a proper tool, she could’ve picked someone with training, not a rookie like me. Cany wasn’t as cold as she pretended to be.
”Thanks, Cany. But it’s okay. I’ve already reached too far. I don’t deserve more.”
”Remia…”
When I was a child, I lost my parents because I tried to escape sin. I left my village. I was sent to that hell because of my own choices.
Each time I wished for something, life only got worse. I still reached for the light—just to stand near Neil-sama.
And this was the result.
Cany looked like she wanted to say more, but she held back.
That was when a loud voice came from the front of the shop.
”Oh! So many things I’ve never seen before!” said Lewya’s voice.
”It’s a lot… no, seriously, it’s more than before,” Neil-sama added.
Cany and I looked at each other in surprise.
”Lewya, it’s pretty cramped in here, so be careful not to catch your dress on the goods—” Neil-sama said, rising.
”I get it,” Lewya said. “I’ll stay here and watch for anyone strange… wait, actually, I’ll check out the items instead.”
”Then I’ll go deeper in. Let me know if something happens,” Neil-sama replied.
”Got it,” she nodded.
What now? Neil-sama was coming in.
Normally, I would just slip upstairs without a word.
But this time… I couldn’t move.
My body stayed frozen behind the counter.
”Oh, welcome. What kind of girl are you looking for today?” Cany asked quickly.
”No, I didn’t come for that,” Neil-sama said. “I actually wanted to ask about Remia-san…”
”Ah, Remia? Are you worried about her?”
”Yes, I heard she hasn’t been well. I was concerned.”
”Hmm, that’s troubling. We’re told not to talk about the workers’ details, though.”
”Oh, no worries! I just wanted to check if she’s alright. I understand if it’s private. Some clients are a bit shady, I get it. Protecting the girls here comes first.”
”Thank you, Neil-sama. Honestly, if someone like you fell for one of our girls and took her away, that would be a dream.”
”Take her away—wait, no, that’s not what I meant…”
”Don’t be shy. Just an example, of course—ouch?!”
”What’s wrong!?”
”N-no, nothing at all,” she stammered.
I had said I wouldn’t wish for anything more… yet here I was, hiding behind the counter, punching Cany in the shin for opening her big mouth.
Cany shot a bitter glance my way, but only for a moment. She quickly turned his eyes back to Neil-sama.
”About Remia… she’s been taken off duty at Toys of Preference,” Cany said, her voice low.
”Is her health that bad?” Neil-sama asked, concern showing.
”No, not physically. Her body’s fine. But… she just can’t find the will to work anymore.”
”Is it something emotional?”
”Yes. This kind of job drains the mind more than people expect. Many girls suddenly break down and leave one day without warning.”
Neil-sama didn’t reply. A strange silence took over the room.
From my angle, I couldn’t see his expression, but knowing I wasn’t resting because of work at the brothel, I could imagine he was conflicted. Cany’s words wouldn’t sit right with him.
Then, Cany looked at Neil-sama and asked with a teasing tone, “By the way, Neil-sama, I’ve been wondering… why are you so concerned about that girl? She’s just a courtesan, isn’t she? You only spent one night with her.”
”It’s true,” Neil-sama said, shaking his head slightly. “But that’s not all.”
”Oh? Could it be… while I wasn’t looking, you two got close?”
”No! It’s not like that at all!” Neil-sama said quickly, waving his hand. “I’ve only seen Stella-san once outside, and we only talked a few times. Still… I can’t help but care. I feel uneasy if I don’t.”
”You can’t help but care? What’s that supposed to mean?”
”Umm… Sorry. I can’t explain.”
Neil-sama lied. He didn’t know Cany was part of the same group as me, but he still covered for me.
Even knowing who I really was, he still tried to protect me. That made my chest ache—I felt like crying.
”Phew, I see,” Cany said with a breath, forcing a smile. “I don’t have the guts to dig into your noble matters, so I’ll leave it at that… but how long are you planning to stay quiet like this?”
Suddenly, Cany dropped her eyes and started speaking—this time, directly to me.
I couldn’t talk, so I tried using hand signs. But Cany ignored them and went on.
”It’s such a shame, you know,” she said, still looking at me. “Neil-sama came all this way just to see you.”
”Could it be… Stella-san? Are you here?” Neil-sama asked gently.
I realized I couldn’t hide anymore. Swallowing my fear, I peeked out from behind the counter.
”You’re being childish, Remia,” Cany said with a frown. “Since when were you close enough with Neil-sama to tell him your real name?”
”…You’re loud, Cany. Mind your own business,” I said coldly.
”It is my business,” Cany said, leaning in. “Who was it who stayed up talking with you after shifts at the estate? The other day, when Neil-sama spoke with you in the mansion, you were so happy—wait, ah—”
”Cany, shut up already,” I said, kicking his shin under the counter.
He yelped quietly, and Neil-sama, watching all this, chuckled and stepped forward.
”Ah… Stella-san, I’m glad to see you’re doing well,” he said warmly.
”…Yes,” I replied softly.
What now? This is too awkward. I didn’t know what to say, and maybe Neil-sama felt the same, because neither of us spoke for a while. Then, he broke the silence.
”Um… I’ve noticed you haven’t come to the estate recently. Is something wrong?”
”That’s…”
”I don’t know all the details,” Neil-sama said, hesitating. “But if you’re not too tired of the estate work, could you keep helping? Even just as a personal favor?”
”Huh? What do you mean by that?” I asked, blinking.
As I hesitated, unsure how to reply, Cany tapped my shoulder.
”Isn’t that fine?” he asked. “You liked working there, didn’t you?”
”But, Cany…”
”There’s no need to worry,” Canny said, smiling gently. “I’ll talk to the top people about it… This was your wish, right?”
Even as I wavered, Neil-sama continued.
”Of course, I wouldn’t force you,” he said, her voice calm and firm. “But since we’ve come this far… I’d really like it if you stayed in the frontier settlement, in some way.”
”Are you sure? Letting me work at the estate again—”
”It’s fine,” he said, not letting me finish.
His voice was steady and sure, leaving no room for doubt. It almost made me cry.
Part of me wanted to accept right away, but I held back.
”…Let me think it over a little,” I said.
”I understand,” Neil-sama nodded. “I’ll talk with Diana and Lewya. When you decide, tell one of them. Then, I’ll be going now.”
”Thank you for making time for her,” Cany said, bowing lightly. “Next time, please come as a customer.”
”Ahaha… I’ll think about it,” Neil-sama said, smiling faintly before leaving Toys of Preference.
As soon as the door shut, Cany dropped her smile.
”Fuh… Honestly,” she muttered. “If you know Remia’s real nature, then you should understand our world too. Are you brave, or just reckless? So, what’s your plan?”
”…No. I can’t shine like Neil-sama anymore,” I said, lowering my eyes.
”Shine, huh? Ah… so that’s what you mean, Stella.”
Cany finally used my real name, as if everything made sense now.
”I see. It’s a beautiful name. Kind of sad that you never used it until now.”
”But… someone like me, stuck in the dark, doesn’t deserve that name anymore.”
”So you gave it up and became Remia? Strange. Yet, you still call yourself Stella in front of Neil-sama. That means you haven’t given up completely.”
”……”
”If you want to go to Neil-sama, then go,” Cany said firmly. “Right now, the organization’s a mess. Some key members are trying to leave after the leader called off the mission. Normally, even frontline people can’t leave easily, but with all the confusion, you might slip away.”
”But… whenever I hope for something, it always ends badly. I’m scared. I’m scared of hoping again and being hurt.”
”How many times has that really happened?” Cany asked. “Two? Maybe three? That’s all just chance. Are you really going to give up something rare just because of a few unlucky moments? Was your wish that weak?”
”I understand!!” I shouted.
My voice rang out so loudly that even the girls upstairs must’ve heard. But I couldn’t stop myself.
”I want that too! I know more than anyone how much I want it! But… I’m scared. Neil-sama is kind. Maybe he would accept me… But he doesn’t know how broken I am inside. If he finds out how twisted I’ve become… will he still smile at me? I’m scared. I’m not the same person anymore. I’m not that star. I can’t shine ever again. If that’s true, then—”
As I prepared to bury that hope, Cany slowly began to speak.
”…Hey, Remia. Do you know about certain stars in the night sky? Some shine with their own light. But others… they don’t shine on their own. They borrow the light from stars nearby. Maybe you can’t shine by yourself anymore. But if someone gives you their light, maybe you can shine again. When you spoke about Neil-sama earlier… the smile on your face looked just like that kind of star.”
”…Do you really think I can still shine?”
”Believe what you want,” Cany said. “But I saw it with my own eyes. That’s enough, right? Stella, don’t give up on the meaning in your name. You’re not just some piece I picked up. I believe you’re a star in the night sky—so show me that I’m right.”
”Cany…”
I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Tears streamed down my cheeks, heavy and endless.
I thought it was already too late. I thought I had become too fake to go back.
But if I can go back… if I’m still allowed to—
”I want to be like Neil-sama… like that star!”
”Yes. You can, Stella. You really can,” Cany said softly, holding me close as I cried.
Even the girls on the second floor peeked down at the noise, but I didn’t care. I kept crying.
After a while, when my tears finally stopped, I stepped away from her gently.
”…Sorry. I showed you something pathetic.”
”Don’t worry about it,” Cany said. “More importantly, have you made up your mind?”
”Yes. But first, I need to prepare something.”
”What is it?”
”I want you to get me a pen and paper.”
”A letter? If it’s a resignation, you don’t need to bother. Whether it’s for this house or the group, no one needs that.”
”No, that’s not it… I just remembered something. I made a promise long ago. ‘Send a letter when you’re ready.’”
”A promise?”
”With someone who was kind to me a long time ago.”
”Hmm, alright then. Pen and paper it is.”
Cany pulled out a pen and paper from behind the counter. I took them, breathed in slowly, and wrote one thing on the page.
Stella.
That’s my name.
Notes:
• Cany – Female. A member of the empire’s fanatics, also known as Grelego. She is skilled, resourceful, and exasperated by Remia’s detached demeanor. She rescues Remia from the Marquis Barone and offers her a chance to join her organization. Her relationship with Remia begins as a rescuer but evolves into a mentor-like role.
• Remia – Female. Other name of Stella.
• Grelego – Ally of the empire. The one who judges those who harm the empire.
• Momoka – The strongest one on ihomono Niya’s group. The one who absorb MC’s Crimson.
• Stella – Female. A young woman from a village in the territory of Count Cordis. Her appearance is that of a young girl with a fixed smile, reflecting her traumatic experiences. She was renamed Remia by the brothel owner in Malm. Her relationship with others is marked by survival and adaptation, as she endures sexual exploitation and bullying. Her inner thoughts reveal a deep sense of despair and disconnection from her original identity.
Please bookmark this series and rate ☆☆☆☆☆ on here!
Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
Leave a Reply