Volume 13 Chapter 402 Shirogane Aqua’s Room
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Since Kaede was taking a break from the late-night recording right after giving birth, I ended up appearing on Morikawa Kaede no Heya together with Kohina-senpai¹. After the usual goofy opening theme, I stepped out and gave the audience in front of the stage an apologetic look.
”Good evening, everyone! I’m Shirogane Aqua from BERYL. Now, I actually have some sad news for everyone here in the seats and watching at home… Kohina Yukari-san², who was supposed to be on the show with me today, caught a cold. To prevent any further infection, she couldn’t come to the studio for the recording. So, for today’s show, it’s just me!” Aqua said.
For some reason, a massive round of applause and cheering erupted from the audience. Wait, what? Isn’t this the part where everyone is supposed to go, “Ehhhh?!”
”Um, I think if I press this button, I’ll be connected to Kohina-senpai, right?”
I looked down at the device sitting on the desk. Let’s see, I’m supposed to press button number one, right? I pressed the first button exactly as the staff explained to me beforehand.
”Hello, Kohina-senpai? It’s me, Shirogane Aqua. Can you hear me?”
”I hear you… snff…” Kohina said over the line.
Kohina-senpai, you sound incredibly stuffed up. You seemed fine when we met this morning; did it really get that much worse since then? I started to get genuinely worried.
”Kohina-senpai, you don’t have to push yourself. If it’s too much, please get some sleep,” I said.
”I’m fine. I’ve just got a nasal voice, no fever. Actually, I’ve slept so much I can’t close my eyes… honnnnk!” Kohina replied.
Kohina-senpai, I know it’s a lot to ask, but please at least mute your mic before you blow your nose. At this rate, we’re going to be broadcasting your “daily life sounds” into living rooms all across the country.
”By the way, Kohina-senpai, did you actually eat lunch? If you take your medicine on an empty stomach, you’re going to ruin your digestion! Also, don’t get lazy about staying hydrated!” I said.
”I know that without you telling me! What are you, my mother?!” Kohina snapped.
She says that, but the last time she had a cold, she got lazy and just popped the pills. I decided I’d need to check in with the maids who were looking after her later to get the full story. I pressed the button to temporarily cut the call with Kohina-senpai.
”Anyway, putting Kohina-senpai aside for a moment, let’s move on to our usual segment.”
I looked at the cards placed on the table in front of me. Ah, since Kohina-senpai is out today, the cards are face down so I can’t see the topics. I picked one and read the words written on it.
”Let’s see… ‘Regarding the recent Morikawa Kaede-san.’”
Laughter and applause broke out from the audience. I see, they want me to tell a story about Kaede, huh? I looked over at the staff member in the front row holding the cue cards, and they had a mischievous smirk on their face.
”Actually, before I tell this story, I have to talk about mine and Kaede’s child, Satsuki… Even though Satsuki is only a month old, she can already hold her head up perfectly.”
”Ehhhhh?!” the audience cried out in unison.
It was no wonder they were surprised. Normally, a baby’s neck doesn’t get that stable until they’re three or four months old. In fact, Kanoa-my child with Kanon-and Anon’s baby only started holding their heads up this past January. Of course, Kotoha, my child with Kotono, can’t do it yet either. Despite that, Satsuki is already stable, and if anything, she looks like she’s about to start crawling… Tamamo-sensei, the doctor, even said with a serious face, “This child might be gifted. Oh, not in the intellectual sense, I mean she’s a physical elite. So, don’t be shocked if she suddenly starts walking on two legs.”
”So, anyway, Kaede figured that since her neck was stable, it would be fine to play ‘airplane’³ and toss her up. But then Satsuki slipped right out of her hands and really took flight… Ah, I managed to use my super-reflexes to catch her gently, don’t worry. But my life seriously flashed before my eyes in that moment. Though, my daughter Satsuki seemed to absolutely love it…”
”Hahaha…” the audience laughed awkwardly.
Yeah, that’s the kind of reaction I expected. I’ve banned Kaede from tossing her since then, but Satsuki seemed a little grumpy about it while she was nursing. I pressed button number one on the table again.
”And that’s what happened. Kohina-senpai, what do you think?” I asked.
”What do I think? Satsuki-chan⁴ was already crawling normally this morning. For a second, I thought I was hallucinating because of my fever… srrrp…” Kohina said.
”Whaaa?!” I stared at the console, eyes and mouth wide open in shock.
You’re kidding, right?! Is that even possible? I mean, I heard she could crawl any day now, but that is clearly not normal.
”Uh, I can’t even keep up with how fast Satsuki is growing.”
A massive stir ran through the crowd, followed by the sound of wry laughter. The other day, when Ako-san told me with a straight face that Satsuki had received contract offers from a soccer club in Barcelona and a ball team in LA, I laughed it off as a joke. Was that… was that actually for real?
”Since you and Kaede aren’t growing at all, maybe you should learn a thing or two from Satsuki-chan?” Kohina remarked.
”I mean, you’re not wrong,” I replied.
Giggles leaked out from the audience at my comeback. They say children grow up watching their parents, but the reverse is true too. Parents have to grow by watching their children. Even if Satsuki is a special case, seeing a child work so hard to grow every day makes me feel like I can’t afford to lose either. I pressed the button to end the call with Kohina-senpai and turned a serious face toward the camera.
”Kanon, are you watching? Just so you know, you don’t need to change at all. Just stay exactly the way you are, forever!”
A huge roar of laughter came back from the audience. Hey, staff members, don’t you start laughing too!
”Well then, let’s draw the next card.”
I pulled a new card and read the text.
”Let’s see… ‘Regarding the fact that playing Shogun⁵ has become a trend lately.’”
Oh, right. Speaking of that, the other day I walked into the living room and Kanon was shouting “Seibai!”⁶ at the top of her lungs. When she realized I was watching, her face turned bright red from embarrassment.
”I see, so everyone’s doing this, huh?”
I stood up from the sofa and struck the signature pose I showed off in the first episode.
”Kyaaaaaa!” the girls in the audience shrieked.
I felt a little bashful at the high-pitched cheers. Thanks to everyone, it seems the Shogun drama has some incredible ratings, and apparently, it’s even starting to go viral overseas through word of mouth. I pressed button number one to call Kohina-senpai back.
”Kohina-senpai, they say playing Shogun is really popular. You’re playing the Shogun yourself, so how does it feel?” I asked.
”Well, the world sees the Shogun as a fool, but they’are actually sharp and highly capable. Playing a character with two sides like that is actually a lot of fun as an actor,” Kohina said.
Yeah, I think I get that. I’d love to try playing a character with a bit of a quirk like the Shogun, or maybe something comical.
”Speaking of which, about that scene from the other day… weren’t you acting a bit too cool?” Kohina asked.
”Eh?”
Which scene? The first thing that came to mind was the recent broadcast where my character, Touya, hugged the lost Ichiya played by Kukuri-chan⁷.
”For the viewers, that was the right answer. Everyone wants to see Touya being cool, and they want to see you being cool. But in that moment, shouldn’t you have shown a bit more hesitation? Ichiya-chan is your master, after all. Even after the hug, wouldn’t there be more conflict as a retainer?” Kohina explained.
”You’re right…!”
In the scene where Touya hugs Ichiya-chan, only my back is on camera. What Kohina-senpai meant was that while being the “cool Touya” is fine to reassure Ichiya, I should have conveyed the complex emotions of a servant through my posture afterward.
”Honestly, between you, Emily-chan⁸, and Mikuni, you all rely on your good looks way too much. Especially you and Emily-chan-you’re so good at expressions that you try to do everything with your face, don’t you? I’m sure that’s what the directors want, but that’s exactly why you shouldn’t waste the rare scenes where your face isn’t on screen. Think about it more. Although, the bit right before the hug was good. Anyway, sorry. My nose is running again, so I’m gonna blow it.”
With that, Kohina-senpai unilaterally cut the call. Yeah, she’s right. But there’s just one thing I can’t get on board with.
”Kohina-senpai, this is a national broadcast! If you’re going to give me useful advice, please do it behind the scenes!” I yelled at the console.
A huge burst of laughter erupted from the seats. Since some people might take that as a public scolding, I had to follow up properly. Usually, Kohina-senpai wouldn’t say stuff like that in public; she really must be out of it because of her cold. The fact that she actually gave me the answer instead of making me figure it out is proof enough. Deciding I couldn’t push her any further, I caught the eye of a staff member. They held up a cue card.
[Next, please press one of the other buttons.]
Wait, are the other numbers connected to people too? This makes me nervous… I flipped the next card and read it.
”Regarding the fact that Sayamu Inko-san⁹ finally cleared that Otome Game.”
I saw that and slowly stood up, smoothing out the wrinkles in my jacket.
”Sayamu Inko-san… On behalf of the game company that messed up and the production staff, let me offer my personal thanks. Congratulations on finally beating that game!”
As I clapped my hands, a massive wave of applause rose from the audience. Man, Inko-san is really loved by everyone.
I smiled as I watched the scene unfold.
”Wait, hasn’t the Real Otome Game started yet?” a fan asked from the audience.
I blinked in surprise at the question. Typical for Morikawa Kaede’s room. Things happen here that would never fly at other recordings. If Kaede and the staff are free spirits, the hardcore fans who come to watch are just as wild. But honestly, that’s the best part of this show.
”Oh, it’s definitely started,” I said. “This ‘Real Otome Game’ with me, anyway.”
”KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!” the crowd screamed.
A deafening roar erupted from the stands, followed by even more thunderous applause than before. Inko-san is truly loved, isn’t she?
”Inko-chan! Where are you guys going on your date?!” another fan shouted.
I let out a short laugh at the question. This show is something else. I really feel like I’ve come home to Morikawa Kaede’s room.
”Of course we’re dating inside the game,” I replied. “I can’t mention the title because of the sponsors, but we were just playing together the other day, weren’t we?”
Just recently, Inko-san and I had done a sponsored stream¹⁰ together for a newly released VRMMORPG. Come to think of it, I wonder how Rinon-san is doing? We met in that game, and she was an absolute beast at it, but she had these little moments that totally made my heart skip a beat. I was a bit bummed to hear she was a married woman, but I’m sure her husband is a happy man.
”It’s supposed to be ‘real,’ so quit the gaming and go on a real date!” a fan yelled.
”And that was a sponsored gig! At least date during a personal stream!!” another added.
Classic Morikawa Kaede’s room. The heckling¹¹ from the audience is razor-sharp. Seeking a lifeline, I pressed the button labeled ‘2’ as the cue card instructed.
”Hello, this is Shirogane Aqua. Excuse me, but who am I speaking with?” Aqua asked.
”It’s me, Aqua-kun!” a voice replied.
Ah, that voice and that attitude-it’s Inko-san, the one we were just talking about! The audience erupted in excitement.
”If everyone’s gonna talk like that, Aqua-kun, why don’t we just have a date right here?” Inko asked.
”I don’t mind,” I said.
A massive round of applause broke out as the audience listened to our exchange.
”But what do we even do for a date here? Want to play the ‘I Love You’ game¹²?” I asked.
”Wait a sec, Aqua-kun! What the heck is the ‘I Love You’ game?!” Inko asked.
Oh, right. I guess they don’t have that game in this world. The ‘I Love You’ game is where a guy and a girl face off and take turns telling each other ‘I love you.’ The first one to get flustered, look away, or stumble over their words loses. The winner gets a prize of some sort. When I explained the rules, the audience let out a collective shriek.
”Wait, hold on, everyone! I’ve totally got this in the bag! You can’t even see my face right now!” Inko said confidently.
As Inko declared her victory, a panel with a massive monitor was rolled out from the wings of the stage. I realized exactly what was happening. Sure enough, as soon as a staff member flipped the switch, a life-sized Inko-san appeared on the screen. The staff at Morikawa Kaede’s room are pros. They’re just as well-prepared as the crew over at ‘Berry-Berry.’
”Whoa, wait a minute! I was wondering what that camera was for-you guys set me up!” Inko yelled.
The audience laughed as they watched Inko panic.
”Well then, let’s get started, Inko-san,” I said.
”Wait! Seriously, hang on! Let me take a deep breath! In… out… in… out… Okay! I’m ready! Let’s do this!” Inko said.
I hope she’s actually okay. I stood in front of the panel, tidied my hair, and stared straight into Inko-san’s eyes.
”Inko-san… I love you,” I said softly.
”ーー!?”
Inko-san immediately looked away, choking on her breath. Come on, Inko-san. That was way too fast!
”Hold on! This is totally unfair! I’m the only one who has to look at the real Aqua-kun’s face!” Inko protested.
”Ah, so you finally noticed?” I asked.
I put on a mock-disappointed face, drawing more laughter from the crowd. In this game, there was no way for me to lose when I couldn’t even see a real face. I was hoping she would’ve caught on a bit sooner.
”That doesn’t count! That was just a practice run! And since I’m at a disadvantage, at least let me go first!!” Inko demanded.
”Fine by me,” I replied.
We reset the game and locked eyes once more.
”Aqua-kun… I love you,” Inko said.
I was about to nod in response, but right then, someone caught the corner of my eye. My reflexes-honed by my masters-kick in, and I instinctively glanced toward them.
”Yes! I won!!” Inko shouted.
The audience gave Inko a huge round of applause. Dammit! My own reflexes and danger-sensing abilities worked against me. A loss is a loss, though. But seriously, who was that? It wasn’t an actual ghost, was it?! While I was busy worrying, a familiar voice drifted from the other side of the screen.
”Sniffle… Inko, you got any tissues? I just ran out…” a voice asked.
”Wait! Yukari, you okay?! Here, take mine! Take as many as you need!” Inko replied.
Kohina-senpai… was she serious just now? Or did she do that on purpose to let Inko-san win? Knowing Kohina-senpai, either was possible. A moment later, Inko-san returned to the screen.
”So, Inko-san. What would you like for your prize?” I asked.
”It’s gotta be ‘the thing,’ right? A kiss! Hey, you guys wanna see a kiss scene, don’t you?!” Inko shouted to the crowd.
The audience went wild at Inko’s suggestion.
”KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!” the crowd chanted.
Wait, even the staff members are joining in?! Good grief. I’m only doing this because it’s you, Inko. Don’t start making unreasonable demands like this of anyone else.
”Alright then. I’m going to kiss you, Inko,” I said.
”Ah, okay…” Inko muttered.
The Inko-san on the screen took on a face as if she were waiting for a kiss. I leaned in, gripped the sides of the panel, and gently kissed Inko-san on the lips through the screen. At that moment, the audience let out a sound that was less of a cheer and more of a scream. When I finished, I turned back toward the camera.
”I could really feel the warmth of Inko-san’s lips,” I said.
”Aqua-kun, that wasn’t me! That was just the monitor heating up!!” Inko yelled.
The audience doubled over in laughter at our exchange. Even the staff were losing it. The guy in charge of the cue cards was cracking up, slapping the cards against his leg. I’m pretty sure all that noise is going to be picked up by the mics! Because Inko-san and I made even the staff lose their composure, filming had to be paused for a moment.
—
Summary:
Aqua substitutes as the host of Morikawa Kaede’s show while Kohina Yukari joins via phone while sick. Aqua shares a terrifying yet funny story about their daughter Satsuki’s freakish physical growth and nearly being dropped by Kaede. The segment ends with a discussion on Aqua’s popular drama and a congratulatory message to a gaming VTuber/idol.
Shirogane Aqua guests on a free-spirited variety show where he interacts with a virtual/remote Inko-san. They engage the audience by playing the ‘I Love You’ game, which leads to a comedic ‘kiss’ through a monitor. The segment ends in chaos as the staff and audience lose their composure.
—
Trivia:
- Satsuki is only one month old but has the physical capabilities of a 4-month-old.
- The ‘Taiga’ drama Aqua stars in is a massive hit domestically and internationally.
- Aqua’s parenting style involves managing several children from different mothers (Kaede, Kanon, Kotono, etc.) simultaneously.
- Kohina Yukari rarely gives direct acting advice in public, indicating her illness has lowered her usual guard.
- Sayamu Inko is a character who has been struggling with a notoriously buggy or difficult Otome game for a long time.
- Aqua has been trained to have superhuman reflexes and danger-sensing abilities.
- The ‘I Love You’ game is a meta-import Aqua brought from his original world.
- Inko-san’s Kansai dialect is a key part of her ‘tsukkomi’ (straight man) role.
- The ‘Berry-Berry’ staff are another group known for being well-prepared in this universe.
- The monitor literally overheated from the ‘kiss’ stunt
—
Character Insight:
Aqua shows his growth as an entertainer by handling a live solo broadcast with ease, while his ‘papa’ instincts are clearly on high alert due to Satsuki’s ‘physical elite’ status. Kohina shows a softer, more mentoring side despite her gruff, sick exterior.
Aqua displays his ‘Ikemen’ (cool guy) persona to manipulate the game, but his own physical training (reflexes) ironically causes him to lose. Inko-san shows her vulnerability to Aqua’s direct flirting despite her loud exterior.
—
Behind the Scenes:
The ‘Taiga’ drama (Taiga Drama) is a real-world Japanese TV staple—long-running historical epics usually produced by NHK.
The author uses this chapter to showcase the ‘meta’ humor of the series, blending otome game tropes with real-world streamer/variety show culture.
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TL Notes:
Notes:
• Inko – Vtuber from ‘Generation of Ruin’ (Nightmare Generation)—Beryl’s shut-in gamer idol with self-deprecating high-energy personality, stupidly huge tits, long skirt, and hair transformed into braided pigtails for the date. Former baseball club member in youth. Usually messy long haired ponytail.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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