Chapter 467 The Ancient Elf Customer ①
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”So this is ‘Magic Circuitry Harvest¹,’ is it? A bit more… dilapidated than I expected.”
It had been a while since I’d had a decent shift on shop duty. Naturally, that’s when every baby in the house decided to start wailing at once. Right on cue, a suspicious customer draped in a hooded mantle – the kind that hides everything from your face to your sins – strolled through the door. Then again, most of my regulars come creeping in here like they’re scouting a heist, so it wasn’t exactly a shock.
Just as I was bracing for the chaos, the crying stopped as if someone had flipped a switch. I’d been torn between rushing to my kids or dealing with the guest, so the silence was a godsend. My wives probably handled it. If they were doing their part, I’d better do mine.
”Sorry my ‘dilapidated’ shop isn’t up to your standards. If you’ve got a complaint, the door’s right behind you. I won’t stop you,” I said.
Yeah, that’s right. When a customer opens with an insult, you fire one right back. That was the ‘Adventurer Method’ of customer service I’d had drilled into me. It might not be a palace, but this place is mine. If someone talks trash about it, I’m talking back.
What if they get actually violent? Well, then I bolt for the back alley. That’s the other adventurer way of life I learned. At least, the ‘bottom-tier’ version. The pros usually stay and fight, but I know my lane.
While I was mentally mapping my escape route, I kept my eyes locked on the suspicious guest.
”Hmm. Reasonable. My apologies if I struck a nerve,” she replied. “However, if one is selling those kinds of goods… I suppose a place with this sort of ‘atmosphere’ actually feels more appropriate, doesn’t it?”
She turned out to be a surprisingly understanding customer. I’ve always had a soft spot for people who can apologize – and people who ‘get’ the vibe of a shady shop. I immediately flipped my ‘Suspicious Shopkeeper’ switch to the ON position. Wearing a detached smirk that I hoped looked cool and mysterious (though I probably just looked like I had a cramp), I welcomed her in.
”…I don’t know what you’re implying, but I’m proud of this place. It’s got character, right? For a ‘shady magic circuit shop’?”
”I see. So that’s the persona you’re adopting noja… Yes, well, I take your point.”
She didn’t even bother lowering her hood. She just started browsing the shelves, drifting closer with an air of practiced curiosity. Judging by the voice, she was a young woman, but her cadence… it reminded me of Old Lady Miranda, my mentor in magic medicine. Or Tania the Love-Elf, the Queen, or even Lady Tina, the daughter of Duke Badcage who loved playing the ‘refined lady’ role.
Basically, she talked like a fossil. It was a jarring mismatch with her youthful voice. Unless she was suffering from a terminal case of ‘Middle Schooler Syndrome,’ I figured she was some high-born lady with a very heavy past.
I puffed on my pipe – stuffed with a tobacco substitute – processing the situation in a heartbeat. This was going to be a massive headache. But a ‘Suspicious Shopkeeper’ doesn’t let a little thing like ‘imminent trouble’ change his customer service.
”Hmph. So? I don’t do window-shoppers. If you don’t have business here, I’ll have to ask you to move along.”
”Heh. Now, don’t be in such a rush noja. If we’re being honest, the ‘vibe’ is half the appeal, isn’t it? Let me look around a while longer.”
She didn’t seem offended; she just gave a low, amused chuckle. Man, the ‘Troublesome Customer’ energy radiating off her was overwhelming. It’s way easier to handle them when they get mad or flustered.
Feeling the awkwardness, I took another drag of the fake tobacco. As I exhaled a long, dramatic plume of smoke, the guest seemed to take an interest in the pipe.
”An intriguing magic circuit. Does that smoke serve a specific purpose? Some kind of enchantment?”
”It doesn’t mean a damn thing,” I said. “It’s just for the aesthetic. Looks suspicious, doesn’t it?”
”Heh… I see, I see. Yes, quite good. ‘Suspicious for the sake of it.’ You really are the master of ‘Harvest,’ aren’t you? I’m finally starting to understand the mind behind those idiotic magic circuits.”
”……”
Seriously, this lady was a nightmare. Most people don’t even notice the effort I put into the pipe, so half of me was happy she caught the detail, but the other half was dying of embarrassment from having to explain my ‘cool’ act.
Whatever. It sounded like she was here for the ‘idiotic magic circuits’ anyway, so I decided to steer her into the sale.
”So? Like I said, no window-shoppers. What are you looking for? If you aren’t buying, get lost.”
”Ah, yes. To be honest, I didn’t come here intending to shop… but since you put it that way, perhaps I shall. I have many people back home who have become quite obsessed with your work. It would make a fine souvenir noja.”
A lot of what she was saying was raising red flags, but as long as she was a paying customer who respected the shop, I wasn’t going to kick her out. I don’t pry into private lives – but I do demand people follow my house rules.
”Fine. You’re a customer then. But if you want to buy something here, you play by my rules. First: lose the hood. We don’t talk business until I can see your face.”
”I see. Considering the nature of your merchandise… even in a shop this shady, you won’t sell to shady people?”
”You’re right, but that’s my line. It’s what I use to talk shy customers out of their shells. Don’t go stealing my material, okay?”
”Haha! My apologies, my apologies. Truly, what a ridiculous shop… It’s like a concentrated dose of a shopkeeper’s twisted hobbies noja.”
”I’m not denying it. But the door is that way.”
”Alright, alright. I’ll take it off.”
After a bit more back-and-forth, the guest finally pulled back her hood. Revealed beneath was autumn-leaf hair and pointed ears. An Elf, obviously. We get Elves in here all the time lately, so it wasn’t a shock, but…
”Hmm. Not surprised?”
”I’ve had Elf customers before. But… how do I put this? Are you actually an Elf?”
See, she felt different from the Elves I knew. It wasn’t the looks – she had the same gorgeous features and transcendent aura as the Elven reinforcements I’d met. But there was something else.
”You smell like a human, but you’re nothing like one. You look like an Elf, but you don’t feel like one. Yet, you’re definitely an Elf.”
”Oh? What an intriguing observation. Well, I (warawa) have spent far more time among humans than among my own kind. Especially of late. Perhaps it’s begun to leak out of me noja.”
A chill ran down my spine. It wasn’t because of anything she’d done. I just realized… an Elf who has spent more time with humans than Elves…
Since I started hanging around the reinforcements, I’d gotten better at reading an Elf’s age. By that metric, she was old enough to be called an ‘Ancient Elf².’
Which meant… just how many humans had she watched grow old and die?
”That… sounds like a hell of a difficult path to choose, doesn’t it?”
”Hmm. I didn’t ask for pity… but you really do have a fascinating perspective. You’re the first person to ever say that to me noja.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. It wasn’t suspicion or hostility. She looked genuinely happy – amused, maybe even a little fond. At the very least, it wasn’t the look of an equal. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, I couldn’t tell.
”I can’t imagine I have anything in stock that someone like you would actually want. What are you really here for?”
”Hmm? Didn’t we agree that I would buy something first?”
”I mean, yeah, but…”
She chuckled to herself, dodging my question. She raised an index finger in front of her face, and without a hint of shame, she made her grand declaration:
”To start with, I’ll take one ‘Ddo-Buddy³,’ if you please noja!”
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Summary:
A mysterious hooded guest arrives at ‘Harvest’ just as the protagonist’s babies stop crying. The guest is revealed to be an ‘Ancient Elf’ who speaks with a regal, elderly tone despite her youthful appearance. After a tense but respectful exchange about the shop’s ‘sketchy’ atmosphere, she shocks the owner by boldly ordering a Dildo-Buddy.
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Trivia:
- The protagonist has multiple children and wives who live in the shop’s building.
- The protagonist uses a specific ‘Suspicious Shopkeeper’ persona to match the adult goods theme.
- The Elf guest uses the archaic first-person pronoun ‘warawa’.
- The protagonist is capable of gauging an Elf’s age relative to ‘Elven reinforcements’ seen previously
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Character Insight:
The protagonist shows a rare moment of empathy when realizing the weight of an immortal Elf living primarily among short-lived humans. The Elf shows curiosity and respect for the protagonist’s ‘twisted’ dedication to his shop’s atmosphere.
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Behind the Scenes:
The ‘noja’ speech tic is a common trope in Japanese media (the ‘Loli-Baba’ archetype) used to indicate a character who is biologically ancient but physically young.
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TL Notes:
Notes:
• Miranda – An elderly woman known as Granny Miranda. Kento’s master of magic medicine and an experienced midwife. Uses magic to monitor the status of babies in the womb.
• Tania – An Elf adventurer who, despite her race’s reputation for low sex drive, is secretly quite passionate. She initially seemed ‘wasted’ (emotionally dry) to her friend Raika, but was easily introduced to the pleasure-items sold at ‘Harvest.’ She is easily embarrassed and attempts to maintain a dignified facade, despite her recent, frequent purchases. She wears practical but light armor over a simple cloth tunic and short pants, highlighting her grace and agility. Her primary relationship is one of friendly senior-junior with Raika.
• Slop – Leader of the hound-kin pack; Laika’s father. Has orange hair and fluffy tail.
• Suu – Secretary for the Royal Capital Beast-person Mutual Aid Association and a cat beast-person. Sample No. 19 in Kento’s report. She steps up as the first witness for the defense. Wears glasses and a tight suit.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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