Chapter 95 Royal Backdoor Negotiations and the Duke’s Daughter’s Secret
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
The final stage of my quest for investment to launch the new posterior-focused product line had at last arrived. Having departed the Cathedral, I found myself standing before the gates of the Royal Palace.
I was shown into the usual office of Her Majesty. As ever, Merluza, the Captain of the Royal Guard, and Muse-san, the maid, stood like sentinels at her flanks. Yet, today the atmosphere was thick with a palpable tension. Her Majesty sat with her arms tightly crossed, a deep furrow etched between her brows as she kept her eyes firmly shut.
In fact, did Merluza and Muse-san not look somewhat displeased as well? Though they maintained their masks of stoic indifference, their gazes felt distinctly glacial. I wondered, with a sinking feeling, if I had somehow blundered.
”E-err, I trust you are in good spirits, Queen Cecile…?” I ventured.
”Is that meant to be sarcasm?” Her Majesty snapped.
”I-I am sorry, I simply could not think of any other greeting…” I stammered.
”Haaa…”
Her Majesty let out a weary sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose before finally opening her eyes to glare at me. It was most peculiar; I had always taken her for a rational ruler, not the sort to trouble others with her personal whims.
After a prolonged, heavy silence during which she continued to bore holes through me with her eyes, she finally spoke in a voice laden with gravity.
”I hear you are quite eager to begin child-rearing with your slaves…”
”Eh? Well, yes. That is the plan…” I replied.
”Then from this day forth, you are our enemy. Prepare yourself, for I intend to take out a great deal of my frustration on you,” she declared.
”Pardon…?” I managed.
I stood corrected. She was exactly the sort of ruler who troubled others with her whims. Though, to be fair, the fact that she stated it so plainly suggested she wasn’t truly furious. Truth be told, hearing the words “child-rearing” from Her Majesty’s lips, while being glared at by such a beauty, felt rather like a reward.
As I felt myself on the verge of opening a new door of self-discovery under her sharp gaze and the icy stares of her companions, Her Majesty sighed again, her expression softening into its usual mask of exhaustion.
”So, you are here regarding the investment for your new product line, I presume?” the Queen asked.
”Ah, yes. I was wondering if Your Majesty might be inclined to offer your support,” I said.
”Very well. I should like to force you to take more, in truth. I shall set no deadline and no interest,” she stated.
”That is a generous offer, but I would prefer the amount specified in the documents. This humble citizen would not be able to sleep at night under the weight of such unearned expectations,” I replied.
”Because you will be too busy with your child-rearing?” the Queen countered.
She agreed to the investment with surprising ease, yet she was true to her word about venting her frustrations. I put on my best performance of a troubled smile while mentally shouting my thanks. If there were magic¹ in this world that could read minds, I would surely have been hauled away for lèse-majesté on the spot.
”Haaa. Well then, where is this product that is to develop the rear passages of us poor, lonely women? You have brought it, I trust?” the Queen asked.
”Of course. But before that, if I may ask, have you had the chance to use the Slime-kun Who Dwells in a Woman’s Arse²?” I inquired.
”I used it. You sent it saying, ‘You’re getting on in years, so use this to develop your rear,’ did you not? Is there a problem?” she replied.
What a wonderful vintage her attitude was. Though Her Majesty looked quite gloomy, winning over a customer’s mood is the mark of a true merchant. She was about to hand over a significant sum of gold; I would butter her up until she was beaming.
”Not at all. It was a special specimen I cultivated specifically with your health in mind, so I am delighted you are using it,” I said.
”Oh? Is that so…?” Cecile muttered.
Her Majesty’s eyes instinctively drifted toward her own abdomen. I see—so she was currently using it at this very moment. Watching the Queen maintain a composed face while playing host to a slime within her, I felt my own motivation surging.
Whether she was working, holding an audience, or having a quiet cup of tea, she had a slime residing in her depths. That fact alone felt like it could give me the strength to live.
”Indeed. You always seem so exhausted, so I enhanced its internal purification and recovery effects. They are difficult to cultivate, so I cannot produce many, but I desperately wanted you to have one,” I explained.
”Hmm, I see…” the Queen noted.
”It has only been a few days, so you may not feel it yet, but it is designed to improve the luster of your skin and hair, help you fall asleep and wake up more easily, and reduce the buildup of fatigue,” I added.
”Now that you mention it, I did sleep quite soundly this morning without any dreams… ssu. My makeup went on rather well, too…” Cecile remarked.
I suppressed a grin as she began to yield. Personal enjoyment aside, I truly needed her to keep at it. I could only indulge in this ridiculous business because the peace of this country was being maintained. Please, I thought, do not go losing any wars or failing at domestic policy!
”Very well, I shall see in time. And the products in question?” she asked.
”Yes, they are right here,” I said.
As was our custom, I began to arrange our proud posterior-themed wares upon Her Majesty’s grand and elegant desk. However, this time, Her Majesty’s face grew pale with every item I placed. When the Twenty-One-Star Ans Beads³ in Large size appeared, she held up a hand to stop me.
”Wait, wait! If I am not mistaken, are you truly suggesting that one… inserts this into one’s rear?” the Queen asked, her voice trembling.
”Yes, of course. It is for the advanced, but within a month, even Your Majesty will be able to swallow it with ease,” I replied.
”A… a month…” Cecile whispered.
Her Majesty wore the expression of a cat that had just glimpsed the vastness of the cosmos. She gingerly picked up the beads, testing their shape and size. Her mutterings of “No way…” and “It will surely tear…” and “My stomach will burst…” were truly a sight to behold.
”We shall start with this beginner’s model. Slowly, ever so slowly, we shall expand. Remember, haste is the enemy of posterior development,” I advised.
”So this… becomes that? It is no wonder you require so many different items…” the Queen said.
”Exactly. That is why, even if it were technically possible, I hesitated to develop it sooner. The research and mass production required a significant investment,” I explained.
Whether she was truly listening or not, she nodded vacantly, comparing the smallest set of pearls to the twenty-one-star beads. I looked forward to seeing the results a month from now.
”V-very well. I shall take these as they are. Now, I should give you a report on that heating magic tool, the Hot-Shot-kun⁴,” the Queen said.
”Ah, thank you,” I replied.
Her Majesty proceeded to describe the utility of the product and offered her direct praise. I had heard as much from Satsuki, but hearing a customer’s voice directly is always gratifying. Unfortunately, because its utility had been proven, the sales ban on the Hot-Hot Ddo Buddy⁵ remained in place.
Speaking of the Hot-Shot-kun, I was reminded of Lady Tina Badcage, the Duke’s daughter who had visited the shop the other day. I assumed Her Majesty would know of her presence in the capital, or perhaps it was Her Majesty who had recommended my shop to her.
”By the way, Lady Tina Badcage visited my shop recently,” I mentioned.
”What…?” Cecile reacted.
Contrary to my expectations, Her Majesty looked suspicious. She turned to her maid, Muse.
”Is this true, Muse? Where on earth did she hear of it?” the Queen asked.
”It is true, Cecile-sama. It seems she was told various things within social circles…” Muse replied.
”Wait, was it a mistake? I ended up selling her a Defloration Kit⁶ at her request…” I said.
”No, it is not something you should worry about, but…” Cecile trailed off.
Her Majesty crossed her arms, looking troubled for a moment before deciding to explain the situation.
”I suppose it is fine to tell you… How much did that girl tell you?” the Queen asked.
”Well… that because she has a claim to the throne, she cannot have a partner or children. And that while Your Majesty is enduring such a burden, she cannot bring herself to seek such things for herself…” I recounted.
”I see, so she told you almost everything. That is correct—on the surface,” the Queen said.
”On the surface…?” I asked.
”Yes. Certainly, that prevents any issues. But her children’s claim to the throne is hardly a concern these days. In terms of danger, the children of my aunt who married into another kingdom are a far greater threat. As long as Roland’s child is born, no one would think to prop up her children over the direct line. Her situation is different from mine, as I am also of the direct line,” Cecile explained.
I see, that made sense. There was the caveat of “if Prince Roland’s child is born,” but that condition would likely be met in a few years. If anything, wouldn’t it be better to have more reliable successors within the country just in case?
In that case, was I in trouble for selling her that kit? I asked in a panic, but Her Majesty seemed unconcerned.
”Do not worry. There are other nobles in similar positions. What she and her father, Duke Badcage, are truly concerned about is the fact that they produced a rebel from within their kin. I have pardoned them for that, but… they are simply too earnest, that father and daughter,” she said.
To me, it seemed more like Tina-jou acted out of her deep adoration for Her Majesty, but the Queen simply sighed. It wasn’t my place to interfere, perhaps.
”No matter. I cannot fault them for their resolve. If that girl sets foot in your shop again, see that you treat her well,” the Queen commanded.
”Of course. Perhaps Your Majesty might even try reaching out to her as a fellow enthusiast?” I suggested.
”Talk about… those sorts of things with her? Hmm. Well, perhaps if the opportunity arises…” she mused.
Ultimately, after playing a small part in mending their relationship, I concluded the day’s business and took my leave.
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Summary:
The protagonist visits Queen Cecile to secure investment for his new line of anal-themed adult goods. During the meeting, they discuss the Queen’s use of a special health-boosting slime and the complex political circumstances surrounding Lady Tina Badcage.
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Character Insight:
Queen Cecile reveals a more vulnerable, stressed side, showing that her harshness toward the protagonist’s ‘child-rearing’ plans stems from her own forced celibacy and duty. Meanwhile, Tina’s self-imposed restrictions are revealed to be less about royal law and more about a deep-seated sense of guilt and loyalty to the Queen.
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Behind the Scene:
The chapter highlights the ‘slapstick’ political reality of this world, where the Queen is literally managing affairs of state while using an adult toy for ‘health benefits’ provided by a merchant.
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T/L:
¹ magic: Refers to the supernatural abilities in this world, specifically the hypothetical mind-reading variant mentioned by the protagonist. ↩
² Slime-kun Who Dwells in a Woman’s Arse: A specialized, health-focused adult product designed to be inserted and reside within the lower digestive tract for purification and recovery. ↩
³ Twenty-One-Star Ans Beads: An exceptionally large and advanced set of anal beads, representing the peak of the protagonist’s current product line. ↩
⁴ Hot-Shot-kun: A legitimate magic tool developed by the protagonist for heating purposes, which has gained royal approval for its utility. ↩
⁵ Hot-Hot Ddo Buddy: The original, more scandalous version of the heating tool that remains banned from public sale despite its technical success. ↩
⁶ Defloration Kit: A specialized set of tools intended for the careful and controlled removal of the hymen, purchased by Tina for her own reasons. ↩
Notes:
• Merluza – The Captain of the Royal Guard, a veteran soldier and Lion Beast-person. She testifies to the military necessity and effectiveness of the ‘Tremble Ddo-Buddy’ (which she calls ‘Bob’) for female beast-person soldiers, ensuring job performance isn’t compromised by ‘heat’. Have dull yellow hair, large feline ears, wearing armor, and large scar over the right eye.
• Muse – Cecile’s trusted attendant and chief maid, Muse handles sensitive, discreet tasks like espionage and product acquisition. Have sharp, black eyes, wearing maid uniform, and have expressionless face.
• Cecile – A high-ranking, powerful woman in the capital who possesses the authority to regulate business and commerce, particularly concerning moral or public order issues. She is currently investigating Kento’s shop, ‘Harvest.’ Have long golden hair, elegant, and wearing expensive white dress with gold accesories.
• Soi – An old professor from Ajire seminary, the first to raise a question. Looks like wizardly.
• Satsuki – A talented Court Mage who was forced to analyze the shop’s adult magic tools. Miranda’s granddaughter. Now she’s the new worker at Harvest, a development she finds both humiliating and surprisingly fulfilling due to the rapid progress in her research under Kento’s guidance. Has long black hair, palace mage robe, and staff.
• Tina Badcage – Silver-haired, red-eyed woman with a very formal, old-fashioned way of speaking, often ending sentences with ‘no ja’. She is the only daughter of the Duke Badcage, tasked with guarding the North for the Canaria Royal Family. She is described as a beauty. Her inexperience suggests a slender build, and her dress is likely formal and aristocratic, though not explicitly stated.
• Roland – he younger brother of Queen Cecile and the heir apparent to the Canaria throne. Clean, golden-blonde hair, same color as the Queen, innocent, beautiful face that could be mistaken for a girl but dressed in a boy’s formal wear.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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