Volume 13 Chapter 385 Yukishiro Emily, This is the Power Omikuji!!
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Once the historical epic⁶ ended, I headed to the shrine⁷ within the Shirogane Kingdom and changed into my shrine maiden vestments.
”Well then, I expect those girls will be arriving any minute now,” I remarked to myself.
Accompanied by the maids-actually my own Saint Emily Imperial Guards, whom I’d covertly recruited from the Holy Aqua Church-I stepped onto the shrine’s main path. This wasn’t the Church of Holy Aqua. This was the headquarters of the Power Religion: the Morikawa Power Shrine!
I waited near the entrance until the women arrived. Lord Aqua was the only one missing, delayed by some business or another.
”What is this place?” Kanon asked, her voice trailing off.
”When did they even build this?” Nee-san added.
The two of them stood at the front of the group, staring up at the grand structure with their mouths hanging open. I couldn’t blame them; even I was surprised by how quickly this had come together. I put on my best serious face to hide the chaos.
”Heh… Welcome, everyone, to Morikawa Kaede’s Shrine of Power!” I announced.
”The Morikawa Kaede Shrine of Power?!” the group shouted in unison.
”Wait, me?!” Kaede-paisen stammered, pointing at herself.
I wiped a bead of sweat from my brow. By slapping Kaede’s name on it, I’d successfully shifted all legal and moral responsibility onto her. Genius. However, Kanon was giving me a long, piercing stare.
”Is there something on my face, Kanon?” I asked, averting my eyes. If she kept looking at me like that, my degenerate heart was going to start racing. I whistled a casual tune to play it cool.
”Oh, honestly… you’re hopeless,” Kanon sighed.
I loved how easy she was. No matter what trouble I or Lord Aqua caused, she always ended up forgiving us. My internal celebration was cut short by a firm tap on my shoulder.
”Emily, you’re going to explain everything to me later,” Nee-san said. “From the very beginning.”
”Y-yes, ma’am…” I squeaked. There was no escaping Big Sis.
Clearing my throat, I set the fortune box down before the group. “Alright! Since it’s New Year’s, we’re having the first annual Shirogane Kingdom Omikuji⁹ Showdown! There are special prizes for everyone, depending on your luck.”
I’d worked myself to the bone at part-time jobs all December for this. Of course, I’d accidentally donated all those earnings to some guy running an orphanage and a nursing home I’d passed on the street. My luck for running into people in need was about as high as Lord Aqua’s luck for running into terrorists. Thankfully, my Saint Guards had anticipated my lack of self-control and covered the costs.
”Kaede-paisen, as our namesake, you go first!” I said.
”Right! Leave it to me!” Kaede replied. She looked incredibly healthy for someone who had given birth only hours ago. She thrust her hand into the box with a fierce cry. “Hah!”
”Wait! Not so hard!” I yelled. If she pulled with that much force, she’d shatter the box.
”Don’t worry, Saint,” one of my guards whispered in my ear. “We knew this would happen. The box is reinforced tungsten.”
My guards were perfect. Aside from their questionable taste in joining a cult, they were top-tier professionals. Kaede held her fortune high with a triumphant grin.
”It’s a Power Great Blessing!” she shouted.
The girls crowded around to read the slip:
[Wishes: Pray. Power grants all desires.]
[Health: Train your body daily. Power is health.]
[Conflicts: Might makes right. With enough power, you cannot lose.]
[Childbirth: A ‘Power Birth’ is advised. Delivery will be effortless.]
[Matchmaking: The God of Power will reel in your soulmate like a prize tuna.]
[Academics: Who needs books when you have biceps?]
”Power Birth… it was right,” Kaede muttered, looking shocked.
”Don’t act surprised by your own life, Kaede!” I teased. I handed her a heavy, metallic object. “Since you got the Power Blessing, here is a custom tungsten-alloy rotor. It’s built to withstand any amount of… vibration. It won’t break, no matter how intense your ‘personal time’ gets.”
Kaede went red and shoved the gift into her pocket, glancing around nervously. The other girls tactfully looked away. They really were a considerate bunch.
”Next up!” I shouted.
Maron stepped forward, her chest practically leading the way. “I hope I don’t get something weird…” She pulled a slip and her face lit up. “Yes! A Great Blessing!”
I peeked over her shoulder. “Ah, sorry Maron. That’s not a ‘Great Blessing.’ It’s a ‘Great Lewdness’⁸ blessing.”
”What?” she blinked.
”Look at the script,” I pointed out. “The character for ‘Luck’ is missing a stroke. It’s definitely ‘Lewd.’”
Maron’s jaw dropped as the girls read her fortune:
[Wishes: They will come true. Stop being shy and tell him your fetishes.]
[Health: Celibacy is a disease. ‘Sexercise’ is the best diet.]
[Business: Negotiations involving the body have a 200% success rate.]
[Travel: Ideal for outdoor ‘encounters’ or lazy days under the covers.]
”I’m so jealous!” I cried. “I want the Lewd Blessing!”
”This isn’t something to be proud of!” Maron yelled. “And wait, it says the person in charge of lost items is ‘Y.E.’… That’s you, Emily!”
”I have no idea what you mean,” I said, putting on my most dignified Yukishiro face.
”Wait, my lost rotor…” Maron started.
”If you mean the pink one in the frilly pouch I found while cleaning the hall? I already licked it clean,” I said shamelessly.
”Why would you do that?!” she screamed.
Kanon covered her mouth, her face crimson. “I… I’ve never even used a toy like that!”
”Oh? So you’re still just a ‘fingers-only’ amateur, Kanon?” I smirked. “It’s okay. I used to use eggplants back when I was broke.”
”I didn’t need to know that!” Kanon wailed.
”Anyway, Maron, here is your prize!” I handed her a specially crafted, eggplant-shaped device. “This is a custom ‘Aqua-model’ eggplant, grown by our very own Saint Farmer. It’s a masterpiece.”
Maron turned beet-red as she took the ‘relic.’
”It… it really is shaped like him,” she whispered.
”Cherish it,” I said. “I even included some pickling salt for when you’re… finished with it. Now, next!”
Kohina-paisen stepped forward, her eyes narrowed in determination.
”Hmph! It’s probably just filled with weird ‘Nano’¹ fortunes anyway, right?” Kohina-paisen grumbled.
”No way! There are totally normal ‘Dai-kichi’² slips in here too!” I insisted.
I thrust the fortune box toward Kohina-paisen.
”Come on, come on! Since we’re here, Kohina-paisen, you’ve gotta try!!”
”Honestly, you leave me no choice!” she said.
With a huff, Kohina-paisen plunged her hand into the box.
Heh heh… she grumbles, but she always plays along. Kohina-paisen is seriously such a layup… I thought.
”There! I pulled one!” Kohina-paisen announced.
”Ah, right. So you won’t even check your own luck? You’re just gonna leave it to us lowly peons? As you wish, m’lady!” I teased.
I unfurled the fortune Kohina-paisen pulled and checked the results.
”Th-this is…!”
My hands trembled as my eyes bugged out at the characters written on the paper.
”It’s a ‘Tsun-kichi’³!!” I shouted.
”What the hell is ‘Tsun-kichi’!?” Kohina-paisen barked back.
”It is what it is,” I said, showing the “Tsun-kichi” slip to everyone.
[Wishes: First, stop being so tsun. If you show your dere side, any wish will come true!]
[Health: Being tsun is bad for your health. Start being dere immediately!]
[Conflicts: As a tsun, you basically never lose. However, sometimes it’s important to be dere and accept defeat!!]
[Childbirth: Hurry up and be dere so you can start a family already!!]
[Union (Matchmaking): If you just act dere, your problems will be solved in seconds!!]
[Business: Mixing tsun and dere will make your deals much more likely to succeed.]
[Lost Items: Is this ‘dere’ side you dropped what you’re looking for?]
[The Awaited One: They’re incredibly close by! Hurry up and show some dere!!]
[Lucky Direction: The exact opposite of whichever way you’re currently turning up your nose.]
[Academics: Read the works of Professor Hakuryuu-Aiko-Dai-sensei and learn the ways of the dere.]
[Travel: You should go on a trip with S.A-san. It’s time to be honest with yourself!!]
After seeing the contents, Kohina-paisen’s hands started shaking.
Oh? Could it be that those points actually hit home? I wondered.
”Hey! What is this supposed to be!?” Kohina-paisen demanded.
”What do you mean ‘what’!? It’s your Matchmaking result for Tsun-kichi! Look, Kohina-paisen, you need to hurry up and become ‘Dere-kichi’ for Aqua-sama. The gods are watching everything, you know. Look, over there on that stretcher carried by Prime Minister Habu… that’s Hakuryuu-sensei lying there. That’s the God of Love right there. Put your hands together and give ’em a ‘namo-namo’ prayer. Anyway, Kohina-paisen, don’t get all worked up. Here, I’ll give you a prize-it’s a perfume called ‘Instant-Dere-Generator’.”
”What kind of stupid, moronic name is that for a perfume!?” she snapped.
”This is a special-grade perfume crafted by the Perfumer, one of the Twelve Bishops of the Holy Church of Aqua. They say it’s made with a special aphrodisiac that makes anyone it touches immediately honest about their base instincts. Basically, no matter how stubborn a ‘tsun’ someone is, one spritz of this and they’re a goner.”
”–Hey, everyone! Sorry I’m late!”
Perfect timing. Aqua-sama just walked back in. I gave a quick spritz of the perfume onto Ayana-chan, who just happened to be standing there.
”Nn…” Ayana-chan let out a small sound.
The Perfumer said one pump was enough, but let’s go ahead and give it two more just for good measure.
”Hm? Ayana, what’s wrong? Your face is all red…” Aqua-sama asked.
”…Aqua,” she whispered.
With a flushed face and ragged breath, Ayana-chan slumped her body against Aqua-sama’s chest.
Whoa, boy… something’s definitely up.
”Hey, Aqua. Looking at everyone’s babies over New Year’s… it kind of made me want a baby too…”
”Eeeeh!?” Aqua-sama yelped.
Ayana-chan traced her index finger across Aqua-sama’s chest.
Damn, that’s s*xy… She’s like a professional adult actress…
”So… let’s make a baby right now,” Ayana-chan said.
”I-I’ll do it!” Aqua-sama replied.
UOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!?
Ayana-chan wrapped her arms around the back of Aqua-sama’s neck and started peppering his face with kisses.
”Well, that’s how it is! Kanon, Emily, Kohina-senpai, I’m leaving the rest to you!”
Aqua-sama got a look of grim determination, scooped Ayana-chan up in a princess carry, and marched back the way he came.
D-damn. That smart-idiot of ours actually managed to invent a modern-day love potion…
I glanced at the fine print on the back of the perfume.
[※Caution: Effects vary by individual. Under normal circumstances, it only provides a slightly ‘naughty’ mood.]
Wait, what? Does that mean it’s just a placebo effect, like with Aqtoa or Toa-kua?
…I decided I hadn’t seen anything and handed the bottle to Kohina-senpai.
”I absolutely do not want this, but if you or Aku-pon-tan get ahold of it, you’ll just cause trouble. I’m keeping this for safekeeping,” Kohina-senpai said.
She stuffed the perfume into her kimono sleeve.
Someone was watching from a distance-Maron-san, who had just pulled the ‘Great Erotic’ luck earlier.
”Maron-senpai, are you jealous~?” Fran-chan asked.
”F-Fran!?” Maron-san stammered.
Maron-san looked flustered as Fran-chan glommed onto her from behind.
Ara ara~? Could the scent of the perfume have wafted all the way over there!?
”Come on, Maron-senpai, let’s go too! Okay?” Fran-chan urged.
”W-wait! Fran, you can’t go interrupting them!” Maron-san cried.
As Fran-chan chased after Aqua-sama and Ayana-chan, Maron-san ran after her to stop her.
Aqua-sama… good luck!! I offered a prayer to the God of Love, who was currently foaming at the mouth on the stretcher.
”Alright, everyone else, keep ’em coming! Pull your fortunes!” I shouted.
Everyone started pulling slips with trepidation.
”Hey, Kanon. Hurry up and pull yours too.”
I kept shoving the box against Kanon’s chest, using the opportunity for some perfectly “legal” harassment.
”Okay, okay! I get it! You don’t have to push so hard!” Kanon cried.
Kanon hugged her chest with both arms and pouted, puffing out her cheeks.
Tsk! I bet that’s the same look she gives Aqua-sama when she’s begging for it in bed! What a lewd woman!!
”Ah!”
Kanon pulled her slip and thrust it in my face with her chest puffed out.
”U-Ultimate-Super-Great-Luck!?” I stammered.
Does a fortune like that even exist in this world…?
Kuh! I wish I could have just a tiny bit of that luck for myself.
I read the contents of Kanon’s fortune.
[Wishes: I am a woman loved by destiny; my wishes will always come true!!]
[Health: Destiny itself will protect you.]
[Conflicts: A guaranteed ‘Great Victory.’ Yes, you too-Tashinami-chan Great Victory!!]
[Childbirth: You will bear a child guided by fate. They will likely grow up to be a denizen of the Bulletin Boards.]
[Union (Matchmaking): You are bound by the red thread of fate.]
[Business: Everything will go perfectly. Why? Because I am loved by destiny!!]
[Lost Items: The underwear you lost is being held by either S.A-san or Y.E-san.]
[The Awaited One: Try going to meet them yourself for a change.]
[Lucky Direction: Just go wherever destiny leads you!]
[Academics: Work hard on your ‘naughty’ studies too!!]
[Travel: Wherever you visit shall become a land of destiny.]
”Pff, it’s just a joke fortune!!” I laughed.
As I was doubling over laughing, Kanon’s eyes went wide as she read the slip.
”What is this!?” she cried.
I patted Kanon on the shoulder while trying to hold back my snickering.
”Look, it’s the perfect prize for you. Go ahead and etch your destiny into this notebook.”
”What’s this? ‘Hakuryuu-sensei’s Notebook of Cringey Dark History’…? Huh? Published by Convex-Chest Publishing? You’ve gotta be kidding… they made this already?” Kanon asked, bewildered.
Man, that old lady selling canes who I commissioned for these fortunes is something else.
Every single one is ending up exactly where it belongs.
I kept the line moving.
”Alright, that’s everyone, right? If you didn’t get a prize, speak up!”
I checked inside the box.
Hm? There’s one left.
”Emily-senpai, you should pull that one,” Kanon said, still pouting.
Fine, fine. I guess I’ll pull it.
I pulled the last slip while everyone watched.
[Dai-kichi?⁵]
”Alright! Dai-kichi! …Wait, what’s with the question mark at the end?”
I scanned the contents.
[Wishes: You are a woman who can grant the wishes of others. Stand tall.]
[Health: Don’t push yourself; make sure to rest. Power!]
[Conflicts: If you tease your friends too much, they’ll stop talking to you.]
[Childbirth: There will be trouble during the birth. However, the baby will be born safely.]
[Union (Matchmaking): You share an unbreakable bond with the God of Poverty.]
[Business: Stop dreaming of getting rich quick through gambling. Stick to the straight and narrow.]
[Lost Items: ‘Money’ is spelled ‘m-o-n-e-y’ but it’s pronounced ‘fleeting.’ That is why people never stop chasing it.]
[The Awaited One: There are many troubled people waiting for you.]
[Lucky Direction: They are in every direction. You cannot escape.]
[Academics: Study hard for the sake of your scholarship.]
[Travel: You can’t afford it.]
Sob… sob…
Is it even possible for a fortune to be this depressing!?
I let Kanon, Nee-san, and Kaede-paisen comfort me.
Heh heh… getting a face-full of Tashinami’s bbs in all the commotion has me feeling much better.
”Alright, let’s finish up with a group prayer!!” I shouted.
We all put our hands together and prayed to the God of Power.
May everyone stay healthy and safe for the coming year. POWER!!
—
Summary:
The group participates in a New Year’s fortune-pulling event with custom-made slips. The protagonist tests a ‘dere-inducing’ perfume on Ayana-chan, leading to a chaotic scene where she tries to seduce Aqua-sama on the spot. Finally, Kanon pulls a legendary luck fortune while the protagonist pulls a hilariously depressing one.
Emily organizes a New Year’s fortune-drawing event at her newly constructed ‘Power Shrine.’ She tricks Kaede into taking responsibility for the shrine while giving out lewd gifts to her companions based on their luck. The chapter ends with the start of Kohina-paisen’s turn.
—
Trivia:
- The ‘Tsun-kichi’ rank is a pun on standard fortune ranks.
- The ‘God of Love’ is actually Hakuryuu-sensei passed out on a stretcher.
- The perfume is hinted to be a placebo effect for those already harboring feelings.
- Convex-Chest Publishing is a meta-reference to the character’s physical traits.
- The protagonist pulls the ‘Dai-kichi?’ fortune which turns out to be about being poor.
- Emily is broke because she donates all her money to charity spontaneously.
- The Saint Guards are actually Emily’s loyalists infiltrated from the Holy Aqua Religion.
- Kaede gave birth just a few hours prior to this scene.
- The fortune box is made of tungsten specifically to withstand Kaede’s strength.
- The eggplant gift is a high-quality product from ‘Saint Farmer.
—
Character Insight:
Ayana-chan’s repressed desires are brought to the surface, showing her deep affection for Aqua-sama. Kohina-senpai shows her protective side by taking the perfume to prevent misuse.
Emily demonstrates her skill as a manipulator and ‘chaos agent,’ managing to facilitate a group activity while indulging her own perverted interests. Kaede shows off her superhuman resilience.
—
Behind the Scenes:
The author uses ‘Nano’ and ‘Dai’ (using English characters) to play with the character names and traditional fortune ranks.
The ‘Power Religion’ is a parody of fanatical sects often found in isekai/light novels, centered entirely around physical strength.
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TL Notes:
Please bookmark this series and rate ☆☆☆☆☆ on here!
Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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