Volume 13 Chapter 288 Onani Hagetory, Team Comrades
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Shirogane Kanon’s revival game tournament had finally reached its last day.
As a participant in the general-player bracket, I started streaming under the account RamenHagetoru on this final day.
[Hagetoru’s here!]
[Final day, Hagetoru perspective!?]
[We’ve been waiting!]
[Came from Kohina Yukari’s stream!]
[A dream Verification Team 4 window is complete!]
[Hagetoru, good luck. This team’s counting on you.]
[We’re counting on you, Hagetoru.]
[Today we’re getting a double perspective with Aqua-sama and Hagetoru!]
[Eh? Hagetoru’s teaming up with Aqua-sama?]
Well, that was nothing new. Lately, with Aqua-sama’s child in my womb, things had slowed down…
Still, watching Kanon and the others being thoroughly dominated by Aqua-sama filled my daily quota of wicked satisfaction.
”Chi-ssu! You all keeping up with your morning checks? Daily health check through the morning routine. Even on busy days, don’t skip it—Hagetoru-san’s orders!” I called out to the viewers, a mischievous grin tugging at my lips.
Morning rituals cleared the head and sharpened focus for work or study, so I highly recommended it.
As a missionary for this morning-health method, I wanted to spread it not just across Japan but the entire world.
Listen carefully: once you embrace this daily habit, everything else becomes trivial. Wars, discrimination, petty conflicts—spend that time on yourself instead.
I’d even suggested a “collaborative policy” to Prime Minister Habu recently—women bond quickly over shared indulgences, after all.
Ona*ni could, in a sense, make the world a more peaceful place.
The International Ona*ni Union—or UN, also called the Ona*ni League—was founded on precisely that philosophy.
I hoped nations everywhere would join enthusiastically.
Membership perks included a curated erotic image collection of Shirogane Aqua, painstakingly gathered despite interference, and the evolved Aqua-sama d*ildo Mk-2, refined with his girlfriends’ full cooperation.
Nuclear missile diplomacy? Outdated. The future belonged to d*ildo diplomacy.
Understand this: whoever controls the d*ildo controls diplomacy. Any ordinary stick that brings pleasure trumps a nuclear missile any day.
[Already losing from the start, lol]
[Check the banner on the corner of this stream, guys]
[What? You have a sponsor? HP says what now… lol]
[International Ona*ni Union LMAO]
[What’s this International Ona*ni Union!?]
[Website is a knock-off World Peace Union, lol]
[Workaholic: When did this even exist… ugh, bad vibes incoming]
[Check the web page for the International Ona*ni Union!]
[Special Aqua-sama images and the d*ildo Mk-2?!]
[Whoa… there’s an even more evolved d*ildo than that?]
[Seeing the member list, Japan and Prime Minister Habu at the top, relieved]
[↑Our PM is quick to act!]
[A leader faithful to desire is easier to trust than an unpredictable one.]
[Kokucho Agewa: Doing things without parliament again!]
[↑This is tomorrow’s apology press conference content]
Finally, I logged in and moved to my base before heading to Aqua-sama’s.
”Whoa… you’ve grown, huh?” I muttered, dodging a flying projectile.
Ah, right. I wasn’t on the same team. Immediately, I disarmed and raised my hands in surrender.
”Everyone, it’s me—your RamenHagetoru!” I announced cheerfully.
”Ah, it’s Hagetoru! Thought you were the enemy!” a teammate exclaimed.
Whew. Almost became a pincushion there.
I approached the base and tossed today’s tribute and gathered materials into a box outside.
Being off-team meant I couldn’t enter the base, but that was the price of my playful betrayal.
[You betrayed us…]
[Kohina Yukari, maybe forgive Hagetoru soon]
[She even labeled the box for Kohina Yukari-sama, lol]
[Maybe this distance is good if Hagetoru and Aqua-sama are on the same team]
[↑Exactly]
[Hagetoru doesn’t say weird things around Aqua-sama; she’s more sensible than she seems]
[True, she actually has some common sense]
After dropping off the items, I went back to gathering materials.
Since I’d come this far, I thought about taking a vehicle to reach distant resources.
I moved to the garage to use the car I’d prepared—but… where was it?
”Inko-san, anyone using the car?” I called out.
”Eek!? Ah… um, that… haha… yesterday it got taken…”
What? Someone had stolen the car? I glanced at the chat.
[Yesterday’s incident]
[Remember when Kohina Yukari fell on you from above?]
[She took the car you prepared all the way there]
[Mary-sama’s team took all coins, cars, and equipment]
Ah, that explained it. I’d wondered why the garage was empty yesterday—now it made sense.
”Alright, I’ll prepare something else to use,” I said.
”That helps! The final battle is just ahead,” a voice responded.
Hmm, making a car now would be tedious… wait, a shipwreck shows up on the map.
I climbed onto the plankboard King Aqua Ship, holding the necessary tools, and headed toward the wreck on the sea.
[This player’s skilled, lol]
[How can someone pilot a single plank so smoothly?]
[Yesterday, Aqu-tan and Kohina Yukari drifted for hours on that]
[Reading the tide perfectly, lol]
Arriving at the shipwreck, I repaired it efficiently.
Broken sections were patched, the weakened hull reinforced, and finally, fuel was added from the tank.
”Shipwreck officially reborn as Ona*ni Hagetoru! Departing!” I cheered.
I set course for Kohina Yukari’s base.
”Inko-san, I brought the ship!”
”What? You got a ship? Amazing!”
Wait… that voice—Kohina-paisen. She’d woken up already.
I stayed cautious as she approached the vessel.
”Alright, we’ll rename this Queen Yukari II!”
”Oh… okay…”
Farewell, Ona*ni Hagetoru. From today, you’re Queen Yukari II.
Short-lived, but thanks for your service.
[RIP Ona*ni Hagetoru]
[Queen Yukari II… ominous]
[It’s going to sink, lol]
[Excited to see where it runs aground]
[Everyone assumes sinking, lol]
[Hagetoru, don’t sweat it!]
At the base, I immediately reformed the ship.
Inside the spacious cabin, I installed an item box, stashed weapons, ammo, healing items, and gathered materials.
I also set up crafting stations and beds for respawning, ready for any assaults.
After giving the ship’s interior a thorough makeover, I stepped outside and repainted the hull, sticking a large image of Great Kaiju Yukari-gon in a spot everyone could see.
”This should make the Toa people happy,” I muttered, squinting at the decal. “Oh, I need to put the name on it too… Great Kaiju Yukari-gon, right? Or was it something else? Eh, details don’t matter. Good women don’t sweat the small stuff!!”
I glanced back at the interior. “Might as well spruce this up a little more while I’m at it.”
[Hagetoru really obsesses over these details, huh?]
[So, she’s a hardcore fan after all.]
[The exterior screams Great Kaiju Yukari-gon, but the inside is all Aqua-sama Isshiki—it’s perfect.]
[The long sofa matches Aqua-sama’s colors.]
[And the cushions! And the flag in the back!]
[Even the chibi Aqua-sama on the box is adorable.]
[She even scanned a hand-drawn image into the game? That’s insanely precise.]
[Whoa, a full-body Aqu-tan carpet?!]
[Tashinami and Nee-san would freak if they saw this.]
[Negotiate with Tashinami’s team—this is worth a hundred RPG rounds!]
[Or trade with Mary-sama’s team using coins instead.]
[Wait… maybe we don’t even need to fight to win?]
I blinked at the comment section. “That… is genius.”
Carefully, I uploaded the ship’s images to the chat used by all teams in the tournament.
[RamenHagetoru: Would anyone buy this ship?]
[Shirogane Kanon: I’ll trade all my RPG ammo.]
[Mary: I’ll buy it at your price. Coins, slaves—you can take them all.]
[Shirogane Kanon: Can I pay in real money?]
[Manaat: I can give you an oil field in real life. My country has plenty.]
[Shirogane Kanon: Alliance? No, can you bring my team under your wing!?]
[Mary: Kanon, that’s ugly. Negotiate smartly; the first move matters.]
[Shirogane Kanon: But I really want it! And, isn’t all my grandmother’s coin collected by Nee-san?]
[Mary: They’re mine now. Or is that a loser’s howl?]
[Shirogane Kanon: Grrrr! I hate grandmother!!]
[Furia: ↑Agreed.]
Everyone, I’m so sorry! No, really, I’m sorry!!
Three days, countless efforts from all teams… and in the end, saving the world doesn’t hinge on RPG rounds, but on a man’s seed. I should have mass-produced Aqua-sama-designed vehicles and tools from the start, trading them for coins.
[Tashinami’s desperate!]
[This Tashinami character is losing it, lol!]
[Manaat-san, don’t hand over oil fields like snacks!]
[As expected, Mary-sama!]
[Furia-sama, lol!]
[Is this an underground deal?]
[Well, the rules are kinda “anything goes.”]
[Hagetoru, isn’t this leaking into the livestream?]
[Ah… limited chat group images just went public.]
[Normally, this is suspension-worthy.]
Yikes! I faked a dramatic reaction, even though no one was watching, and quickly switched screens.
(Phew… good thing I’m Ona*ni Hagetoru, not Yukishiro Emily.)
If it were Emily, leaking limited-chat images would mean a guaranteed hiatus. Lucky me—I’m just a regular person. I exhaled, relieved.
”Alright, everyone, let’s just pretend this never happened… okay? Please!!” I typed frantically in the chat, trying to prevent war from breaking out between Mary-sama and Kanon over a single ship. After all, while men’s cocks can save the world, they can also start wars. Profound, I know.
”Hey! You were trying to sell my ship behind my back, weren’t you!!”
Uh-oh, Kohina-paisen had already caught on and was approaching.
”N-No, that’s not true! I just… asked, that’s all!”
”Hmph. Well, I hope you’re not planning to betray me again.”
”N-No! I swear!” I averted my gaze from the monitor. Strange—nothing shady should be happening, yet I felt guilty anyway.
”Well, fine. But it’s time. Let’s go build the raid base together.”
”Y-Yes.”
Our target: Grandma Mary’s base, where she hoards the most coins. If you want first place, there’s no point collecting coins little by little—you go straight for the top.
Tashinami’s team had the same idea, building a raid base on the opposite side.
”This spot’s perfect. Five minutes to set up—hold it down until then.”
”Got it!!”
I fended off sniper fire from Grandma Mary’s team while Kohina-paisen rushed the raid base setup… or at least she tried.
”Wait! Why isn’t this building?! Come on! I’ll finish in 8… no, 10 minutes!”
Bad vibes. Very bad vibes.
The attacks intensified as she struggled, the opposing Kanon team having completed their base instantly.
”12 minutes! No, 15 minutes! I promise!!”
I reported it actually took over 20 minutes. Despite Kohina-paisen claiming under 20, my chat audience timed 24 minutes and 38 seconds. I had been defending solo that entire time—props to me.
[While you guys dawdled, President Atori negotiated a mega-alliance, led by Toa-chan’s team.]
[Final showdown: Kohina Yukari & Aqua-sama vs Mary-sama vs Kanon-sama vs Beryl Grand Alliance.]
[Tracking 4 teams is easier than more.]
[Without this, no way to counter Mary-sama or Kanon-sama.]
[Toa-chan might betray the alliance at the end, but President Atori planned for it.]
Finally, our raid base stood. Preparations for the ultimate battle were mostly done. All that remained was gathering materials and stockpiling supplies.
”Um, Mikuni-oba…shall we go gather materials?”
”U-um…okay.”
Phew, almost called her “Mikuni-obachan.” Streaming etiquette: check.
[Everyone’s finishing last-minute preparations.]
[The mega-alliance set up near Mary-sama’s base.]
[It’s the final sprint.]
[Go, everyone!!]
[Hagetoru, I’m counting on your team!]
[Kohina Yukari’s silently gathering materials too.]
[She’s stubborn, that one.]
[Aqua-sama’s back from the last break!]
[Welcome back, Aqua-sama!!]
Ah, Aqua-sama returned. Mikuni-obachan and I finished the final collection and headed back to the base.
”Alright, now that everyone’s here, I have an announcement.”
Kohina-paisen stood before the group, her gaze sweeping over every face.
”Over the past three days, we’ve gone through a lot together, but today is the finale! Let’s finish strong and claim first place as a team!”
”Whoo—!”
At Kohina-paisen’s words, everyone punched the air in unison. Even I, who had contributed to this team all along, secretly hoped for our victory. More than that, as Ona*ni Hagetoru—or rather, as a devoted member of the forum—I felt a strange, unshakable duty: absolutely nothing must let Tashinami-chan win.
Seeing my determined expression, Kohina-paisen’s character in the game turned to face me.
”So, you’ve done well these past three days too,” she said warmly.
Huh? Could it be… Kohina-paisen’s dere event finally triggered? My mind wandered into absurd fantasies, imagining she might allow even a playful touch.
”Yes. Let’s work together as teammates from now on,” she continued.
Ah, so that’s what this is. I grinned as I saw my name listed as the fifth member of Kohina Yukari’s team.
[Hagetoru. Congrats!]
[Yatta! Finally on the same team as Aqua-sama!!]
[Devoted fan: Screenshot for posterity!]
[Kohina Yukari really is considerate, isn’t she?]
[Kohina Yukari always makes sure to balance things out.]
[Hagetoru. Don’t ever betray again.]
[Hagetoru really earned this.]
[Kohina Yukari hinted at this during late-night streams, so it makes sense.]
Ugh… three days of perseverance. This Ona*ni Hagetoru had crawled like a butter dog at Kohina Yukari-san’s feet, and somehow, finally, I joined the same team as Aqua-sama. Alright—time to brag to Tashinami.
”I’m just going to scout the other teams for a bit,” I called, hopping into my single-seat helicopter and flying toward Tashinami’s base.
”Hey, everyone! I’m going to boast about being on the same team as Aqua-sama and rub it in for those guys!”
Call it trolling, call it what you want—I didn’t care. If I didn’t do it now, my forum reputation would die on the spot.
[This guy LOL…]
[Go, Hagetoru! Win big!]
[Finally, time to humble Tashinami!]
[As expected of Hagetoru—never disappoints.]
[From touching scene to this, classic LOL]
[Ah, you’re going to be ignored again, aren’t you?]
I landed my helicopter on the rooftop of Tashinami’s base, making sure the team chat was off before I started my teasing.
”Hey, Tashinami! Guess who’s on the same team as Aqua-sama!”
”Wait, now’s really not the time for that!”
Hmm, some kind of argument going on? I parked on the roof, peeking in. “Just a tiny intrusion, hehe,” I muttered. Inside, Tashinami, Nee-san, and Chinsuki—the familiar trio, abbreviated as ONA3—were gathered.
”Ugh… I’ve been causing nothing but trouble for this team, so I’m quitting!”
”Kaede-senpai, no one thinks you’re a burden,” Kanon said.
”Exactly. Everyone makes mistakes, Kaede-san.”
Ah, Kaede-paisen had screwed something up again. Perfect. I smoothly slipped into their circle.
”Hey now, you’re not a burden,” I said, teasing.
”Wait… that voice… Hagetoru?!”
Ah, busted. All their characters turned toward me. Somehow, even without seeing their real faces, their glares felt sharp.
”Hagetoru, stop saying weird things and leave already!”
”Sorry, sorry! Got carried away… but don’t worry, I’ll handle this myself.”
Fine. For the sake of my cute juniors, I’d handle it. I approached Chinsuki slowly.
”Morikawa, are you really quitting because you feel guilty?”
”…Yeah, I feel like I let all the coins get taken because of me.”
I see—the primary level reason, huh? But to us, that’s trivial.
”Guilt? Please. Compared to all the trouble Morikawa’s caused us, this is nothing!”
”R-Really?”
I nodded firmly, mirroring my character’s strength.
”Exactly. So you can hold your head high and stay with us. Right, everyone?”
”Yeah… that’s true.”
”SOUDESUNE.”
Tashinami and Nee-san seemed to recall Chinsuki’s past mishaps, their tones softening slightly.
”So, I can stay with everyone?”
”Of course! And if you can’t, then what about me? I’ve caused far more trouble than anyone!”
Honestly, I was here just to brag about a big win to Tashinami. Nothing more.
[Exactly. Morikawa.]
[This is just trolling.]
[The Tashinami-specific troublemaker—that’s Ona*ni Hagetoru.]
[Far worse than anyone.]
[Morikawa, you’re dumb, but at least better than Hagetoru.]
[Exactly. No one’s worse than him.]
[Hagetoru lives without a care, so you don’t need to.]
[Powerful type, but Morikawa is sensitive in this way.]
Huh? Somehow, I felt my heart ache more than hers. Maybe I should mute the entire comment section.
”Ugh… Nee-san, Kanon… I know I’m a mess, but please stick with me again,” I said.
”Of course, it’s fine,” they replied.
”Yeah, Kaede-senpai, let’s all aim for a comeback together!”
Phew. Looks like everything’s settled. Wait… time flies. Time to head back before the raid starts.
”See you all later.”
”Thanks, Hagetoru.”
”Thank you, Hagetoru-san.”
”Hagetoru~! See you later~!”
Yeah… rain hardens the ground. The Yui-bonded sisters gathered under the same banner, stronger than ever. I climbed into my helicopter, rushing back to my base.
Wait, why did I even come here? Oh, right!
”Hagetoru, I forgot to rub it in to Tashinami after our big win!!”
I had forgotten the most important part, floating alone above the world in despair.
[This guy’s really stupid LOL]
[LMAO]
[Hagetoru, you’re impossible LOL]
[You didn’t even have to say it LOL]
[That’s where you regret!?]
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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