Chapter 219 Neil’s True Feelings
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
The night I met Snow-san and got detailed information about “Crimson,” I finished everything I had to do that day, opened the window of my private room, and looked up at the night sky.
”Sigh… I messed up.”
Muttering to myself without anyone to hear, I regretted my own mistakes.
”Why did I ask about Crimson but forget to ask about its specific usage?”
I don’t really have any intention of doing anything with Crimson, but there’s a big difference between “not using” and “not being able to use” it.
Even if the true nature of Crimson becomes clear, it’s meaningless if it just ends up being a useless treasure.
As soon as I noticed this, I looked for Snow-san, but she was nowhere to be found, and it seemed like she had already left this world.
Even if she were still in this world, there was no way for me to contact her, so there was nothing I could do about it.
”But I was lucky to understand how dimensional magic works. If I study it more, I might learn how to use Crimson.”
Dimensional magic needs special powers, called “Origin.”
It’s different from regular magic, creating new spaces that don’t exist in the world’s rules. It’s equivalent to creating a new principle of the world itself.
I tried to understand it from a book, but in the end, all I knew was that there was a secret to the magic power that was said to be “special.”
Today, Snow-san explained it: Origin is the beginning, the source of everything.
If Origin creates and maintains the world’s rules, making new spaces should be easy.
Magic from alternate dimensions is limited to creating and altering those dimensions in a way.
It might take a while, but by studying this magic, I might eventually learn to use the original source itself.
”It seems like it’ll be a long journey, but it’s better than doing nothing… Still, Wen is really slow.”
I wasn’t standing by the window looking up at the night sky because I was regretting my failure to ask about Crimson’s usage or indulging in sentimentality.
After Snow left the office and a little while later, Lewya came in, but before I could convey my purpose, Lewya spoke up.
The gist of it was that “Wen wants to talk.”
I never expected Wen to come to me, and I worried that she might not agree to talk. So, it was like a wish come true for me, but at the same time, I wondered what had happened for Wen to want to talk to me.
Since I would be busy during the day, I arranged it at night, hence why I was waiting by the window like this.
”It’s getting a little chilly.”
Thanks to Wen, the temperature in the settlement area is comfortable, but she hasn’t thought about adjusting the temperature for someone just out of the bath.
When I turned back after closing the window to avoid catching a chill from the night breeze, Wen was there.
”How long have you been here?”
”…”
Leaning against the wall opposite the window where I stood, Wen had appeared without me noticing.
She didn’t move or lift her head when I spoke, just remained silent with her face down, her expression hidden.
As the uncomfortable silence filled the air between us, I tried to find a topic to change the atmosphere, but quickly abandoned the idea.
I hadn’t been waiting for Wen to chat; I had something important to tell her. So, I raised my voice to break the heavy silence.
””Sorry!””
I said sorry, and at the same time, Wen also said sorry.
We both said the same words at the same time by chance, then slowly lifted our faces and looked at each other.
”Why is Neil apologizing?”
”Why wouldn’t Wen?”
”…Because I said something wrong. Neil didn’t say anything wrong. So… sorry.”
”It’s not like that, Wen. Maybe what I said was logical. But it was just logic. I used correctness as a shield, hiding my true feelings. I didn’t consider Wen’s feelings, just pushed my own selfishness. I didn’t confront Wen honestly… no, I didn’t confront my true feelings. So, it’s my fault.”
Trying to persuade Wen while hiding my true feelings wouldn’t have succeeded from the start.
And I learned from Lucena-san that what was really needed wasn’t correctness. So, this time, I’ll confront Wen with my true feelings.
”I said a lot of things that hurt Wen’s feelings, and I’m really sorry for that. I know it’s cheeky to apologize and then ask for something, but please let me say it again. I don’t want Wen involved in this matter.”
”…”
”You probably thought I apologized just to say that. But please, just listen to me for a moment. At that time, I was thinking of persuading Wen. I thought Wen probably didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation, and I arrogantly thought I could convince Wen using righteousness without knowing Wen’s determination. But that was just an excuse to make myself feel better… I don’t want Wen to be rebirth.”
I revealed my true feelings that I had been hiding behind a facade of cleverness to Wen.
”I don’t really know much about being rebirth. I only heard about it from the earth and water spirits, and I’m just making assumptions. Maybe, as the water spirit says, it’s not really that big of a deal. Maybe Wen won’t stop being Wen. But if there’s even a slight possibility of that happening, I still can’t accept it.”
”…”
”I know it doesn’t make sense. I realize I’m being selfish, saying I can do reckless things but can’t tolerate others doing the same. So this is just my selfishness, without any logic or reason. I want Wen to remain Wen. So please, I beg you, Wen, don’t get involved in this matter.”
When someone talks like they can’t tell the difference, it’s like a little kid, saying whatever selfish thing they want.
I thought that because I understood that, back then, I was trying to use logic to convince Wen and hide it.
As I was pleading with my head down, I saw Wen’s feet in my field of vision, and when I raised my head, Wen, who had been against the wall, had moved in front of me.
”Neil, do you hate it when my feelings disappear so much?”
”Yeah, I hate it. Don’t you, Wen?”
”…I don’t know. They say water is fine, and in the end, spirits will be rebirth sooner or later, so it’s just a matter of time.”
”I wonder about that. It feels like the water spirit is just being resigned to it all—Hey, Wen?”
As I was talking, Wen hugged me from the front.
It was the first time Wen had done something like this to me, so I was confused, and Wen muttered softly.
”Human bodies can be inconvenient, just being in one brings up all sorts of desires… But, it’s not bad, it’s comforting.”
”Hmm?”
”I wonder if, if I were born again, these feelings I have now would disappear.”
”…Maybe.”
”Would I stop finding Narsht’s cooking delicious?”
”That might not change since it’s a matter of taste, but you might lose the desire to eat it, or maybe you wouldn’t even think about materializing it anymore.”
”I see… that would be, unpleasant…”
With a thoughtful tone, Wen murmurs, as if deeply engraving it into her own heart.
”I want to spend more time with Neil, I still haven’t beaten you at cards, and there are other games too. I want to eat more of Narsht’s cooking, and there’s so much I haven’t learned from Diana and Lewya. So… I understand, I’ll do as Neil says.”
Pressing her forehead against my chest, Wen speaks words that sound like resignation.
”Thank you, and sorry for being selfish.”
”Well, in return, promise me you won’t do anything that’ll get you killed.”
”I’ll handle it. Oh, by the way, there’s something I wanted to ask Wen about.”
”What is it?”
”My sword that Wen fixed for me, if I use it, will Wen’s interference be detected?”
”I don’t know. It’s the first time I’ve bestowed my protection on that sword, so I think it would work with earth and water.”
”I see. I’ll ask the two of them tomorrow to make sure.”
Thinking “It’ll be fine if I check tomorrow,” I was completely careless at that moment.
Kuune-san, an expert in labyrinth, had warned me that monster attacks could happen anytime, and I hadn’t forgotten that.
However, after weeks passed without anything happening despite being told that, I foolishly convinced myself that “it’ll still be okay.”
The next morning, people who went hunting in the forest began to report that “the monsters had disappeared.”
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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