Chapter 67 The Queen’s Shock and the ‘Mystery Man Who Gets Along with My Parents but Whose Job I Don’t Know’ Move
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”And so, with all that said, the completed thesis is right here.”
I was facing Her Majesty Queen Cecile¹ again, this time in a private room deep inside the Royal Palace. The paper was finally done, and I’d come to submit it. I’d be handing it to the Court Wizards, too, but originally, it was a report for Her Majesty.
”Ah, I shall read it.”
I still needed to submit copies to the Beast-person Association who had helped, as well as various related parties who were backing us in the Dildo-Buddy Lawsuit. By the way, printed materials in this world can be duplicated not through ‘letterpress printing’ but through ‘magic plate printing.’
It’s not as cheap as the photocopiers from my old world since it requires paper and ink made by specialized magic toolmakers, but having the Queen as my patron meant I had no problem with the cost this time.
It was a pretty novel experience. You overlay blank paper on the original, channel magic into it, and the text appears. Unlike letterpress printing, the text isn’t mirrored, and it works even with multiple sheets stacked up. The fact that the number of sheets you can stack depends on the quality of the ink and paper gives you a glimpse into the research efforts of the magic toolmakers.²
The magic tool shop where I bought the paper and ink was stylish; just browsing the items on the shelves was fun. They had a wide variety of papers and inks, lots of different pens, and a whole culture around antique ink bottles—it looked like a deep rabbit hole to fall into. I’d like my shop to imitate that, but if I line the shelves with aphrodisiacs, lotions, ddos, and vibrators, I doubt any ordinary customer would stick around….
While I was lost in thought, Her Majesty flipped through the thesis, skimming it. Showing that half-erotic thesis to a noblewoman who probably has no sexual experience was, honestly, a little exciting.
”An exceptionally clear document. It reads more like an administrative report than a thesis, but the content is more than sufficient. I still want you for my Court Wizard, which is good, but… are you a succubus or something?”
Her Majesty spoke, holding the paper and focusing only her perpetually tired eyes on me. Wow, that’s the same thing some old guy said to me just the other day… It was a complicated feeling, but I calmly replied, “I’m just an ordinary person, as you can see.” Her Majesty’s expression remained suspicious. She’s not seriously doubting me, is she?
”Furthermore, stop domesticating my Guard Captain. At the very least, do not impregnate her. If I lose her now, my personal protection will be inadequate.”
”H-Her Majesty! I am not domesticated! And besides, that thesis should be anonymous—my identity shouldn’t be traceable!” Merluza burst out, flustered.
”It clearly reads like you, Sample No. 8, the Lion Beast-person,” the Queen replied flatly.
”Oh my, is it that entertaining?” Muse-san, Her Majesty’s attendant maid, asked, pure curiosity shining in her eyes.
”You should read it, Muse. The appendix at the back. It’s an authentic report that puts most erotic novels to shame. Just publishing this alone would make connoisseurs spend a fortune on it,” Her Majesty deadpanned.
Muse-san, her nosey side fully engaged, began reading the appendix. Occasionally, she’d look up with an “Oh my” expression, glancing between Merluza and me. Merluza’s face was far redder than when she was undergoing the ‘verification’ testing. It was a feast for the eyes.
”Well, Merluza’s situation aside, this means several of the initial conditions have been met.”
”Um, that would be: demonstrating that the Tremble-Dildo-Buddy is useful for the Beast-person ‘heat period,’ that it poses no harm to ordinary people, and revealing the mechanism of the vibration function?”
”Precisely. It is fair to say the respective papers have explained each. That was also quite interesting, what you called the ‘Questionnaire,’ I believe?”
”Ah, thank you for your cooperation with that. I never thought I’d be able to request a usage survey of the Tremble-Dildo-Buddy from people working in the Royal Palace….”
”It was nothing. There are many maids here, and those who have put off marriage to attend me were quite pleased.”
”I-Is that so…”
Putting off marriage, huh? Well, Merluza and Muse-san are both of a certain age, and I do see women their age around often. Perhaps they are following the example of Her Majesty, who seems likely to remain single for life. It was a subtly awkward topic to respond to.
”By the way, I slipped in one of my own questionnaires.”
”Pfft! W-Wait, seriously!? I published it exactly as it was!” I choked out.
”Heh heh heh, the more heads, the better, wouldn’t you agree? For that reason, make sure you don’t release this in any improper place,” Her Majesty warned, a rare smile playing on her lips.
”A-Alright. If I use it for anything else, I will come back for your permission,” I agreed immediately.
”Good.”
Aha, so that was her subtle warning. Phew, that was close… I’d been thinking about turning the ‘Customer Voices’ into a booklet for the shop counter. No, I suppose she’d probably permit that much. What she meant was likely: ‘Don’t do anything like selling it to connoisseurs,’ as she’d suggested earlier.
”Now, regarding the Hot-Hot Ddo Buddy and the request to work with my Court Wizards to create a heating appliance, should that wait until after the Lawsuit?”
”Yes, I believe so. I would be grateful if I could focus on the Tremble-Dildo-Buddy matter until things settle down.”
”Understood. But in that case, the new product is also still on hold…?”
When I first met Her Majesty, she gave me three conditions: proof of the product’s efficacy and safety, disclosure of the product’s creation method, and the presentation of a new product. Her expression, You haven’t forgotten, have you? was fixed on me.
Her gaze was as sharp as ever. She seemed a little more energetic than last time, perhaps because she’d been using the Uterine Massager I’d provided earlier.
”Ah, yes, that’s right. To be honest, that will likely be a ways off.”
”Ngh… well, I suppose it cannot be helped. Even you cannot churn out innovative products one after the other…”
”No, I have the idea. I plan to finally venture into the ‘an*l’ category next.”
”A-nal? Muse, what is ‘an*l’?”
”It means the anus, Cecile-sama,” Muse-san explained calmly.
”What…? E-Eh, that sounds terrifying. That’s for putting things out, not in….”
Her Majesty looked at Muse-san and me in alternation, looking at us as if we were monsters, utterly terrified. Perhaps it was truly unbelievable for a person of her high noble status, which made her reaction somewhat endearing. Though, given that the Internet doesn’t exist in this world, her reaction might be the standard one, and Muse-san might be the abnormal one.
”Well, it’s a practice that’s been around in the military for a long time. It’s used when there are no women around, but also when pregnancy must be avoided,” Merluza interjected, her cheeks still blazing.
”M-Merluza, you…” Her Majesty stared, aghast.
”I only heard about it! From my former superior officers and seniors! And it sometimes comes up when I read historical records!” Merluza defended herself vehemently.
Her Majesty began to look terrified of Merluza, too. It seemed that while the practice was rare, it wasn’t utterly abnormal, and Her Majesty was simply being naive. I wondered if she had been a hothouse princess until the death of the previous King and Queen. It was hard to imagine from the Queen she was now.
In the end, this concluded my report for the day. As I left the room, Her Majesty continued to mutter, “A-nal…” with a cat-who-saw-the-universe expression.
* * *
On the way back from Her Majesty’s room, Muse-san escorted me through the Royal Palace. Naturally, they couldn’t just let an outsider wander around freely. And honestly, if I were left alone, the place was so vast and labyrinthine that I was certain I’d get lost.
On the way, I ran into an unexpected person. A boy with the same blonde hair as Her Majesty, but with a vibrant, cheerful expression unlike hers: His Highness Roland Canaria, the Queen’s younger brother and the next King.
What do I do? I felt even less prepared to deal with him than with Her Majesty. As I worried, Muse-san beside me stepped aside and bowed, so I followed suit, stepping back and lowering my head.
I was waiting for him to simply walk past, but he stopped right in front of me and spoke.
”Um… are you the magic toolmaker?”
”Your Highness, you mustn’t! Do not speak to a person such as this!” His accompanying maid desperately interjected, not one of the guards.
”Eh? Why? He’s Sister’s guest, isn’t he?” Roland asked, genuinely confused.
The maid’s reaction was screaming, “My pure Highness will be corrupted!” She must have either participated in the questionnaire or read its contents. I guess I can’t blame her, though I felt a bit put out. It really wasn’t a topic for him. But ignoring him wouldn’t be right either…. I glanced at Muse-san, who made a face that said, “Just be careful what you say…” so I decided to reply.
”My apologies for not greeting you before, Your Highness Roland. I am Kento, a magic toolmaker, as you said.”
As soon as I spoke, the maid behind His Highness gave me a fierce glare. That look was clearly saying, “Say anything extra and your head will fly, got it? Huh?!” I inwardly trembled.
”I knew it! My apologies for not greeting you! I’ve been wanting to thank you!” His Highness Roland exclaimed, with a brilliant, glowing smile. It was the kind of refreshing, charming smile that would likely make many women cry one day.
”Eh? Me?”
”Yes! I hear Kento-san makes magic tools that cheer people up! My sister’s expression has been brighter lately! It must be because of you, Kento-san, right?”
He’s not wrong. He was not wrong, but I was struggling to find a reply. The maid behind His Highness was still glaring intensely. Cold sweat trickled down my back.
”Well, um, yes… I suppose I’ve been able to provide some small assistance… or not…” I mumbled.
”I knew it! You don’t have to be so modest! Please, tell me about it! Sister always says, ‘You don’t need it,’ and won’t tell me anything…”
His Highness looked at me, eyes sparkling one moment, then slumping slightly the next. Even Muse-san was now giving me a sharp-eyed look that said, “Handle this smoothly, okay…?” Why am I suddenly in such a predicament?
”Ah, I can’t go against Her Majesty’s wishes….”
”Please don’t say that! Sister always says, ‘Study well!’ and ‘Expand your interests, see and hear things for yourself, and think!’ She’ll definitely forgive us!” he argued stubbornly.
What a persistent young Prince. Perhaps this was his small act of rebellion against his great sister. But I, the person caught in the middle, was miserable. The maids’ glares were painful. What should I do?
At that moment, a revelation struck me. This was the time for the “Shady Shopkeeper” move, or the “Mysterious Older Brother” move—the kind of character who shows up midway through the story, whose job is unclear, but who speaks knowingly and seems important! I adopted my most dignified expression and looked at His Highness.
”Heh heh. I apologize, Your Highness. Regrettably, my ‘products’ are selective about who can use them. Furthermore, you must not carelessly request the disclosure of a magic toolmaker’s or a magic user’s research. You will one day rule over many people, Your Highness, so allow me the impertinence of offering that piece of advice.”
His Highness’s expression changed from that of a child begging for candy to one of surprise, and then to the earnest look of a boy aspiring to be a slightly shadowed character in a comic book. Meanwhile, the maids looked like they were thinking, “What is this guy even saying?”
”Y-You are right! That was very rude of me!”
”Not at all. Just know that I am not being deliberately unkind to you, Your Highness.”
”Yes! Kento-san, please continue to cooperate for my sister’s sake, okay?”
”Of course. As you and Her Majesty wish. Now, I will take my leave.”
I quickly made my exit from his presence. If only I had a good cloak, I could have dramatically swept it behind me… I had a feeling he was watching my retreating back with glittering eyes.
And sure enough, Muse-san was still making the “What is this guy even doing?” face. In fact, as soon as we were out of His Highness’s sight, she murmured, “What were you doing…?” I don’t understand….
—
Summary:
Kento submits his controversial Tremble-Dildo-Buddy research to the weary Queen Cecile, who is amused and mildly horrified by the half-erotic content, especially Merluza’s embarrassing involvement. The Queen casually admits to taking the survey herself, which throws Kento for a loop. The conversation then takes a sharp turn when Kento mentions his next product will be ‘anal’ themed, completely baffling the naive Queen. Afterwards, Kento runs into the idealistic and innocent Prince Roland, who sees Kento as a hero for helping his sister. Forced to conceal the truth, Kento improvises an exit by becoming a ‘Mystery Man’ to avoid corrupting the young Prince, much to the confusion of the watchful maid Muse.
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Character Insight:
Kento is highly adaptable, using humor and improvisation (‘Mystery Man’ persona) to escape socially impossible situations, but he also has an underlying loyalty to his patron, the Queen. Queen Cecile, despite her initial weariness, is a decisive leader with a dry wit, but her reaction to the ‘anal’ discussion reveals a surprisingly sheltered, ‘naive’ side. Merluza remains fiercely loyal but is easily mortified by her public involvement in the research. Prince Roland is established as an idealist who is kept in the dark about the realities of his sister’s governance.
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Behind the Scene:
This chapter resolves the first major plot point: Kento successfully proving the safety and efficacy of the Tremble-Dildo-Buddy to the Crown. It immediately sets up the next conflict (the Prince’s innocence vs. the nature of Kento’s work) and introduces the new, more taboo product line (‘anal’) which is sure to cause more awkwardness and plot progression. The inclusion of the Queen’s own survey response is a fun way to raise the stakes and show Kento’s deep involvement in royal affairs.
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T/L:
¹ Her Majesty Queen Cecile: The Queen of the country. A key patron and a source of constant stress for Kento due to the nature of his products. ↩
² magic toolmakers: People who create magic items. The text highlights that this world’s technology is often a mix of magic and specialized craft, leading to unique inventions like ‘magic plate printing.’ ↩
Notes:
• Cecile – A high-ranking, powerful woman in the capital who possesses the authority to regulate business and commerce, particularly concerning moral or public order issues. She is currently investigating Kento’s shop, ‘Harvest.’ Have long golden hair, elegant, and wearing expensive white dress with gold accesories.
• Merluza – The Captain of the Royal Guard, a veteran soldier and Lion Beast-person. She testifies to the military necessity and effectiveness of the ‘Tremble Ddo-Buddy’ (which she calls ‘Bob’) for female beast-person soldiers, ensuring job performance isn’t compromised by ‘heat’. Have dull yellow hair, large feline ears, wearing armor, and large scar over the right eye.
• Muse – Cecile’s trusted attendant and chief maid, Muse handles sensitive, discreet tasks like espionage and product acquisition. Have sharp, black eyes, wearing maid uniform, and have expressionless face.
• Soi – An old professor from Ajire seminary, the first to raise a question. Looks like wizardly.
• Roland – he younger brother of Queen Cecile and the heir apparent to the Canaria throne. Clean, golden-blonde hair, same color as the Queen, innocent, beautiful face that could be mistaken for a girl but dressed in a boy’s formal wear.
• Kento – The owner of the magic tool shop ‘Harvest,’ which discretely sells adult goods. He’s a former overworked, ordinary salaryman from modern Japan who was suddenly transported (isekai’d) to this fantasy world. He has dark hair and an unremarkable appearance, typically wearing a plain, slightly suspicious-looking shop owner’s clothes looks like Kazuma Satou from certain series. He has a minimal amount of magic power, enough to craft his specialty items.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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