Chapter 343 The Western Trade Sphere, Or Rather… ②
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”Th-this… ‘this’ thing, and the developer of the ‘Ultra-Miniature Magic Weapon’¹…? What in the world… I mean, how… No, before that, Cecile… are you alright? You know, mentally?”
Having dismissed Prince-Regent Roland and Lady Unia Greter, the ‘Ddo-Buddy’² finally made its grand appearance. I was introduced along with it, but King William seemed far too preoccupied by the object on the table to care about my name.
It was a natural reaction. If a magic circuit modeled after a phallus was towering right in the middle of a conference desk – and if the one who had thrust it there was his own former fiancée, a Queen he’d known for years – anyone would stare.
On the other hand, Queen Cecile, despite having her sanity openly questioned by a worried peer, didn’t seem to mind. Or rather, she probably did mind, but she chose to puff out her chest with regal dignity regardless.
”I am perfectly serious, and I assure you I am in my right mind,” she declared. “This product possesses a value and power that justifies its form. Lord Harvest, explain.”
”Right!” I said.
She said “explain,” but where was I even supposed to start? King William was looking at me with an incredibly dubious expression – the kind of look you give a suspicious loiterer or a repeat offender. I figured I should start with a self-introduction.
”It is an honor to meet you. I am Kento, owner of the magic circuit shop ‘Harvest.’ I was the primary developer for the ‘Ddo-Buddy’ and ‘Hot-Shot-kun’³ you see before you, as well as the ‘Ultra-Miniature Magic Weapons.’ I also led the development of the ‘New Model Magic Weapon’ that slew the two Great Dragons. Currently, I serve as a Viscount under Her Majesty the Queen, acting as a ‘Special Advisor’ for trade and magical policy. Furthermore… I am one of Prince Roland’s tutors.”
King William’s face shifted further into “Are these people for real?” territory. Yeah, I get it. Even as I said it, I realized my resume sounded like a bad joke. It would probably sound a bit more prestigious if the ‘Ddo-Buddy’ wasn’t sitting there… no, who am I kidding? I just didn’t mention it this time, but the weapon that finished off those two Dragons was actually my ‘Ddo-Buddy Cannon’….
Beside the King, General Sachet shifted his hollow gaze into one of pure suspicion. In fact, every civil official on their side was looking at me like I was a con artist. Just as I was wondering how to break the ice, Marquis Dan Samoro, the Prime Minister sitting next to me, threw me a lifeline.
”King William, I understand your reservations, but I implore you not to doubt the dignity of the Canarian nobility,” the Marquis said. “The truth is, this obscene magic circuit – and its equally obscene creator – saved our nation from catastrophe. To be precise, without the foundation provided by this, the ‘Ultra-Miniature Magic Weapons’ would never have been able to hold the front lines. Furthermore, if it was he who shifted our domestic mood away from war, it was also he who flooded the Coalmine Kingdom with these obscene circuits to stir up anti-war sentiment among their people. While we cannot show you the ‘New Model’ weapon here… you will have the opportunity to inspect the ‘Ultra-Miniature’ models later.”
”Hmph… If the loyal Marquis Samoro puts his word to it, then I suppose it must be so…” King William muttered.
He made a sour face, but he managed to accept the testimony of the only “sane adult” in the room. Yeah, I feel for you, buddy.
”…Very well. Then tell me, how exactly do you intend to establish a ‘Western Trade Sphere’ using this? Surely you aren’t suggesting that the women of every nation will scramble to buy these… sticks?”
”Before I answer that, may I ask one question?” I replied.
I really wanted to shout, “Exactly!”, but I bit my tongue and asked a follow-up instead. This was something King William, as a man, would have a hard time grasping. He wasn’t like the Queen, or Crown Princess Ierse of Coalmine, or the beastfolk and nuns I’d dealt with.
”What is it? Speak,” the King said.
”Pardon my bluntness, but… Your Majesty mentioned earlier that you and your wife are on excellent terms. Specifically, to what extent have you used our shop’s products?”
”…I’ve used an aphrodisiac or two.”
”Which means you haven’t tried the ‘Ddo-Buddy’ or the vibrating ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy,’ correct?”
”Vibrating…? This… cough… this obscene rod? I’ve seen them, but I’ve never used one. And I’ve never even heard of this ‘vibrating’ whatever-it-is,” King William admitted.
”I see. In that case…”
At the King’s reply, I shot a glance at the Queen. She caught the signal immediately and gestured to the officials behind her. They began to line up a whole array of our products on the table. It seemed even the Queen wasn’t bold enough to keep more than one ‘Ddo-Buddy’ hidden in her robes.
”What are these…?” the King asked.
”These are our flagship products. However, Your Majesty, I suspect you might personally enjoy this one the most.”
”Another bizarre tool… What is this one called?”
”It’s a ‘Womb Massager’⁴.”
”A w-womb-!?”
King William was struck dumb. He gave me that “Are you people insane?” look again, but I ignored it and explained how to use it. Eventually, with a trembling hand, he flicked the sliding switch.
Bzzzzzzzt!! The device let out a mechanical hum and began to vibrate.
”Wh-what?! It’s… it’s shaking! And again, this isn’t magic?!”
”Indeed. While it’s primarily designed for nighttime pleasure, it’s also incredibly effective at loosening stiff muscles in the shoulders and neck. Please, give it a try.”
”U-umu…”
King William, looking like he was handling live ritual magic, tentatively pressed the tip of the vibrating massager to his shoulder. It reminded me of the first time I’d pitched it to Queen Cecile.
”O-oh…?! Oh! I see… I see! Hmmm. Hmmm!”
The deep furrows between his eyebrows began to vanish. He was a King, after all; he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Without me saying another word, he started moving it to his lower back, then his arms, searching for the “sweet spots” with a look of pure bliss.
”Mmmph… It certainly feels… quite divine. So, you’re saying this is meant to be applied to a woman’s… lower abdomen?”
”Yes. And of course, it can be applied directly to more sensitive areas. The n**ipss, the crotch – that sort of thing,” I explained.
”Th-the n**ipss?! The… I see. Yes, that would certainly be… effective. But tell me, could this be used to treat wounded soldiers? In place of a traditional masseur?”
”You could, but I can’t guarantee medical results. Personally, I think it’s best suited for civil officials who spend all day at a desk – a simple way to work out their own knots.”
”Even that would be revolutionary. My long-serving ministers often complain of chronic back and hip pain. If this could alleviate their fatigue even slightly…”
At the King’s words, the officials standing by perked up. The King handed the massager over to them, and soon a chorus of “Ahhh…” and “Ohhh…” in deep, gravelly old-man voices filled the room.
As the owner of an adult magic circuit shop, I really wanted to tell them, “I didn’t make these to please a bunch of middle-aged dudes!”, but hey, you can’t argue with good PR. The suspicious glares in the room had definitely softened.
From there, I introduced the ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy’ – the predecessor to the massager – and the ‘Hot-Hot Ddo-Buddy,’ which was the base for the ‘Hot-Shot-kun’.
The explanations for the aphrodisiacs, lubricants, and the anal-use product line were met with some awkwardness by most, but even they had to admit the sheer market potential.
As a final blow, I gave them a sneak peek at the ‘Wriggle Ddo-Buddy’⁵ – a prototype utilizing the new ‘Ultra-Miniature Magic Circuits.’ This got a violent reaction from both the magic-specialist officials and Queen Cecile herself. I’d officially set the hook.
”I see… I admit, you have an extraordinary mind for magical toolmaking,” King William said, rubbing his temple. “But why… why must everything be so obscene?”
”I may be a member of the nobility now, but I started as a lowly shopkeeper. I had to make things that actually sold. Because of that, I have absolute confidence in my marketing. The women of your kingdom will crave these products. If you doubt me, feel free to try banning their import. Though, I wouldn’t recommend it.”
I managed to deliver the clincher while conveniently hiding the fact that these were originally just a mix of my own hobbies and a desire for profit. Queen Cecile shot me a look of pure exasperation, but I had succeeded. King William could only grind his teeth in a frustrated silence.
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Summary:
Kento presents his line of ‘adult goods’ to King William to prove their economic and strategic value. Despite the initial shock and disgust, the King and his officials find a practical, albeit unintended, use for the ‘Womb Massager’ as a physical therapy tool. Kento successfully secures a foothold for a new trade sphere by leveraging the undeniable efficacy of his magical items.
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Trivia:
- Kento’s ‘Ddo-Buddy’ technology was the foundation for the kingdom’s military defense.
- Queen Cecile was once King William’s fiancée.
- The ‘New Model Magic Weapon’ used against dragons is internally referred to as the ‘Ddo-Buddy Cannon’.
- Kento is also an educator for the Prince-Regent Roland
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Character Insight:
Kento demonstrates his ability to pivot a conversation from scandal to utility, proving he is a master salesman who understands human needs (like muscle relief). King William shows he is pragmatic enough to overcome his moral hangups when presented with a solution for his overworked staff.
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Behind the Scenes:
The author uses the contrast between high-fantasy royalty and ‘low-brow’ modern products to create bathos, a common trope in adult-themed isekai novels.
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TL Notes:
Notes:
• Cecile – A queen in the capital who possesses the authority to regulate business and commerce, particularly concerning moral or public order issues. She is currently investigating Kento’s shop, ‘Harvest.’ Have long golden hair, elegant, and wearing expensive white dress with gold accesories.
• Roland – he younger brother of Queen Cecile and the heir apparent to the Canaria throne. Clean, golden-blonde hair, same color as the Queen, innocent, beautiful face that could be mistaken for a girl but dressed in a boy’s formal wear.
• Unia – The third daughter of the house of Duke Greiter. Has blonde hair tied in an intricate style, dol-like beauty, and expressionless face.
• Kento – The owner of the magic tool shop ‘Harvest,’ which discretely sells adult goods. He’s a former overworked, ordinary salaryman from modern Japan who was suddenly transported (isekai’d) to this fantasy world. He has dark hair and an unremarkable appearance, typically wearing a plain, slightly suspicious-looking shop owner’s clothes looks like Kazuma Satou from certain series. He has a minimal amount of magic power, enough to craft his specialty items.
• Sachet – A General of the Ferguson Kingdom. An old soldier who is deppuri (corpulent/fat) but possesses thick muscle beneath the fat.
• Samoro – A middle-aged Marquis and Prime Minister with a lot of white hair, a magnificent mustache, and luxurious attire. He is a key figure in the court who has supported the Queen since her enthronement.
• Ierse – The Crown Princess and wife of Gilliam, originally from a foreign land. She is described as lively and healthy with a unique charm. She wants to cheer up her husband. Has long haired hair.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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