Volume 13 Chapter 295 Yukishiro Emily, It’s Way Too Tight
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
After the news reports, I shut the shop and headed for the nearest park by the Holy Aqua Religion headquarters.
”It’s been a while since I wore this…”
I locked myself inside a public restroom and changed into a plain sister’s robe — the kind the ordinary nuns of the Holy Aqua Religion wore. My saint’s habit… well, I’d messed it up during my daily on**ii, or rather, during an “unfortunate accident.” Either way, this was all I had left.
”Alright. Let’s go.”
For now, I just had to believe Aqua-sama was safe, and stop our zealots before they went on a rampage. But it gnawed at me that Claire, Kukuri, and even Grandma Mary hadn’t sent a single word of contact. Pulling a veil low over my face so no one could recognize me, I walked straight toward headquarters.
”Tch! Of course people are already gathering!”
When I arrived, sisters were swarming in and out of the main building. I slipped into the crowd and managed to enter with them.
First things first — Claire. Even though Aqua-sama had destroyed that “nuclear launch button” she kept in her pocket — modified into an okimochi button [T/N: parody device meaning “feelings button”] — Claire was still the most dangerous one. No, not just dangerous — it was impossible to predict what she’d do. Before anything else, I needed to wrest command authority back from her.
I hurried toward the back of the compound, but one of the sisters spotted me and called out.
”You there, what are you doing?”
”Eh?”
She grabbed my hand and tugged hard. Wait, hold on! I was Saint Emily—ah, right. I was wearing the plain sister’s robe.
”Come on, regular sisters go this way! Hurry, or the Demon Sergeant will chew us out!”
”Demon Sergeant…?”
Now that she mentioned it, I vaguely remembered someone by that name — a higher-up right under the Twelve Bishops. If I recalled correctly, their role was to drill the rookie sisters assigned to the Holy Aqua Religion’s task force. That explained the mistake: I was in the most basic uniform, the one reserved for the lowest ranks.
”Excuse us!!”
Dragged along by the sister, I found myself inside a huge hall where dozens of nuns stood stiffly at attention.
Oh no. I didn’t have time for this.
”Sorry, I, uh… my stomach hurts…”
I tried to sneak back out, but the door we’d come through suddenly burst open with a deafening crash.
”Welcome to heaven, recruits! I am the Demon Sergeant, and I’ll be whipping you worthless newbies into shape! Listen up! You do not open your stinking garlic-breath mouths until I say so! I know damn well you pigs stuffed yourselves with garlic this morning, thinking Aqua-sama wasn’t in Japan! Hell, some of you even skipped bathing! The stink of your on**ii has soaked into your robes! You filthy manko [T/N: vulgar word for vagina]!!”
Eek! I’d stumbled into something awful. Garlic breath? On**ii-stained robes? That was literally me! With far too many reasons to feel guilty, I snapped back into line and froze stiff.
”Understand this! The only words allowed out of your mouths are ‘Yes’ or ‘Yes, Mother!’ And you will address me with love and devotion as Mother Sergeant!“
”‘Mother! Yes, Mother!’”
”Too soft!!”
”‘MOTHER! YES! MOTHER!!’”
Oh crap. I’d landed in a full-blown cult boot camp. This wasn’t sister training — it was military conditioning. Who the hell created this insane religion!?
”Listen! If the order comes down from above, you’ll be shipped straight to the front line! If you want to live long enough to see Aqua-sama’s face again, you’ll keep up or die trying!”
”‘Mother! Yes, Mother!!’”
Ah—wait. I was the only one who shouted back. I glanced around. Why did everyone else suddenly drop their heads and go quiet? This was mortifying.
”You lot are pathetic! Where’s your spirit!?”
”‘Mother, yes, Mother…’”
Their voices were barely audible. The Demon Sergeant marched straight toward the sister two spots away from me. Oh no! Don’t get so close — are they about to kiss!? My heart raced just watching.
”You there. Don’t tell me you’ve lost faith in Aqua-sama’s survival?”
”N-no… ah, Mother! Yes, Mother!”
”Which is it, manko!? Speak up like a proper hole! Or are you hiding a d**do inside you right now, huh!? Only a trained manko could get away with that!!”
A shiver ran through me as I remembered… certain people who once snuck a rotor into themselves during the Cultural Festival. Terrifying enough that I didn’t dare say the name out loud.
”Mother, yes, Mother! I believe in Aqua-sama’s survival, yes, Mother!!”
”Damn right, manko! A plane crash isn’t enough to kill Aqua-sama! He must’ve Aqua-sama’d his way through like Aqua-sama always does! Right!? You think so too, don’t you, manko!?”
”Mother! Yes! I believe the same, Mother!”
As expected of a named sister. Named Sisters were considered candidates for the Twelve Bishops — or at least reserves. No wonder her mental fortitude was so strong; even with rumors of Aqua-sama’s death, she didn’t waver. Honestly, I wanted to hand her my Saint’s title on the spot.
”You! Among this heap of filthy manko, you at least get it. From today on, your name is… Wakarase Manko [T/N: ‘Enlighten-Me Pussy,’ obscene drill-sergeant nickname]. Got it!?”
”Mother, yes, Mother! From today, I am Wakarase Manko!!”
”Look happier! You’re a Named Sister now!”
”Mother, yes, Mother! My name is Wakarase Manko!!”
Damn it. Even I thought Wakarase Manko sounded cooler than Saint. It just sounded stronger. Hey, miss, want to trade names with me?
”…Is he really alive, though?”
Heeeey!! The sister who’d dragged me here whispered under her breath. The Demon Sergeant’s face twisted into pure fury as they turned slowly toward her. Girl, you better apologize right now!
”What did you just say? Don’t worry, I’m not mad — say it again.”
”I just wondered… is Aqua-sama really alive…?”
”Idiot manko!! I told you, the only answers are Yes or Yes!! Who gave you permission to open your mouth!? Should I ram Aqua-sama’s d**do down your throat and gag you with it!?”
”Mother! Yes, Mother!!”
This was absurd beyond belief. They said she could speak — but not say her own thoughts. Truly, this sergeant was a demon…
The Demon Sergeant grabbed her ass with a claw-like hand.
”Hyah!”
The poor sister yelped. Whoa, so even sexual harassment was okay here!? Please, trade places with me! Let me be the Demon Sergeant instead!
”You brainless manko! I told you the only word you’re allowed is Yes!!”
”Mother! Yes, Mother!!”
They squeezed her butt even harder. I watched, envious.
”Oho! This is a good ass — prime breeding stock. You’ll make a fine mother someday.”
”Mother! Yes, Mother!!”
The Demon Sergeant leered like they were about to say yaranaika? [T/N: meme phrase = “Wanna do it?”].
”You… ever shoved a d**do up your ass before?”
”Eh… ah, Mother! Yes, Mother!!”
W-which is it!?
Honestly, I was supposed to be stopping Claire right now, but I couldn’t look away from this ridiculous spectacle.
”Good. I’ve done it myself, and it’s great. How deep do you usually go?”
”Yes, Mother! I take it all the way to Nemoto! [T/N: dildo model reference]. Mother, yes, Mother!!”
Whoa… that sister barely looked 150 cm tall. With her baby face, she could’ve passed for middle school. And yet she was taking Aqua-sama’s monster-sized d**do all the way to Nemoto? As expected of Claire’s Holy Aqua Religion — even the low-level sisters were built different.
”Alright, newbie. From today on, your name is… Kusomiso Ketsu Manko [T/N: ‘Shit-Mix Ass Pussy]! Got it!?”
”Mother! Yes, Mother! From today, I am Kusomiso Ketsu Manko!!”
Leaving her, the Demon Sergeant strode to the front of the room, standing before a huge monitor.
”Remember this! Do not measure Aqua-sama’s greatness by your tiny little vaginas or your tiny little minds! Have any of you ever predicted what Aqua-sama would do? No! That’s why the Holy Aqua Religion exists!!”
”‘Mother! Yes, Mother!!’”
On the monitor appeared the images of Prime Minister Habu, President Maitrix, and Aqua-sama himself.
”Look closely! These three won’t die even if you shoot them! They’ll dodge bullets, and if they feel like it, they’ll bat them aside with weapons! Draw a gun and you’ve already lost! Even if their hearts stop, they’ll punch themselves in the chest and restart them by force! Your human common sense doesn’t apply!!”
”‘Mother! Yes, Mother!!’”
The Demon Sergeant barked again, pounding the air with their words.
”Listen up! Prime Minister Habu once walked away from a helicopter crash during an inspection — and even brought her comrades safely back from the battlefield! President Maitrix? The Cessna [T/N: a small private aircraft brand, often used for training and short-distance flights] she was on blew up, she washed up on a deserted island, and still swam across the Pacific to make it home! You think a little plane crash is enough to kill humen like that? Idiot manko!! If they were weak enough to die from something so pathetic, this world wouldn’t even need assassins! If you’re serious about killing them, then slam an asteroid into the planet and blow the Earth to bits! And even then — in a world harsher than one where cockroaches can’t survive, those bastards would still have a fifty percent chance of living!!”
The sergeant jabbed a finger at us. “I don’t even know what the hell I’m saying anymore, but you’d better understand my Japan-go!! You dumb manko!!”
”‘Mother! Yes, Mother!!’”
Goddamn. This person was incredible. It was my first time seeing her, but I couldn’t believe Holy Aqua Religion still had such a heavy-hitter hiding here. Really, this place and the bulletin boards were a goldmine of talent. And still — this person wasn’t even in the Twelve Bishops?
I must’ve looked dazed, because the Demon Sergeant started stalking toward me.
Shit. She’s coming this way!
I dropped my head and tried to hide my face, but she passed right by me without stopping. Phew. Thank Aqua-sama.
”You. How many times today?”
”Eh?”
”Don’t play dumb! I asked how many times you rubbed one out this morning!!”
She grabbed a sister by the crotch.
Uwooooh!? I was jealous. I wanted to be the one training these rookies!
”Mother! Yes, Mother! Once, Mother!”
”Too few!! Minimum three times!”
”Mother! Yes, Mother!”
”Next!”
She moved to the next sister and clamped a hand over her enormous breasts.
Hey—no, wait, this was dangerous! She was getting closer to me!
”You! How many times this morning!?”
”Mother, I did it three times! Yes, Mother!!”
”Well done! Next!!”
Now she was standing right in front of the sister beside me. I froze at attention, bracing for the worst.
”You. How many times?”
”Mother! Yes, Mother! No on**ii [T/N: no masturbation], Mother!”
No… on**ii?
The Demon Sergeant’s eyes went wide.
”No mas**bation!? Then what the hell do you even have that manko for!? To not stroke a dck, and not even let fingers stroke you — that’s not just an insult, that’s abuse against manko!! Get to the bathroom and rub one out right now!!”
”Mother! Yes, Mother! I’ll go mas***bate this instant!!”
She blushed bright red and bolted for the door, but the sergeant seized her hand and held her back.
”There’s more. I’ll lend you my holy scripture. Soil it if you must, but make sure you finish properly.”
”Mother! Yes, Mother!!”
I clapped in my heart, moved to tears. A boss who would lend out their own fap material? What a saint!
”Listen well! I’m not nitpicking you for no reason! If you march to the battlefield all pent-up and die, what good is that!? Rub your manko, clear your head, and fight calm so you can come home alive! Understood, you slack-cunted manko!!”
In that moment, all of us realized the truth.
The Demon Sergeant’s words were harsh, but they were kind. She wanted every one of us to come back alive — that’s why she pushed us so hard.
Then she stepped right in front of me. Crap. I kept my face down.
”You. Did you ma****bate today?”
”Mother! Yes, Mother! Or I’d like to say that… but I’m pregnant right now, so I’ve been refraining…”
”Pregnant!?”
The sergeant’s eyes bulged, then darted to my belly. In a panic, she snatched up a chair and shoved it in front of me.
”You dumb manko!! What are you doing standing around when you’re pregnant!? Sit your ass down!!”
”Mother! Yes, Mother!!”
I lowered myself carefully into the chair she’d set out.
”So then — before pregnancy, how often did you do it?”
”Mother! Yes, Mother! Every single day, every single morning, 365 days a year, I rubbed my manko as a daily condition check!!”
That wasn’t an exaggeration. Pure fact.
Hearing my answer, the Demon Sergeant broke into a wide smile.
”Magnificent! From today on, your name is… Gabagaba Manko [T/N: ‘Loose-Hole P**sy’]!!”
”Mother! Yes, Mother! My manko is not loose!!”
”Then what is it? Yuru-man? Yuru-yuru Manko [T/N: Super-Loose P**sy]!?”
”Mother! Yes, Mother! Unfortunately, it’s still tight-tight!”
”Fine! Then your name from today is… Kitsu-man! [T/N: from kitsukitsu = tight] Got it!?”
”Mother! Yes, Mother!! From today my name is Kitsuman!!”
”Good!!”
Kitsuman, huh… that actually sounded nice. Honestly, it felt way more divine than being a Saint.
The sergeant strode back to the front and stood before the monitor again.
”Listen up. I have just one thing to tell you all: come back alive. …Time’s nearly up.”
She turned toward the entrance and snapped a salute. The other sisters swiveled in unison and saluted too. I figured I’d better follow suit.
Through the doorway came a figure in a familiar robe.
”One of the Twelve Bishops — No. 3, Powder Maniac. Recruits, watch this footage.”
Biscuit Junkie — or rather, Powder Maniac — pressed a button in her hand. The monitor flickered and switched to footage of the crash.
”This is the clip shown on the news. From this angle it’s hard to tell, but there’s another recording. Watch closely.”
The monitor shifted to a distant view shot from behind the aircraft. It was far, too far to make anything out clearly.
”Anyone notice anything?”
Everyone glanced at one another. The first hand up was the Demon Sergeant’s.
”Permission to speak?”
”Permission granted, Demon Sergeant. Say it.”
”Thank you! It’s faint, but the hangar door looks like it’s open!!”
Oh—she was right!
Powder Maniac zoomed in, baring her jagged teeth in a sharp grin.
”Exactly. Which means the probability of all three surviving is high.”
”‘Uooooooohhhhhhh!!!’”
The room erupted in a roar like an earthquake. They were alive. They were still alive!!
You might think it was flimsy proof, just one angle of footage, but that fragile thread of hope in my heart solidified into a taut, unbreakable cord.
”Now then. As of this moment, we’ll be splitting into multiple divisions. Look to the monitor.”
The screen filled with a list of units, their missions, and commanding officers:
* Zero Division / Commander: Library — Overall Command
* First Division / Commander: Servant — Holy Aqua Religion Headquarters Defense
* Second Division / Commander: Kunoichi — Shirogane Kingdom Defense
* Third Division / Commander: Observer — Protection of Aqua-sama’s associates in Japan
* Fourth Division / Commander: Overseer — Escort Shirogane Kanon on site
* Fifth Division / Commander: Dark Saint — Public operations in Stars
* Sixth Division / Commander: Admin — Intelligence work in Stars
* Seventh Division / Commander: Powder Maniac — Search for Shirogane Aqua
So Grandma Mary — Library — would take supreme command. With her military background, that was far better than leaving it to amateurs like Claire or Kukuri. Kukuri would defend HQ, Rin would guard the Shirogane Kingdom and the inner palace, and Rinon would protect Toa-chan, Mayuzumi, and Tenga-senpai back in Japan.
Made sense. In this chaos, someone could easily attack us just like when they kidnapped Kanon. Claire, it seemed, would head to Stars with Kanon. In that case, I could entrust Claire to her. Kanon was a woman I myself had acknowledged — a true kuso otome manko [T/N: vulgar gag nickname, “shitty maiden p**sy”]. She’d handle Claire just fine.
On top of that, Kythera and Mikoto were slated to go too… or wait, since it said Admin, maybe that meant Koyomi-san instead of Mikoto? Hard to tell.
”You’ll each be handed a slip with your unit number. Go to your designated assembly point. Fourth Division will gather here!!”
Names were called one by one.
Wait. If I stayed here, wouldn’t that be bad…? I rose slowly from my chair, ready to bolt.
”What are you doing, Kitsuman! You’re pregnant, sit your ass down!!”
”Mother! Yes, Mother!!”
I dropped back into the seat instantly.
Oh crap. Oh crap oh crap oh crap. This was seriously bad.
And just as I feared, my name was never called. I was the last one left.
”Hm? Kitsuman. Were you called?”
”Ah… uh… Mother! Yes, Mother!”
I blurted a lie to cover myself, like I always did. Biggest mistake ever.
”So, Kitsuman… pregnant as you are, you’re joining the most grueling search unit. I recognize your resolve!”
”Ahaha… Mother, yes, Mother…”
Kanon, I’m sorry. You asked me to look after Nee-san and Kaede-paisen, but it looks like I’m going with you after all…
The Demon Sergeant had taken a shine to me, stuck to me like glue. I couldn’t slip away.
And so, thanks to that iron grip, I was shoved right into the main strike group of the Fourth Division tasked with searching for Aqua-sama.
”Kitsuman! Allow me to introduce another Named Sister — General-sama!!“
”A rookie, huh? If the Demon Sergeant gave you a name, you must have potential. Good to meet you.”
I shook hands with the second candidate for the Twelve Bishops, General-sama.
No way.
I looked to the back of the room where Powder Maniac stood with arms folded. Even within the Fourth Division, we wouldn’t all move as one. We’d split into groups, each one searching for Aqua-sama.
In the end, I was assigned to the most important group of all — the squad led by Powder Maniac himself, commander of the Fourth Division.
Our team had four members in total: Commander Powder Maniac, the Demon Sergeant, General-sama, and me — Kitsuman, otherwise known as Yukishiro Emily.
Honestly? All I felt was dread. But now that it had come to this, there was no choice but to deal with it.
I clenched my Kitsuman tight and steeled my resolve.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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