Chapter 28 The Bad Witch’s Tea Party. I Prefer Coffee
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
After I got done schooling everyone at Alys Magic Academy and dealing with my delinquent Elder Brother—yes, the one who’d turned into a Jabberwock—I made sure he paid the price.
I cut away all that grotesque, excessive weight he was carrying, slimming him down faster than some believe-it-or-not hustle, all within the confines of the Abyss Recreation I unleashed.
I’m kind like that, aren’t I? For an Elder Brother who calls his adorable little brother a fool, I just had to enforce a compulsory diet.
Naturally, the Divine Artifact, Evil Dragon Blade Play, which had been forcibly integrated into his body, was recovered. Elder Brother himself? I wrapped him in chains and tossed him, along with the entire Abyss Recreation, right into the Honorius Oath repository. He’s going to get some intensive mental counseling, you see.
I figure the master counselor, Honorius the Oath, will be giving him such a spectacular session that it’ll heal his completely corrupt and twisted mind. Lucky Elder Brother. He’s going to be counseled so hard he’ll be reborn, all his past memories wiped clean. Good job, Elder Brother.
And after the counseling’s done, I might just release him in the Scarlet territory! Hollow would probably be thrilled, and honestly, everyone wins! WIN! WIN! all around.
Though, honestly, that Divine Artifact, Evil Dragon Blade Play… it’s normally a sleek, black, cool-looking thing. But since its host was Elder Brother, it warped into something completely repulsive and vile. A reflection of his soul, no doubt.
Right now, Red-kun and I are cruising through the skies of the Mirror World.
”Divine Artifact Evil Dragon Blade Play, Contractor Shin Seyfried… the contract is terminated. Now, would you kindly get off my lap, Alexia?” I inquired, my voice flat.
Crunch-crunch-crunch-crunch-crunch-crunch-crunch-munch-munch-munch-munch-munch-munch!
”Waaaah~! I’m so sorry, Shin-kun, you know! You fought all by yourself! (munch-munch) And there’s no way I’m moving, not a chance, you know!” Alexia whined, her cheeks stuffed full.
When exactly did you pilfer the Pocky from my pocket, Alexia? And you’re spraying crumbs all over my clothes, you know that?
”…Just get off me, please,” I commanded.
”No way~! You’ve been so cold to me lately, Shin-kun, you know! You’re just like Hiyashi Chuka! Like the cold ramen you used to make last summer, I miss that! I want Hiyashi Chuka again!” she demanded, finishing off the Pocky.
Alexia then nuzzled up to me affectionately… wait. No, that wasn’t affection. Was she just wiping her sticky mouth on my clothes, then?
”Hiyashi Chuka?!… You mean that’s how it all started? No way! Was my cold ramen the actual cause of all this?” I muttered, genuinely taken aback.
In this world of Alysphere, it seems like Japanese cuisine is a common thing, which makes sense since it was originally a Japanese game. The lore says the food was brought over from the Edo lands, apparently.
”Alexia, I apologize. When summer comes again, I’ll make you Hiyashi Chuka—will that make you forgive me? Lately, you’ve been sneaking bites of everything I cook, you know,” I sighed.
She’s actually gotten a little chunkier because she’s eating proper meals three times a day now. If I’m not mistaken, Alexia feels heavier on my lap this month than she did last month.
”I get to eat Shin-kun’s Hiyashi Chuka again? Fine then. For the sake of the cold ramen, I’ll get off for now, you know! Shin-kuun~.”
”…Thank you, Alexia,” I deadpanned.
”You’re welcome, Shin-kun~!”
…Wait a minute. During the fight with Elder Brother, didn’t Alexia mumble in her sleep, “I want Hiyashi Chuka~♪”? Why in the world is it always about the cold ramen, Alexia?
“Chirp?! Chirala!!”
”Ah! You’re right, Red-kun. Shin-sama, Alexia-sama, over there! There are lots of people down there!” Layla-chan announced.
While I was having this comedy routine with Alexia, who’s starting to act more like Master Raichi every day, Layla-chan and Red-kun, whom I’d tasked with scouting, had clearly found something.
* * *
”A night-time tea party! A fun tea party! A fun tea party where the hunt begins~♪ Today’s prey is three children and one little dragon~!”
”Once we catch them, we’ll use their bodies to bake sweets. And we’ll make that girl eat them~♪”
”Tick-tock, tick-tock~♪ Oh~♪ I can’t wait, I can’t wait. I can’t wait for the time of the hunt~♪”
”A White Rabbit and an old man in a hat… and is that a Witch? Hmm. Red-kun, flame breath towards those weirdos,” I ordered, completely unfazed.
“Chiralalalala!… Gurrraah!!”
Red-kun spewed a colossal fireball of super-high temperature right onto the strange figures below.
”The hunt~! The hunt~! Today’s a fun h…”
”Heads are just for the table~♪”
”Faces of despair make the best spice~♪”
BOOOMM!!
”GYYYAAAAAHHHH!!!“
Almost every last one of those perverts down there was instantly incinerated, reduced to charcoal. Amazing, Red-kun. To be able to launch such a lethal attack, even as a child. He’s so reliable.
”They’re all gone, you know!”
”Ah! No, Alexia-sama. There is a single charred person remaining over there,” Layla-chan corrected, ever the keen observer.
”Let’s land. We’ll find out why the deadbeat is here,” I decided.
And so, we descended into the clearing that looked like a tea party setting.
* * *
”…Gueh? Wha-what’s going on, innit? Come on, man! I finally found a spot where I could chill, ya know!”
Ah, that voice. I couldn’t tell because of the red hat and red dress she was wearing, but it was Master Raichi, the deadbeat.
”What are you doing here, Master Raichi? In a place like this?” I questioned.
”That voice… you little… I mean, Boss Shin? Why are you here, innit?” Master Raichi, who was wearing a red gown that looked like it belonged on a noblewoman, was slumped on the ground in a collapsed, tea-party-esque pose.
”Ugh! Boss Shin, you messed up my whole life, ya know! Because you kept handing me cash, I ended up having to live this ridiculous life in this stupid outfit!” she wailed.
Well, what’s the big deal? Just enjoy your ridiculous life in this crazy night-world! You were already crazy enough as a host, so Crazy (minus) multiplied by Crazy (minus) should neutralize and turn into a Plus, right? That’s how it works.
”Wow~! That monster looks just like Raichi-sensei, you know! It’s showing hostility towards us! Let’s beat it up, Layla-chan!” Alexia yelled, already prepared.
”Yes, Alexia-sama. We shall exterminate this monster that bears a striking resemblance to Raichi-sensei! We shall exterminate Raichi-sensei!” Layla-chan agreed, her voice polite but lethal.
Why are Alexia and Layla-chan so absolutely intent on killing Master Raichi? How much resentment had they been bottling up? Why are their weapons already drawn?
…Ah, right! Master Raichi was their homeroom teacher for the upper class, and their very first lesson was a lecture on gambling, which made Alexia furious. Meanwhile, my remedial class had a fun magic aptitude test with Professor Aruna-sensei.
Professor Aruna-sensei told us, “Not a second is to be wasted. No matter how much of a failure you were to get a substitute pass, I will never abandon you. I will thoroughly train you to be an elite magic user by the time you graduate.” That’s what a competent teacher looks like, I guess.
”…What is this, now? Is this deadbeat Electric Parade Day? First the Elder Brother, and now the entrance of another deadbeat, Master Raichi? Does the mastermind around here have absolutely terrible judgment?”
”Grrr! What, innit? What’s with that tone? This is a heartwarming reunion between master and students after all this time, and you talk like that?! I didn’t raise you to speak to me that way, ya know! Fire Magic: ‘Fire Chain’!” Master Raichi shrieked.
Seriously? This teacher just attacked the students she was supposed to be in charge of with absolutely no hesitation or remorse. Several fireballs, linked like a chain, shot towards Alexia and Layla-chan.
”Alexia, Layla-chan, get behind m…”
”Let’s go! Layla-chan!”
”Yes, Alexia-sama!”
Wait, really? Is a hunt for Master Raichi the protagonist (Alexia) and Layla-chan’s first joint attack? What a wild first experience for those two.
”‘Golden Harvest’ you know!” Alexia roared.
”‘Maynard’!” Layla-chan declared.
Huh? Are they both using Divine Artifacts so effortlessly? I mean, I get Alexia, since she has her own dedicated Shinki, but Layla-chan is using the Shinki I loaned her! Does she have a higher Divine Artifact compatibility for Maid Order-Made than I do?
”Heeek! You’re both attacking your master, who taught you for years, so easily?!” Raichi gasped.
…No, you only taught them properly for a few months when you were their tutor. Orphen-san handled most of their magic guidance after that. Anyway, their combined attack easily countered Master Raichi’s magic. In fact, aren’t they both just… strong? Did they practice in secret when I wasn’t around?
”‘Golden Fragment’!”
”‘Maid Ripper’!” Layla-chan finished.
”Ugh! A master can’t lose to their students, innit! I’ve got the key to the painting right here, ya know! Divine Artifact Activation: ‘Wonder Texture Key’!” Master Raichi shrieked, clutching his red hat.
Master Raichi summoned a dilapidated puppet the size of something out of a Hearts-themed movie, clutching a large key from within the hat.
“Gigi-gi… What’s up? You the boss? The one who paid me with gold? You got a job for me, Chucky, the Key?” the puppet growled, its voice rough.
”My students are rebelling against me, innit. Chucky, old pal. Beat them all up and I’ll re-educate them into my color!” Master Raichi cackled.
“Huh? Re-educate, ya say?! …Three brats and a baby dragon? Where’s the nasty dragon, huh? That guy was supposed to handle the intruders!” Chucky snapped, readying himself.
”The little brats killed him, ya know! And then that big shot told us to get the tea party ready, and while we were setting up, they blindsided us with a fireball from the sky! That’s so unfair, innit, Chucky?” Master Raichi complained.
“What? Blindsided, ya say?!… What a bunch of cowards! I’ll slice them up into three pieces…”
The tragedy happened the very instant Chucky was about to raise the large key in his hand towards us.
”Smaaaash it!” Alexia bellowed.
ZVAAAANNN!!
“Ooon-GYAAAAAH!!!” the puppet shrieked.
Alexia’s dedicated Divine Artifact, Goddess Hermes’s Golden Axe, delivered a devastating blow. Poor Chucky was sliced cleanly in half. So sad.
”Chucky! What the heck are you doing, innit! You got taken out before you even got to do anything! You are completely useless, ya know!” Master Raichi cried out.
”Now for your punishment, you fake who looks exactly like Raichi-sensei. Maid-Raid,” Layla-chan stated, her tone utterly devoid of mercy.
ZVAAAANNN!
”OON-GYAAAAAH-SSU!!!“
Layla-chan’s full-force blow, which had absolutely no mercy in it, struck the red dress worn by Master Raichi. That had to hurt. And Master Raichi collapsed onto the ground, utterly lifeless, like a mere corpse.
”…Time to collect the Red Rose Garment and the Painter’s Key Guardian,” I murmured.
After the ridiculously easy fight was over, I figured I’d just go ahead and retrieve the two Divine Artifacts that had dropped. Thanks, you two. That was a pretty entertaining battle—more of a comedy sketch, really.
Notes:
• Jabberwock – The monstrous form taken by Saghir (Elder Brother) in the Night Mirror World after he was transformed by a cold, feminine voice (Student Council President?). Was defeated, stripped of his excessive weight, and imprisoned in the Honorius Oath repository by Shin.
• Chucky – A dilapidated puppet summoned by Master Raichi using Wonder Texture Key. Instantly sliced in half by Alexia’s Golden Axe before it could attack.
• Painter’s Key Guardian – One of the five quest artifacts. It can pick any lock and was essential for free movement. Manifested as the puppet Chucky, whose malignant personality Shin destroyed, turning it into a crystal-colored key.
• Red Rose Garment – One of the five quest artifacts, secured previously (by defeating Master Raichi).
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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