Chapter 63 The Old Man and the Incubus꞉ A Noble Nightmare
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
The very next day after I was summoned for the ‘Ddo-Buddy Trial’ at court, I decided it was high time to pop over and see my Masters. Sister Amelia had pointed out that, since I was going to be presenting a research paper, I really ought to report in to them both. I mean, honestly, there was another reason, too, but I’ll keep that to myself for now.
”Excuse me! It’s Kento! Is Master Kogima¹ in?” I called out.
The first place I landed was at the alchemy workshop of my master, Old Man Kogima Pijole. Can you believe this old coot? Just a few months after I became his disciple, he married a noble widow and became a nobleman himself! It was a lightning-fast wedding—met her one month, married her the next—all because his skills as an alchemist were finally acknowledged.
I was completely flabbergasted, I tell you. One moment, he was a filthy, penniless old man, and the next, he was a proper little aristocrat in spiffy new clothes. The dame already had kids, and now, with his own child born last year, he’s a papa to three little imps.
I was actually quite worried, seeing as the marriage looked suspiciously like a business deal—more of an alchemist and his deep-pocketed patron situation, if you know what I mean. But then…
”Papa! It’s Kento!”
”Papa, Kento-kun is here!”
The roar of the children came echoing out of the house. Still little terrors, those kids. Their main interest, of course, was the sweets I always bring. I’m grateful that, despite being nobles, they’re not overly spoiled, and they actually get excited over the cheap stuff I can afford to buy.
While I was pondering this, the door cracked open halfway, and a fellow who looked vaguely dandyish—all slicked-back hair and a mustache—peeked out. He had a cute little baby cradled in his arm, too.
”…May I ask who is calling?” he murmured, putting on a ridiculously formal air.
”Don’t be silly, Master! It’s your dearest disciple, Kento!” I exclaimed with a mischievous wink.
”…I have no disciples,” he hissed back, refusing to drop the act.
”Come on, now! Remember that dear old workshop? You sold it off, right? The one where you almost threw me out for blowing up your equipment, and almost threw me out again because you couldn’t pay the rent? Oh, those were the days!”
”Go home! Get out! You block of black history, don’t you dare step foot inside my happy home!” he shrieked.
”Shut up, Old Man! Let me in! Have you forgotten the favor I did you when I fed you that full-course meal of weeds?!”
And so it goes. My Master is doing his utmost to forget his days in the back alley, living what seems to be a truly blissful domestic life… though not entirely peaceful, as you can see.
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In the end, it took the triple-threat combo to break Old Man Kogima: the baby in his arms started to wail
He showed me to his workshop, which was tucked inside the house. It was still the Old Man’s workshop, with its familiar atmosphere: monster specimens hanging on the walls and live slimes soaking in mystery fluid. The location had changed, but the spirit of the place hadn’t.
”Honestly, I’ve told you so many times not to come back…” he muttered, clearly defeated.
”Heh heh, no can do, Master. I’m sticking to you until I’ve absorbed every last bit of that knowledge and skill you’ve painstakingly gathered!” I declared.
”Ugh… You rotten disciple!” he groaned.
Pijole House, where I had once again successfully invaded, was still a bit modest for a noble estate. It was similar to how the children weren’t overly indulged with sweets. It wasn’t huge, there were no butlers or maids, and even the furniture was the kind an average person could buy. Only the security seemed to be top-notch.
It wasn’t that Old Man Kogima had blown all their money on setting up the lab or his alchemy experiments. No, the Pijole family were originally merchants who bought their title, and they believed in strict frugality. Apparently, the greatest joy for them was the moment they finally drop a massive investment.
I shivered down my spine once when the wife was talking about it with this absolutely thrilled look in her eye. She said, “Investing in this man is the greatest pleasure in the world! Sometimes the huge sums turn into garbage, but sometimes, very rarely, they lead to enormous profit! It’s the ultimate thrill, dear!”
Unfortunately, she said, “This one man is keeping me fully occupied right now,” so there’s no investment coming my way. But she had treated me to a meal back when I was truly struggling. I still sometimes dream about her words from that time: “Don’t worry about it, dear. I just adore the moment when a tiny sum turns into a huge favor, a massive obligation!”
”Seriously, if I had only known I would meet my wife, I never would have taken on a pest like you as a disciple just to earn a few silver coins!” the Old Man exclaimed, throwing his usual, pathetic insult. It was a classic Old Man line, who clearly sees his wife as an angel or a goddess. Usually, I’d fire back with, “A contract is a contract!” but I was even more prepared this time.
”Oh, come on. You know you only finished that paper on time because I helped you with the research, right? And wasn’t it that very same presentation that helped you meet your wife?” I needled him.
”Wh-Why do you know that…!” he stammered.
”Heh heh, I’ve gained access to all sorts of research papers lately, you see. So I looked up the Old Man’s name, and lo and behold, the research I helped you with was submitted just before you met her!”
”Access to papers?! You never told me you became a Guild Member!”
”I didn’t. The authority was given to me by a completely different, very important person.”
”Hmph… Fine, speak,” he sighed, relenting.
”Why couldn’t you have just said that in the first place, you old grouch?” I muttered.
So, while we tossed insults back and forth, I told him all about my recent adventures. The last time I visited, it was when the ‘Tremble-Ddo-Buddy’ was pulled from shelves and I was summoned by the Beast-person Association. So I focused on the next bits: the summons to the Royal Palace and the paper I was writing.
”Were you always some kind of Debauched Demon or something?” he asked after I finished, his face a picture of utter disbelief. He seemed most shocked by the story of my surviving the ‘resonance’ of the three beastkin. And yes, I mean he looked more than disbelieving; he looked completely and utterly disgusted, like he was seriously considering throwing me out of the house after all.
”Sadly, I’m a genuine, plain old human. Though I might have dried up and shriveled away if my other Master hadn’t taught me how to make the ultimate stamina potion!”
”Old Woman Miranda, eh? That’s all well and good, but you need to take care of your life! I won’t allow a disciple to die before his master!” he warned me, a flicker of genuine concern in his eyes.
”Yes, I’ll be careful,” I replied.
That’s the thing about the Old Man: he’s secretly lovable, acting like a Master and worrying about me in moments like this. He didn’t kick me out even when he was busy with his wedding preparations; in fact, he still found time to oversee my training.
”So, is your consultation today about that research paper?”
”That’s right. Half the contents are like an explicit novel anyway, so you can read it if you want. What I really wanted to ask about was the Magic Tool Guild…”
”Hmm, if you’re presenting a paper, I’d steer clear of that place,” he advised.
”Ah, so it’s like that, huh?”
This was the other reason I had come. I hadn’t heard good things about the Magic Tool Guild. I figured that’s why my Master hadn’t been keen to talk about it during my apprenticeship.
”I won’t say ‘things were better in the old days,’ but the Magic Tool Guild now is basically a nest of merchants. It’s just a place to show off cheap knock-offs that follow existing theories—it’s not a venue for academic research,” he explained.
”Hmm, I’m kind of a merchant myself, so maybe it’s the right fit?” I pondered.
”Nonsense! I’m telling you the venue is beneath you! Your research might be vulgar and debauched, but it has merit. Don’t sell the fruits of your hard work short.”
”Alright, I get it. Setting aside the matter of my ‘hard work,’ I heard His Majesty and the Church bigwigs will be looking over the papers, so I won’t present it somewhere that would discredit me.”
”Hmph, that’s acceptable. But remember this, Kento: for an alchemist, research is everything. Research is the joy, and research is the sustenance. Don’t get so worked up over your silly little business. It will only choke the life out of you.”
”Yes, I’ll take that to heart.”
Spoken like a true man who once spent his entire year’s worth of living expenses—and then some, going into debt—just to buy alchemy materials! But he’s right. He wouldn’t have this life now if he had only chased after quick money.
”So, is that all you wanted to talk about?”
”Nah, actually, there’s one more thing…”
”What is it? Speak your mind while you have the chance.”
”Well, um… What’s it like to be a father? And, you know, marriage and all that?”
When I asked that, the Old Man looked like a pigeon had been shot out of a cannon. It was apparently a question he never expected. I hadn’t expected to ask him, either. So please, for the love of the gods, stop that annoying little smirk!
”Heh heh, well, well, well! I never thought I’d be getting life advice questions from you! Are you finally planning to settle down with that slave girl? Or did you mess up your anti-pregnancy potion and knock someone up?” he chuckled.
”I don’t make mistakes with a common potion like that! Well, ‘settling down’ isn’t exactly the right phrase; it’s more like ‘freeing them’…”
”Hoh hoh, this is going to be a good story for when I’m having a drink!”
”I don’t know if it’ll be that interesting…”
With that, I began to tell Old Man Kogima about my recent, shall we say, lower-half situation. The Old Man listened, amused at first, but his face gradually morphed back into that look of utter disgust, and by the end, he was looking at me like I was a pile of trash.
”You really were an Incubus all along, weren’t you? Do not come near my daughter ever again…” he declared.
”Well, yes, I guess… I thought so,” I mumbled in reply.
”But still, a slave, an Elf, a Sister, and several beastkin, with the potential for even more? And you want to take responsibility for them if they wish it?” he mused.
”Yes… Financially, I think I can manage it if a few new products hit the jackpot…”
Despite the look of utter revulsion, the Old Man was thinking it over seriously. It was the first time I had ever felt truly apologetic to him.
”I know a few lecherous merchants and nobles through my wife’s contacts… but from time immemorial, alchemists are ruined by business, and men are ruined by women. If you keep going like this, you’ll either get stabbed, suffer complete renal failure, or end up dying in a ditch from debt…” he warned.
”I figured as much…”
”Hmm, I’m contradicting myself, but I guess you’ll have to focus on your business for a while. I know you’re constantly dreaming up strange new inventions. I’ll advise you on your research, and I’ll even speak to my wife about an investment for the right project.”
”M-Master!” I exclaimed.
For the first time ever, I might have respected the Old Man—as a Master and as a man. Even though he was his usual self, he looked about three times brighter and more magnificent.
”Stop making that creepy face! And no more new women! Move your hands and your head, not your hips!” he snapped.
”I’ll do my best! But if my hips move on their own, you have to forgive me!” I shot back.
”I will not, you idiotic disciple!” he roared.
And so, my consultation with Old Man Kogima came to an end. As I left, the eldest child gave me a look identical to her mother’s and said, “Kento-kun, I’ll take care of you if you’re in trouble!” This chilled me to the bone, knowing the Pijole family blood was in play. Being kicked out by the Old Man as he yelled at me was just a bonus, a nice touch to the whole affair.
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Summary:
Kento goes to see his former alchemy master, Kogima Pijole, now a noble. Their classic, affectionate bickering is back! Kento reveals his upcoming court case and the scandalous research paper. But the real meat is when Kento asks for marriage and fatherhood advice, admitting his ridiculously complicated love life with multiple partners (slave, elf, sister, beastkin!). Disgusted yet concerned, Kogima, the ex-poor-alchemist-turned-noble, agrees to support Kento’s research and business ventures to keep him out of women-induced poverty. A true friend, even if he hates Kento’s hips.
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Character Insight:
Kogima Pijole’s inner conflict is clear: he wants to be a proper noble, but his protective, gruff Master side can’t abandon his old apprentice. His revulsion for Kento’s debauchery is genuine, but his willingness to invest is the ultimate show of alchemist solidarity and perhaps a subtle thrill for his investment-minded wife. Kento, for all his confidence, is still seeking a paternal anchor in his chaotic life.
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Behind the Scene:
The setting emphasizes the theme that research and passion, not just profit, lead to a fulfilling life (Kogima’s path). The wife’s personality highlights the high-stakes, almost addictive nature of investment in a talent like Kogima. This scene sets up Kento’s need for greater income to support his growing ‘family,’ pushing him toward new inventions.
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T/L:
¹Kogima in the original text is a common way to refer to someone’s master or teacher, often used with a sense of respect or familiarity, even when insulting them. Here, it’s translated as ‘Master’ but is used cheekily to annoy Old Man Kogima. ↩
Notes:
• Amelia – The Sister of the Church of Demon-Subjugating, who usually buys from Kento, has light blue hair.
• Kento – The owner of the magic tool shop ‘Harvest,’ which discretely sells adult goods. He’s a former overworked, ordinary salaryman from modern Japan who was suddenly transported (isekai’d) to this fantasy world. He has dark hair and an unremarkable appearance, typically wearing a plain, slightly suspicious-looking shop owner’s clothes looks like Kazuma Satou from certain series. He has a minimal amount of magic power, enough to craft his specialty items.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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