Volume 13 Chapter 343 Shirogane Aqua, Chaotic Mother Impersonation on Live TV
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
The joy over Ai-chan’s pregnancy barely had time to settle before a message popped up from Mother, saying Mommy Mikuni had collapsed. I floored my motorbike—safely, I swear—and blasted toward the hospital where Mommy Mikuni was checked in.
”Mommy Mikuni! Are you alright?!”
I yanked the hospital room door open, only to see Mommy Mikuni’s face covered with a white cloth. A lie… that can’t be a lie, right? I felt my knees buckle, ready to drop, but then Mommy Mikuni reached out, grabbed that white cloth—which was actually just a wet towel¹—and pulled it away from her face.
”Aqua-kun?” she asked, her voice soft.
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-H! She was okay! Thank god, she was okay! I was so relieved, I did actually collapse onto my knees that time.
”Aqua-kun, what are you doing here?” she questioned with a slight chuckle.
”Well, I heard you collapsed! More importantly, what’s with the towel?” I pushed myself up and stepped closer to the bed.
”Oh, that? Actually, Kohina Yukari was here to nurse me,” she explained.
”Huh? Nursing?” I couldn’t help but make a face. Seriously, Kohina-senpai taking care of someone? That’s utterly unthinkable! I mean, she nearly killed me that one time I had a fever! She’s probably the very last person on the planet who should be doing sick care.
”You mean she came to finish the job, not nurse you, right?” I muttered suspiciously.
”You… I’m gonna deck you!” Kohina-senpai’s sharp voice flared behind me. I spun around, and there she was, perched on a chair, practically inhaling an entire plate of oranges from a fruit arrangement. She was eating the fruit she brought herself?! Wait, is that even allowed?
”Aqua-kun, I’m sorry to make you worry,” Mommy Mikuni soothed, her expression warm. “It was just exhaustion, so don’t worry. The doctor said two or three days of rest, and I’ll be fine. I figured I’d use this time for a full checkup, too. I won’t be able to come home for a little while, but everything’s okay.”
”Got it,” I asserted, stepping up to the role of the responsible son. “But don’t push yourself just because it’s ‘just exhaustion.’ If you don’t rest properly, I’ll be angrier than the doctor!”
Mommy Mikuni smiled, genuinely delighted by my concern. But then her face clouded over. What was that about? I cocked my head, wondering what was bothering her.
”Ah, all my other work was postponed, but there was one job we couldn’t reschedule,” she explained, a touch of regret in her voice. “I feel a little bad about having to cancel it. Ask Kohina Yukari about the details. I’m feeling sleepy, so I’ll take a quick nap.”
”Rest up, Mommy Mikuni.”
I fixed her blankets, gathered up the orange peels Kohina-senpai had left behind, tidied the area a bit, and quietly slipped out of the room.
”So, Kohina-senpai, what’s the job Mommy Mikuni had to cancel?”
”Oh, that,” Kohina-senpai sighed, tossing a peel. “It’s a special, live broadcast program about Mikuni, and I was scheduled to appear with her. Since it’s live, they’re going ahead and filming it without her.”
I saw it immediately. A whole show about Mommy Mikuni, and the star couldn’t even be there? The staff must be going through hell. Alright! If that’s the case, then her son is going to step up and save the day! My schedule was clear afterward, anyway.
”Kohina-senpai, leave it to me!” I announced with a confident grin.
”…I have a terrible feeling about this,” Kohina-senpai muttered, fixing me with a skeptical, deadpan glare. “You’re not plotting something monumentally idiotic, are you?”
N-No, of course not! That’s just your imagination! I quickly called my dedicated stylist team, explained the situation, and secured their full cooperation.
”Perfect,” I declared, completely transformed. “Look at this, Kohina-senpai!”
I was now fully embodying Mommy Mikuni. I turned to face Kohina-senpai, who had been watching the whole transformation from behind.
”You are an idiot after all! Why are you in disguise as Mikuni?!” she yelled, exasperated.
”Well, duh! It’s Mommy Mikuni’s show, so it’s only right that the star, Mommy Mikuni, is present!” I countered defensively.
I quickly flipped through the script I borrowed from Kohina-senpai. Mostly, Mommy Mikuni just had to sit there. She wasn’t the type to chat up a storm anyway; it was only Kohina-senpai and I who were the abnormal ones, always running our mouths. In the variety world, actors just sitting quietly was the norm.
”Honestly, you two really are mother and son, aren’t you? I mean, the makeup artist is good, but you look sick-makingly similar,” she conceded, a shiver running down her spine.
”I know, right? I know, right?” I exclaimed, puffing my chest out.
My outfit was cleverly designed to hide my more masculine build, especially my Adam’s apple, so my appearance was completely convincing.
”But what about your voice? You’re going to have to talk a little, so you’ll definitely be exposed,” Kohina-senpai worried.
”Hold on a sec.” I cleared my throat, testing. “Ah, Ah… Ahhh… Mmh, Ahhhhhhhh… Ah, Ah, Ah! How’s that, Kohina Yukari? Is this the usual me now?”
Kohina-senpai just gave me a look of utter astonishment.
”You and Emily-chan are pointlessly talented, you know that?”
It’s not pointless! I’m using it for a good cause right now! With that, everything was fine. Yes, I actually thought that everything was fine. I would soon regret that naive assumption.
”And now, please welcome today’s special guest! It’s Yukishiro Mikuni-san!!”
I walked out onto the studio floor from the wings as Kaede, the host, made the announcement. Dammit! Out of all people, why did Kaede have to be the host?! I’m going to be exposed in about two seconds! I quickly averted my eyes from Kaede, who was staring at me with intense curiosity.
”Oh? Mikuni-sama… did your face change a tiny bit?” Kaede wondered aloud.
No way! Did she just see through this special effects-level makeup with her wild intuition? My internal panic was a waterfall of sweat as I quickly spun a decent lie to cover it up.
”W-Well, sometimes, you get so immersed in the demanding work of an actress that your face changes a little,” I fibbed, trying to sound cool.
”Hohae!² That happens?” she gasped, easily convinced.
Whew. I got away with it. I sincerely thanked the God of Hoge³ for making Kaede so utterly pure.
”Huh? Auntie Mikuni, is your voice a little weird today?”
Curse it all! Why is Emily here, too?! Kohina-senpai, you should have warned me sooner! I would have explained the situation and prepared everyone before the live broadcast!
”Um… my voice is hoarse from a grueling streaming schedule,” I coughed out.
”Streaming? Oh, yeah, I do see you play games with Kohina-paisen sometimes. But grueling?”
Shoot! I’m the one who streams, not Mommy Mikuni! Unlike the delightfully clueless Kaede, Emily’s sharp questions were making me falter. Seeing my distress, Kohina-senpai threw me a lifeline.
”H-Hey, Mikuni does voice acting, too, you know?”
”Oh, that’s true,” Emily conceded.
Nice save, Kohina-senpai! That’s my senior! I’m actually going to praise you honestly today!
”Hold on, isn’t it rare for Kohina-paisen to help out Auntie Mikuni? Also, if you look closely, isn’t Auntie Mikuni kinda big? Did she get taller?”
Emily, you’re too sharp! Forget the microscopic analysis and just be a bit more hoge like Kaede, please! While I was screaming internally, Kanon, sitting next to Emily, popped her head in.
”Emily-senpai. We’re on a live broadcast, so you shouldn’t interrupt the host’s flow,” Kanon stated calmly.
”Ah… okay,” Emily acquiesced.
That’s Kanon for you! When we get home, I’ll give her ten deep kisses in front of everyone!
”Alright, Mikuni-sama, please take this seat, and everyone else, please take those seats over there!”
We followed Kaede’s directions and sat where we were supposed to. Whew. I stumbled slightly at the start, but so far, so good. I put all my effort into avoiding the suspicious gaze Emily was still directing at me.
”First, we’d like to delve into the life of Yukishiro Mikuni-san, the great actress and star representing Japan, with all our guests today. So, let’s start with this video!”
I’ve watched every single one of Mommy Mikuni’s works. I can handle any question they throw at me. I looked at the monitor with a confident smirk.
‘Huh? A driver’s license?’
A license? Oh, right, she mentioned getting her license when she starred in that Formula racing movie. Now that I think about it, whenever I brought up that story to Mother, Shitori Onee-chan, or Lapis, they always strangely changed the subject.
‘Whoa!’
‘Help me!’
‘Ugh-gh-gh-gh!’
This… this can’t be real, can it? Instructor after instructor, unable to endure Mommy Mikuni’s reckless driving, bailed out with whiplash, one after the other. Soon, there were zero instructors left at the driving school.
‘We absolutely must get Mikuni-sama her driver’s license!’
The Project Mikuni logo—Challenging the Instructors Who Never Gave Up—flashed on the screen, looking seriously cool. No, no, no! Just give up already! First Kohina-senpai, and now this! You shouldn’t graduate people who drive dangerously! And if there are no instructors, who’s going to teach her?!
‘Hello there! I’m Yukishiro Emily, the Wandering Part-Time Drill Sergeant! I was broke, saw an insanely high-paying emergency job posting, and rushed right over! What? Hired immediately? Get to work right away? Got it!’
I narrowed my eyes at the monitor. Emily wasn’t pregnant yet at that time, right? I don’t know all the details, but I’m genuinely glad she made it out okay.
‘Okay! First, let’s practice gently pressing the accelerator and skillfully pressing the brake!’
Under Emily’s instruction, Mommy Mikuni’s driving improved dramatically. Wait, she’s way too good at teaching! Emily, please, teach Kohina-senpai how to drive, too! I beg you! Wait! Kohina-senpai, who got kicked out of filming for dangerous driving, is there for supplemental lessons, too?! I threw silent, internal tsukkomi⁴ after tsukkomi.
‘Yay! I got my license!’
Mommy Mikuni cheered in front of the utterly tattered, duct-taped practice car. Behind her, Emily was silently weeping. It must have been rough on her.
‘So, how about a drive with everyone?’
‘Huh?’
Mother, Shitori Onee-chan, and Lapis exchanged worried glances. The screen then faded to black, and the three of them screamed as movie-like end roll credits started to scroll. What’s with the names of the ‘sacrificed instructors’ listed in the credits?! Ah, whatever. As long as they’re alive, it’s fine.
”So, Yukishiro Mikuni-san, could we have a word on your feelings from that time?” Kaede prompted, turning to me.
I stood up from my chair and performed a full dogeza (bow of profound apology) to the camera.
”To all the staff at the driving school that I caused trouble for, I am truly sorry! I’ve decided to voluntarily surrender my driver’s license!”
Supporting my parent in surrendering their license is just one way a child can show filial piety! As a fellow biker, I determined that while Kohina-senpai is just a beginner, Mommy Mikuni is a person who should absolutely not be allowed to have a license. I vowed silently to coordinate with the whole family to make her surrender it the moment she gets discharged.
”Auntie Mikuni… thank you. Thank you so much!” Emily cried, clapping through her tears. I understood immediately; Emily had been a part-time instructor, too, and she must have had so much she couldn’t say. The entire studio was wrapped in a strange sense of heartwarming emotion, and then we went to a commercial break. Kohina-senpai immediately came over, and we began to whisper.
”Hey! Are you sure you can just say that? Won’t Mikuni be mad at you later?” she hissed.
”I’m fine. I’ll take full responsibility for making her surrender the license,” I whispered back. “More importantly, Emily is giving us that suspicious look again because we’re whispering!”
”Staring… Kohina-paisen and Auntie Mikuni, when did you two get so close…” Emily muttered, her eyes narrowed.
Hurry up and get back to your seat, Kohina-senpai! If we stay together any longer, that perceptive Emily is going to figure it out!
”Next up, this photo!”
I looked back at the monitor. It was a picture of Mommy Mikuni working a part-time job at a bar/lounge.
”This is a picture of Mikuni-sama from when she worked briefly at a lounge after high school graduation. Mikuni-sama had very little experience from the ground up, but the former hostess mother told us that she needed money after moving out on her own and just worked a quick, short-term stint.”
Huh, so Mommy Mikuni had a past like that. She looks stunning—she doesn’t even look eighteen. The customers in the photo all look completely smitten. Wait a minute, shouldn’t they have blurred out the customers’ faces, even if some time has passed? I peered at the picture, tilting my head. Huh? Some of these people look strangely familiar…
”Does anyone know who these customers in the picture are? Yes, Emily, the perceptive one, go ahead!” Kaede offered.
”That’s President Fuji Ranko of the Fuji Zaibatsu!” Emily announced.
A-A-A-A-H! Now that she mentions it! Ranko Oba-chan looks so young!
”And next to her is a young Morinaga Megumi-san! As in, the person inside Merry-san’s first generation—you all know who I mean. The culprit who dragged everyone into Bisc-Kits Hell⁵!” Kaede declared, making everyone cringe good-naturedly.
Ranko Oba-chan and Megumi-san look so young! And is that Fuji Shion-san, Ranko Oba-chan’s older sister, in the background?
”With that, here is the next photo!”
Who will it be this time? A young group… Wait! I recognize that face! I immediately knew who it was.
”Prime Minister Habu!” Emily and Kanon shouted in unison, high-fiving in victory. Yep, yep, you two are adorable.
”The story is that this was a social gathering for the unit led by the then-Self Defense Force member, Prime Minister Habu Chiyoko, along with Congressman Satou (famous for maruta⁶) and Representative Tanigawa (famous for her midriff-baring style). Wow, they were all good friends even back then! Anyway, the lounge mother mentioned that a drunken Prime Minister Habu tripped and dove straight into Mikuni-sama’s cleavage… Is this true?” Kaede pressed, turning the focus back to me.
To be honest, I didn’t know the exact situation, and I figured Prime Minister Habu wasn’t at fault if it was an accident. But this wasn’t about that.
”Yes, they were fondled. Thoroughly fondled,” I declared, using the word that was written on the cue card.
A wave of laughter and warm applause washed over us from the audience. Prime Minister, I’m sorry. But the cue card literally told me to say ‘fondled.’
”And now for the next photo… Whoa?!”
The monitor displayed a seductive picture of Mommy Mikuni enjoying a drink. She’s beautiful… Wait, no! Mommy Mikuni was eighteen back then! That’s underage drinking! Even if the statute of limitations is up, that’s still not innocent!
”Ah, by the way, drinking at age eighteen was acceptable in Japan at that time,” Kaede chirped. “It’s a photo that gives you a sense of history, you know? For a moment, I thought it was a black-flag image and was surprised! This is a yellow-flag one, a caution light!”
Phew. That was close. My other mom’s case was just a suspicion, but this would be a definite no-go now. If Mommy Mikuni was in a morning superhero show like me, she’d be instantly canceled. I let out a light breath to calm my heart as the screen changed. Wait! I stared at the new picture on the monitor, eyes wide.
”Aqua?!”
”Aqua-sama?!”
The monitor showed a picture of me—with the married suit actress and her wife—all sitting on a bed with our arms around each other’s shoulders. Kanon and Emily were stunned. Kohina-senpai gave me a deadpan glare, and the clueless Kaede finally started to panic.
”Ah… I was being hoge, and a different, super-bad photo somehow came up.”
H-O-G-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E! Kaede quickly switched the image. The audience and staff glanced at each other, their faces incredibly awkward. Unable to stand the tension, I burst forward.
”No, no, no! The location where the picture was taken makes it look like a threeway or something, but it’s not!”
Shoot! I used my normal voice! I looked to the side, and both the stunned Kanon and the hoge-faced Kaede were staring at me.
”A-Aqua?!”
”Aqua-kun?!”
”Oh… so you were Aqua-sama, after all,” Emily deadpanned.
Emily, if you knew, why didn’t you give me a lifeline?! Damn it! I guess I have no choice. Time for a spoiler.
”W-Wait, wait! Hold on! First, let me explain about Mommy Mikuni!”
I quickly and thoroughly explained to everyone in the studio that Mommy Mikuni was feeling unwell, that it wasn’t serious, and that I had come to substitute for her.
”Okay, I get that, but why did Aqua have to disguise himself as Mikuni-san? You could have just shown up normally…” Kanon pointed out.
”See? That’s what I said! Nice tsukkomi, Kanon-san,” Kohina-senpai added.
Don’t say that! Even I don’t fully understand why I did this!
”No, no, Aqua-sama must have had some deep reasoning that we can’t even begin to imagine!” Emily declared, coming to my rescue.
That’s my Emily! Thank you, Emily! I had absolutely no deep reasoning, but let’s go with that!
”Someone who lives so much in the moment doesn’t have ‘deep reasoning,’ you know,” Kohina-senpai muttered, unimpressed.
Kohina-senpai, please be quiet! Kohina-senpai, with her eyes narrowed in judgment, prompted Kaede to put the last photo back up on the monitor.
”So, what is this?” she demanded.
”W-Well, that’s, um… it’s not what it looks like!” I stammered, frantically denying the photo. Kanon and Kohina-senpai’s eyes narrowed further.
”Besides, that photo is just a cropped cut! If you show the whole thing, you’ll understand!” I insisted.
What? There’s a full picture? Why didn’t you show that first?! The un-cropped photo flashed onto the monitor.
”A child on his lap…? D-Does that mean it was all four of you?!” Kanon gasped.
”As expected, Aqua-sama!” Emily cheered.
Huh? This wasn’t the picture I was expecting. I thought it was a wholesome, friendly photo, but because it was taken on a bed, it still looked questionable.
”No, no, I just took the picture because the daughter was a huge fan of Driver! You know how that goes, right?” I pleaded.
”Huh?! The only thing that ever happens to me is a kid pointing at me and half-laughing, saying, ‘Bocchi the World’!” Kohina-senpai scoffed.
Well, that’s just a result of your own daily behavior, Kohina-senpai! If anything, you should be happy that you’re popular with kids now!
”Anyway, it was completely innocent! Seriously, you can confirm it with the people who took the photo!”
A staff sister emerged from the wings and whispered something to Kaede.
”Um, it seems Aqua-kun’s testimony was correct,” Kaede announced. “But even if it wasn’t?”
”Yeah,” Emily agreed. “We’d want a report once a child is involved to avoid complications, but doing it is no big deal.”
Phew! That’s right! In this world, a man having affairs isn’t a problem! Women here don’t want a unicorn-like man; they want a bicorn-like man!
”So, even though the cast has changed, we’ll continue the program as is!”
And so, I successfully finished the recording as Mommy Mikuni’s substitute. My identity was revealed halfway through… but hey, the audience loved it, so who cares! Don’t sweat the small stuff—that’s the Shirogane Aqua High-Class Luxury Idol style!
—
Summary:
In a frantic and hilarious live TV appearance, High-Class Luxury Idol Shirogane Aqua is forced to step in as a last-minute substitute for his superstar mother, Yukishiro Mikuni, who collapsed from exhaustion. Under layers of professional makeup, Aqua attempts to fool his sharp co-hosts, including the cynical Kohina-senpai and the analytical Emily-chan. The episode quickly devolves into chaos as hidden secrets from Mikuni’s past—including a disastrous driving course and accidental cleavage dive by the Prime Minister—are revealed, only for Aqua’s own disguise to fail spectacularly on live television, revealing his quick thinking and signature chaotic approach to problem-solving.
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Character Insight:
This scene highlights Aqua’s deep-seated need to be helpful to his family and his astounding, if sometimes misplaced, skill set. His ability to mimic his mother’s voice and appearance shows the high-level talent and adaptability that makes him an idol, even though he often channels it into the most ridiculous schemes. His relief that the world doesn’t expect him to be a ‘unicorn’ male (monogamous and pure) is a brief moment of calm amidst his chaos, reminding him of his world’s unique social rules.
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Behind the Scene:
This episode focuses on the chaotic and comedic aftermath of a sudden medical emergency, showing how quickly Aqua’s professional and personal life can blend into a single, high-stakes situation. The entire incident, from the disastrous driving footage to the accidental display of the ‘threeway-looking’ photo, all happened within the high-pressure environment of a live broadcast, amplifying the comedic tension and the relief when the audience is ultimately forgiving.
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T/L:
1 [Wet Towel]: The Japanese text uses shiroi_nunokire (white cloth) first, then corrects it to nureta_taoru (wet towel) to exaggerate Aqua’s initial, dramatic fear of a death shroud. This is retained for the comedic relief. ↩
2 [Hohae]: An onomatopoeic word for a state of surprise and confusion, specifically associated with the character Kaede. It’s rendered here as the same phonetic expression. ↩
3 [God of Hoge]: A comedic, self-referential term used by Aqua, implying a patron deity of blissful ignorance or cluelessness. ↩
4 [Tsukkomi]: A Japanese comedy term for the ‘straight man’ or person who interrupts the absurdity of a situation with a sharp, logical retort. ↩
5 [Bisc-Kits Hell]: Refers to a chaotic, possibly low-quality, but memorable and popular project or state associated with the character Merry-san’s first voice actress. ↩
6 [Maruta]: A character-specific nickname or reference to an unknown or inside joke about Congressman Satou. ↩
Notes:
• Ken – Male. A rehabilitated man working in the mine. The fiancé of Akiyama Sachiko, the organizer of the party or one of the protagonist’s (Aqua’s) mother’s students (ikebana) appeared in Volume 2 Chapter 12. However, their engagement is not yet officially recognized, as the necessary documents have not been signed by all parties involved. Ken-kun behaves inappropriately during the event, attempting to flirt with Kanon and later becoming aggressive, even wielding a replica sword. His actions cause a disturbance, and he is eventually subdued and removed by the security team.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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