Chapter 85 The New Employee’s Calamity
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Having listened to Kento’s business plan, the Court Magician Satsuki immediately set off for the Royal Palace. She was, of course, heading there to convey the proposed investment plan to Her Majesty Queen Cecile・Canaria, her original employer.
It was also because the other employees had all nodded to one another, agreeing to give Kento and Lily some privacy. While Satsuki personally felt that not only did she have no objection, but it was probably for the best, her steps toward Her Majesty’s room were heavy.
”Am I truly supposed to report this…?”
The cause of her whispered concern was not the investment plan, but the material for the new merchandise. This was the group of “anal-related” products that Kento had created, one after the other, over the past month or so. To Satsuki, every single item in the collection was questionable, and she was hesitant to introduce them to her sovereign.
However, Satsuki had been ordered by none other than Her Majesty herself to report everything concerning that shop. Reasoning that she surely wouldn’t be punished for simply following orders, she stepped into Her Majesty’s office with a sense of resignation.
”Ah, Satsuki, welcome. So, has anything happened at that shop?” the Queen asked.
”Yes. I have been entrusted with documents from the shop’s owner regarding a request for investment and an introduction to his new products. As there is a great deal of information, I brought them so that Your Majesty might look them over first,” Satsuki replied.
”Oh, that sounds delightful… But could it be that the new products are…” Her Majesty trailed off.
”Y-yes, they are. I have been told they are… ah, ‘anal-related’ products,” Satsuki confirmed.
Cecile’s tired face brightened for a moment, then shifted into a grimace. Satsuki felt her face flush, and she cursed Kento in her heart for forcing her to make such a report. However, Cecile was the only one unenthusiastic; the maid, Muse, and the Captain of the Royal Guard, Merluza, who were waiting on either side of the Queen, both leaned forward eagerly.
”Oh, finally…!” Muse exclaimed.
”Did you not bring any of the products today!?” Merluza pressed.
”Y-you two, you seem awfully pleased about this, don’t you…?” Cecile asked, surprised.
”Indeed, we are. The truth is, that man previously gave us a certain item,” Muse said.
”And receiving just that much has left us in agony. It is certainly a convenient and fine product, but…” Merluza added.
”Hmm? What is it? I have not heard of this,” Cecile said, a little suspicious.
”Because we didn’t tell you,” Muse answered plainly.
”After all, we couldn’t possibly have Her Majesty use that while it was still in the prototype stage,” Merluza said with a slight smile.
Cecile felt a little left out by the words of her loyal retainers, but she managed not to let it show, especially with Satsuki present. Nevertheless, Muse urged her to look over the documents with an expression that seemed to say, “You understand, don’t you?”
And then, looking at the product and its explanation written on the first page of the documents she received from Satsuki, Cecile’s eyes widened and she froze solid. She wore the expression of a cat that had just perceived the universe.
Satsuki looked at the pained figure of her beloved sovereign with an unreadable expression, while Muse and Merluza made no attempt to hide their smug smiles. A little while later, Cecile rebooted and realised something truly horrifying.
”Y-you two, surely…!?”
”Yes, we are currently using it, Cecile-sama,” Muse confirmed.
”It’s quite comfortable to use. I am even considering whether this very item might be deployed to the military. It is useful for long-distance marches. The only regrettable thing is that one cannot control urination while using it,” Merluza stated with a businesslike tone.
”……!?!? !? !?”
Cecile once again felt the vastness of the cosmos. Needless to say, what Muse and Merluza were using was the “Slime-kun Who Dwells in a Woman’s Arsehole”. Cecile had just imagined the “Slime-kun” saying “Hello” as it peeked out from the behind of the two figures who stood calmly before her.
With an apologetic look toward her pitiful Queen, Satsuki offered a small bottle.
”That… This is the actual item. The other products will be brought by the shop’s owner when he visits. He said that if you intend to enjoy them immediately on that day, it would be best to have used this one beforehand…”
”……!?!? !? !?”
The “Slime-kun Who Dwells in a Woman’s Arsehole” was placed gently upon the lavish desk crafted by a first-rate artisan. Inside the bottle, it wriggled and squirmed as if searching for a woman’s anus.
The sight of it caused Cecile’s sense of virtue, ethics, and morality to reach their limit and overflow in her mind. Had this been a cartoon, steam would have surely burst out of the top of her head with a soft pishoo!
What re-re-booted her was Muse, her maid, who had been checking the product catalogue and getting excited while her mistress was stunned.
”Cecile-sama, please put aside for a moment whether or not you will use it yourself. We have not yet heard the investment proposal. For the record, I wholeheartedly believe we should invest. This will definitely sell,” Muse said, bringing the Queen back to reality.
”Hah!? W-what was I just… Investment? Money matters, is it…?”
Satsuki, feeling terribly awkward, proceeded to tell the revived Cecile about the proposal. This included the cost of producing the current anal-related products, the projected sales, and the plans for future new product development, as well as information about the other investors.
Whether for good or for ill, Cecile was fortunately sensitive to financial matters and excelled at them. After all, ever since inheriting the throne, she had dedicated herself to protecting and replenishing the national treasury from the hands of corrupt ministers.
”Hmph. To solicit investment from so many quarters, that fellow is as interesting as ever, I see,” Cecile mused.
”Wait, wait. Borrowing money from so many places—will that shop be alright?” Merluza wondered aloud.
”It will be fine. Rather, in a pinch, it makes it easier to extend the deadline by mentioning the names of the other investors. It is remarkable that he would think of such a thing,” Muse explained.
”Indeed. He must have a lot of confidence. It’s almost a way of testing us: ‘How much value do you place on this shop?’” Cecile commented.
Satsuki listened to their discussion with a pale face. She knew she was terrible with money, but had Kento truly been thinking of such things? In reality, Kento had simply thought that it would be easier to gather funds if he increased the number of lenders, but there was no one present to defend him.
Fortunately, Cecile did not become angry about it. She calculated on the mental abacus in her head for a while and eventually gave her answer.
”Yes, very well. Tell Kento to show his face soon. And while you’re at it, tell him to take more of our money.”
”I-is that alright…?” Satsuki asked, taken aback.
”Of course, I was always going to invest in that fellow. The ‘Patto Hot-kun’ that you and he created has both performed wonderfully. I will not let a man who can so easily create things like that get away,” Cecile said, a predatory smile playing on her lips.
Satsuki shivered and straightened her back at Cecile’s grin. The “Patto Hot-kun” Cecile referred to was the magical heating device created by Kento and Satsuki. And there were two types of “Patto Hot-kun”.
One was for ordinary heating. The other was a multi-functional model that included an ignition and flame-throwing feature. The military referred to the former as the N-Type, and the latter as the X-Type.
The season was already the onset of winter. She had heard that the N-Type was an absolute necessity on the northern border, where snow had already begun to accumulate. The X-Type, on the other hand, was proving surprisingly effective in skirmishes.
The actual destructive power was not as great as originally anticipated. It was, at most, a flame that could be easily generated by someone who had learned a few magic tricks. However, the X-Type was effective precisely because it tricked the enemy into mistakenly believing that a “magic user” was present.
The enemy nation was being led on a merry dance by the constant appearance of the “shadow” of a “magic user” appearing everywhere they probed, causing them to hesitate in their offensive. As a result, there was a prospect of avoiding a decisive winter battle. This was good news for the Canaria Kingdom, which wanted to avoid fighting in an unfamiliar environment.
As a ruler, Cecile had no intention of letting Kento go. If she could bind him with money, all the better. In her Queenly judgment as one in power, Satsuki felt the gravity of her own position. She correctly understood that she was being ordered to “get in good with that shop.”
”Yes. And is that all the news? Tell me if there are any other developments, no matter how minor,” Cecile pressed.
”Y-yes, there is something else, if you put it that way, but I wonder if it’s something Your Majesty needs to hear…”
That was why Satsuki suddenly thought she should mention the matter. Normally, she would never have spoken of it. But now, she felt that even the slightest thing should be reported.
”I said anything is fine, didn’t I? I will make the judgment. You simply need to tell me whatever you have seen or heard.”
”Th-then… Well, the owner of the magic shop ‘Harvest,’ Kento… it seems he has decided to have a child with his slave…”
…Hah?
Not only Cecile, but Muse and Merluza also froze at Satsuki’s report. Satsuki regretted speaking, wondering if she should have kept silent after all. Muse and Merluza were the first to recover.
”H-hmm, should we send a birth present…? No, is that too soon…?” Muse murmured, feigning calm.
”W-wait a minute, that man… he intended to have a child!?” Merluza exclaimed, sounding slightly frantic.
Muse was feigning calm but wasn’t truly calm, and Merluza was panicking at the feeling that the man she had slept with was drifting away. And the one who suffered the biggest shock was Cecile, whose life of perpetual spinsterhood was all but certain.
”H-have a child…? W-while I spend every night comforting myself with the magic tools that man created…? While he is about to start developing my rear… H-haha…” Cecile’s voice was filled with a desperate, hollow laugh.
”P-please calm down, Your Majesty, everyone…!” Satsuki pleaded, caught in the crossfire.
The topic was far too heavy for a room filled with unmarried women…
* * *
”Ah, what a terrible ordeal…”
Returning to her apartment, Satsuki collapsed onto her bed and sighed. She knew she had been wrong to bring up Kento’s plan to have a child, but she had never expected Her Majesty and the others to be so deeply shaken.
Well, the thought that Kento, too, would fall victim to that awkward atmosphere when he next showed his face made her feel slightly better. But Her Majesty is truly going to use the new product…
Satsuki reflected on the day’s events, on the verge of falling asleep right then and there. She closed her eyelids and was about to drift off, but something would not allow it.
Pat-pat, clang-clatter. Splish-splash…
A scrambling sound came from the corner of the room. Hearing the noise, Satsuki slowly sat up.
”…Right. I haven’t fed you much, have I?”
Satsuki removed her robe, then the magician’s attire she wore underneath, until she was only in her underwear. As she scattered her clothes, she ambled toward a lidded “pot” placed in the corner of the room.
She opened the lid and picked up the item inside: the “Slime-kun Who Dwells in a Woman’s Arsehole,” which Kento had given her around the time he began developing the anal-related products.
”Ah, you’ve gotten so small…”
She placed the trembling “Slime-kun” on her palm and gently poked it. Then, she smiled with a surprisingly soft expression. Yes, Satsuki had been keeping this “Slime-kun” as a pet monster.
At first, it had been out of necessity. Once she had taken it home, she disliked the idea of returning it to Kento, fearing he would ask, “Did you use it?” and she was equally reluctant to store it in the Royal Palace for the same reason.
Yet, it was technically a living creature, and she hesitated to throw it away or kill it. Since it was still a slime, she thought feeding it water and vegetable scraps would suffice, which was where the mistake began.
Eventually, the “Slime-kun” started to shrink visibly and weaken despite being fed. That was because they were the “Slime-kun Who Dwells in a Woman’s Arsehole”. While a detailed explanation is unnecessary, they were fated to die unless they consumed that.
By the time she realized it, it was too late. She had grown fond of the “Slime-kun” that quietly ate the food from her hand. Thus, she had no choice but to provide the “food”.
Of course, she didn’t have the courage to go out in public while using it, like the other employees, or perhaps Muse and Merluza.
”Alright, alright, I understand…”
Satsuki said as she took off even her underwear. And then… in the room where the “Slime-kun” had vanished, she picked up the clothes she had discarded, all the while completely naked.
”Ha-ha, what am I doing…? Making stupid magic tools, not having any romance, and keeping a pet slime…”
The reality that had unsettled Cecile and the others had certainly taken its toll on Satsuki as well.
—
Summary:
Satsuki reports Kento’s investment plan and new ‘anal-related’ products to Queen Cecile. Cecile’s staff, Muse and Merluza, shock the Queen by revealing they are already using a prototype of the ‘Slime-kun Who Dwells in a Woman’s Arsehole’ and recommend investment. Cecile, valuing Kento’s military-grade magical inventions (Patto Hot-kun), approves the investment and orders Kento to visit. Satsuki then reports Kento’s plan to have a child with his slave, causing major distress in the room of unmarried women. Later, back in her apartment, Satsuki is revealed to be secretly keeping and feeding her own ‘Slime-kun’ pet, realizing her life has become complicated and lonely.
—
Character Insight:
Satsuki is more than just the serious Court Magician; she is surprisingly lonely and has adopted a bizarre coping mechanism by keeping one of Kento’s most questionable products as a pet. Her internal conflict about her life choices is laid bare, contrasting sharply with her professional composure. Queen Cecile is shown to be a shrewd and pragmatic ruler, instantly recognizing the military and financial value of Kento’s work, which overrides her personal discomfort with his products. The staff’s willingness to use the products highlights Kento’s influence and the products’ (off-label) utility.
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Behind the Scene:
The focus on the ‘anal-related’ products and the reaction of the Royal Court serves to underscore the bizarre juxtaposition of high-fantasy setting with utterly unconventional fantasy merchandise. The revelation that Satsuki, the most reserved character, is an off-label user provides a twist and an emotional grounding for the chapter, connecting her more closely to the other female characters’ shared, if secret, use of Kento’s items.
Notes:
• Satsuki – A talented Court Mage who was forced to analyze the shop’s adult magic tools. Miranda’s granddaughter. Now she’s the new worker at Harvest, a development she finds both humiliating and surprisingly fulfilling due to the rapid progress in her research under Kento’s guidance. Has long black hair, palace mage robe, and staff.
• Cecile – A high-ranking, powerful woman in the capital who possesses the authority to regulate business and commerce, particularly concerning moral or public order issues. She is currently investigating Kento’s shop, ‘Harvest.’ Have long golden hair, elegant, and wearing expensive white dress with gold accesories.
• Kento – The owner of the magic tool shop ‘Harvest,’ which discretely sells adult goods. He’s a former overworked, ordinary salaryman from modern Japan who was suddenly transported (isekai’d) to this fantasy world. He has dark hair and an unremarkable appearance, typically wearing a plain, slightly suspicious-looking shop owner’s clothes looks like Kazuma Satou from certain series. He has a minimal amount of magic power, enough to craft his specialty items.
• Lily – the sl*ve and primary experiment subject for the magic shop, ‘Harvest.’ She has striking pink hair, Blue eyes, medium breasts, which the Protagonist associates with being ‘wanton’. She has a working knowledge of magic, which she kept hidden from the slave trader.
• Merluza – The Captain of the Royal Guard, a veteran soldier and Lion Beast-person. She testifies to the military necessity and effectiveness of the ‘Tremble Ddo-Buddy’ (which she calls ‘Bob’) for female beast-person soldiers, ensuring job performance isn’t compromised by ‘heat’. Have dull yellow hair, large feline ears, wearing armor, and large scar over the right eye.
• Muse – Cecile’s trusted attendant and chief maid, Muse handles sensitive, discreet tasks like espionage and product acquisition. Have sharp, black eyes, wearing maid uniform, and have expressionless face.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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