Volume 13 Chapter 377 Hakuryuu Aiko, I Am the Walking Definition of Cringe
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”Hakuryuu-sensei, it suits you perfectly!” one of the stylists said.
”You look absolutely stunning, Sensei!” another added.
Wrapped in the full wedding gown, I froze in front of the mirror. Is… is this really me?! I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. This is what happens when you let world-class stylists, makeup artists, and estheticians polish you to a mirror shine.
”I guess the old saying is true… even a plain Jane ¹ looks like royalty in the right gown,” I whispered to myself. God, I am so glad I did that diet segment for the TV show! Thanks to that, even in a princess-line dress, I don’t look like a total marshmallow.
Of course, if I compare myself to Kanon-san… No. Stop. Don’t go there. That’s just a one-way trip to Sad-Town.
While I was busy admiring my bridal self from every possible angle, there was a knock at the door.
”Ai, are you ready?” a voice asked.
”Ah-yeah!” I replied.
The door to the waiting room creaked open, revealing Aqua-kun. He was standing there in a suit that made him look like a literal prince. Aaaaaaaah! He’s so hot!! The staff around me actually stopped breathing. Their eyes were practically popping out of their heads.
I… I’m just glad Aqua-kun is a commoner, even if he’s a distant relative of the Yukishiros. If he were the firstborn of the Sumeragi house or a prince of the Stars Kingdom, he’d probably cause a national state of emergency just by existing.
”Ai… you look wonderful,” Aqua-kun said softly. “You’re always beautiful, but today… you’re something else. I mean, you’re wearing the dress of the woman who’s going to be my wife.”
Aqua-kun gently took my gloved hand, flashing me a “Prince Charming” smile. Thump-thump! Wh-wh-what is this?! Is it just me, or is his sparkle-factor dialed up to a hundred today?! That smile is way too bright for a [BEEP]-year-old mojo ² like me!
His gaze was so intense I couldn’t handle it. I had to look away before my heart exploded. *Come on, Aqua-kun!* I thought desperately. *Say something stupid! Call me “Boobs” like you usually do! (Wait, he doesn’t actually say that, but you know what I mean!!)*
”Y-you look great too, Aqua-kun,” I managed to say. “I mean, you’re always cool, but today… you really do look like a real prince.”
”Thank you, Ai,” he replied. He brought his face close to my ear. “I’m only a prince for you today,” he whispered.
Gwaaaaaaaaargh! Inside, I was shrieking like a total creep, rolling around and pounding the floor in my mind. Stop it, Aqua-kun! If you keep this up, an “older sister” type like me is going to catch a hundred-degree fever and die of a nosebleed-induced infection!!
”Ah…” As he leaned closer, his scent wafted past my nose. Why does he smell so good?! He smells better than me, and I’m actually a girl! (Barely!) Nnh! No! If I stay conscious of it, a heat pools deep in my core and I’ll lose my mind.
For a split second, I actually had a dead-serious realization—Wait, did I just get pregnant?
”Ai? Is something wrong?” Aqua-kun asked.
”No! It’s nothing!” I said, waving my hands frantically to play it off. I can’t tell him… I can’t tell him I was just having R-rated delusions about him. This makes me no better than a smut novelist. I’m supposed to be the one in charge here, the older one! What am I doing getting all flustered by a younger guy?!
”The two of you, we’re ready for the photos,” a staff member said. “This way, please.”
”Yes, we’re coming,” Aqua-kun replied. He offered his hand again. Wow… normally the woman is supposed to lead, but he’s so smooth about it. He’s way more composed than his “older” partner.
”Shall we, Ai?” he asked.
”U-um,” I stammered. I took his hand and we started to walk. He was even matching his stride to my dress… so thoughtful.
I kept stealing glances at his face. I want to take a hundred pictures of him right now! For… for “work reference”! Yeah! Kuh! If Kanon-san were here, she’d have snapped ten thousand photos for me by now!
Just as I thought that, I saw a familiar woman with a camera, firing off shots like a machine gun.
”Ah! That’s it! Perfect!!” Emily-chan shouted. “Come on, you two, let’s see those smiles ssu!”
”E-Emily-chan?! What are you doing here?!” I asked.
”Eh? I’m working part-time because I ran out of money after buying a new skin in *Heaven’s Sword*?” she replied.
”Ah… well… do your best,” I muttered. (Also, I am definitely buying those photos later. Name your price!!)
”The photo shoot will take place just ahead,” the attendant said. “Please enter when the doors open.”
They even have doormen? Fancy. I can hear people on the other side… did they hire extras to be wedding guests? Uwaa, this is getting too real. I’m getting stage fright.
I took a deep breath.
”Ai,” Aqua-kun said in a soft voice. My heart skipped a beat just hearing my name. I am way too easy. If we ever have a *real* wedding, I’m actually going to drop dead of heart failure. I mean, I *am* [BEEP] years old…
”What is it, Aqua-kun?” I asked, turning toward him.
He suddenly dropped to one knee and took my hand. Hawawawawa! Wait, Aqua-kun! My heart can’t take this!!
”Ai, thank you for loving me,” he said. “Thank you for choosing me.”
Wh-what?! That’s my line!! In this world, he’s the one who chooses! I’m just… I’m like a piece of clearance-bin trash that was about to be tossed in the incinerator…
”I love you, Ai,” he continued. “I love how hard you work, and how you never gave up as you carved out your own path. I love you as a woman, but more than that, I respect you as a person. So… the new path you’re building… will you let me walk it beside you?”
Aqua-kun… you can’t say that right before a photo shoot… All that work the stylists did is going to go to waste because my makeup is about to be a tear-streaked disaster.
He saw me start to cry and panicked.
”I’m sorry, Ai! I didn’t mean to make you cry!” he said.
”No… no, it’s okay,” I replied, a smile breaking through the tears. “Thank you, Aqua-kun. Thank you for loving me. I love you too.”
I never knew being this happy could make you cry so much. He held my hand and waited for me to compose myself. Right. I have to give him a real answer.
”So… yes. I’d be honored,” I said.
”Thank you, Ai! I love you!!” he shouted.
He hugged me carefully, making sure not to mess up my hair or the dress. My heart was drumming against my ribs. As I leaned into his arms, I heard footsteps.
”My, my… little… lady, you’re a total mess!” a voice called out. Wait, did she almost call me “old lady” just now?! Wait, that’s not the point! That voice… Inko-chan?! Why is she dressed like a wicked witch?!
”I suppose I’ll have to cast a little magic on you! Hee hee hee!” she laughed.
Eh? What? Inko-chan waved her staff, and suddenly the “staff members” who had been helping me started peeling things off their faces. Riiip! Wait—is that prosthetic makeup?! I stared as the faces underneath were revealed. Kusatsu-san, the bath-lover?! Echigoya-san from Fuji Department Store?! Birei-san, the lip-reader?! And the entire styling team from the Shirogane Kingdom?! Why are you all here?!
”Alright, let’s get you fixed up,” one of them said.
”Hold still, Hakuryuu-sensei,” another added.
”We’ll have you back to ‘magical’ in no time.”
They’re pros… they work so fast. I checked myself in the hand mirror they gave me. Okay. I’m good.
”Ready to go, Ai?” Aqua-kun asked.
”Y-yes!” I said.
The doors in front of us slowly swung open. Waiting for us was a massive pumpkin carriage, surrounded by every single person I knew. Wh-what is going on?!
”Hakuryuu-sensei, once again, congratulations on your wedding!!” Kanon-san shouted.
”Sensei! You look gorgeous!!” Fuji Ranko yelled.
”Congratulations, Hakuryuu-sensei!” Lady Mary added.
I was frozen. Everyone was there. I looked at Aqua-kun, confused. Then, Emily-san popped up behind him with a sign.
[PRANK SUCCESSFUL!!]
A prank?! What?! I looked around as the producer of *Berry-Berry* walked over, clapping his hands.
”And that’s a wrap! The ‘People Who Don’t Laugh’ project was a total fake!!” he announced.
”WHAT?!” I screamed.
The producer explained that the whole show was a ruse. The real goal was to give me my “ideal wedding ceremony.”
”Wait, then the diet segment was…” I started to ask.
”Yep. Total fake,” the producer replied.
EEEEEH?! You’re kidding!! That was six months ago! You’ve been setting this up for a year?! This show is terrifying!! I really underestimated how far *Berry-Berry* would go for a bit.
”Anyway, we’re so sorry for planning your wedding without asking you first!” the producer shouted. “PLEASE FORGIVE UUUUS!”
She hit the floor in a dogeza ⁿ so deep it would’ve made the Prime Minister proud.
I looked at Aqua-kun.
”So… did you know?” I asked.
”I only found out yesterday,” he admitted.
Yesterday?! I see… so he was in the dark too.
”Listen, Ai-chan… if you really hate this, let’s just call it a day and try again later,” Shirogane Aqua-kun said.
”She’s right! If you aren’t feeling it, you can turn us down right here, right now!!” the producer added.
Ugh, well… it’s not that I *hate* it, really. I’d already decided that if I ever wore a gown or took a ring, it would be these specific ones. And honestly, since I’m way too lazy to scout venues myself, having my dream wedding⁴ wedding venue prepared for me without even asking was a total lifesaver. More than anything, I was just touched that everyone put this much effort in for me. Besides, in my case, if I’d tried to micromanage the details myself, I probably would’ve just tripped at the finish line… haha.
”No, I don’t hate it at all. I’m actually… really happy,” I said. “This is the wedding you all worked so hard to build for me. The pumpkin carriage, the chapel in the heart of the woods… wait, huh?”
I stared down at the princess-cut gown I was wearing. Now that I think about it, when I was ‘choosing’ a dress, there were an *awful* lot of princess-line options. Was that just my imagination? I glanced over at Shirogane Aqua-kun, standing beside me like a literal Prince Charming. Wait, seriously? Shirogane Aqua-kun is definitely in full ‘Prince Mode’ today. That… that can’t just be my imagination, right?
”Um, so…” I tucked my chin, casting a wary glance toward the crowd. “D-did… any of you… see it?” I asked quietly.
Shirogane Aqua-kun, the *Berry-Berry* producer—everyone there instantly looked away, avoiding eye contact like their lives depended on it. HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! That reaction! You guys totally read my “Dark History⁵” notebook, didn’t you?! Ugh, seriouslyyyyyyyyyy!! Which one of you was it?!
As I scanned the crowd for the culprit, I spotted one person sobbing, face buried in their sleeve.
”*Sniff*… I never thought I’d live to see the day… Sensei in a wedding dress…”
Hold it right there, Editor! You’re the one, aren’t you?! You’re trying to hide behind those crocodile tears, but you can’t fool me!
The *Berry-Berry* producer scurried over, wringing her hands nervously.
”Hakuryuu-sensei, how should we proceed?” she asked.
”I’ll grant a one-time extension on my next deadline! That’s it!” I declared.
Honestly, I’m far too kind for my own good. But the moment the words left my mouth, my sobbing editor’s face went deadpan.
”Sensei, absolutely not. There are more ‘big girls’ out there waiting for your next chapter than there are stars in the sky!” she snapped.
”Hey! This is the part where you just say ‘I understand’ and thank me! Geez!”
The crowd finally lost it, my retort breaking the tension as ripples of laughter spread. Meanwhile, Mary-sama and Ran-ko-san were actually cheering the editor on.
”She’s right! Listen to her!”
Ugh, why are my fans always so difficult? Fine, fine!
”But… thank you. Everyone,” I muttered.
The moment I said it, the room erupted in a massive cheer.
”Well then, Ai-chan. Shall we take the carriage?” Shirogane Aqua-kun asked.
”I guess so,” I replied.
Wait, how do you even drive a pumpkin? I looked up to see a little bear mascot with a total “derp” face sitting in the driver’s seat. Is this… is this safe?
”Excuse me, Hakuryuu-sensei. You were just thinking I look like a ‘derpy Koguma,’ weren’t you?”
”Kohina Yukari-san!?” I gasped. Why are you wearing a mascot suit at my wedding?! What? It was written in my notebook? …I am so, so sorry.
Like a samurai facing his end, I clutched my side, which was currently throbbing with the sheer agony of my exposed cringe.
When we reached the forest chapel, Tenga-kun was waiting outside, fully decked out in priest’s robes.
”Heh. Welcome, my wandering lambs!” Tenga-kun shouted.
T-Tenga-kun?! He was holding two wedding torches, crossing them like a holy crucifix. Beside me, Shirogane Aqua-kun’s jaw hit the floor. Hang in there, Tenga-kun… please, just stay that pure, weird boy forever. Don’t ever change.
”Hakuryuu-sensei, Shirogane Aqua-kun. Leave the witnessing and the legalities to me,” Prime Minister Habu said.
Prime Minister Habu!? Is this even legal? Having the head of state as a wedding witness… I don’t care if we’re friends, this is way too much pressure!
”Ai-chan!”
”Ah! Mom!”
Wow, they even invited my mother. I took her hands, feeling the warmth of a long-overdue reunion.
”Happy wedding, Ai-chan,” Mom said.
”Thanks, Mom,” I replied.
She looked so incredibly proud seeing me in the white dress.
”Well, I’ll go wait inside for you,” she said, after a pause.
”Okay,” I whispered.
Shirogane Aqua-kun headed into the church first. Then, clutching my mother’s hand, I followed.
Before Tenga-kun the Priest and Prime Minister Habu the Witness, Shirogane Aqua-kun and I exchanged our vows. And then… we shared the Kiss. It felt just like our very first one—sweet, awkward, and making my heart race.
”Alright! Next up—the reception!!”
””””””OHHHHHHH!!”””””
Koguma—I mean, Kohina Yukari-san—led the charge as everyone migrated to the hall. I did a quick outfit change, then joined Shirogane Aqua-kun to bask in the celebration.
”Hakuryuu-sensei, really, congratulations!!”
””””””CONGRATULATIONS!!”””””
I beamed at them all, my heart full.
”Thank you, everyone! Thank you so much!”
Shirogane Aqua-kun and I locked eyes and shared a private smile—and then, a harsh buzzer blared over the speakers.
*BWAMP!*
”HAKURYUU! SHIROGANE! KOGUMA! SAYAMU! TENGA! HABU! OUT!!”
Wait, what?! I thought that whole ‘Variety Show’ prank was a fakeout?!
”Excuse me?! Who are you calling ‘Koguma’?! My name is Kohina!” Yukari-san screamed.
No, no, no! Kohina Yukari-san, that is *not* the part you should be complaining about!
But before my internal retort could reach my lips, the buzzer sounded again.
*BWAMP!*
”SHIROGANE KANON! YUKISHIRO EMILY! MORIKAWA KAEDE! TSUKIMACHI AYANA! ATTENDEES, STAFF—EVERYONE IS SMILING! ALL OUT!!”
Hey! Leave the guests out of this! And don’t you dare go smacking the butts of pregnant women or regular civilians!
”AND SINCE THE PRODUCTION STAFF AND I, THE NARRATOR, ARE ALSO SMILING… EVERYONE IS OUT!! THEREFORE, THE ‘BERRY-BERRY’ PRODUCER WILL TAKE THE PUNISHMENT ON EVERYONE’S BEHALF!!”
”YES!”
”WHOO-HOO!”
”FINALLY!”
Inko-chan, Kohina Yukari-san, and Prime Minister Habu—the trio who got wrecked yesterday—all shared a high-five.
Then, a staff member holding a giant paper fan—a Harisen⁶—approached Shirogane Aqua-kun and me. Wait… *I’m* supposed to do the hitting?
As I stood there frozen, Yukishiro Emily-chan snatched the mic from Morikawa Kaede-chan.
”And now, for the bride and groom’s first joint project: The Butt-Smacking! Guests, please give them a warm round of applause! Now, you two—take that fan and split that backside in two!”
”Hey! Don’t narrate it like a cake-cutting! It’s just a Penalty Game⁷! Also, butts are *already* split in two, you idiot!” I yelled.
The venue exploded in laughter. Good grief. Smacking a guy’s backside… but then again, remembering how much it hurt when *I* got hit yesterday… maybe I should give him a good one. Besides, how many brides get to do this?
I gripped the fan and looked at Shirogane Aqua-kun. He was looking back at me with the most genuine, boyish grin. Yeah, ‘Prince Aqua’ is great, but I think I love *this* Aqua even more.
”Alright, let’s give these two some privacy,” the narrator said.
”Wait—whoa!?”
As the party wound down, Shirogane Aqua-kun swept me up into a princess carry. Hold on—am I not heavy?! Are you sure?! Well… if you say so. I hid my burning face in my hands.
”Hakuryuu-sensei, make sure to have a healthy baby!” Mary-sama shouted.
”Do your best, Sensei!!” Ranko-san added.
Seriously!! Mary-sama, Ran-ko-san—didn’t the doctor tell you to cut back on the booze?! Ugh, honestlyyyyyyyyy!!
Swept away in his arms, I left the party behind. And in a private room at the venue, Shirogane Aqua-kun showered me with all the love I could handle.
???
”And that’s how the future ‘me’ was born!”
Yukishiro Emily: “I see, I see!”
Aiko: “HEY!!”
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Summary:
Aiko prepares for a wedding photoshoot for a TV show, only to be moved by Aqua-kun’s genuine romantic confession. After a heartfelt moment, it is revealed that the entire setup-including a year-long diet project-was an elaborate prank to throw Aiko a surprise wedding ceremony.
Ai and Aqua celebrate their wedding, which turns out to be a surprise ceremony organized by their friends using Ai’s secret ‘Dark History’ notebook. The romantic atmosphere quickly shifts into a chaotic ‘Gaki no Tsukai’ style variety show punishment game. The chapter concludes with the couple heading to their private room, followed by a meta-commentary from their future child.
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Trivia:
- The ‘Berry-Berry’ program has been plotting this for an entire year.
- The diet Aiko suffered through was actually part of the wedding prank preparation.
- The stylists were actually Aiko’s acquaintances in disguise.
- Aqua-kun was only informed about the reality of the prank the day before.
- Emily-chan is only there to make money for video game skins
- The wedding venue and dress were pulled directly from Ai’s private ‘cringe’ notebooks.
- The Prime Minister of Japan is a wedding witness.
- The ceremony is actually part of a variety show prank program.
- The producer ends up taking the butt-smacking punishment because everyone (including the narrator) was smiling.
- The ending reveals that the entire story is being told by Ai and Aqua’s future child
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Character Insight:
Aiko shows her deep-seated insecurity by comparing herself to ‘disposable trash,’ which makes Aqua-kun’s confession of respect and love all the more impactful for her character growth. Aqua-kun proves his maturity by managing the emotional weight of the ‘prank’ while remaining sincere.
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Behind the Scenes:
The ‘Prime Minister-tier Dogeza’ is a recurring gag in Japanese comedy involving a hyper-exaggerated, formal prostration.
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TL Notes:
Please bookmark this series and rate ☆☆☆☆☆ on here!
Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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