Volume 13 Chapter 363 Kokucho Kujaku, a Last-Ditch Effort Before Christmas
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
[Who are you spending it with?] Christmas Eve [Spending it alone?]
801 Anonymous Boy
I think I’ll spend Christmas with my family for the first time in ten years.
802 Anonymous Boy
>>801
For real? Man, you’re awesome!
803 Anonymous Boy
>>801
I’m planning to spend Christmas with my family too.
804 Anonymous Boy
>>801>>803
You guys are incredible.
805 Anonymous Boy
Listen… I got a girlfriend two months ago. So, I’m gonna spend this year’s Christmas with her.
806 Anonymous Boy
>>805
Are you serious!! Also, congrats on the girlfriend!!
807 Passing Gentleman*NYaNKOsuki
I shall also be spending Christmas with my wife! I’m thinking about doing a gift exchange like Sir Toa and Mr. Aqua did. What do you think?
808 Anonymous Boy
>>807
I think it’s a good idea. Just, please, for the sake of your wife, don’t give her any of those Sir Toa goods that reek of heavy obsession.
809 Tadano-uncle**k4k4r1ty0u
I am also scheduled to have a Christmas party with the people at my company. I can’t wait for Christmas to get here. Haha, I’m sorry for being so rowdy at my age.
810 Anonymous Boy
>>809
Woah! Old man, for real!!
811 Anonymous Boy
Sigh… I want to spend Christmas with someone too. Even if I wanted to spend it with family, my mother was arrested for trying to kidnap me when I was little, so there’s no one. I wonder how the girl who helped me escape through the window back then is doing? I think it’s because of her that I didn’t grow up hating all girls.
812 Anonymous Boy
>>811
Even with such a hard past, the fact that you still want to spend it with someone is amazing.
813 Anonymous Boy
>>811
I’ve suddenly started feeling lonely about spending Christmas alone too. I’ve never really thought about it until now…
814 Anonymous Boy
>>813
Total agreement. Seeing Aqua-kun and the others posting Christmas prep on social media makes me want to spend it with someone too.
815 Anonymous Boy
>>814
I get it. I’ve suddenly started craving human warmth. Hey, how do you get a lover to spend Christmas with anyway?
816 Shirogane Aqua (Fake)*aquaaquaaa
By the way, Aqua-san said before… if you want a girlfriend, you should have a gōkon¹.
817 Anonymous Boy
>>816
Oh? Tell me more!
818 Anonymous Boy
>>816
I’d like to hear the details…
819 Shirogane Aqua (Fake)*aquaaquaaa
Apparently, you gather about the same number of guys and girls and have a meal together. If the vibe is good, you pair off later… I don’t know the specifics, but Aqua-san said that’s how you get a girlfriend.
820 Anonymous Boy
>>819
THX! Sounds great. I want to try it!!
821 Anonymous Boy
>>819
Alright! Let’s have a gōkon before Christmas!!
822 Anonymous Boy
>>820-821
Wait, I have a basic question… how do you gather the girls for this? We’re in trouble because we don’t have any girls we can just casually call up.
823 Anonymous Boy
>>822
Ah!
824 Shirogane Aqua (Fake)*aquaaquaaa
>>823
Crap!
825 Anonymous Boy
Is this like how I wanted to buy the same clothes as Aqua-kun in the past, but I didn’t have any clothes to wear to go buy the clothes…?
826 Anonymous Boy
>>825
Are you me!?
827 Butterfly Musk*B4T4FLYM4N
>>824
Why don’t you ask Manager Kai-san or the girls you met during the idol auditions? I wouldn’t recommend asking the younger ones, but if you ask the proper adults like Fujibayashi-san or Tsushima-san, I think they’d gather members for you. Those types seem to have wide social circles.
828 Anonymous Boy
>>827
As expected, Kujaku is on a different level than us losers.
829 Shirogane Aqua (Fake)*aquaaquaaa
>>827
You, nice! In that case, I’ll see if I can set something up!!
830 Anonymous Boy
>>829
Ooooooh! You’re the one who suggested it, but thank you!! I’m suddenly really looking forward to Christmas!!
831 Anonymous Boy
I’m in too!!
832 Anonymous Boy
Thank you, Yamada and Kujaku-kun. With this, it looks like I can avoid a ‘Bocchi the World’ Christmas.
833 Anonymous Boy
>>832
Whoa, is this your first time here? You shouldn’t even say that person’s name… After all, she’s the most terrifying woman in the world, the only one who can treat Aqua-kun roughly.
834 Anonymous Boy
>>833
The person whose name must not be mentioned… even though she has a baby face and a small build, her breast size and personality ruin it…
835 Anonymous Boy
>>833-834
But doesn’t Aqua-kun seem happy about it?
836 Anonymous Boy
>>835
You idiot, that’s only because it’s Aqua-kun…
837 Anonymous Boy
>>836
That doesn’t explain anything, but I understood instantly.
838 Shirogane Aqua (Fake)*aquaaquaaa
I contacted everyone just now, and they said they’ll introduce some girls for a gōkon before Christmas Eve!! Also, Kujaku, you’re officially participating since you don’t have plans! The reason is because everyone will be nervous if it’s just me!!
839 Anonymous Boy
>>838
Yamada, I knew from the start you were a guy who could get things done.
840 Butterfly Musk*B4T4FLYM4N
>>838
Wait a minute! Don’t just drag me into this!!
* * *
”Hah…”
Having arrived at the meeting spot for the men, I held my head in my hands as I looked back at the forum thread from that time.
”How did it come to this?”
It’s always like this whenever I get involved with him. As if my peaceful, normal days were a lie, my schedule fills up with one thing after another. But the most annoying part is the self that doesn’t think it’s so bad.
”Honestly, being with him never leaves a dull moment… Hm?”
A notification popped up in the chat group for Maruo and Kujaku. I had been wondering why Maruo, who is usually the first to arrive, wasn’t here yet. I hoped he hadn’t been caught in some accident or incident. This morning, I left Maruo while he was still sleeping to go early and give Agewa the Christmas present I promised. After that, I came directly here without going home, but maybe I should have stopped by first. I quickly checked the group message.
Yamada Maruo:
Sorry, Kujaku…
I thought my head was spinning, and it turns out I have a fever.
I can’t risk spreading it to everyone, so I don’t think I can make it today. Can you apologize to everyone for me?
Dammit! That’s why I told him so many times!! Even if you’re tired after washing your hair, dry it properly before going to sleep!! Also, just because the heater is on, don’t sleep in a tank top and shorts in the middle of winter! What are you, a kid!! I immediately sent a reply.
Kokuchō Kujaku:
Don’t worry about it.
You don’t need to worry about things here; just make sure you rest up for Christmas.
As soon as I sent the message, another one came in instantly.
Kai Aika:
Is Yamada-kun alright ssu!?
Kokucho-kun, I’m sorry, but I’m going to go check on Yamada-kun with a doctor, so please handle the gōkon yourself, Kokucho-kun!!
Wait a minute!! I didn’t hear anything about both the male and female organizers of the gōkon dropping out!? As I held my head, another message from Maruo arrived.
Yamada Maruo:
I figured Kujaku would be lonely on his own, so I called in a backup just in case.
I’m counting on… you.
Maruo!! Are you really going to be okay!? While feeling a bit anxious, I explained the situation to the group.
”Whoa, for real… he was our only hope,” one of the boys said.
”I’ll send Yamada a get-well message.”
”Yamada… you overdid it!”
”Hey, Kujaku. Are we really going to be okay with just us?!”
”Now that Yamada’s gone, you’re the only one we can rely on!!”
Ugh… The gazes of all the men were fixed on me. Hey, stop it. Don’t look at me like that. As I looked away from the group, a flashy bicycle came pedaling toward us. What is that? It was decorated like a set of Christmas lights.
”Heeeey!!”
No… way? I froze as I saw the person waving and approaching. The person parked the flashy bike and walked over to us.
”I heard from Maruo that Kujaku was in trouble and needed help, so what’s up?” Aqua asked.
”Shirogane… Aqua, you, that bike…” I muttered.
No, the bike doesn’t matter! I wanted to snap at myself, but since it seemed like no one else could ask, I had to be the one. Shirogane Aqua patted the bicycle seat.
”Look, even for humans, there’s such a thing as a second opinion, right? I usually keep my bike in good shape, but since it’s the end of the year, I’ve left it with a pro to have the whole thing looked over. I was wondering what to do for wheels when Noel-san—ah, Emily’s mom—lent me the bicycle she uses when her bike is in the shop. Look, this Decotora Chari², isn’t it great? It’s like a rolling Christmas tree.”
Ah… yeah. I was a fool for even trying to understand Shirogane Aqua. Maruo, and Mayuzumi Shintaro, you guys really are incredible men. There is no way I could ever hope to want to beat this man in the future.
”Ah, it’s Aqua-kun!!”
”Aqua-kun, that bike is really flashy.”
”Did you hear the situation from Yamada and come to save us?”
”With Aqua-kun here, we’re invincible!”
Everyone immediately crowded around Shirogane Aqua. Haha, no matter where he goes, a crowd forms around Shirogane Aqua instantly.
”Whoa!? Everyone, why are you all gathered like this?”
Shirogane Aqua showed a rare flicker of confusion. Hm…? Could it be that Maruo only told Shirogane Aqua to ‘come help’ without explaining what he was helping with? No, surely that couldn’t be it. Feeling incredibly nervous, I spoke to Shirogane Aqua again to confirm.
”What did Maruo tell you when he asked you to come?”
”Just one word: come help… For a conversation between men, that’s plenty, isn’t it?” Aqua said.
Shirogane Aqua made a sharp, cool face. If Kohina Yukari were here, she would have surely snapped, ‘You really are an idiot!! Think before you act for once!!’ I see, so this is what they call an ‘Imaginary Kohina Yukari.’ I might have come to understand Shirogane Aqua just a little bit. I pressed my fingertip to my temple and explained the gōkon to Shirogane Aqua.
”A gōkon… you say?”
Looking at us, Shirogane Aqua’s face suddenly turned grim. H-hey! Why do you look like you’re about to head onto a battlefield?
”You guys, you don’t seriously intend to go to the front lines looking like that, do you?”
It wasn’t the sharp, cool face from before. Shirogane Aqua’s expression became the kind of manly face that would make even a man fall in love.
”Kujaku, when’s the meeting time?”
”In about two hours.”
We had gathered so early to take time to convince the boys who had become too scared to leave their houses. Luckily, there were no such guys this time.
”That’s plenty of time. Alright! Everyone, follow me!!”
When Shirogane Aqua raised his hand, the taxis nearby all came toward us at once. As expected of the superstar, Shirogane Aqua. Even taxis that were far away were coming over.
”Everyone, get in the taxis. We’re moving out!!”
Where on earth are we going? We were loaded into a line of taxis like a grand parade. Shirogane Aqua got on his Decotora Chari and led the taxis somewhere. Hm? Is this direction… the nearby Fuji Department Store Shinjuku Store? The taxis stopped exactly where I predicted, and Shirogane Aqua arrived after parking his bike.
”You lot, I hope you weren’t planning on heading to the battlefield with such weak equipment?”
I looked down and checked my own clothes. Since I had just had lunch with Agewa at a nice restaurant, I was wearing proper formal clothes, but was this not good enough? When I looked back at Shirogane Aqua, my eyes met his.
”First, Kujaku. The outfit you’re wearing today is appropriate for any occasion, and it suits your looks well. It’s a very good setup.”
”A-ah, thank you,” I replied.
I was slightly confused by the blunt praise.
”However!! Your defense is too high!! You’re already the type of guy girls find hard to talk to. Like Shintaro, you need to let your guard down more! Ah, and by ‘let down,’ I don’t mean ‘get down’! Save that kind of thing for the girls you take home from the gōkon!! Got it? This is a promise between you and Instructor Shirogane Aqua.”
””Yes, sir!”” the boys shouted.
Who’s an instructor! And you guys, don’t say ‘Yes, sir’! Your energy is way too high. This is why forum users are… Doing that only makes Shirogane Aqua even more unstoppable. I pressed my fingertip to my temple and held my head.
”With that said, wear this!”
I changed into the clothes Shirogane Aqua handed me in the fitting room. It’s a very fluffy knit. And it’s a long-length one with raw edges. It’s the type of clothes I don’t usually wear. I put on an MA-1 jacket to match, opened the curtain, and stepped into the white platform sneakers that were left outside.
”How is it? With the round shape and the warm, soft material, doesn’t it give a much softer feeling compared to the usual Kujaku? This way, even girls will find it easy to talk to you.”
”It’s true!”
”As expected of Aqua-kun!!”
”Kujaku, it looks really good on you!!”
Heh, it certainly does feel like a softer impression, but is that how it works? I took a photo and sent it to Agewa. A reply came immediately.
Kokuchō Kujaku:
This is Shirogane Aqua’s outfit; what do you think?
Kokuchō Agewa:
Waah, waah, it looks so good on you! I think this kind of outfit for Kujaku-kun is great too!!
If Agewa says so, then it must be right. Though, these clothes are surprisingly expensive. Will my allowance for this month be enough?
”Don’t worry about the money. I’ll pay for everything. Consider this my Christmas present to all of you!!”
”Uohhh! Aqua-kun, you’re so cool!”
”Aqua-kun, I’ll follow you forever!!”
”Kyahhh! Aqua-kun, take me!”
”I wouldn’t mind being taken by Aqua-kun!!”
”Aqua-kun, pick out clothes for me too!!”
Hey! Some slightly weird comments were mixed in there!! Shirogane Aqua, as usual, didn’t hear a thing, but I definitely did!!
”Alright, let’s keep ’em coming, everyone!!”
Under Shirogane Aqua’s direction, everyone’s clothes were changed one after another. Before I knew it, all the clerks on the men’s floor had gathered to listen to Shirogane Aqua’s advice and take notes. Ho, judging by how the female clerks were nodding repeatedly, Shirogane Aqua’s points seem to be right on target.
”So I’m the type of guy who’s hard for women to talk to…”
At my murmur, the men around me reacted.
”No, Kujaku, you’re hard for men to talk to as well.”
”Yeah, yeah.”
”Your ‘don’t talk to me’ aura is incredible, man.”
”Even I was scared I’d wet myself the first time I met Kujaku.”
”It’s not like that once we become friends, though.”
”Mhm, mhm.”
Is… that so… I felt a bit shocked at the fact that men thought the same way. No wonder even when I’m with Maruo, people only ever talk to Maruo.
”Alright! Everyone, are you ready!!”
””Yeah!!”” everyone cheered.
At Shirogane Aqua’s call, everyone raised their fists. Honestly, these guys who were nervous until a moment ago become like this just because Shirogane Aqua arrived. A small smile crossed my face. Mayuzumi Shintaro always tells me how amazing his best friend is, but as someone who saw him save Agewa right before my eyes, I already knew that. Everyone is pulled in by the gravity of Shirogane Aqua, feeling like they can go anywhere. That’s the feeling I get.
”Listen up. If there’s a girl you like at the gōkon, don’t think, just dive in. Men shouldn’t think about playing defense. In fact, your defense can be like paper. Instead, create openings for the girls to attack you!!”
No, in your case, aren’t you scolded by Kohina Yukari and Sir Toa for having too many openings? I hope it’s just my imagination… Shirogane Aqua changed his own clothes as well, and we all got into taxis to head to the family restaurant where the gōkon would be held. At first, we thought about a bar, but since the organizer Maruo is a minor and there are other underage people, we chose a family restaurant. As I got into a taxi, Shirogane Aqua, who was in the same taxi, spoke to me.
”Kujaku, do you have a type of girl you like? By the way, I love girls with big breasts!!”
Even if you don’t say it, that’s something the whole world knows. Air has oxygen. The Earth is round. In this world, it’s a level of common knowledge like that.
”Aqua-kun, I think everyone knows that already,” I said.
”Yeah, Aqua-kun, you really like girls with big chests, don’t you?”
He’s making a face like ‘For real?!’ but Shirogane Aqua said it himself during his ‘Boob Liberation Declaration.’ You and Yukishiro Emily, don’t be surprised by things you said yourself!! Also, to everyone who snapped at him in my place, thanks.
”But I want to know Kujaku-kun’s preference~”
”Me too, me too! I can’t even imagine what type you’d like.”
All eyes in the taxi were on me. Hey, driver! Don’t keep looking at the rearview mirror! Focus on driving!! I let out a small sigh and looked out the window.
”…I’d like a woman like Agewa.”
”What!? You’re the same as me!!” Aqua shouted.
No!! You just like Agewa’s breasts!! No, Shirogane Aqua probably likes more than just Agewa’s breasts, but that’s not what I meant.
”I mean that I like modest, traditional women.”
”I see… as I thought, we’re the same.”
In the first place, is there even a girl in this world who isn’t your type!! Actually, I think Morikawa Kaede, who Shirogane Aqua married, is a good woman, but she’s the opposite of a modest, traditional woman!!
”Aqua-kun, you just said that to me too.”
”It can’t be helped. Aqua-kun’s strike zone is wider than the universe.”
Good grief! When I’m with Shirogane Aqua, the straight-man retorts can’t keep up. Maybe I should ask Agewa to call Kohina Yukari, or use the Beryl network to call Sir Toa. Mayuzumi Shintaro and Tenga Akira would just encourage Shirogane Aqua, so they’re no help. While I was thinking that, several messages arrived. ‘Shirogane Aqua Emergency Contact Network’? What kind of group is this. I checked the names of the people who invited me before joining the group.
Shirogane Kanon:
Kokucho-kun, I heard the situation from Kai-san, the manager for those two. If anything happens, I’ll go stop Aqua myself, so please contact me.
Kohina Yukari:
Kokucho-kun, if you’re in trouble, tell me immediately. I’ll drag that Useless Aqua home even if I have to cling to him.
Sir Toa:
Hey, I’m free, so should I get ready and come over? Dealing with Aqua by yourself is probably exhausting, isn’t it, Kujaku-kun? Sorry about him.
Mayuzumi Shintaro:
Sorry, Kujaku. I have work so I can’t go. But if anything happens, you can just rely on my best friend.
Tenga Akira:
My apologies. If only my leg were in perfect condition!! Tell my junior not to stop!!
Yukishiro Emily:
Men and women, a gōkon before Christmas, there’s no way nothing will happen… Guhehe! For those who don’t form a couple, please come to Ramen Takeko⁴ for the after-party!! I’ll treat you to some ramen!!
Everyone, thank you so much. Also, the reason Shirogane Aqua is unstoppable is definitely because of Shintaro and Tenga Akira!! Without a doubt!!
”Oh, we’ve arrived at the restaurant!”
”Uohhh, I’m getting pumped!”
”I’m gonna do this!”
Hah, it’s good that they’re motivated, but will they really be okay. Carrying my worry with me, I got out of the taxi and followed Shirogane Aqua and the others into the restaurant where the gōkon would happen.
—
Author:
I’m sorry. It goes over 10,000 characters, so I’ll split it into first and second halves. Sorry it got so long.
I’m thinking of making the second half from Aqua’s point of view, but I might go with Kujaku-kun’s or another character’s.
I wonder what to do with Sir Toa. I feel like it would be interesting to have him join as the straight-man role, but I’ll think about it.
—
Summary:
A group of lonely boys on a bulletin board decide to organize a gōkon (group date) before Christmas. Kujaku is dragged into the plan, but the main organizers drop out due to illness and managing duties. Shirogane Aqua arrives as a surprise backup on a flashy bicycle to lead the group. Aqua takes everyone on a shopping spree to Fuji Department Store to revamp their ‘battle equipment’ before the date.
—
Character Insight:
Kujaku shows a rare vulnerable side, admitting he is shocked that both men and women find him intimidating. His choice of Agewa as his ‘ideal type’ reflects his desire for stability and tradition amidst the chaos of his idol life. Meanwhile, Aqua’s charisma is displayed as a force of nature, effortlessly turning a group of anxious boys into a motivated ‘army’ through sheer confidence and generosity.
—
Behind the Scene:
The author notes that the chapter exceeded 10,000 characters, leading to a split. They mention the possibility of the next part being from Aqua’s perspective and promote their other works, including ‘Moonlight’ stories which are explicitly R-18.
—
T/L:
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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