Volume 13 Chapter 334 Shirogane Aqua, The Rules of Cohabitation
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
TL Summary:
Aqua is reeling from being forced into a dating reality show. After reading a charming interview from Kanon about wanting to bathe with him, he resolves to adjust his schedule. This resolution is immediately tested when he’s nearly caught exposed on camera by a panicked call from Kohina-senpai. He then attempts to call a house meeting to establish rules, leading to increasingly aggressive romantic encounters with Tsukasa-sensei, the bold Reira-san, and finally, a stunning, calculated impersonation of Kanon by Haa-chan that leaves him utterly defeated.
* * *
Stepping into my new room, I dropped the convenience store bag onto the table.
A dating reality show, huh? Man, what in the world is gonna happen?
I’d been kidnapped—literally—on the way home from buying groceries. So, I grabbed the carton of milk I’d purchased, took a swig, and sat down on the bed, casually flipping through a newly bought magazine. The only reason I even picked up this rag was for the exclusive Kanon interview.
”Oh, there it is.” I stopped turning the pages when I spotted a smiling photo of Kanon sitting in a chair.
”Yep, Kanon is absolutely the cutest in the world. Un-hunh.” I plastered a goofy, smitten grin on my face as I scanned the interview article.
Hmm, hmm… I see, I see… I’m a man of strong self-improvement, so I started reading the article out loud as a way to mentally steel myself and absorb the details.
”Lately, Aqua’s only been taking baths with the children, and he won’t get in the tub with me anymore. That’s a little disappointing, I guess… I’d really like to join him sometimes, you know?”
Ohhh, so that’s it. My heart felt all warm and fuzzy just imagining flustered Kanon’s face when she said that.
It’s true, though. Whenever I’m home from work, I’m the one putting the kids in the bath, so I guess the opportunities for me to bathe with everyone, including Kanon, have dropped off.
”I gotta do something about this, then.” Maybe I can just start getting in with everyone right after I finish bathing the kids. Yeah, I’ll do that.
Just as I was thinking this, my cell phone on the table BLARED to life.
Who is it? I answered the call without even checking the contact.
“Hey, you! Why did you read the article out loud?! If you’re a professional talent, you should know there are cameras in the rooms, you hear?! Geez! Because of that, Kanon-san, who’s sitting next to me, is practically writhing with shame right now!!”
Seriously?! I was just about to relieve myself with a quick onanie¹¹ right after this, to get a fresh start for the share house life! Thanks for the warning, Kohina-senpai-ssu!
I was dangerously close to letting something absolutely unbroadcastable slip out on live TV. Even if my Jinchōge² was completely obscured by mosaic, I could still end up getting fired from the agency and suspended!
”Kohina-senpai. Please tell Kanon that I’ll get in the bath with her next time.”
“Wait! Don’t use me as your messenger! Ahh…”
The conversation was going to be long, so I just hung up the call.
I closed the magazine and left my room, heading for the living area. There, I found Hisui-chan pacing around nervously.
”Ah! Aqua-sama. I came out right after dropping off my bags, but no one else is coming out… I mean, isn’t it supposed to be an immediate gathering in the living room?”
Hisui-chan looked around restlessly.
Ah, right. Even when you’re told it’s a dating reality show, you wouldn’t normally know what to do. This kind of program didn’t even exist in this world until Emily and Ai thought it up and made it happen—they really are incredible.
”Just act normal, like you always do. The whole point is to live a normal life and let the romance naturally grow from there. Didn’t the staff say that we only have to gather for meals and the post-meal relaxation period? Everything else is up to us.”
”I… I see…”
Even so, I figured we really should set some rules first. Even for a fixed period of time, I think establishing some guidelines for communal living would be best.
”But, since I want to set some ground rules right at the beginning, I’ll go call everyone. You wait here, Hisui-chan.”
”Yes, I understand!”
I went to call Kukuri-chan first.
”Kukuri-chan, it’s me. Got a second?”
”Yes, that’s fine.” Kukuri-chan opened her door and peeked her head out.
Mmm, cute. If this were just the two of us, I’d definitely pull her in for a hug.
”I think we should all decide on the rules for our communal life. What do you think?”
”I agree. Tsukasa-sensei seemed really confused, and I think having rules will help everyone settle down.”
Right. Kukuri-chan and Haa-chan are used to living together in the Shirogane Kingdom, and Reira-san and Hisui-chan visit sometimes, but Tsukasa-sensei hasn’t had that kind of experience.
I asked Kukuri-chan to head to the living room first, then moved on to Tsukasa-sensei’s room.
”Tsukasa-sensei. It’s Shirogane Aqua. Can I come in for a moment?”
”A-A-Aqua-kun… H-H-H-Hello, nice to meet you, please.”
Sensei, we already introduced ourselves just a few minutes ago… Tsukasa-sensei’s rigid posture and stammering speech reminded me of a wooden automaton, her gaze frantically wandering the room.
”Sensei, I think we should set some rules for living together, so could you please come to the living room?”
”O-Okay… I’ll be right there!”
Tsukasa-sensei rushed to leave the room, only to stumble as her large breasts, encased in a ribbed knit sweater, BUMPED the doorframe.
Watch out! If that had been Agewa-san or Maron-san, I wouldn’t have hesitated to catch her with my face, but since it was Tsukasa-sensei, I just caught her with my arms.
”Tsukasa-sensei, are you alright?”
”Ah! Ahh! I-I’m so sorry! I’m such a klutz…”
Oofff… All of Tsukasa-sensei’s considerable weight pressed against my arm.
Feeling a slight… no, an enormous regret, I straightened Tsukasa-sensei’s posture and reluctantly let go of her arm.
”Being suddenly told to live in a share house and do a dating reality show must be a big shock. Tsukasa-sensei, relax, relax.”
”Th-Thank you…”
Seeing my smile, Tsukasa-sensei’s cheeks flushed pink.
Damn it, why are all the older women in this world such adorable, beautiful ladies?
”Well, I’ll go call the others now.”
”U-um. Okay.”
Leaving Tsukasa-sensei’s room, I headed to Reira-san’s room.
”Reira-san, are you in?”
”Ah, I’m here. Come on in.”
Huh? She said I could just walk in?
I put my hand on the doorknob and slowly opened the door. What greeted me was Reira-san in her underwear, her tight, toned backside facing me as she changed clothes.
”Wait, Reira-san! You’re changing right now, aren’t you?!”
But through the gaps of my fingers, I took a long, hard look at Reira-san’s lingerie. Simple black. It suited the slender-but-curvy, model-perfect physique of Reira-san perfectly.
”Hehe, what do you think? My body’s pretty good, right? Out of ten, what score would you give me?”
”That’s an obvious perfect score!” I’m Shirogane Aqua, the man who cannot lie. I always speak my honest feelings to girls. “I mean, that’s not the point! Is this even allowed?!”
”I checked with Emily-chan, and she said anything is okay as long as the other person doesn’t explicitly say no.”
I see. So they made sure to confirm the boundaries of the show. Reira-san folded her arms, letting her considerable bust rest atop them.
”Let me tell you something: I wouldn’t make this kind of appeal to any other man. If it were a regular guy, I’d probably be reported to the police and arrested right now. But you’re different, aren’t you? When we went touring, Aqua-kun was always staring at my butt, tightly wrapped in that skintight rider suit³.
”So, I figured you’d be happy about this. Weren’t you excited?”
”I’m definitely excited!”
Hearing that, Reira-san grinned widely and stepped closer to me.
”Is that so? Then my appeal was a success. Aqua-kun, if you date me, I’ll let you do whatever you want with this butt you like, and with this big chest. What do you say? For you, among all men, this is a pretty attractive offer, wouldn’t you agree?”
”I-It certainly is…” I swallowed hard.
Reira-san got close enough for her breath to brush my skin, lightly pushing my chest with her fingertip, backing me up against the bed.
”Even though I look like this, I’m the type who will devote myself entirely to the man I like. How does that sound?”
”H-How does it sound…?”
As my eyes darted away, Reira-san gave me a knowing smile.
”Hehe, you know very well what I mean.”
”Ah!”
Reira-san pushed me onto the bed and straddled my body.
Amazing… Seeing her this close, I could tell this body was the result of tireless effort.
Not only the training and diet, but the balance of her flesh and, crucially, the underlying bone structure was beautiful. She must have undergone corrective skeletal work for this. It wasn’t lust; I was simply in awe of her physique—the fruit of Reira-san’s hard work⁴.
”I’m a top-class actress. I don’t have much confidence in my personality, frankly, but I am confident in my looks. Don’t you want to take advantage of me once I become your obedient partner?”
”I do! But I also like being pursued, so this scenario is perfectly fine with me, too…”
Wait, what am I even saying?!
Just as I was thoroughly confused by my own reaction, my phone vibrated in my pocket. At the same moment, the sound of rushed footsteps approached, and the room door flew open with a BANG!
“What the heck are you doing, Reira!! Even if he says it’s okay, the studio says it’s not!”
”Ow!” Kohina-senpai suddenly appeared from nowhere and bonked Reira-san on the head with a piko-piko hammer⁵.
Kohina-senpai, weren’t you still at the studio?!
“Listen up, Toa-chan is watching from the studio, you know! Luckily, he’d gone to the bathroom, so I had a window to turn off the monitor, but seriously, what were you doing?!”
”Ah, right. Sorry, that completely slipped my mind.” Reira-san quickly started getting dressed, halted by Kohina-senpai’s intervention.
“Listen. Pushing yourself on him and showing underwear is okay, but advancing on him in your underwear when the cameras are on is NG. I’ll let it slide this time because it’s our fault for not telling you the rule, but if you do it again, you’re out, got it?”
”Understood. Next time, I’ll pursue him where the cameras aren’t.”
Reira-san fixed her gaze on my face and mouthed silently, “We were so close, weren’t we?”
No, not just close—I had already completely fallen for it. You seriously underestimate Shirogane Aqua’s lack of defense.
Kohina-senpai glared sharply at my face.
“By the way, the studio is in the house next door. Answer your phone immediately, you hear?”
”Ah, yes…”
With that, Kohina-senpai stomped back out, her heavy footsteps echoing.
I left Reira-san’s room and went to Haa-chan’s room.
”Haa-chan, got a minute?”
”Yes.”
I felt my heart warm when I saw Haa-chan step out of her room. Whew. Older sisters like Reira-san are nice, but Haa-chan is definitely more calming.
At my thought, Haa-chan’s expression got just a little pouty.
”Papa… you think of Haa as a kid, don’t you?”
”Huh?” Well, yeah. She is a kid…
Haa-chan let out a little sigh at my reaction, then looked straight into my eyes.
”Haa is going to stop calling you ‘Papa’ for a while, starting today.”
Gasp! N-No way!
As I made a face of utter devastation, Haa-chan smiled at me with an eerily familiar expression.
”So that’s how it is. Aqua, let’s get along well for the next week, okay?”
”Eh?”
Th-That’s a perfect copy of Kanon…?!
She looked a little younger, but the way she spoke, the pauses in her voice, the way she formed her expression, her gestures, her posture—everything was an exact match for Kanon. This wasn’t just a matter of two sisters resembling each other. I’m a performer too, so I know. This is a level of perfect copy ability that surpasses even Kohina-senpai’s acting…
I felt a cold sweat break out at Haa-chan’s acting ability, which was way beyond anything I’d expected. She really is nominated for the youngest newcomer/supporting actress award in history for a reason.
”Hehe, Aqua, why are you spacing out? Come on, let’s go quickly. Everyone’s waiting.”
Haa-chan took my hand exactly the way Kanon does and started pulling me toward the living room.
”W-Wait, Haa-chan, what about this whole…”
”…P… Mhm. Aqua, the girl you are weakest against is me, right?”
Ah… Yes, that’s… that’s true.
For a guy who loves Kanon too much, that statement was a truth that left me utterly defenseless.
”So, before I try to get Hermie to know me, I first have to make you see that I’m a woman. Now, come on, let’s go. Everyone is waiting in the living room.”
I might have just awakened a child who shouldn’t have been woken up.
Confused, but defeated by Haa-chan’s aggressive pull, I headed to the living room.
—
Notes/Endnotes
1 [Onanie]: A Japanese term for masturbation. The term is used commonly in Japan and is being retained for cultural flavor, as its direct translation, ‘wank’ or ‘jerk off’ has a much different slang/severity connotation in US English. ↩
2 [Jinchōge]: This is a significant term in the narrative, literally meaning “Daphne” or “Winter Daphne” (a type of highly fragrant shrub). In the context of the light novel, it is the protagonist Shirogane Aqua’s code name for his male anatomy. It is often used humorously or self-deprecatingly to refer to his most private part, which he was worried about being broadcast on television. ↩
3 [Rider Suit]: Refers to a tight, often leather or synthetic, full-body suit worn by motorcyclists. In this context, it is emphasized for its figure-hugging, seductive qualities as established in previous chapters. ↩
4 [Fruit of Reira-san’s hard work]: This is a direct translation of the Japanese term “努力した結果 (doryoku shita kekka – the result of hard work/effort)” which is a common phrase in Japanese media to praise dedication, used here to show Aqua’s shift from lust to sincere admiration for her physical discipline. ↩
5 [Piko-Piko Hammer]: A classic Japanese comedy prop. It is a soft, lightweight toy hammer, often with a plastic squeaker in the head, used for exaggerated, non-violent punishment or slapstick comedy (like when Kohina-senpai disciplines Reira-san). ‘Piko-Piko’ is an onomatopoeia for the high-pitched, comical bonk sound it makes. ↩
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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