Chapter 244 The Ddo-Buddy Cannon ①
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
I couldn’t afford to fail. Not after Her Majesty the Queen had staked the very fate of the realm on a weapon with such a colossally moronic name. Without wasting a second, I dived straight into the construction of the “Ddo-Buddy Cannon.”
”So, here’s what I’m thinking…”
”…I always knew you were an idiot, Kento, but it looks like you’ve finally reached the absolute pinnacle of stupidity.”
Satsuki leveled a glacial stare at me as I spread my blueprints across the table in the royal laboratory. It felt like forever since we’d last spoken, though I’d been dropping by to see Momo quite a bit before the dragon attack, so it hadn’t actually been that long.
”I see… so this is the legendary ‘Lord Harvest Brain’ everyone’s talking about…”
Ms. Marsetta, Satsuki’s senior and a fellow court mage, stared off into the distance with hollow eyes. Like Satsuki, she looked completely spent. Apparently, the court mages had been pulling consecutive all-nighters, grinding away at research to find a countermeasure for that wicked female dragon, Zil Meina.
That was the only reason I’d been able to get into the lab so quickly after my direct appeal to Her Majesty. Even though it was late, the night was still young for these workaholics. I was honestly a little worried about Satsuki’s skin – not to mention her mental state. I’d have to find a moment to spoil her with some headpats later.
”C’mon, don’t be like that. Just look at the math. It sounds like a gag, I know, but this structure really is peak efficiency. Even Lady Tania gave it her seal of approval.”
”Lady Tania…?! Right. Lord Harvest, please – walk us through the schematics immediately!”
The name of Tania – the legendary elven adventurer known as the ancestor of all mages in this Canaria Kingdom² – was like a magic word for Ms. Marsetta. She snapped her back straight and focused on the blueprints with sudden, intense gravity. Talk about a total about-face.
There was something undeniably fetishistic about the sight of this disheveled, exhausted “downer” researcher intently scrutinizing what looked, at first glance, like a collection of lewd doodles.
For the record, I didn’t pick these two because of some personal preference. They were simply the foremost experts in ultra-compact magic weaponry. That field had been the core of the court mages’ recent research, though unfortunately, their current models lacked the raw output needed to dent a Stampede³ or a dragon like Zil Meina.
Because they were still in the research phase while the other mages were busy mass-producing heavy artillery, their schedules were relatively open. In more ways than one, they were the perfect team for the Ddo-Buddy Cannon.
”Right. So, the concept behind the Ddo-Buddy Cannon is actually pretty straightforward,” I began. “What happens if we take our kingdom’s ultra-compact magic tech and fuse it with the integrated magic circuitry from the Coalmine Kingdom⁴ to the north? I’ve basically taken that wild theory and given it a physical form.”
”Hmm, I follow… You’re trying to layer two technologies that were considered rival threats during the war. It’s not like the idea hasn’t crossed our minds, but…”
Pinching her chin between her thumb and index finger, Ms. Marsetta dived into the blueprints. Her expression remained grim.
I knew what she was thinking. Turning this “delusion” into reality hit several massive bottlenecks. The first was political: would Coalmine even hand over their crown jewels?
”You’re saying Her Majesty is going to negotiate with Her Highness, the Crown Princess of Ierse, for the tech?”
”Exactly. She’s determined to persuade them. All we have to worry about are the technical hurdles.”
”I hope it’s that easy… Needless to say, that integrated tech is Coalmine’s literal lifeline.”
”I know. That’s why we’ll likely have to trade our own ultra-compact secrets. The final Pecker-kun tech will be a joint venture.”
When I answered their questions, Satsuki and Ms. Marsetta traded a look of pure conflict. I got it. To an engineer, your tech is your baby. Handing it over and losing your competitive edge is a terrifying prospect. But we didn’t have the luxury of playing gatekeeper anymore.
”If we have to, we can keep the core proprietary bits classified. The goal is simple: take the mana generated by the ultra-compact engine, bundle it using the integrated circuitry, and let it rip. That’s what the Ddo-Buddy Cannon is designed to do.”
”Okay, I get the theory. Let’s hear the rest. Now… looking at this… this part that looks exactly like a scrotum… am I right in assuming that’s where the ultra-compact units are housed?”
With a face of dead-serious professionalism, Ms. Marsetta pointed to the two rounded housings at the base of the cannon. They looked like a pair of balls. There was no other way to describe them. Even though I was the one who designed it, being questioned about it like this felt… weird.
”Is there a functional reason for there to be two? Because right now, it feels like you’re just projecting your personal hobbies into the hardware…”
”Hah! I’m glad you noticed! Look, I’ll admit it started as a joke, but once I crunched the numbers, I realized this ‘Nut-Circuit’⁵ dual-core setup is actually the most stable configuration. One isn’t enough to sustain the draw, but three causes an oversupply loop. Two is the ‘Goldilocks’ zone for mana output!”
””The… Nut-Circuit…?””
My high-energy explanation was met with yet another look of silent, agonizing judgment. Their eyes screamed, ‘I really don’t want to understand this,’ but they were top-tier mages. Despite their visible grimaces, they began running the numbers on the Nut-Circuits. Maybe they were just trying to prove there was a way to build it without it looking like a groin.
But the Nut-Circuit was more biological than they realized. In my old world, there was a field called biomimetics – innovating tech by mimicking nature.
[Image of the male reproductive system]
You know, like shaping a bullet train’s nose after a kingfisher’s beak. The idea is that structures perfected by millions of years of evolution and survival are often far more rational than anything a human could dream up on a whim.
So, I had poured every bit of my knowledge regarding the male reproductive system into the Ddo-Buddy Cannon. The dual-chambered scrotum, the specific cooling properties, the internal testes where the “seed” is manufactured. The way the product is stored, moved through ducts to the seminal vesicles, mixed with prostate fluid, and eventually accelerated out through the urethra.
I just mapped that biological flow onto magical hardware. The ultra-compact engines were the “testes” inside the Nut-Circuits, and the raw “mana” they produced was the “sperm.” The integrated magic circuitry acted as the “seminal vesicle,” where the “mana” was concentrated and refined into a much more potent “Magic” payload before being fired.
Thump-thump! Squelch!
”Kento… have you been reading the ‘Anatomical Tables’⁶?”
”The ‘Anatomical Tables’? What’s that, Satsuki?”
”It’s an old medical text that maps out the human body, Ms. Marsetta. My grandmother had a copy… it’s… thorough.”
Satsuki looked less disgusted and more… unsettled, as if she could sense the sheer, unhinged obsession I’d poured into the blueprints. She was right, though. The Anatomical Tables was a book from the Royal Library that I’d used for reference. Anatomy was still a fringe, slightly taboo science here, but the library had just enough for me to work with.
Granted, the librarian had looked at me like I was a criminal when I asked for the “suspicious books,” but I’d keep that to myself.
Still, the realization seemed to actually help Satsuki and Ms. Marsetta wrap their heads around the design.
”So it’s not just a perverted whim…”
”I see. Lord Harvest is a pupil of the great doctor Miranda, and a disciple of the monster-material master, Lord Pigole Kogima… Okay. We clearly need to take this seriously.”
With renewed, somber focus, they turned back to the blueprints of the Ddo-Buddy Cannon and dived in.
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Summary:
Kento presents his blueprints for a new weapon, the ‘Ddo-Buddy Cannon,’ to court mages Satsuki and Marsetta. Despite its lewd appearance, the weapon uses advanced biomimetic principles based on the male reproductive system to maximize mana efficiency. After initial skepticism and the realization of Kento’s academic background, the mages agree to help develop the weapon to defend against the dragon Zil Meina.
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Character Insight:
This chapter highlights Kento’s transition from a perceived ‘idiot’ to a legitimate technical visionary. Satsuki and Marsetta undergo a significant shift from mockery to grudging respect as they recognize the logic behind his absurd design. Their exhaustion makes them more receptive to radical ideas, showing how desperation can bridge the gap between high-level mages and Kento’s unconventional methods.
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Behind the Scene:
The use of biomimetics (mimicking biological structures for technology) is a real-world scientific field. The name ‘Pecker-kun’ is a localized pun on the Japanese ‘Ochinpo-kun,’ maintaining the crude but ‘affectionate’ tone typical of the genre.
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T/L:
Notes:
• Kento – The owner of the magic tool shop ‘Harvest,’ which discretely sells adult goods. He’s a former overworked, ordinary salaryman from modern Japan who was suddenly transported (isekai’d) to this fantasy world. He has dark hair and an unremarkable appearance, typically wearing a plain, slightly suspicious-looking shop owner’s clothes looks like Kazuma Satou from certain series. He has a minimal amount of magic power, enough to craft his specialty items.
• Satsuki – A talented Court Mage who was forced to analyze the shop’s adult magic tools. Miranda’s granddaughter. Now she’s the new worker at Harvest, a development she finds both humiliating and surprisingly fulfilling due to the rapid progress in her research under Kento’s guidance. Has long black hair, palace mage robe, and staff.
• Momo – The newborn daughter of Kento and Lily. She has pink hair and her father’s ear and eyebrow shapes.
• Marsetta – A senior court mage and specialist in magical weaponry. She has disheveled hair tied back, wears glasses, and has deep dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. She hasn’t eaten in two days and is under heavy pressure to find a countermeasure for the enemy’s weapons.
• Tania – An Elf adventurer who, despite her race’s reputation for low sex drive, is secretly quite passionate. She initially seemed ‘wasted’ (emotionally dry) to her friend Raika, but was easily introduced to the pleasure-items sold at ‘Harvest.’ She is easily embarrassed and attempts to maintain a dignified facade, despite her recent, frequent purchases. She wears practical but light armor over a simple cloth tunic and short pants, highlighting her grace and agility. Her primary relationship is one of friendly senior-junior with Raika.
• Ierse – The Crown Princess and wife of Gilliam, originally from a foreign land. She is described as lively and healthy with a unique charm. She wants to cheer up her husband. Has long haired hair.
• Kogima – Kento’s alchemy master. A middle-aged man who is a henpecked husband to his wife, Josephine.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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