Volume 3 Chapter 163 Kian Will Never Give It To Anyone
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”I want Kian to be happy,” Sarah murmured, her voice low and trembling. “I love him… and if I could, I’d stay by his side forever. Lately, I really thought he felt the same. But… maybe I was wrong.”
She lowered her gaze, fingers tightening around the edge of her skirt.
”The reason he got angry was because I opposed killing Demete. That was the trigger. But after that, he asked me—if I had to choose between Sir Umar or him. That… that was probably the real spark.”
Her lips curved into a bitter smile.
”He’s known about my bond with Sir Umar for a long time. And even though he was the only one left out, I kept acting like everything was fine. I pretended nothing was wrong. All that time… he must’ve been bottling it up.”
She paused, her hands trembling on her lap.
”And now… it all exploded.”
It was late afternoon in the quiet room of an inn. Warm light streamed through the open window, brushing the wooden floor with a soft gold glow. The scent of tea drifted in the air.
Across from her, Linca was preparing tea with calm hands, her movements smooth and practiced. She didn’t say anything, only listened.
Sarah’s thoughts were scattered, spilling out like water from a cracked jar.
She had been bathed countless times by servants—but never like that. Never by someone like Linca. A woman once known for her cruelty, the one who had taken joy in tormenting Kian, was now gently washing Sarah’s back and hair, her touch surprisingly tender, almost reverent.
Kian was better at washing hair—his big hands, so steady and strong, made her feel safe. But when it came to washing the body… Linca was unmatched.
As Linca’s fingers worked away the tension in her shoulders, Sarah’s guarded heart had begun to loosen without her even realizing.
Even though she had been manipulated once before—by Sir Umar, back when she was too young to understand what was being taken from her—it felt like nothing had changed. She thought she’d become wiser… but maybe she was still just as weak.
In the end, she had shown Linca all her vulnerabilities. Just like that.
”I’ve hurt Sir Umar too…” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “He was always kind to me. Kinder than my own father. He treated me like his real daughter. But I… I used that forbidden technique on him fifteen years ago. And now, when he was at his weakest, when he begged me for help… I turned away.”
Her fists clenched tighter.
”And Demete… someone who stayed loyal to him until the very end… I killed him too.”
Her eyes dropped to her hands on the table. They were shaking slightly.
She remembered the classroom, the way Sir Umar had guided her through constructing golem circuits. She had been so clumsy back then, fumbling through every step. He would laugh softly, saying she was even slower than Jibril, but never once gave up on her.
He had placed his large hand over hers, carefully showing her the way.
That warmth still lingered.
And the smile he gave her—pure and proud—when her first golem finally moved.
”Sir Umar really meant to adopt me as his daughter,” she said, more to herself than anyone else. “After he exiled Kian, he even approved my engagement to Sir Jibril. But… I couldn’t accept it. After that, I closed off my heart. I threw myself into my role as a warrior monk. I focused everything on the Nakash family.”
”────”
Across the table, Linca remained silent. She lifted her teacup with a blank expression and took a slow sip.
Sarah, sitting stiffly, clenched her fists once more.
”────”
”…That’s everything I wanted to say,” she muttered.
When she looked up, Linca was watching her, head tilted slightly, as if trying to decipher her.
”You heard all that… right?” Sarah asked hesitantly.
”I did,” Linca replied, setting the cup down with a soft clink. “In short, you love Sir Kian more than anyone, but you also care about Sir Umar… and you tried to save them both, but ended up losing them. Is that it?”
”Y-Yeah… it sounds oversimplified, but that’s about right.”
Linca narrowed her eyes, her tone turning cold.
”That just sounds like you cheated on Sir Kian—with Sir Umar and Sir Kian.”
”What…?”
Sarah’s eyes widened.
”Cheated? Me? With who and who?”
”With Sir Umar and Sir Kian,” Linca said plainly.
”No, that’s not what it was with Sir Umar! That relationship was like… like a father and daughter. Kian was my first. I’ve never been with anyone else, and I don’t plan to. I only want Kian.”
Sir Umar… he had suffered deeply. Abused by his own mother as a child, degraded in ways too cruel to speak aloud. He grew up broken, twisted by pain. And yet, he never once looked at Sarah in that way. Nor could she see him as anything other than a guardian.
The only time she ever truly recognized a man—not just a figure, but a man—was when she reunited with Kian.
That night, when he held her, mind and body entwined… she knew there was no one else she could ever accept.
Her beliefs about chastity, her body, her soul—everything belonged to him now.
If someone else ever tried to touch her that way… she would rather die.
”Still, physical intimacy matters in relationships,” Linca said, resting her chin on her hand. “It’s probably worth… sixty points out of a hundred on the marriage scale. If you’re using Western Common Language, at least speak like it.”
Marriage points? What even was that? Sixty percent? That was way too much weight…
”But Ms. Sarah, in the end, you tried to have both… and ended up with neither,” Linca said flatly.
”────”
She wiped the faint red mark on her teacup with a pale finger.
”Sir Kian wanted your heart to belong to him alone. And Sir Umar… he wanted a daughter who’d never leave his side. But to Kian, you kept looking at the man he hates most. And to Umar, the daughter he loved gave herself completely to the man he despises.”
Linca’s voice was calm, detached.
”That’s why… I believe Sir Umar feels murderous rage toward Sir Kian now. And the moment you chose to stand beside Sir Kian—openly and clearly—he was added to Umar’s ‘absolute kill list.’”
”Absolute kill… you mean even after what happened to Demete?”
”No.”
”────”
”You still don’t see it, do you?” Linca said. “You’re trapped in your own sense of values. You think, ‘He wouldn’t hurt his own child.’ But look at his past, look at the way he treated Kian. Look where he came from. If you truly see all that… then you should already feel the danger.”
”But that’s just your opinion,” Sarah replied. “You’re trying to force your thoughts onto me. I’m not as naive as Kian.”
”That’s it,” Linca said sharply. “You don’t understand Sir Kian at all.”
”…Huh?”
”He’s not soft. He’s not gentle. He can be cold, ruthless—even terrifying—when it comes to his goals. That’s why Sir Jibril respects him. That’s why Sir Umar exiled him. As an enemy… he’s frightening.”
”I don’t get it… what are you trying to say?”
”You do get it,” Linca said. “You just don’t want to. You saw it yesterday. That side of him. But you turned away. You only want to look at the Kian you remember… and ignore everything else.”
She leaned back, speaking as if delivering a simple fact.
”And that’s why… you still can’t truly understand him.”
The words hit Sarah harder than she expected.
Linca—the woman who had once clung to Jibril’s shadow—was now speaking like someone who saw clearly.
But Sarah was Kian’s fiancée. His only childhood friend.
She should know him better than anyone.
…Yet, when she remembered his cold eyes from yesterday, her words died in her throat.
”If I were to analyze the twisted triangle between you, Sir Kian, and Sir Umar,” Linca said, her voice dry, “that’s how I’d see it. Though I admit… it’s just my personal take.”
”No… thank you,” Sarah replied softly.
Linca’s words had shaken her, stirred something deep inside.
Even so, Sarah still didn’t know what choice she should make.
Since she had already taken Demete’s life, only Umar remained.
Because if she didn’t, he would kill Kian and Sarah.
Even so, the thought of staying by Kian’s side clouded her heart with doubt.
No… she could do it. But she was afraid her heart wouldn’t survive it.
To be treated that way by Kian—it hurt more than she could explain.
Being scolded like a dog… somehow, that had felt good. But that gaze… that look in his eyes… it was something she couldn’t accept.
If someone asked how that gaze differed from the one yesterday—when he called her a bitch dog—she wouldn’t have the words to answer.
”I mean, Ms. Sarah, what do you really want to do about Sir Kian?” Linca asked, her voice gentle, but her eyes sharp.
”I want us to be close,” Sarah replied quietly.
”Really?” Linca’s eyes narrowed, watching her.
Sarah’s heart skipped. She turned her face away.
But she wouldn’t run from this.
”Don’t you want to marry Sir Kian?” Linca asked.
”…Yes, I do,” Sarah whispered. “But I also have to save the Nakash family.”
”So… that means Sir Kian is second to the Nakash family, doesn’t it?”
”That’s not—”
She loved Kian more than anyone.
She wanted to stay with him forever.
She wanted to do everything with him—have cute babies, hold their children in her arms, smile together like a family.
If Kian were doing those things with another woman while leaving her behind… the jealousy would eat her alive.
But because of the Nakash family, she couldn’t act on that love.
Marrying someone like her—someone who couldn’t choose him fully—wouldn’t be fair to Kian.
So she had no choice… she had to step back.
Watching Sarah struggle with her own heart, Linca sighed softly, eyes filled with pity.
”You know, Ms. Sarah,” Linca said, folding her hands neatly on her lap. “You’re human. You might have a stronger mind and a bigger heart than most, but you’re still human. You can’t love Sir Kian and save the Nakash family at the same time. If you want to reach the Kian who exists now… you’ll have to give up everything else. After all—I’m already standing beside him.”
Linca lifted the teapot and poured herself more tea, her movements elegant. After setting it down, she took a sip, then placed the cup back with perfect grace.
”Did you not hear me?” she said with a smile. “Sir Kian is my husband now… or to be more precise, my prey.”
She smiled as if discussing something casual, but the glint in her eyes held something dangerous.
”I plan to seduce him, you see. I’ll make him fall so deep, he won’t even look at other women. I think… he’s starving for affection. If I give it to him—if I become the only one who understands him—he’ll become my devoted knight. When that happens, he won’t belong to anyone but me.”
”Wha—wait, what are you saying!?” Sarah stood up, slamming her hand on the round table. “You—you like that disgusting man, Sir Jibril, don’t you!? You’re only using Kian to get closer to him! That’s why you’re trying to ruin everything and steal Kian away!”
”Oh my,” Linca said, tilting her head. “Is that how it looked to you? That’s unfortunate. The truth is, I want to be with Sir Kian.”
”What about Jibril!? You’ve been chasing him since childhood! You even tried to join the inner harem! The reason you’re still single at your age must be because you’ve been… physically involved with him, right?”
Linca let out a soft laugh, as if hearing something silly.
”Heh… not at all,” she said, brushing her hair back. “I don’t find a man attractive if he won’t even touch me.”
”What…!?”
”Of course, Sir Jibril is a wonderful person,” Linca continued. “He’s a noble warrior monk. Cold and ruthless—but that’s what makes him a great ruler. If I share my troubles, he listens with a kind smile. But he’ll never act. Not even once.”
Sarah stared at her, eyes wide with disbelief.
No… she was disappointed.
This woman only saw men as something to chase.
Marriage should be a bond of mutual respect. A place to share life and grow together.
In a political marriage, both sides should work toward harmony.
”Isn’t physical attraction something secondary?” Sarah said. “Shouldn’t you value a man’s heart more?”
”Ms. Sarah, would you really marry someone for their inner heart alone?” Linca asked, tilting her head gently.
”Yes. I admire Kian’s effort. I love being around him. We have so much in common.”
”Hmm… I see,” Linca said, nodding.
”I think that’s important too. I won’t deny your view on marriage,” she said softly. “But… wouldn’t that kind of relationship be more fitting for close friends, or maybe a work partner?”
She gave Sarah a cheerful smile.
”And besides… I think your values and Sir Kian’s are terribly mismatched.”
”What? That’s not true! Ever since the monastery, we’ve shared the same values. All of my preferences match his exactly!”
Linca nodded again, as if understanding.
”Hmm… maybe so. But let’s leave that part aside for now. Still, s*x is important, you know? Marriage isn’t just about talk and ideas. And for people like us, who don’t age and keep the same body… it becomes even more important.”
”Y-you can’t be serious… Choosing a man only for that is too shallow. Are you saying… you’d marry a thief just because he assaulted you and it felt good?”
Linca placed a finger to her chin, as if genuinely thinking.
”If that thief gave me what I wanted when I wanted it… had the looks I liked… if we could share pleasure together, and if our basic values weren’t completely broken, and if he had the skill to satisfy me… then, maybe,” she said softly.
”But…” she continued, her eyes turning clear and certain, “even if such a thief did exist, I wouldn’t care. Because Sir Kian is already here. He’s the one I want. He’s the only one I’ll chase.”
”Y-you’re serious…?” Sarah asked, her voice faltering.
Her hands trembled slightly, and her eyebrows dipped.
But she couldn’t understand why Linca would speak such nonsense. Linca had nothing to gain by saying things that would turn Sarah against her.
Unless… she truly meant it.
If that was the case, this wasn’t just some flirtation.
It was war.
Linca had always met Sarah head-on. Even in battle, she had never used dirty tricks. During the last fight at the temple, she didn’t try to ambush Sarah, even though that would’ve been easier. Against anyone else, Linca would have chosen a surprise attack. But not with Sarah.
Perhaps Jibril had suggested a sneak attack, but Linca had refused.
She had her own code—and she followed it.
”I mean it, Ms. Sarah,” Linca said, her voice steady. “Sir Kian saved my heart. When I was banished from Azrael and left to wander with nothing, he helped me. Even on those long, cold nights when I felt like giving up… he stayed with me. He gave me strength when I wanted to disappear.”
Linca looked up and continued without hesitation.
”And… he fits me in so many ways. The way he looks, his way of thinking, his values… I feel like we’re aligned. I’m not sure I can explain it all, but when I think of him, I feel like… maybe it’s okay.”
”Haa…”
Sarah let out a confused breath.
Linca stared at her for a moment, then smiled teasingly. Her expression shifted back to calm beauty as she said something bold.
”Also, our bodies match perfectly.”
”W-What…!?” Sarah choked, coughing in surprise.
Linca giggled softly. “I couldn’t stop thinking about him after we were together. Sir Kian is… overwhelming. The other day, he kissed me so deeply, for so long, I forgot where I was. His arms held me gently, but firmly. Even when I thought I’d lose myself, he didn’t let go. He… knew exactly how to treat me. Every touch felt like it was meant for me alone.”
”Hey! What are you saying!?” Sarah shouted, her face red.
But Linca didn’t stop.
”He made me feel wanted,” she said, her voice quiet but intense. “He didn’t rush. He took his time. Every kiss, every moment… I could feel how much he cared. I’ve never been touched like that before. It was embarrassing… but it also made me happy.”
Sarah couldn’t find the words. Her hands trembled, and her chest tightened.
She already knew that Kian and Linca had that kind of relationship. They had shared a night together… all three of them. But hearing it again, described like this, made it feel more real — and more painful.
It was like the cruel moment when a lover gets taken away. And yet, deep down, a strange heat coiled in her stomach.
”I… I couldn’t take it anymore,” Linca whispered, her face flushed. “I begged him. And he looked at me with such kindness… he didn’t need to say anything. I just knew. That he wanted me too.”
She bit her lip slightly, lowering her gaze.
”Even without anything else, he could make me feel whole. Just with his presence. Just his voice near my ear… I melted. I became a mess. I’ve never danced like that before. Not for anyone. But for him… I did.”
”Y-you’re just obsessed with lust. That’s disgusting!” Sarah snapped.
”Desire is part of love too,” Linca said, laughing lightly. “It’s not everything. But it matters.”
She smiled gently, then spoke again.
”After that, he held me close… whispering sweet things while we stayed together. For hours, he never rushed. Just held me, spoke softly, and stayed by my side. That’s why… I can’t let go of him anymore. He’s mine.”
”Kian isn’t yours,” Sarah said, her voice shaking. “He belongs to no one. His body, his heart… they’re his own.”
”That’s not the answer I wanted,” Linca said with a small sigh.
Then, her eyes turned serious.
”Ms. Sarah, you love Sir Kian. Truly. Then why are you getting distracted by everything else? If you don’t focus, I’ll take him from you. And when that happens, it’ll be too late. You’ll lose sight of what really matters — chasing some fading dream. You’ll end up alone, just another forgotten soul.”
”I’m not doing this for myself. I’m trying to restore the Nakash family. I’m not afraid of dying. Everyone’s waiting. I have to help──”
”Who said anyone needs your help?” Linca asked calmly.
”Eh… I…”
”No one said that. You’re just assuming it. Lady Talarene may have found peace in the East. Even those who pretended to be bandits are trying to start new lives. Orphans are learning how to live without Nakash. Maybe… they’ve already moved on.”
Linca looked right at Sarah.
”But you’re trying to carry everything alone. You want to gather everyone back in twenty years? Do you really think many will even come? A few, maybe. But they’ll probably be people who barely remember your face. Or strangers you’ve never met.”
”If even a few return, that’s enough,” Sarah said.
”It’s not,” Linca said firmly. “Because while you chase ghosts, you’re abandoning someone who’s standing right in front of you. How can you compare distant strangers to Sir Kian… and still push him aside?”
”────”
”Ms. Sarah. When you woke up here, what did Sir Kian do for you?”
”…Ah…”
The question hit deep. Sarah’s chest turned cold.
Kian had helped her.
Even though it brought him trouble, he gave her food, shelter, and care.
He smiled and said it was because of their old bond, even though he had every reason not to.
Back then, Sarah was the kind of woman men admired just for smiling. But Kian hadn’t changed. Even now, he was still kind… even if he acted distant and talked about contracts and duty.
He looked after her — honestly. Kindly.
But what had she given him in return?
She had divided her heart, her time, and even her feelings… giving most of it to the dream of restoring Nakash. Kian only got what little remained.
It was a cruel imbalance.
”Let’s be honest,” Linca said. “Trying to reunite Nakash’s scattered people is almost impossible. From a normal view, it’s a waste of time. But you’re doing it anyway — because you think it’s punishment for your sins.”
”────!”
”You blame yourself for what happened to Nakash. That guilt is crushing you, and now, all you do is act like you’re fixing things… when really, you’re just trying to feel better.”
”……”
”It’s all self-satisfaction,” Linca said, her voice low. “And by doing that, you’re hurting the people who actually care about you.”
”Are you saying I should abandon Nakash?” Sarah asked, though she already knew the answer.
Sarah had thought saving Nakash was her duty — something only she could do.
But in truth, no one had forced that on her.
She had chosen it herself.
In her heart, she had turned that duty into a way to punish herself.
And Linca’s words — so sharp, so different from her own thoughts — cracked that shell wide open.
It was only because they were strangers, only because Linca was someone outside her world… that she could say it like this.
Sarah’s hands trembled. Her eyes darted around as if searching for a place to escape.
Linca didn’t stop.
”You said earlier you don’t understand Sir Kian’s feelings,” she said. “That’s because your values and his are completely different. From his point of view, reviving Nakash is foolish. And from yours, the idea that someone like Umar can’t smile at Kian… it’s nonsense. You two just don’t see things the same way. But despite that, Sir Kian is trying to help you. Even without understanding you completely, he still wants to support you.”
”────”
”Can Sir Umar do that? Can Vahid family? Or Sir Jibril? They’ve all suffered too, just like Sir Kian. But the difference is… they don’t try to understand others. Not really. They can’t — or they choose not to. But Sir Kian can.”
Linca walked forward and stood in front of Sarah.
Her hands gently held Sarah’s shoulders, steady and strong.
Feeling the gentle warmth of those hands, Sarah realized something for the first time—
She had never had a true friend her own age.
Not one.
”Sir Kian might be the only one who can truly make you happy,” Linca said, her voice calm yet cutting. “Why would you throw that away, just to chase after your own comfort? Your priorities… they’re wrong. You haven’t sorted out what really matters to you. Not in your heart.”
”────Kian, I won’t let you go,” Sarah whispered, her voice trembling like something cornered.
No one had led her to say it.
That feeling came from deep inside—so deep it surprised even her.
She loved Kian.
The gentle Kian.
The one who gave everything, no matter the cost.
He always tried so hard. Even now, throwing himself between Sarah and her own ruin.
And that part of him—that unwavering kindness—was something she couldn’t let go.
”Kian isn’t someone I’ll hand over,” Sarah murmured, as if declaring it to the world.
They were opposites. She knew that.
But for some reason, they kept being pulled back to each other.
Maybe they just didn’t see the world like most people did.
If things were left to nature, they probably would’ve gone down different paths long ago.
But fate had twisted something.
Their hobbies, their values, even their bodies—everything tangled together in a way that didn’t make sense, but somehow worked.
And right now, that delicate balance had been broken.
How could they return to what they once were?
The answer was with Kian.
Always with Kian.
To truly understand someone precious to you—
You had to ask when you didn’t understand.
Fight when you couldn’t accept.
Give your all.
Because when you do…
Kian would respond in kind.
He was that kind of person.
”I like Kian,” Sarah said clearly, her eyes steady.
He wasn’t someone you gave up on.
Even if it meant losing something else—
She needed to have him.
And so, Sarah understood.
If she wanted Kian…
She had to give up everything else.
Love was a battlefield.
To win, you couldn’t hold back.
If she faltered, Kian would see through her and turn away.
With quiet resolve, Sarah rose to her feet.
She placed her hand gently over her chest and bowed.
”Ms. Linca, I’ve been mistaken about you until now. I’m sorry for my rudeness,” she said sincerely.
Linca blinked. “What’s this all of a sudden?”
”But… I can’t forgive you for branding Kian like that.”
”Brand…? Oh. But you hit and kicked me first, didn’t you?” Linca asked, arching an eyebrow.
”I’m going to make Kian my husband,” Sarah said with a calm smile. “I don’t mind you being the second wife. But I’ll never surrender the position of the first.”
”You think you can beat me? Fine,” Linca replied with a smirk. “Let’s see who wins.”
”Heh. You’re saying the same thing you did back in our duel,” Sarah said, grinning. “In a few minutes, you’ll probably be saying, ‘This isn’t how it was supposed to go,’ and rolling on the ground.”
”Oh? You’ve got a mouth on you now, don’t you?” Linca chuckled.
She stood upright, then formed a soft fist and gently pressed it against Sarah’s chest.
But with her full figure, it wasn’t really a poke—it was more like a soft push.
The strange sensation created an odd tension between them.
”I’m going to see Kian,” Sarah said, stepping back.
”He’s at the hospital visiting a Knight friend,” Linca replied. “I’m not sure what he’s up to, but… try to read the room a little—”
”I’m going!” Sarah shouted.
Without another word, she jumped straight out the window.
The warm sunlight hit her face as she twisted in the air, landing nimbly on the building’s roof.
The heat of the sun-soaked bricks came through her sandals.
Without hesitation, Sarah focused on Kian’s mana.
From roof to roof, she darted through the sky, tracing his path.
Below her, the winding streets of the city stretched on endlessly.
But up here, none of it mattered.
From here, she could go straight to him.
She could reach him.
The maze of paths—she’d ask him about those later.
”Yo──”
When she slipped through the open hospital window, all eyes turned toward her.
Inside the room were several people, each staring in stunned silence.
And among them—Kian, looking completely bewildered.
Sarah walked straight toward him without pause, passing by a young man on the bed, a woman in mourning black, and even a row of children.
”────”
She stopped for just a moment.
Beside Kian stood a girl—Natra.
His younger sister.
But her presence wasn’t ordinary.
She clung to Kian’s side like a shadow, glaring at Sarah with clear hostility.
Like Linca, she wasn’t just someone close to him—
She was something more.
Something rooted.
”S-Sarah? What are you doing here?” Kian asked, blinking in confusion.
”I… I like you,” Sarah said softly.
”Wha—huh?”
The woman in mourning let out a surprised, “Oh my.”
The patients murmured among themselves.
And without waiting for permission, Sarah wrapped her arms around Kian’s neck and kissed him.
”From now on… I’ll only look at you,” she whispered. “Nothing else matters.”
”H-Hold on, Sarah! This is a hospital! And you just jumped in through the window!”
”Elder Sister, please move away from my master,” Natra said coldly.
With perfect grace, she stepped between them, gently pushing Sarah aside. Then she reached for Kian’s arm and drew him back to her side.
”This is a hospital room. At least try to act with some decorum,” she said.
”──You’re right. Everyone, I’m sorry,” Sarah replied without hesitation.
She bowed politely, then took a seat on Kian’s other side—his left.
Kian leaned slightly toward Natra, clearly trying to keep his distance.
But Sarah seized his arm and leaned in, her chest pressing against him.
Kian flinched at the contact and stopped resisting.
Natra’s gaze turned icy.
”Um, Lord Kian?” the man in the bed spoke up timidly.
The mourning woman looked up at Kian, her cheeks faintly flushed.
Kian kept a polite smile on his face, but beads of sweat had started to form on his forehead.
It’s working, Sarah thought, flashing a smile like a proud young wife.
And then, in perfect unison, several people in the room murmured,
”Is this… a battlefield?”
Notes:
• Demete – A male dark elf shaman and a servant in the Umar household.
• Linca – Jibril’s favorite girl. High-ranking warrior monk woman from Shin, with strong abilities like ignoring attacks and poisons.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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