Volume 3 Chapter 180 Sarah’s Vow 1️⃣
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
They said this room used to belong to Oswald. But now, after Owl ordered all the furniture and decorations taken out, it felt bare. Even so, it was still a fine room—there was a large bed, a desk and chair, and even a balcony.
Thick curtains covered the balcony door. When pulled open, they showed the garden and vineyard behind the castle. The balcony alone was bigger than the tiny place where poor young Kian used to sleep. A magic tool for drawing water from the well had been added so he could bathe.
Thanks to Rufna’s barrier, no one could see or hear what happened inside. Kian hung his Nightshade coat on a hook, then pulled off his shirt, pants, and underwear, dropping them into a basket nearby.
Sarah stood nearby, stiff and red-faced. She gasped quietly, but it wasn’t her first time seeing him like this. They had no formal bond that forced politeness between them. Kian pointed to the bed, its frame holding up a light canopy, and asked softly, “Sit down?” before picking up Linca’s soap and cloth and stepping out onto the balcony.
He left the door open. A large tub leaned against the railing, and he pulled it upright, ready to activate the magic tool. Picking up a small washbasin, he splashed water on himself to rinse off dirt. Sarah sat slowly on the edge of the bed, facing his direction.
”Um, Kian?” she said, voice quiet.
”What is it?” he asked while letting water run down his back.
Her cheeks turned pink as she peeked at him, then quickly looked away.
”Why are you acting like this is normal?” she asked, clearly struggling to keep calm.
”Don’t worry about it,” Kian said, voice calm.
”Don’t say that!” Sarah snapped, face redder now. “The moonlight’s coming in through the window and showing your body on the floor! It’s like you’re putting on a show for me—stop messing with my heart!”
”Fine,” Kian said, tilting his head. “I’ll turn toward you instead of standing sideways.”
”…!”
Unlike when he was fifteen, he didn’t flinch now. His grown-up body was strong and lean, and he showed it openly. Kian took the soap in his hand and began washing his lower half without shame.
He had no plans to tempt Sarah. But the way he moved, calm and steady, made her eyes go wide before she turned her gaze away in silence.
”────”
”… ……”
While rubbing soap on his skin, Kian looked at Sarah. She sat still on the bed, wearing a white negligee that reached her ankles. Lace trimmed the edges of her sleeves and hem. Her collar had black cloth stitched into it, and a ribbon tied around her throat.
The maid probably picked it for her. Compared to her usual simple clothes, this one was clearly more detailed and beautiful.
With Sarah’s slim body, the style gave her an air of soft grace.
”You cut your hair,” Kian said.
”Huh? Oh… yeah,” Sarah answered, fingers brushing her short bob. “It was getting too long. Ms. Linca trimmed it for me.”
Her black hair had the right side tucked behind her ear, while the left side framed her face. Natra had been growing hers out, but Sarah seemed to be going the other way.
Looking at her closely, Sarah—now twenty-seven—seemed to suit shorter hair more.
Even without makeup, her face kept its charm, though her eyes were tight with nerves.
”The truth is… I want you to sign this magic contract,” she said, her voice quieter now.
”Magic contract?” Kian asked, pausing to rinse the soap from his chest.
”Yes,” Sarah said, holding up a scroll. “This here.”
She unrolled the paper, hand shaking.
”I… I am your servant, Kian. I’ll do whatever you say. Always. I made three copies of the same thing, so the spell isn’t weak. You’ll keep one, and the others go to Rufna and Ms. Linca. They already agreed. This way, I can never betray you. Not ever again…”
”Wait,” Kian said, confused, his hands rubbing shampoo into his hair. “That’s too fast. I don’t get it. A contract like this… it’s almost like slavery. It might change your mind and soul.”
Sarah lowered her eyes. “I thought this was the surest and fastest way.”
”What’s fast about this?” Kian asked, brow furrowed. “What do you really want? Say it clearly.”
”I want you to trust me,” she said, voice low. “I want you to like me… I want to marry you and have children.”
”And the Nakash family?” Kian asked. “You said it didn’t matter before, but this is hard to follow.”
”I searched for them for my own reasons. It was never about using you.”
(What’s she trying to do?) Kian thought. He reached for Talia in his mind, but she had likely vanished, feeling the strange tension in the air.
He had to handle this by himself.
(…Is she doing this because of what I did? Maybe she’s trying to change things because the party became too painful?)
”We have time,” Kian said, rinsing his hair. “Tell me everything from the beginning.”
Sarah gave a small nod.
”Kian… I was more selfish than I knew,” she began, her voice trembling. “That’s why I left you fifteen years ago.”
”So, it starts there,” Kian said softly.
”I always said you were important. But deep down, I cared more about the Nakash family. I said I respected you, but really, I looked up to Mr. Umar more. You were just someone I had to protect. My fiancé, yes, but I was only pretending to fall in love. The truth is… I didn’t really see you as special. Not in my heart. Not back then.”
She paused, lips trembling.
”When I pushed you away… do you want to know what I thought at the harbor? I told myself, ‘Finally, that weight is gone.’ I cried, sure… but deep down, I felt free. If I stayed by your side, I would have grown bitter and scared. But once I let go, I didn’t have to get hurt anymore.”
Her face twisted in pain, but she pushed on.
”To keep my spot in the Nakash family, I agreed when my father sent someone to kill you. And when that failed… when you saved me… I used you again. I said it was okay because you let me. But I ignored everything I had done before. I just reached out and grabbed your help.”
”────”
Kian listened without a word. His brows were tight, his eyes hard. He didn’t know what to make of her story.
Sarah’s voice stayed sharp, like she was stabbing herself with every word. But her reasons weren’t strange. People do betray others when trying to protect what matters most. In the end, it wasn’t her fault. It was Kian’s fault—for putting her in that position.
If Kian had been Jibril, he would have married her and become her family. If he hadn’t tried to save her, she wouldn’t feel this guilt. Because he wasn’t enough, she was suffering now.
”The Nakash family is done,” Sarah said, almost like she was sighing. “Even after ten years of saving money and land… nothing changed.”
”That’s not true,” Kian said softly. “There are still survivors. People hoping for help.”
”That’s not it,” Sarah replied, shaking her head. “They might say so, but for me… this is just guilt. I couldn’t stand living only for myself. So I told myself I’d save Nakash. Just to protect my own heart.”
”Even so,” Kian said, “if that brings you peace, then I’ll support you.”
”I don’t deserve that,” Sarah whispered. “While you were spending time with Ms. Linca, Mr. Umar kept coming to see me. Begging. ‘Stay with me,’ he said. ‘Help me.’ I was worried about you, but he still asked me to stay at the temple… even if it meant leaving you.”
”That’s… new,” Kian said, eyes narrowing. “So? What did you tell him?”
”I said… I’d try to talk to you. I told him, if you agreed, I’d help. And in the end… I almost gave in.”
”So that’s why you waited to kill Demete until the last moment. And when you did, you cried. Before you left the temple, you made a golem in a rush and left it there.”
Sarah nodded slowly. “Yes. I couldn’t let go of my feelings for him. I admired him. And… because of that… I ignored the danger. I put your life at risk by bringing that golem back.”
”I would’ve stopped you, no matter your plans,” Kian said. “And Juji’s fate was already clear to me. No matter how healed he got, I’d win. Both paths led to the same end.”
”That’s only what you can say now,” Sarah said bitterly. “I only ever thought about myself. I did it to make myself feel better. I wanted to look good in front of the person I respected… wanted to repay him. But that’s not kindness. It’s just selfish. I kept ignoring the one who cared about me first.”
”Who do you mean?” Kian asked. “Umar? Or is it… me?”
”You idiot!” Sarah yelled.
Her voice rang out, but the barrier kept it from leaking outside, so it was safe.
(I’m not exactly putting Sarah first… Until a few minutes ago, I was just thinking about messing around with Talia. And tomorrow, I’ve already planned a serious time with Linca and her stone soldiers.)
Even so, he saw how serious Sarah was now.
She rubbed her eyes hard, trying to hide the tears, but they kept falling. She was trying to show him the one truth that lay deep in her chest.
”I’m weak,” she said. “Ms. Linca told me—if I keep chasing this dream of saving Nakash, I’ll be left behind by everyone. I’ll die somewhere, alone. That scared me so much. She said you were the only one who could help me, Kian. And I… I already knew that. I just pretended not to. If you leave me… I’ll fall apart.”
Kian didn’t plan to abandon her, but he stayed quiet, waiting for her to finish.
Also, since Linca’s name came up, he made a mental note to be careful. Sarah might be speaking through someone else’s views. It didn’t seem harmful, but he’d still check—through Linca’s body—just in case.
He washed off the last of the soap and stepped into the hot water-filled basin. Sarah’s words continued.
”I decided to leave Nakash behind. Because I don’t want to lose you. But really… I haven’t changed since I was a child. I always do things for myself. But I want to end that now. I want to be loved by you, Kian. So I’ll become your doll. If I belong to you fully, I won’t worry anymore. You can use me freely—because that’s what I want.”
Sarah reached out, both hands shaking, holding the scroll.
”I want you to tie my heart to yours. Make it so I can’t think of anyone else. Take away my choices. Love me until there’s nothing left of me.”
Kian stood from the water, body steaming, only his lower part above the surface, and answered flatly.
”No.”
”…Why?” Sarah asked, looking broken. “Don’t you trust me? Or am I just… no longer needed?”
”That’s not it,” Kian said quietly, his voice heavy. “I really do need you.”
He lowered his head and looked straight into her eyes—seeing her, not just looking past. The rotation of the world around them kept shifting her form in and out of view, trading places with the stars in the night sky.
”I love your smile,” Kian said, his voice low but steady. “I love your voice. I love how you smell. I love how you’re kind even when unsure. I love how honest you are. I even love how selfish you can be.”
”Kian…” Sarah whispered, her voice trembling.
”There are times I can’t stand how unorganized you are, or when you throw up bugs, or how clumsy you are,” Kian said, smiling a little. “But all of that—I still need you.”
”I don’t throw up bugs,” Sarah muttered, frowning. “Those were golems…”
”Doesn’t matter,” Kian said, shrugging slightly. “If your heart really belonged to Umar, I thought I’d have no choice but to leave you behind—for my own safety and for the party. That’s why I forced you to follow my orders. That’s why I made you kill Demete. I needed to know where you stood.”
He stood from the water with a splash, his face calm, serious. Sarah’s breath caught in her throat as she saw his bare form rise through the mist. A quiet warmth stirred in her, leaving behind a scent only someone close could notice.
”You opened up to me completely,” Kian said, water dripping from his hair. “So now, I’ll do the same.”
”You’re already too bare…” Sarah said with a dry voice, not meeting his eyes.
”I’m just like you—selfish, especially when it comes to love,” Kian replied.
”I know that,” Sarah murmured.
”Listen,” Kian said, lifting his gaze to the stars. “Fifteen years ago, I was in love with you. Because I loved you, I wanted everything from you. Even though it was wrong to demand that… I still did. I’d never been loved by anyone, so I clung to you like you were my last hope.”
Kian paused. He turned his mind inward, the way he usually only did when reading others. This time, he aimed it at himself.
”I wanted Umar’s love… or maybe a father’s, or even a mother’s. But I had no one. So I leaned on you instead. I know it was unfair—you were three years younger, just a kid—but I still expected everything from you.”
He dried himself slowly with a towel, each movement thoughtful.
”I haven’t really changed inside. I might look grown, but I’m still the same boy from back then. Still a lonely, needy monster, hoping someone might care. I gave you commands, said it was for the team… but truthfully, it was jealousy. I was left behind by both my father and you. I felt abandoned… like I’d been betrayed twice.”
I’ve never done anything with Sir Umar, Sarah thought. We’ve never had that kind of bond. I’ve never even looked at him that way.
Kian shook his head, as if brushing off her silent thoughts.
”I told you already,” he said, voice quiet. “When I fall in love, I want everything. I can’t stand the thought of those feelings being aimed at someone else. Especially not Umar. I hate him more than anyone. So when I saw you looking to him… it felt like you were rejecting me completely.”
Is that how it feels when someone you love respects another? Sarah wondered. If that’s true, then even asking monks for guidance would count as betrayal?
”It’s different with faceless teachers,” Kian said as if reading her mind. “But when you learn and grow from someone you can see—someone like Umar—that’s a line I can’t accept. And if you still want to stand by his side, that makes him an enemy in my eyes.”
”…!”
She placed the towel in the laundry basket and slipped on a robe, a quiet smile playing on her lips.
She’s probably wearing that insane little smile again, Kian thought, a bitter grin tugging at his mouth.
”I’m obsessed with you,” he said, eyes distant. “Like a stalker chasing a dream. And yet, I still chase after other women, hoping one day I’ll find someone who gives me everything without holding back.”
He reached for a large barrel nearby and twisted the lid off. Murky water drained down the pipe, spilling into the dirt outside.
Sarah watched him carefully, the moonlight catching the outline of his figure.
So when you help me, it’s because your love is so deep, it’s leaking out, huh? Hoping that if you give enough, maybe I’ll give it back… I never thought about it like that.
Kian gave a dry smile and shut the balcony door behind him. He paused, then sat down in a chair across from the bed where Sarah waited.
”Maybe it’s true,” he said. “Maybe part of me wants love in return. But when I help others… most of the time, it’s pity. I see my old self in them, and I just can’t turn away.”
He poured water into a glass from a pitcher.
”Being abandoned when you need someone the most… it hurts. I know that pain. I used to wish—just once—that someone, anyone, would help me. No one did. So now, I help others like that. It’s no different from your reasons.”
”Then…” Sarah said, lifting her eyes to him.
If I gave up everything else and devoted my whole life to you, would you finally be mine?
”When I was fifteen,” Kian said slowly, “maybe I would’ve believed that. But now… other women already offer me that kind of love. After leaving me, after betraying me, it won’t be easy for you to replace them. I don’t think you can.”
”Could you not decide that by yourself?” Sarah snapped, standing from the bed with fire in her eyes. She walked over and knelt at his feet.
”I like you more than anyone,” she said, her voice steady. “I love you more than anyone. Thinking of you first… it’s not hard. I can do it.”
”I’m not trying to take away your freedom,” Kian said, blinking down at her. “I just hope that, in the end, it happens on its own.”
”I love you because I want to,” Sarah said, shaking her head. “Even without all that, I’ll still love you and give you what you need.”
”That’s why I hate it,” she said, her voice suddenly sharp. “I want your sadness, your pain, your loneliness—I want all of it. I don’t need anything else but you.”
”You sound insane…” Kian muttered.
”We’re the same kind of crazy, aren’t we?” Sarah said, smiling faintly. “Since we met again, you’ve helped me, put me first, even though I’m basically a walking disaster. I want you to love me, and take care of me till the end. There’s no man better than you. You made me fall so deep, I let you shape me into this person who can’t imagine life without you. I’m not letting you go. Don’t think you can run.”
Kian looked down at her, her eyes dark and shining in the low light.
The abyss stares back, huh?
A moment of silence passed between them.
Far in the distance, Cain cried out—a sharp, birdlike sounds that echoed through the night.
Kian let out a deep breath and stared straight at her.
”Then let me ask you this,” he said. “If I told you to kill Umar, would you do it?”
”I would,” Sarah answered without hesitation.
Her eyes showed no doubt, only a fierce resolve.
”I don’t respect him anymore. I won’t follow him. If you tell me, I’ll torture him before I end him. Even if you don’t tell me, I’ll still do it. He was going to kill you. I knew that fifteen years ago. He didn’t kill you outright—he exiled you, just to take me as his adopted daughter. And I… I looked the other way.”
”…Was that true?” Kian asked, stunned.
”Yes,” Sarah said quietly. “He had that kind of intent, and I pretended not to see it. I couldn’t believe it. You and Umar—father and son. Why would he try to kill you? You weren’t strong enough to be a threat. But even as I told myself it had to be a mistake, I still accepted it. I said I’d go with him and be adopted… if he let you live.”
”That happened… fifteen years ago?”
Umar’s choices made no sense.
He tried to set Jibril as heir, pushed Kian toward a marriage with Nakash, then planned to kill him to make Sarah his own family. But Sarah stopped him, and he chose exile instead.
Later, when things fell apart, he turned back to Kian for help. But after reuniting at the temple, he once again tried to erase him.
If he thinks about it from Sarah’s view… yeah, maybe his actions make some sort of twisted sense.
It seemed Umar had truly wanted Sarah as his daughter.
Linca’s guess had been right.
”Did you get what I was trying to say?” Sarah asked, looking up at him.
”Any regular man would’ve run far away by now,” Kian said, sighing.
”I’m glad you didn’t,” Sarah said gently, reaching for his hand.
”I’m not against the idea of a harem,” she added. “But I’ll still get jealous if you flirt with others.”
”…”
”But if you’re okay with that, I want to keep loving you. Not like before—where we just used each other.”
She took out a worn piece of paper—the contract to support the Nakash family—and tore it apart in front of him.
”How’s that? Even without this, I’ll stay by your side.”
”…”
”Say something,” she whispered.
Kian let out a long breath.
”I’d prefer you didn’t make a mess with paper scraps. This room is already hard enough to keep clean.”
Sarah’s fist landed gently on the top of his head.
Notes:
• Linca – Jibril’s favorite girl. High-ranking warrior monk woman from Shin, with strong abilities like ignoring attacks and poisons.
• Mag – The wolfwoman under Yelmar—the one who was caught by Kian’s group earlier.
• Demete – A male dark elf shaman and a servant in the Umar household.
• Juji – Male. Leader of the Wolfmen’s ‘Jinsou’. A skilled warrior with sharp senses and combat abilities. Relationship: Part of the Beastmen Alliance’s delegation.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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