Volume 7 Chapter 14 Yukishiro Emily, I, am Quitting the Holy Aqua Religion
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”Ah, it’s so cold…”
Inside the swaying container, I and other people tremble with intense cold.
Hold on a moment, is this really a dire situation for us…?
”I can’t take it anymore, Mom…”
”It’s chilly, so chilly…”
”Oh, I can see Aqua-sama’s face. Maybe he’s here to pick us up.”
”Are we destined to die here like this?”
”If I had known, I wouldn’t have come.”
Taking a look around, I see the people crammed into the container with me, weeping inconsolably.
Listen, don’t give up! Even though I was on the brink of giving up too, let’s persevere just a little more! And hey, you there, don’t start writing farewell letters! That’s far too ominous!! Our first priority is to change this gloomy atmosphere. With an ambiance like this, even tasks that were bearable before become insurmountable. So, I came up with a solution and reached into my pocket to retrieve something.
”Everyone, please take a look at this.”
I hold up the photo of Aqua-sama in front of everyone from my pocket.
This is my treasured photo of Aqua-sama that I secretly took while he was working at the café. Let me clarify, I didn’t take it secretly! I got permission from the person himself. By the way, the reason I always carry this with me is simply as a good-luck charm, but in truth, it’s so I can fantasize about Aqua-sama anywhere, anytime while mas***bating.
”Ah… Aqua… kun?”
”Ah, Aqua-sama, Aqua-sama has really come to pick us up.”
”Oh, I can see it. Aqua-sama’s figure.”
”Aa-tan, take me with you…”
”It’s good that I can see you just once before the end…”
”At the last moment, we can see Aqua-sama’s form. Oh, so Aqua-sama truly is a God.”
The women swarm towards the photo of Aqua-sama that I held up, like bees to honey.
Hey, don’t touch! It’s just for looking, got it!!
”We mustn’t give up! Look at Aqua-sama’s face, look at his body, and warm yourselves up with it!”
Yes, warm up from deep within your body! Especially from around your nether regions… oh d*mn it, looking at Aqua-sama’s photo is making me want to mas***bate.
”It’s true… my baby’s room feels warm…”
”I don’t want to die. I don’t want to die in a place like this!”
”I’ve finally met Aqua-kun! I won’t give up either!”
”I can’t die! Not until I see Aqua-kun in the flesh!”
”I haven’t seen Heaven’s Sword to the end, so I can’t end here!”
”Let’s all do our best. There’s no way I can die without seeing the future Aqua-kun.”
”When I overcome this, I’ll go see Aqu-tan’s live performance.”
Oh… ohh! It seems the light is returning to everyone’s eyes, clearly.
Indeed, when in trouble, it’s Aqua-sama. With Aqua-sama, everything will work out.
However, you, at the end, that’s just foreshadowing, so give it a rest!!
As a united group, we huddle together, attempting to gather warmth and endure the cold. But the cold remains relentless. I thought it might be hopeless, but suddenly, the rear container door rattles and makes a noise. Have we landed? No, it’s different, somehow things seem off, so I step forward in front of everyone. The container door opens slowly, revealing individuals wearing camouflage outfits and holding guns. Clearly, this isn’t normal… I sensed that. Instinctively, I stand in front of everyone, shielding them with my back. Perhaps it was because I’m the most spirited here that I felt I had to protect everyone. Before I knew it, I was moving.
’Illegal immigrants… come out!!’
Following their orders, we step outside.
Their camouflage outfits and the guns they’re holding are anything but inconspicuous. Clearly, they’re not from a regular military. Determining this, I urge everyone to follow their instructions so as not to provoke them.
’Over here! Hurry up!!’
After leaving the container, we entered a floor with seating. Ah, it’s warm… I thought I was going to die earlier, but now it’s fine. Our chilled bodies slowly start to warm up.
We’re assigned available seats and spaces and directed to sit.
’Hey, you, sit here!’
I was made to sit next to a woman in a white coat.
She seems unwell; her face is buried in a plastic bag.
Is she feeling sick? Should I pat her back? As I was about to ask, the guy who had me sit earlier scolded me for doing something unnecessary.
Once we all took our seats, the person at the front center raises a gun in their hand.
’Listen! We are righteous ladies standing up to correct this crazy world!!’
Ah, I see. So they’re making that kind of claim. This seems like, well, a terrorist situation. The plane has been hijacked, maybe? Yeah… this isn’t looking good, right?
’Male-dominated society, where many women have suffered in the shadows, quietly shedding tears! Place your hand on your heart and think deeply. Do we really need men? We women have mastered the art of giving birth on our own. There’s no need to cling to men anymore!’
Hmm… it’s true that many women have cried behind men’s backs. I’ve got a decent chest size too, so I was once crunched/crisped by a man who looked at my breasts after he looked at my face. Aqua-sama was the only one who glanced at my boobs, well, that was really nice.
Oh well, setting that aside, I’ve heard that there are people who’ve become disillusioned with men and turned to women, and I’ve even had women confess such things to me a few times in school. Kanon has a complicated position, so it was just some sidelong glances, but there were a few women who were quite forward with me. If someone was going to be forward, I wish it were Aqua-sama. Then I’d eagerly open my legs to welcome him.
’Our purpose is one. We will reform the male protection laws proposed by the Stars Orthodox Church, and politicians will sign them, presenting our views to our revered Her Majesty Queen! To our beloved sisters, we apologize, but to pass our ideology, we ask you to follow us for a while.’
Will the government really comply…? Well, they might prioritize human lives, so politicians could pass the reform in parliament, leaving all decisions to Her Majesty Queen. Hmm, in that case, isn’t this about politicians and that Stars Sexuality Religion or whatever being in cahoots?
”This is bullshit.”
The person sitting on the opposite side of the aisle mutters in the same language as mine. Recognizing that voice, I turn my face towards her.
”Tch, you guys were the ones who interrupted my toilet time with biscuits and got me high!”
The girl, who took familiar biscuits out of her pocket, crushes them with her distinctively jagged teeth.
Her short stature and lack of physical development might make her seem like an ordinary girl, but as far as I know, she’s undoubtedly an adult woman. She’s called a “biscuit junkie” by those in the Holy Aqua Religion, a group of grown-ups playing at being an evil secret society.
I’ve encountered her a few times during meals. She’s one of the crazies I’ve met, but according to Claire, there are about ten more like her in the Holy Aqua Religion. Spare me!! Why are there so many weirdos? Please, at least let the top person be sane!!
Fortunately, I had my eyes covered in the Holy Aqua Religion, so she shouldn’t have figured out my true identity. Let’s just keep pretending to be someone else.
’Hey, you!! What are you doing!!’
Well, that’s to be expected. These people are serious, so if you’re making a loud noise and casually munching on biscuits, you’re bound to get yelled at.
”What? You guys were the ones who interrupted my dinner!”
’What are you saying!? Speak in the language of this country!’
”Huh! Since you were the one who approached me, isn’t it more logical for you to speak in a language I understand?”
Aaaaah, things are getting tense. Let’s calm down; for now, let’s try to have a calm conversation. And hey, you too, put down those dangerous weapons. Okay? Okay?
’What’s going on here!?’
One of the terrorists snatches the biscuits from the biscuit addict’s hands.
Ah… crap, I know all too well about the biscuit junkie’s obsession.
Not only does she have snacks between meals, but she’s also a weird girl who snorts crushed powder up her nose and lets a sticky liquid drip from between her legs. Taking biscuits away from such a biscuit junkie would obviously lead to trouble.
”Give them back…”
The terrorist who took the biscuits began to say something when suddenly she was sent flying backwards by a blow from the biscuit junkie’s fist.
”You… you take the biscuits away from me, didn’t you?”
The biscuit junkie rises from her seat. Her terrifying presence causes the terrorists to freeze.
Ah, she’s a dangerous one. She’s definitely furious.
’Don’t move, or I’ll shoot!
As a terrorist aims a gun, a flying eggplant-sama hits them directly.
”Oh my… don’t be so grumpy. Eat and use Eggplant-sama~♡ Let’s release the pent-up grumpiness in your p**sy~♡”
The overly sweet voice, accompanied by a recognizable ultra-sweet tone, almost makes me want to vomit.
Despite wearing a sister’s clothes, her voluptuous and slovenly body, along with her excessively seductive beauty mark, gives her away. She is one of the bishops of the Holy Aqua Religion undoubtedly known as Saint Farmer, or the “Eggplant Professor.”
”See ♡ Biscuit junkie-chan, why don’t you eat some Eggplant-sama and calm down? ♡ Eggplant-sama is full of Vitamin H ♡, which is really good for a girl’s body ♡”
”Shut up! As long as I have biscuits, that’s all I need! And there’s no way that eggplants have such obscene vitamins! Are you out of your mind?”
The Saint Farmer, it seems, was originally the founder of a large company. But one day, her encounter with Aqua-sama and the shocking phrase “Eggplant-sama” drastically changed her life. That was creating the perfect eggplant. To achieve that, she apparently transformed all her owned lands into eggplant fields and employed her staff to research day in and day out.
From then on, she became known as the “Eggplant Maniac” in the Holy Aqua Religion, but because it was similar to the Biscuit Junkie, she didn’t like it. That’s why she’s now referred to as “Saint Farmer (Seinoufu 聖農婦),” a combination of “holy farm (Seinou 聖農)” and “farmer (Noofu 農婦).”
By the way, don’t make any jokes about “s*x farmer (性農婦)” or anything like that.
”Well, well, since Biscuit addict-chan is like that, your head is probably all crunch/crisp, and your body won’t grow big either ♡”
”Shut up, you big-boobed woman! It’s because you’re like that that your head is a flower garden and your body is a sloppy mess!”
Weren’t these two a case of misunderstanding? To me, eggplants and biscuits are fine, but is there really a misunderstanding about this? For this reason, these two don’t get along… sigh, why did they have to pair these two up for this mission of all things? I don’t know who’s in charge up top, but get your act together!! Who the hell is the leader of the Holy Aqua Religion! I’ll tell you, it’s definitely not me!!
’You guys, behave… gah…’
The two of them take down the attacking terrorists with synchronized teamwork. Oh wow! I thought they didn’t get along, but in this regard, they’re quite coordinated… While I’m admiring their battle, one of the defeated terrorists comes flying towards me.
I instinctively dodge, but the person sitting next to me drops their plastic bag.
”Oh, are you okay?”
I ask the person next to me. However, at that moment, my body reacts the same way it did to the biscuit junkie and the Eggplant Professor. An overwhelming fear… instinctively, I realized that this person is the same as them.
Everyone in the vicinity freezes at the creepy laughter. The eyes, devoid of highlights, and the long black hair make it even scarier.
Wait, now that I look closely, she’s wearing a sister’s clothes under the white coat. She’s clearly part of the same faction as those guys!! What’s going on, Holy Aqua Religion!!
”Finally, finally… I was enveloped in Aqua-sama’s recreated scent, happily floating in my head. Who in the world are you? The one who disturbed the precious, precious time of my rendezvous with Aqua-sama, the time of our sacred prayers?”
Ah, this one is bad news. I understood in an instant.
”Perfumer! If you’re here, help too!!”
At the mention of “Perfumer,” my body reacts with a jolt.
Claire mentioned a name I’ve heard before. Perfumer… if I recall correctly, it must refer to that guy who’s called “Real Kunka Kunker.”
From what I remember Claire telling me, she used to be a renowned perfumer for a major cosmetics company, but now she’s using the skills she gained from that profession and her own sense to diligently recreate the scent of Aqua-sama from her memories. Apparently, she stood at a cosmetics counter as a helper from the headquarters when Aqua-sama was shooting for a magazine, and that encounter with him completely changed her life, as I’ve heard from Claire.
”Oh, so stinky, so stinky, spreading the smell of females so lavishly. I’m going to disinfect you meth-smelling filth with my Aqua-sama’s s*xual fragrance! Hahaha!”
The Perfumer sprayed something from the spray bottles she held in both hands towards the faces of the terrorists.
’C’est si bon~♡’
The women who were sprayed by the Perfumer began to convulse and writhe on the ground while emitting alluring voices.
”Hehehehe! This is the scent of our supreme God, Aqua-sama. Don’t think you random females can stay intact after smelling the intensified aroma of Aqua-sama. Uhuhu!”
W-What the heck!? I almost stood up from my seat involuntarily. Damn, they’re so lucky. I wish she could just spray a bit of that on me too…
”Oh… but it’s still not enough. Aqua-sama’s scent is beyond this. I need to recreate a scent that penetrates deep into the womb… Ah, please wait. Someday, I’ll reproduce everything from Aqua-sama’s body’s scent of dripping golden sweat to the fragrance of beautiful earwax like pearls. Fuhihihihihi.”
I gently picked up the plastic bag the Perfumer dropped earlier and sniffed it. Well, it’s good. It hasn’t quite reached Aqua-sama’s scent, but I think she’s on the right track with the scent. This guy’s actually quite skilled. I’ll have to get Claire to get a sample for me later.
’Damn, what’s wrong with these people!!’
I totally get how the terrorists feel. I probably feel the same way. Yeah.
”Hah! Listen closely, you terrorists! I am one of the Twelve Bishops of the Holy Aqua Religion, the Biscuit Junkie! I will etch into your brains the greatness of the powder that brings happiness, created by Saint Emily-sama, until you trip out!!”
”Likewise, I am one of the Twelve Bishops of the Holy Aqua Religion, the Saint Farmer~♡ Guided by Saint Emily-sama, I am a missionary of the holy, spreading the magnificence of Eggplant-sama to all women in the world, desu~wa♡ Now, you too can join in the Eggplant movement~♡”
”I, one of the Twelve Bishops of the Holy Aqua Religion, am the Perfumer. The fragrance of Saint Emily, who passed by me only for a moment, showed me the possibilities. If I study her scent, I feel like I can get closer to Aqua-sama’s scent. Fuhihihihihi.”
Heyyyyyyyyyy! Don’t pin all your sins on me!! I’m innocent, and I haven’t done anything, okay!! And that guy they called the Perfumer, for a moment, she looked over here…. Crap, she’s definitely convinced it’s me. There are supposedly three people out there who look strikingly similar, so it wouldn’t be weird if there’s someone with a similar scent! So, quickly put away the syringe I don’t even know where it came from!!
’I-I can’t believe we planned all this so carefully only to be stopped by these weirdos…’
Oh… the person who seems to be the leader of the terrorists suddenly stuffed biscuits into her mouth and shoved eggplants between her legs, while convulsing due to the sprayed scent, and collapsed.
That’s terrible. What the hell are these people doing…
”Only those in the c*ckpit remain~♡”
”Hey, S*x Farmer! Don’t cut in at weird places!!”
”Let’s finish this quickly and collect the scent of Saint Emily-sama. Ah, hehe, ahahaha ♡”
Oh no. The surrounding passengers seem relieved, probably thinking they’ve been saved, and some are even cheering. But personally, I’m not saved at all by this!
A loud voice comes from the c*ckpit.
Ah, those guys… did they mess something up again!!
I hurriedly head towards the c*ckpit.
”Oh no, we messed up.”
Terrorists and the pilot collapse in front of the Biscuit Junkie.
It seems that the Powder Maniac threw the terrorists and accidentally hit the pilots, causing them to faint.
”Oh my~♡ What should we do~♡”
”If it was an observer, they might have been able to pilot, but it looks tough.”
Observer… ah, they must mean Rinon. Wait, what? Hold on a second, can she actually pilot a jet?
I mean, wasn’t Rinon promoted to one of the Twelve Bishops of the Holy Aqua Religion when she was just a priest? Come to think of it, Claire was called a bishop too, and I have a really bad feeling about this.
”Well then, since nobody else is up for it, I’ll pilot by process of elimination.”
Oh wow! Powder Maniac, you can do that too!? I’m sorry for thinking you were just some guy who sprinkles biscuit powder everywhere.
”Oh, Powder Maniac~♡ can you pilot?”
”No problem. I’ve played games before!”
Games? Seriously!! Are you kidding me! I almost blurted that out. Sure, there are accurate flight simulator games nowadays, but people’s lives are at stake here! To confidently say there’s no problem, that goes beyond anxiety straight into fear.
There’s a chance I might die here. Just in case, I thought about writing a farewell letter, but in that moment, I heard someone’s voice from the ceiling speaker.
[Helloooo! Sorry to interrupt the excitement, but I’ll be programming the remote control for flying, so don’t worry, beeive beeive!]
With a suspiciously cheerful voice, I’m actually getting worried… Also, I could tell just from the voice. This guy is part of the same group as those weirdos. It’s easy to recognize the Holy Aqua Religion because only crazy people are in it. But still, the owner of this voice sounds young. It sounds like a middle school girl.
”Administrator. High Performance Server, huh… Hey, are you sure you’re okay for work?”
[Don’t you worry a bit! There’s no way I’d take down Aqua-sama’s precious precious server! Anyway, I’ll figure things out before Big Sister gets here.]
High Performance Server… wait! High Performance Server, does that mean the High Performance Server-san?
[Yes, yes, yes, just click this! And here we are!]
After the sound of a ‘click,’ the announcement from the High Performance Server, aka the Administrator, echoes throughout the entire plane.
[Well… we’re entering landing mode now, so everyone, please fasten your seat belts! In other words, if you don’t want to turn into minced meat and die, sit quietly… that’s what I’m saying!]
After the Administrator’s announcement, a mechanical voice announcement with Stars’ words translated plays.
[So, as you can see, I programmed it so that you’ll land in that huge river you can see in front of you, so just relax as if you’re on a mud boat!]
A mud boat? Seriously! Could you at least call it a big ship or something?! I almost peed my pants from anxiety…
[Oh! And, um… illegal immigrants, if you get caught, you’re done for. So, the moment you land on land is your last chance, so don’t let your guard down, okay~?]
It might be just my imagination, but I felt like the ceiling surveillance camera made eye contact with me earlier. No, it’s just my imagination, right? Anyway, I need to get out of here. I head back to the floor I was on earlier and try to get the terrorists, who are convulsing with a flushed face, back into their seats. They might be injured, so I need to make sure they’re properly secured.
Other passengers who saw my actions also helped out, and we managed to get everyone back into their seats.
As I sit back down in my seat, I hear the Powder Maniac’s voice over the intercom.
”For those who don’t want to die, pray to Aqua-sama! We’re about to land!!”
Aqua-sama’s image is projected on the TVs in front of the seats and on the large screen. I grip the seatbelt I have wrapped around me tightly. I don’t want to die here. Please, please, please, help me, Aqua-sama. I take out a photo of Aqua-sama from my pocket and give it a mwha (kiss).
”Aqua-sama! Aqua-sama! Aqua-sama!”
”Oh, to see Aqua-kun’s face at the end, what happiness…”
”Don’t give up! Heaven’s Sword isn’t over yet!”
”There’s still the live performance, and the postponed CR Cup!”
”I finally met Aqua-sama, and I don’t want to die in a place like this!!”
”That’s right. I’m sure Aqua-sama is watching over us too!”
”Let’s all pray to Aqua-sama.”
”Please, Aqua-sama, help us!!”
After I put Aqua-sama’s photo back in my pocket, a few seconds later, the plane gently tilted downward. For a little while, I didn’t feel alive at all.
[Everyone, we have successfully landed safely~♡ We will now deploy the slides, so please take your time~♡ Don’t rush~♡ and come outside~♡”
What a crude announcement. Whenever the se*ual priestess speaks, everything sounds obscene. The passengers who confirmed the safe landing of the aircraft cheered.
’We made ittt!!’
’Thank you! Holy Aqua Religion!! Thank you, Aqua-sama!’
’Earlier, when I helped the terrorist guy to her seat, I smelled something really nice.’
’They said it was the scent of a boy named Aqua-kun that they replicated, but is that true?’
’Yes, I thought the same thing. Boys with such a nice smell actually exist?’
’Who is Aqua-sama? Is he that boy who appeared on the screen before landing?’
’Huh? In the Eastern island country, there’s a boy that handsome? No way…’
Wait, are the foreigners getting all excited about Aqua-sama’s story? Of course, it’s not just the foreigners who are excited about Aqua-sama’s story.
”Aqua-sama really was a hero…”
”I’m sorry, I used to think the Holy Aqua Religion was shady, but I’m definitely joining when I get back!”
”Only Aqua-sama can win!!”
”I almost died and realized… there’s only Aqua-sama, and I thought I had no connection with him, but I’ll do my best to not regret it!”
”Me too!! Even if I can’t get close, I want to support Aqua-sama!”
”Let’s all join the Holy Aqua Religion!”
”Yeah, let’s do that!”
Hey! There must be some planted members among them, right!! Sensei won’t get mad, so just raise your hand honestly! That person who said, “Yeah, let’s do that,” had a smirk on her face. Even I can tell for sure that she’s definitely a Holy Aqua Religion member. When I return home, I’m definitely going to break away from that weird organization. I don’t want to be considered the same as those adults who are playing serious evil secret society games. They call me a saint or something, but if I were to become someone, I’d rather be Aqua-sama’s companion than a saint of the Holy Aqua Religion.
”We’re going to deploy the slides, so those who are injured or have difficulty walking, please come forward in order.”
After a while, the slides were deployed, and while carrying the unconscious pilot and terrorists on the slides, all the passengers got on them. Slides are normally used for emergency evacuations instead of stairs, and they can also be used as a replacement for rubber boats by floating them on the water and detaching them. Some nearby small boats and boats noticed us and carried us from the slides to the land.
”T-Thank you so much.”
I thanked the people who rescued us and got off the small boat. Alright, to escape from being an illegal immigrant, this is the only chance. Thinking that, I quietly slipped away among the crowd of onlookers with the sirens of police cars, ambulances, and fire trucks in the distance. For now, I need to change my appearance. I changed into a Sister’s uniform that was thrown away in a back alley. Alright! This should be fine for now. I casually walked from the back alley to the main street.
’Hey, what are you doing here!’
Thinking that my identity might have been exposed, I flinched. But from the atmosphere of the person in front of me, it seems that’s not the case.
’You’re also one of the dispatched people, right? Let’s hurry! We need people for the wedding!!’
Being grabbed by the plump woman, I was forcibly taken to a particularly large church that I could also see from the sky.
The Holy Aqua Religion is like this, but what did you think? Maybe it’s no wonder people might consider it a cult.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.