Chapter 60 The Cardinal’s Conundrum and the Trembling Trial
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Around the same time Kento was risking his very dignity to prove the magnificent effects of the ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy,’ a desperate scramble was taking place deep inside the Church of Demon-Subjugation. A soul was fighting back against the dreaded ‘Forbidden Tool’ designation, and that soul belonged to a certain Sister.
This was the subterranean chamber of the Grand Cathedral, a dark, vaulted place in Canarias, the Royal Capital of the Canaria Kingdom.
”But I’m telling you!” Sister Amelia cried out, her voice echoing off the cold stone walls with passionate formal. “The ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy,’ the ‘Nple Clamper,’ and the ‘Uterine Massager’—none of them are dangerous things at all!”
It was the very same Sister Amelia who had conducted the ‘audit’ of the ‘Harvest’ magic shop. Fueled by what she had felt that day and her own fiery sense of justice, she had been relentlessly appealing to the Church’s stuffed-shirt seniors. And now, finally, her direct appeal had been granted. But what a peculiar sight it was, a scene utterly bizarre to anyone in this world.
”Hmph, a ‘Vibration Mechanism,’ you say…” A voice rumbled, heavy with old age and irritation. “Another troublesome thing they’ve cooked up, haven’t they? And the lewd name, utterly indecent, top to bottom.” The voice wasn’t coming from a living man standing there; instead, several glowing ‘windows’ floated in the air right in front of Amelia. The screens showed the stern, disapproving faces of old and middle-aged men, their voices seeming to leak right out of the shimmering glass.
”We concede a certain amount of ‘logic’ in your argument. But will it not simply lead women into a life of wanton pleasure?” another voice questioned, dripping with suspicion.
”Any pleasure beyond the act of intercourse must be condemned as dangerous!” a third boomed. “After all, most people can’t even resist the simple temptation of a man and a woman’s natural coming together…”
”That is where you are all wrong!” Amelia shouted back, her fervent tone ringing true. “That kind of standard isn’t written anywhere in the Holy Scripture! I am not arguing against the ‘Forbidden Tool’ system itself, but you cannot just brand every unknown object a ‘Forbidden Tool,’ can you?!”
If Kento were there, he would surely have thought, “Well, that looks like an online meeting, doesn’t it?” This peculiar scene was brought about by one of the Church of Demon-Subjugation’s most prized ‘Supreme Holy Relics’: the Heavenly Ear, Heavenly Eye, Heavenly God Window, or Tenjin-sou¹ [SYSTEM].
Legend says that in ancient times, a certain saint wished aloud, “I want to see, I want to hear.” A celestial messenger then appeared and delivered the word of God: “See, then. Hear, then.” How much of that is true, no one knows. But the Sacred Relic certainly exists, and its workings defy all modern comprehension. It was a genuine out-of-place artifact, a thing that could only have been delivered by God.
A middle-aged man on one of the floating ‘windows’ erupted with an enraged scowl at Amelia’s outburst.
”What was that, you little chit!” he thundered, the audio slightly [distorted] by his sheer volume. “Are you trying to lecture me on the Holy Scripture?!”
”It is not a lecture, Your Eminence, it is a statement of fact!” Amelia retorted, staring right into the shimmering screen. “‘Forbidden Tool’ is merely a rule set by the Church! If it was not created by God’s own hand, then it must be constantly re-examined!”
She glowered at the ‘window,’ and the man glared right back from across the unbridgeable distance. Suddenly, another man stepped between them. He wasn’t on a screen but stood right next to Amelia: the Archbishop of Canarias, Trantestar.
”Now, now, Sister Amelia, and His Eminence the Cardinal, please calm yourselves,” Trantestar soothed, his voice too smooth and conciliatory. “Amelia, your words were a touch too sharp, my dear. No one will listen if you speak like that.”
”…I apologize, Your Grace,” Amelia murmured, her face flushed. “I seem to have lost my composure…”
”Hmph!” the Cardinal on the screen sniffed, unimpressed.
Trantestar, who looked well-meaning but useless—a good description, actually, for a man overseeing all churches in the Canaria Kingdom—then turned to the screen. “Trantestar, this is a failure of your supervision!” the Cardinal accused, his tone highly critical. “This girl understands absolutely nothing!”
”That may be, Your Eminence, but if we overlook the extreme nature of her language, she isn’t actually wrong about the facts,” the Archbishop countered, a subtle calculation in his eyes. “If there was truly no room for consideration, why bother calling us all here in the first place?”
The Cardinal glanced at the other floating faces, realizing this was perhaps the moment to yield. He knew why the meeting had been convened, but that didn’t mean he could simply agree to a mere nun’s passionate pleading.
”Besides,” Trantestar continued, his voice taking on a new, serious tone, “the situation surrounding this… ah… ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy’ is no longer something we can simply sweep under the rug.”
He then laid out the grim reality. Chromans, the Chairman of the Royal Capital Beast-person Mutual Aid Association, had repeatedly demanded a re-stocking of the item. The Church had said no, but then, just days ago, Queen Cecile of the Canaria Kingdom had actually backed the re-stocking request! Furthermore, upon hearing the Queen’s decision, the Adventurers Guild had also thrown its weight behind the demand. Soon, even merchant guilds and others not affiliated with the Beast-person Association began to voice their support. The Church found itself abruptly cornered.
”That is your incompetence, Trantestar!” the Cardinal spat, his face red with frustration. “Why could you not change the Queen’s mind? No! Worse still, why did you leave the creator of that ‘Devil’s Stick’ running free?!”
”Well, you see, this magic tool was already sold to quite a large number of people by the time we discovered it,” Trantestar explained, a weary sigh in his voice. “I doubt it would have been easy to cover up anyway, don’t you think?”
”Hmph! Then put a stop to this immediately! The Holy Saintess herself is gravely concerned about this matter!”
”Ah, that ‘concern’ could mean anything, couldn’t it?” Trantestar murmured, rubbing his chin. “I personally believe the Holy Saintess might be supporting Her Majesty Queen Cecile’s judgment. The Saintess is quite close with Her Majesty, after all, and I doubt she’d want to offend a friend.”
”You dare speculate on the heart of the Holy Saintess!”
”That is an outrageous statement, Archbishop of Canarias!”
The Cardinals’ voices, already loud, became a furious cacophony across the ‘windows.’ The mention of the ‘Saintess,’ the very symbol of the Church, had set them all off in a rage far exceeding their initial anger. Trantestar, quite like Sister Amelia, seemed to be expertly poking them, whether by accident or on purpose was hard to tell.
Then, over the shouting, a luscious, purring voice, a sound that cut through the chaos like a silk thread through wet paper, finally silenced the storm. It belonged to the last person present, Mother Marian.
”Well, let’s put aside the words of this lazy, good-for-nothing Archbishop for a moment,” she began, her tone overly intimate and teasing, “but we simply must acknowledge the situation as it truly stands,vaa-an…♡”
”Guh…” The men on the ‘windows’ fell silent. From the moment the meeting began, Mother Marian had kept quiet, but now that she had spoken, Cardinals, Archbishops, and Bishops alike had no choice but to listen. She, after all, was the one who had actually forced this entire ridiculous conference into existence.
”Regardless of what any of you say,” Marian continued, a knowing look on her face, “Her Majesty Queen Cecile has supported the re-stocking of the ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy.’ The issue is whether you dare challenge her, and if you do, whether you have the material ready to silence the entire Canaria Kingdom…♡”
”Mmm…” The senior clergy had no response. It wasn’t because the lewd words ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy’ had slipped from Marian’s mouth, though a few weak-willed priests had gone silent for that very reason. No, the real reason was that they simply could not afford to pick a fight with the Canaria Kingdom.
Centuries ago, perhaps, but the Church of Demon-Subjugation no longer had the power to overturn a sovereign’s judgment. The days when Holy Knights and Monks who had mastered the ‘Miracles of God’ protected the people were long gone. Now, kingdoms defended themselves with the power of ‘magic,’ which could be gained without the need for peculiar religious training, and they had begun to ignore the Church’s dictates. If the Church wanted to change that, they had to display an equivalent power—like the power of ‘Marian of the Seductive Flame,’ a woman who could supposedly slaughter a thousand demons all by herself.
”Just for the record, though, I won’t be lifting a finger myself, you see…♡” Marian finished, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “I’ve decided to respect my darling Sister Amelia’s will, so I am hands-off from here on out. I won’t be taking either side…♡”
”Mother…!”
It was a clear sign of encouragement. Amelia’s resolve hardened, seeing Marian’s knowing wink and playful smile. To meet Marian’s expectation, and to back up Kento’s hard work, she knew she had to convince them now.
”Everyone, please forgive my earlier outburst,” Amelia said, her voice now steady and resolute. “I sincerely believe there is no danger in the ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy’ and these other magic tools. But if you cannot be convinced, then I have another method to propose.”
”Hmph, speak it then,” the Cardinal on the screen challenged.
”Then let us hold a Trial!” Amelia declared. “A ‘Trial’ to judge the safety and risk of these magic tools. If you have any objections or concerns, please either present them at the ‘Trial’ itself or dispatch an Inquisitor to the proceedings!”
”A ‘Trial,’ you say…”
This was Amelia’s last resort, a move she, Mother Marian, and Archbishop Trantestar had decided upon: if the conference failed, she would have to go on the offensive.
For the men on the ‘windows,’ however, this was the perfect escape. A ‘Trial’ would allow them to keep a record that they had indeed resisted the flow of dangerous goods, no matter the final outcome. Any responsibility for future problems could be diffused, or simply pushed onto the Archbishop’s seat in Canarias. One by one, they nodded their agreement, and the momentum became unstoppable.
”Well then, is everyone in agreement?” Trantestar asked, a slight, knowing smile playing on his lips. “A ‘Trial’ will be held concerning the ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy’ and other magic tools equipped with the vibration mechanism…”
”Very well,” the Cardinal finally conceded.
The others across the screen nodded their affirmation. Seeing their compliance, Trantestar made his final, grand declaration.
”Then, in the name of Trantestar, Archbishop of Canarias, I hereby decree the commencement of the Ddo-Buddy Trial!”
It goes without saying that most of the men on the magical ‘windows’ promptly stumbled backwards in sheer disbelief.
—
Summary:
Sister Amelia, burning with righteous fury, confronted the stuffy Cardinals through the ancient Tenjin-sou relic. Backed by the calculating Archbishop Trantestar and the glamorous, powerful Mother Marian, Amelia fought to defend the ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy’ against the ‘Forbidden Tool’ label. With Queen Cecile and the guilds supporting the device, the Church’s ancient power was revealed to be a mere shadow. Cornered and lacking the power to fight a kingdom, the Cardinals were forced to accept Amelia’s audacious proposal: a formal ‘Ddo-Buddy Trial’ to determine the fate of the magical devices. The stage is set for an epic, if absurd, legal battle.
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Character Insight:
Amelia’s fierce determination shows her core loyalty to her beliefs and Kento’s efforts, even when facing the highest powers of her religion. Trantestar is a master political opportunist, using the drama to settle scores and manage the crisis. Marian is the ultimate puppet master, enjoying the chaos she created and giving Amelia the push she needed.
—
Behind the Scene:
The ‘Tenjin-sou’ relic is essentially a magical video conferencing system, highlighting the blend of high fantasy and modern technology in the world. The Church’s loss of power is the real stakes here—they are fighting to remain relevant, not for actual holiness. The ‘Trial’ is a face-saving measure for the Cardinals.
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T/L:
¹ The Tenjin-sou is a fantastic, slightly ridiculous name for a magical relic, combining terms for ‘Heavenly Ear,’ ‘Heavenly Eye,’ and ‘Heavenly God Window.’ It’s the ultimate way to make the ancient church look like they’re just on a Zoom call. ↩
Notes:
• Kento – The owner of the magic tool shop ‘Harvest,’ which discretely sells adult goods. He’s a former overworked, ordinary salaryman from modern Japan who was suddenly transported (isekai’d) to this fantasy world. He has dark hair and an unremarkable appearance, typically wearing a plain, slightly suspicious-looking shop owner’s clothes looks like Kazuma Satou from certain series. He has a minimal amount of magic power, enough to craft his specialty items.
• Amelia – The Sister of the Church of Demon-Subjugating, who usually buys from Kento, has light blue hair.
• Chromans – President of the ‘Royal Capital Beast-person Mutual Aid Association’ and the manager of the ‘Grizzly Merchant Guild,’ a top-tier weapons and armor dealer. He’s powerful, influential, and very business-savvy. Have round, cute bear ears (sooty brown), bushy beard and hair (sooty brown), and large build with muscular physique under a expensive gown.
• Cecile – A high-ranking, powerful woman in the capital who possesses the authority to regulate business and commerce, particularly concerning moral or public order issues. She is currently investigating Kento’s shop, ‘Harvest.’ Have long golden hair, elegant, and wearing expensive white dress with gold accesories.
• Marian – A ‘Mother’ and supervisor from the Church of Demon-Subjugation. Her appearance and demeanor defy the Church’s purported ‘chastity,’ instead she has wavy purple long hair, busty, black nun, tear mole under eye, and monroe walk. She has arrived with a clear purpose: to confront Kento about the ‘Devil’s Stick.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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