Chapter 228 The “Answer” I Reached
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Sorry, I skipped this chapter
”I was first taught by Snow how to control my powers within the limits of this body. My ability was either on or off, and I couldn’t adjust the output at all, so I was taught how to do that.”
”Did you need Crimson for that?”
”No, Snow initially tried to teach me a method that only required my own power. I said I wanted to be able to fight at full strength, and I thought that Snow, who understood my abilities better than I did, would come up with a good method.”
”Did Snow-san understand Momoka’s abilities?”
”Yeah, Snow knew ‘me’ that I didn’t know. I didn’t really understand what that meant, but it was clear that Snow understood me better than I understood myself.”
It’s like the concept of parallel worlds, I suppose.
There are countless worlds out there, and the world Momoka was in was different from the one I was in, but it was a world where Japan existed.
If there’s a world with the same country, it’s not strange to think that there’s a world with the same person.
That’s why Snow-san was surprised when she saw Momoka’s face ―― she had found someone she knew who shouldn’t exist in this world.
”So, what exactly did you learn?”
”I didn’t exactly ‘learn’ it ―― it was more like it was drilled into me. Snow was bad at explaining things, so she told me to learn through my body. She poured her power into my body, and I learned to sense it.”
”So, that means you learned it instinctively, and it’s impossible to explain to others?”
”Yeah.”
”I see…”
I thought I had found hope, but it seems I still need to repeat experiments and practice to master it.
”So, can you explain what you did with Crimson?”
”What do you mean by ‘what I did’?”
”I understand that you used Crimson to negate the backlash of your powers, but I want to know how you did it. For example, did you strengthen your body to withstand the backlash, or did you eliminate its influence?”
I had heard the details of what happened after Momoka absorbed my Crimson last night, so I already knew about her actions afterwards.
So, what caught my attention was how Momoka “utilized” Crimson.
Crimson, or rather Origin, can do almost anything if one has it, but the problem is that the options for what they can do are overwhelmingly vast, making it hard to decide what to do.
People might think that as long as the “result” is the same, it doesn’t matter what choices one makes, but I remembered the example Snow-san gave me.
If I get the “result” of being able to cut through any ingredient with a cooking knife, I can cut through ingredients, but I can’t cut through anything else, no matter how fragile it is. And because there’s no specification for the cutting ability, I can cut, but the cutting ability is neither good nor bad, and it’s not flexible ―― that’s what Snow-san said Crimson is like.
If I apply this to Momoka, I can think of multiple ways to negate the backlash of her ability, but it’s hard to imagine what kind of pitfalls there might be, and if I try to prepare for them, I might fall into an even bigger pitfall.
That’s why I’m curious about how Snow-san, who understands Crimson’s nature, negated the backlash of Momoka’s ability.
”Well, I negate the influence of the backlash, it’s probably close… I think. Snow explained it to me, but I didn’t really get it.”
”What did Snow-san say?”
”She said something like ‘excluding it from the world’s logic’ or something, and when I looked confused, she said ‘it’s like temporarily removing HP from the status so it can’t be referenced’, but honestly, that didn’t make sense to me either.”
HP, huh? That’s a typical example from Snow-san, who loves games. But for someone who’s never played games, it’s a hard-to-understand explanation.
To put it simply, HP refers to health points, and in most games, if your health points drop to 0, your game character dies.
But if you remove that health point status and make it so the system can’t reference it, what happens? You get a game character that can take any amount of damage and never die.
What Snow-san did was probably related to Momoka’s physical strength, or rather, her body’s endurance.
By temporarily removing the concept of endurance, she was able to achieve a body that wouldn’t break no matter how much backlash she received.
Was it simply a matter of increasing her physical strength or eliminating the backlash itself?
But there must have been a reason why Snow-san did something so extraordinary, something that went beyond reason. Unfortunately, Momoka didn’t hear the details from Snow-san.
It seems I should be more cautious when it comes to using Crimson.
”Didn’t Snow-san say anything about being careful when using Crimson’s power?”
”Yeah, she told me to be careful with magic. The magic energy in this world is a diluted form of Origin, and since magic uses that energy, it also inherits the properties of Origin.”
”Magic energy is a diluted form of Origin… Ah, so that’s why Momoka thought of using Crimson to create a wall!”
”Yeah, if the source of magic energy is a powerful force, then it’s possible to create even more powerful magic than usual, right?”
”Using Crimson as magic…”
That idea never occurred to me.
I thought of Crimson’s power as something special and only used it for spatial magic, but if I think of it as a dense form of magic energy, I might be able to come up with ways to utilize it.
”Wait, we got a bit off track. So, what Snow-san meant by ‘be careful with magic’ is that even if you can nullify the backlash, you might still take damage from the magic itself?”
”Yeah, that’s what she said. Even if I can nullify the damage from magic, the nullified damage will still be subtracted from Crimson’s power.”
”So, does that mean there’s no drawback or backlash from using Crimson’s power?”
”Probably not, since Snow-san didn’t mention it, and aside from the fact that I’m running out of energy, I didn’t get hurt or feel unwell.”
”So, as long as you don’t overuse Crimson, Momoka can use your abilities safely?”
It is truly the power that is worthy of being called the beginning and source of everything.
I’ve heard this story so far, and I’m trying to organize my thoughts in my head, and then I come to one conclusion.
”Momoka, I want to make a promise with you ―― one, no, two things.”
”…What?”
”From now on, when you want to use my Crimson, you’ll explain what you’ll do beforehand, and no matter what happens, you’ll withdraw before Crimson is exhausted. And if you do something reckless like this again, I won’t lend Crimson to Momoka again.”
”Neil-sama, that’s――.”
”What’s the meaning of that!”
Niya-san slams her hand on the desk and leans forward, interrupting Momoka’s words.
”Do you understand what you’re saying, Neil-sama?! You’re making a promise, but can you really trust Momoka not to do something reckless again?!”
”I also disagree with Neil-sama’s words. Neil-sama was drained of power by Momoka and didn’t regain consciousness for 3 days, didn’t you?”
”Niya-san and Diana’s concerns are valid, but considering this recent attack, if a similar-scale attack happens again, it’ll be tough to deal with Momoka’s power drain. Of course, I won’t rely on Momoka’s power to strengthen our defense, but I won’t use Momoka’s power again, and I won’t let Momoka fight. Will Momoka really listen to that?”
”That’s…”
”It’s about Diana’s concerns, but I lost consciousness because I had already exhausted Crimson. If I were at full capacity, it wouldn’t have been a problem even if the same amount of power was drained. And if I adjust the amount of Crimson I lend with Diana’s consent, the things Diana is worried about won’t happen, right?”
”That might be true, but, Neil-sama…”
”I’m weak, and even with this great power, I know what I can do. I’m always trying to do something with my own power, but it’s always in vain. It’s better for me to acknowledge my limitations and leave things that aren’t suited for me to others. That’s the best thing I can do as the ruler of this settlement――what’s wrong with you all?”
I glanced around and saw that everyone except me was staring at me with wide eyes.
I wondered if I had said something weird, and as I looked back on my previous words, Diana rushed to my side and peered into my face.
”Didn’t you sleep for 3 days and still haven’t recovered? Maybe you should take a break and rest in your room for a while longer!”
”No, I’m fine physically…”
”Maybe you hit your head somewhere when you lost consciousness, Neil?”
”Huh, no, Lewya?”
I could tell Diana and Lewya was genuinely worried about me, but it felt really annoying.
Everyone around me was nodding in agreement with Lewya’s words, and I was like, “What’s going on?”
”I don’t think I said anything that would make you worry about my head, do I? My self-deprecation is nothing new, right?”
”True, you’ve been putting yourself down for a while now, but didn’t you realize it yourself?”
”What do you mean?”
”You were laughing stupidly just now, weren’t you? You’ve been punishing yourself before, but you’ve never laughed it off like that before, right?”
”Ah, I guess so…”
”Yeah, I guess so…”
Lewya looked like she had been shocked by my casual response, and Diana asked me a question.
”What happened during this short period after you lost consciousness?”
”I didn’t suddenly start thinking like this, okay? I’ve been thinking about this since the incident with Viscount Hedmär.”
The one who reacted to the mention of Viscount Hedmär was Niya-san.
”Does this mean you finally got the ‘answer’ from that time?”
”Half correct, I suppose. Like I said back then, I realized the path I should take, but the answer itself was already decided when I discussed it with the 2 of them. I just kept thinking about how far I could tolerate it, how far I could go on my own, and where I needed to rely on others. I was searching for that boundary, and Lucena-san’s words made me realize it.”
”Was it my words? …Is this about the duties of a ruler?”
”That’s right, I’ve always had a strong preconceived notion that rulers or nobles are like this.”
It’s not like I’m saying anything new, but I’ve always had a grudge against the way nobles exist.
”It’s just that being born into a special family makes you seem like a revered existence, and yet, despite being the same human life, you’re treated differently because of your bloodline, which is just an added value with no real meaning.”
”Neil-sama, that’s――.”
I stop Diana’s words with my hand.
I’m well aware that this is the norm in this world, and I also understand what Diana wants to say.
”I know that my way of thinking is unconventional from the world’s perspective. But even if I understand, I can’t accept it.”
”Hmm? So maybe Neil-sama’s actions are a form of rebellion against the nobles?”
”I, Iko-chan… Neil-sama is a kind person who thinks of others…? So Neil-sama’s actions aren’t like that…”
”Mio-san, it’s okay. Iko-san is right, and it’s a fact that I had such a mindset.”
I’m aware that I’m a bit of a busybody myself.
Even if I were born as a commoner, I’d still stick my neck out into troublesome matters.
But as a noble, the resentment towards being treated as a noble becomes a motivating factor, which isn’t unusual.
The recent attack is a good example. I wanted to do what I could, but I resented the way others treated me, telling me to quietly retreat to the mansion because I’m a ruler, and I wanted to take the front line.
Is it because I’m the eldest son of the Count family? Because I’m Atmiras’s prodigy?
I was fed up with the expectations and values imposed on me by others, saying that my life is different from others because of my titles.
That’s when Lucena-san’s words, telling me to fulfill my role as a ruler without any special treatment, shocked me and made me realize.
”It’s not like I’m saying there’s no such thing, but denying special treatment is proof that I recognize myself as a special existence. If someone doesn’t think they’re special, they wouldn’t even consider denying it. It’s like I’m the one who’s been treating myself as special all along.”
It’s ridiculous to think that I’m a special person, that I’m someone who deserves respect, and that’s why everyone treats me specially… Ha!
What I should be doing is not denying my special self, but accepting myself as I am and thinking about what I should do as a ruler, and not denying but affirming my existence to those around me.
It’s absurd to think that I can figure out what I can and can’t do on my own, and even if I did, it would just be me convincing myself that I can or can’t do something.
As I realized this time with Lucena-san, I was being too full of myself, thinking I could figure it out on my own.
”So, I decided to believe.”
”Believe in what, exactly?”
”Everything.”
”Everything…?”
Everyone looked puzzled at my overly simplistic answer.
”When I put it into words, it really is just that. It’s the answer I’ve been thinking about since Viscount Hedmar asked me, and it’s finally clear to me.”
”Uh… Neil-sama, we don’t really understand what you mean…”
”I’m sorry, I don’t know how to put it into words either. So all I can say is one thing ―― just watch me, and see what I become from now on.”
From now on, I’ll probably get hurt a lot, and I’ll cause a lot of trouble for those around me.
It would be a lie to say I’m not worried about the future, but I feel like I’ve finally found a way to accept myself from the bottom of my heart.
”Diana, Lewya, Lucena-san, Niya-san, Momoka, Moona-san, Iko-san, Mio-san.”
I call out each person’s name, looking at their faces one by one.
”I know I’m like this, but please take care of me from now on.”
”What’s with the sudden change?”
”No, I’ll continue to be a bother from now on, won’t I?”
”That’s not just you, Neil. I’m also causing trouble for you because of our family’s circumstances. We’re even, aren’t we?”
”Thanks, but I wanted to say that. It’s not just the people here, but everyone I’ve met so far and will meet from now on.”
What a selfish answer, huh?
If my past self from a year ago knew about this, I’d be shocked to the core. And the fact that I’ve accepted this answer means I’ve “changed,” I suppose.
Ah, I can say it clearly now without any anxiety or fear – “I’m glad I changed.”
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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