Volume 7 Chapter 11 Morikawa Kaede, Exploration of the Uncharted
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”So, Morikawa, can you fly to Stars immediately?”
Instinctively, I almost retorted, “Huh?” to my boss in front of me. Having been called by my superior, I had mentally prepared for a scolding, but the conversation took an unexpected turn. I had even prepared a written explanation just in case, but was that effort wasted?
”Huh? Me, really?”
”Yeah, I think so too. You’re the only one who seems to have an open schedule.”
I skimmed through the documents handed to me by my boss. There, the title of the show, “Last Secret Destination Remaining in Advanced Country Stars,” was written. According to my boss’s explanation, the program required overseas filming to create, but the main announcer who had been scheduled had suffered a last-minute fracture and ended up in the hospital. Tripped over a step while distracted by Aqua-sama’s poster… Is that even possible?
”The detailed content is written there. So, I’m counting on you!”
With those words, my boss handed me a plane ticket and then hurried off without providing much further explanation. Left alone in the room, I glanced at the schedule printed on the ticket in my hand.
Departure date: September 25th.
By the way, today is September 22nd.
”Only three days away!”
I nearly slammed the ticket on the floor in surprise. After finishing work, I rushed home to prepare for the trip to Stars. Although I couldn’t spend much time on the message board due to the haste, I managed to make the bare minimum preparations for the journey. Pants – check! Emergency eggplant-sama – check! Yeah, this should be perfectly fine.
”I’m off!”
With a passionate kiss to the lower belly of Aqua-sama’s poster, I left my home and headed to the airport. As a national broadcaster, I didn’t skimp on quality – I had a business class seat, so the flight was comfortable. Although, to be honest, I spent the whole flight asleep, having stuffed myself with eggplants and indulged in mas***bation until morning.
”What’s with this eggplant?”
”Huh?”
All of sudden, they confiscated the eggplant-sama I had in my bag… And not only that, they stared at me, and when they finally stamped my passport, they threw it away carelessly!! I’m not a suspicious person, you know!!
”Ohhh!”
I was moved as I stepped onto Stars. Actually, it was my first time coming to Stars. I never imagined that my first trip to Stars would be for an overseas shoot, but I figured I got a free sightseeing trip out of it – what a deal! Ever the optimist, that’s how I saw it. Yes… there was a time when I thought that way. The fun part only lasted at the beginning, though – as the crew and I switched between trains, buses, and cars, the surroundings gradually turned more desolate.
”There’s… nothing here.”
Not a person, not even a building – only pseudo-sheep-like creatures were wandering around me. And these guys spat some nasty stuff on my face when I petted them!! It stinks! Seriously, this smells awful!!
”Morikawa-san, that’s a good shot!”
Saying that, they handed me a handkerchief from a distance. Can you stop passing it to me as if you’re picking up something? After hiking for half a day, we ended up camping in the mountains.
”Huh? No hotels or something…”
”Hey, you idiot! Where the hell is there a hotel around here?”
Asked by the local female coordinator, I looked around again. Grass, trees, fake sheep, rocks, dirt, fake sheep… Nothing… Yep, I didn’t even need to check to know there was nothing.
”Listen well. We’re going to use this place as our campsite from now on.”
I see. So that’s why the local coordinators had so much luggage… Staff who accompanied me helped set up the camp while also preparing dinner together. Dinner consisted of retort curry. Ah… I miss eggplant-sama. If I had eggplant-sama, this retort curry would have turned into eggplant curry… Damn it, remember those who took eggplant-sama away from me!!
”Sigh…”
After eating, I decided to use the restroom before going to bed, so I moved a little away from everyone. Even I wouldn’t pee in front of everyone. I headed towards the forest without any ruins, like I was cautioned on the bulletin board.
”Ohh!”
It was pure coincidence. In front of me stood a rock that resembled a proudly erect eggplant-sama.
Aqua-kun… you’re watching over me even in a place like this, huh? I gave the eggplant rock-sama a little kiss and then squatted down, pulling down my pants.
”What are you doing?!”
”Eek?!”
I was startled by an angry voice from behind. Oh no, I almost… peed myself… or rather, I actually did a little bit.
”(Get up quickly!)”
”Awawawawa!”
When I turned around, a muscular woman in a somewhat primitive attire stood there. She spoke a language I didn’t recognize, so I had no idea what she was saying, but it was clear she was angry. Sensing her anger, I decided to keep quiet about the sound earlier… I was thinking that, and then several women in similar attire emerged from the bushes.
”(Come this way!)”
I didn’t understand what they were saying, but I had a feeling they were telling me to come over. I obediently followed them. Of course, I tried to escape, but they quickly tied a rope around me from behind, rendering me helpless. Is… is it okay? I might… be dead…
”(Here! Hurry up!)”
Led by them, I arrived at a small settlement – or rather, a temporary campsite that seemed like it could be moved easily.
”(Chief! We’ve brought a suspicious individual who was behaving strangely near the sacred object.)”
”(Yes, well done.)”
Oh no… an even more muscular woman appeared. She was taller than Nee-san and Aqua-kun, and she had to be at least 2 meters tall… And it wasn’t just her height that was bigger than Nee-san; her chest was astonishingly huge. It was beyond just having a face-sized chest – it was bigger than her face.
”Do you understand this language?”
Oh, yes! I understand! I can understand the language! It was the moment when I could grasp the joy of the Colonel from the anime that Hagetoru sang at Mary’s music joint.
”I understand! I understand!”
It’s Stars’ language, but I’m also a Mary graduate. I can manage this level of language.
”What were you doing near the sacred object?”
”Um, well, I, I was… pray…uh, trying to pray.”
Since they mentioned the sacred object, it must be something important. So, I smiled awkwardly and quickly brushed it off. The tribal chief gave me a suspicious look in response to my expression.
”(Chief, this…)”
”Hmm?”
One of the tribe members rummaged through my pants’ pocket and handed something to the chief. The chief opened my wallet and widened her eyes.
”Ohh…! Our deity!!”
Huh? What, what? What’s happening!? The tribal members gathered around the chief. They peeked into my wallet, then began kneeling one after another and praying, some even shedding tears. Wait, wait, could someone please explain what’s going on? Those two who were watching over me also started looking restless. Someone, give me an explanation, please! After a while, things seemed to calm down, and the chief gently took out a card from my wallet.
”Are you a follower of the Holy Aqua Religion?”
”No, no, I’m not.”
I answered honestly, and the chief’s gaze sharpened. Ugh! My… nether regions clenched. I should’ve just lied – I regretted saying that, but unfortunately, I can’t really get away with lying. Heh heh!!
”(Chief, this…!)”
A tribal member who had activated my smartphone handed it over to the chief with trembling hands.
”CHiMPOsuki…Chinposuki?”
Oh, right… I had been posting on the message board until a while ago, so my screen was still on. They probably saw my tripped comment and exclaimed. Oh no! They must have a clear understanding of my awful fantasies about Aqua-kun from the message board. So, for the people of the Holy Aqua Religion, I must surely be an enemy.
”I’m, I’m sorry…”
”I apologize! No, I’m really sorry!!”
In the moment I was about to apologize, the chief knelt in front of me. Huh? Huh?! Why?!
”I apologize for my disrespect to you, Chinposuki-sama, not knowing that you are the Saint. (You all there! Stop dawdling! Release her at once!)”
Huh? Saint? Did she just say Saint (Seijin)? Not some cultist or something?
”Saint?”
”Yes! The esteemed Saint Chinposuki-sama, Saint Cunn*lingus-sama, Saint Etiquette-sama, Saint Hagetoru-sama. These are the four great holy people recognized by our Holy Aqua Religion!”
A Saint is someone revered and worshipped as an example in their religious sect. It’s a lofty title bestowed upon individuals whose lives are recorded and passed down through generations as exemplary figures. Huh? Me? No way, that’s not right at all. After all, a while ago, I was trying to trick them all with my pee using as a deity or whatever it is. Wait a second, does this mean that my embarrassing comments on that bulletin board will be passed down through generations too? And about being one of the four great saints… is it like the four great perfections or something? I mean, it’d be a disaster if people like Nee-san, Shumi, or Hagetoru were passed down through generations.
”Here, this is for you.”
The chief returned my wallet and smartphone to me, saying that.
”(It’s a festival! We’re going to have a welcoming festival for the esteemed Saint Chinposuki-sama!)”
Huh, a festival? What’s that? Despite my confusion, preparations for the festival were steadily underway. While I was unsure of what to do, I suddenly found myself lifted onto a portable shrine.
Huh? Wait, what’s going to happen to me!?
When the festival had settled down a bit, I asked the chief if I could join everyone and was told it wasn’t a good idea.
”The local coordinators were mixed with some heretical… from Stars Orthodox Religion. If they were to discover that you are the esteemed Saint Chinposuki-sama, things could get very complicated.”
Huh? Stars Orthodox, like the official religion of Stars, right? They have believers all over the world… Am I marked by that dangerous religion? No way, right… Come on, tell me it’s a lie. By the way, the chief’s expression was dead serious, and there was no atmosphere of joking around. Oh, I could tell right away that she’s not kidding. Her expression was just like my boss’s face when they’re really angry. So, that’s why I ended up spending the next few days with the tribal people. For now, I only told the accompanying staff that I’m fine because I’m negotiating interviews with the local tribe members.
”Chief! I’m sorry for coming early in the morning.”
The next day, while I was casually having breakfast, someone rushed over.
The person was dressed in normal clothes like mine and glanced in my direction.
”Don’t worry. This individual is the esteemed Saint Chinposuki-sama.”
”Oh… Oh… Never did I imagine that I would meet one of the four great saints while still alive. This must be the guidance of our one and only god, Aqua-sama. It’s an honor to meet you, esteemed Saint Chinposuki-sama.”
Heh… haha… I managed a dry laugh. By the way, I’ve been through this sort of thing with the tribe, so I’m a bit used to it. But thinking about it again, did I really do things that warranted respect? And Nee-san… well, I think she only tweeted explicit stuff… Oh well, it’s the little things that matter, right? My boss also said that it’s both good and bad that I don’t care about the little things!
”You seemed flustered. What’s wrong?”
”W-Well, you see… The truth is, our one and only god, Aqua-sama, is on his way to Stars. We received word that the president of the Fuji, who is a follower of our faith, has arranged a private jet.”
The chief stood up at those words. Wait, wait, hold on, Aqua-kun is coming to Stars? Why!? The tribal people around me also started murmuring in confusion.
”It seems that he intends to prevent the marriage of the Princess of Stars, Kanon-sama. Our esteemed god wishes to thwart it.”
”W-What!?”
I inadvertently stood up and let out a surprised exclamation. Kanon… Shumi is getting married!? And she was dating Aqua-kun? My head started to spin…
”Furthermore, our Saint (Seijo) sensed Aqua-sama’s movements beforehand and is headed to Stars alone!”
”Oh, truly our Saint! To have moved according to the divine oracle before our sole god Aqua-sama took action. Magnificent…!”
The chief shed tears, deeply moved. Meanwhile, my mind was consumed by thoughts of Kanon. While I was surprised that Kanon had been dating Aqua-kun, the fact that Kanon is getting married… and that Aqua-kun is trying to prevent it implies that the groom isn’t Aqua-kun.
”Don’t mess around…!”
”Saint Chinposuki-sama?”
I didn’t know why Aqua-kun ended up with Kanon… someone like Shumi, whose head is in the clouds with flowers, but someone’s trying to destroy the happiness of my friend I finally managed to hold onto? That’s ridiculous. As my boss said, my thought process is quite simple and I don’t pay attention to details, so I can quickly reach conclusions without being misled by unnecessary things.
”I will absolutely stop that marriage!”
I shouted it out loud… yes, I actually shouted it.
”(Uooohhhhh!)”
”(Truly the Saint Chinposuki-sama!)”
”(I am deeply moved by your priority of our sole god Aqua-sama!)”
”(A resolute decision without hesitation! So this is what a Saint is like!)”
”(I’m so inspired! I aspire to be like that!)”
”(Oooohhhhh!)”
Everyone stood up and cheered along with my shout. Uh oh, this is starting to look bad. I realized that it was already too late.
”(Listen closely, everyone!)”
The chief tried to calm down the commotion. That’s our chief, or please stop everyone from going wild!!
”The fact that the esteemed Saint Chinposuki-sama has come to us at this very moment is all thanks to the guidance of our sole god Aqua-sama and the Saint (Seijo). Listen well! The time has finally come for us to descend upon our city!! We might not be able to return here again! Despite that, are you all prepared to abandon your lives thus far and start anew? Those who will follow me and the Saint-sama, get ready within 40 seconds!!”
”””””Oooohhhhh!”””””
Whaaaattttt!
I was about to calmly say that he should stay composed as the chief, but the people around me started making noise.
”Chinposuki! Chinposuki!”
”Chinposuki! Chinposuki!”
”Chinposuki! Chinposuki!”
”Chinposuki! Chinposuki!”
”Sommelier! Sommelier!”
”Chinposuki! Chinposuki!”
”Chinposuki! Chinposuki!”
”Chinposuki! Chinposuki!”
”Chinposuki! Chinposuki!”
The huge chant for Chinposuki… stop it, that’s just embarrassing…
I still wonder why I picked such a strange trip. In short, it was just youthful exuberance. I came up with it on a whim during my cold joking phase when I first entered university. I bet everyone has had one or two, three or four, maybe even ten or a hundred of those experiences!! By the way, didn’t someone just say “Sommelier” alone? Was that just my imagination?
I watched everyone busily preparing while I stood there dumbfounded, forcing a smile on my face.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.