Chapter 19 A Smile
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
—‘Rip. Tch-tch.’
Another night, another round of what the Voice calls “experience grinding”—a euphemism for the murders it forces me to commit. When it’s done, I peel the skin from a face only to bait the dead one’s friends. The leather slips under my fingers, warm and wrong.
I sneak out of the academy almost every night, as the Voice demands. No one’s noticed yet. Maybe that’s because there’s no roommate left to notice, after what I did to Riza. I still regret what I did to Riza; the Voice keeps praising my “foresight” as if that makes the guilt any less overwhelming. The distance between us, and the knowledge of what I’ve done, makes me sick.
— Title acquired: Leatherworker.
— Skill acquired: Leatherworking.
”Oh, I figured this would pop soon. At last, a Leatherworker,” the Voice purrs.
I don’t think. I just follow the Voice’s instructions, mutilating the body until my gaze drops and locks with a naked eyeball staring back. A stray thought drifts through my numbed mind: Even human skin can be used for leatherworking.
‘Eventually you’ll need to craft your own gear. Banking the experience now? Delicious,’ the Voice adds, its tone almost gleeful.
Five more kills to go, I count. That’s… a lot.
* * *
”You look awful.”
”…I know.”
Haruka says it the moment we meet, and I have nothing clever ready. Ignoring him would be worse, so what slips out is flat, thin, and barely human. I didn’t sleep a minute last night. I emptied my stomach, then couldn’t eat, so I skipped breakfast. Of course my face is something people comment on—Cliff did, Lucia did, even Gerald fussed. I pull my knees up and sit, thinking bitter thoughts about everyone who’s commented on my appearance, because it’s easier than confronting my own guilt and exhaustion.
”I heard there was another killing last night. Be careful.”
”Mm… yeah.”
”With that face, you won’t react fast if someone jumps you.”
‘If I told him I was the one committing the murders, what would his reaction be? Would that ease the knot of guilt in my chest?’
‘No. The Voice has ordered me to get along with him. I have no choice but to obey.’
”Hey, why are you—… never mind.”
”…Okay.”
If he wants to ask something, he should just ask. But his not asking means he isn’t used to me yet. Which means we aren’t “close,” just like the Voice complains. Problem. The academy tournament is approaching, and the Voice insists I must raise ‘flags’—whatever that entails—by then. Less than a month remains.
Silence folds over us, heavy and wrong.
‘Thirsty…? No?’ the Voice prompts, unhelpfully.
”Uh, to—today…”
”Hm?”
”…the weather’s… nice.”
”…Yeah.”
‘Hopeless, it seems,’ the Voice sighs.
How do people form friendships? I’ve spent years isolating myself, never learning how to connect with others. What do normal people talk about? How do they initiate conversations? I have no idea.
”You don’t have to force it,” Haruka says, softer. “Talking, I mean.”
”….”
”Honestly, since you’ve been around, people mess with me less. I’m… grateful.”
”Really?”
”Really.”
‘Really,’ the Voice echoes, smug.
Right. No one dares to pick a fight with the girl who once brutally defeated his bullies, even if she is sitting beside him. I worry that being seen with me will further damage his reputation, but if he genuinely feels grateful… maybe that’s enough. Maybe.
”But even so, I still don’t trust you.”
”….”
”If you just wanted someone to talk to, you wouldn’t choose me—a half-demon, someone people love to hate.”
Of course he’s wary. The Voice has its reasons for pushing me toward him, and I obey because my survival depends on it. I don’t want him to get hurt, but ultimately, I prioritize my own safety. Always me. It sounds selfish when I say it out loud.
”But still—” He raises his voice, and I finally lift my eyes.
”Still, you’re not like the rumors. You’re… kind of normal, actually. Fragile, even. You don’t need to be that on guard around me.”
”Fragile?”
‘Normal. Me?’ I know I’m curt, hard to like, but what do I look like from where he’s sitting? Most people—besides anomalies like Cliff and Lucia—avoid me like a curse. I can only remember losing it in front of him once, at our first meeting when the Voice’s malice choked me.
”It’s just… every time people give you that look, you flinch. Your face—” He shakes his head. “You wear the hurt right there.”
I touch my cheek without thinking. Do I really show it that plainly?
”Anyway, watching someone who jumps at every stray glance… it felt stupid to keep treating you like a threat. I mean—uh.”
”What are you trying to say?” I ask, quiet.
Depending on his response, the Voice might punish me or even abandon me. I don’t know what it would drive me to do in retaliation. I wait, tense, hiding the tremor in my hands.
”If you ever need help, just say so,” he blurts. “I owe you. I can pay some of it back.”
‘A rare moment of vulnerability from the cheeky boy,’ the Voice observes, sounding almost pleased.
I blink. I hadn’t imagined Haruka thinking anything like that.
”For someone shorter than me, you’re pretty cocky,” I murmur.
”What—hey!”
It’s ridiculous, but even now I’m happy to trade something so ordinary. The kindness catches me off guard; my eyes sting. I press my face to my knees so he won’t see my tears. If I cry out of nowhere, he’ll think I’m strange. And he wouldn’t be wrong.
”I was trying to cheer you up because you looked miserable!” he grumbles at my side while I breathe through it. The complaint makes me almost laugh.
”Thanks,” I say, turning a little toward him, letting the words be honest.
”…oh.”
It’s the first genuine smile I’ve managed in a long time—small, but real. It lingers, fragile as a candle flame, and momentarily warms the air between us.
Notes:
• –
• Riza – A female student and Reina’s assigned roommate, initially confident and outgoing, but brutally assaulted and mentally broken by Reina under the voice’s control.
• Cliff – Son of First-Class Knight Lilia. Practices Flame God Style. Obsessed with defeating strong opponents, especially Reina Alcott after a humiliating loss.
• Lucia – A female classmate of Reina with the (Regeneration) blessing, a power of immense value, unaware of the world government’s interest in her abilities.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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