Volume 4 Chapter 75 Don’t Laugh, N-Moo!
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Once Talia and Kian finished their modest breakfast, they headed toward the gambling den in the cove to meet Priscilla.
That said, they weren’t actually going inside; technically, they were scheduled to meet in the narrow passage just in front of the den.
Priscilla, who had been ordered to remain at sea by Chief Security Officer Balinars, hadn’t yet arrived at the rendezvous point.
Kian and Talia descended the stone stairs, which were bathed in the soft glow of the morning sun. Upon reaching the landing that led to the gambling hall, they leaned their elbows on the railing and looked out at the ocean. No letter of cancellation had arrived, so it was likely she would appear shortly if they waited.
”Alright, I’m done. This is the message for Aliona and the others. Do you see any issues with it?” Kian asked.
”Let me see… I think it’s fine,” Talia replied. “It explains our circumstances clearly. I’ll send this over to them now.”
”Thanks.”
As Talia summoned a bird-shaped golem, Kian turned his attention to drafting a letter to Sarah.
The contents touched upon the reinforcement request Linca sent for Rufna, a confirmation of their current personnel distribution, a proposal to send Rufna as support if they were short-handed, and a brief update on their recent activities.
Since Kian was in Crete on a top-secret mission for Priscilla, he couldn’t reveal the full details, so he simply stated they were on a quest to a southern island¹ together. However, re-reading it, the phrasing made it sound like he was just lounging around on some tropical getaway. Kian reflexively clutched his head in dismay.
(This won’t do. I have to rewrite it. If I don’t choose my words carefully when asking about the personnel matters at the start, it’ll sound like an interrogation from a boss who doesn’t understand the situation on the ground… Sarah is serious to a fault; she might misinterpret it as me being angry or finding her a nuisance.)
”It seems your pen has stalled,” Talia observed.
Having finished dispatching the report to Aliona and the others, Talia peered at Kian’s letter, several small bird golems perched on her shoulder. Her flaxen hair, brushed with fastidious care, fluttered softly in the sea breeze.
”I finally understand why the role of a ‘scribe’ exists. Your prose is far more elegant and delicate than mine will ever be,” Kian admitted.
”It’s better to write to both Sarah and Linca in your own hand,” Talia noted. “Especially Linca; she’s quite sensitive about such things. You must tread carefully to keep her in good spirits.”
”I know…”
”Continuing from our earlier discussion, information is the primary requirement in warfare. You must neither underestimate the opponent nor fear them excessively. What are they capable of? What are their limits? What are the underlying cultures or ideologies driving their principles? What specific actions are they prone to taking in an instant due to those unique beliefs? Once you grasp the whole, the path to outmaneuvering and defeating them becomes clear.”
Kian had been using the stone railing as a makeshift desk, but she used magic to manifest a drawing board with a surface even smoother than the rock. Perhaps concerned about his hairline, Talia pulled a comb out of nowhere and busily began smoothing down his bangs.
”Even an existence that appears flawless has a weakness. For a spirit, it might be the conditions required to remain in this world or a limitation inherent to its nature. In the case of a powerful political leader, they are often caught in a self-imposed bind² by the very elements that grant them power, such as the consensus of their followers. To understand their capabilities and culture is to know these vulnerabilities intimately. Do you follow?”
”Somewhat. But if we need intel on the enemy, wouldn’t it be easier to just hire some spirit scholars or cultural anthropologists to brief us?” Kian suggested.
Talia nodded once.
”A sound strategy. Rather than having three thousand men stare down the enemy for a month in a stalemate, investing funds in experts allows for a swifter resolution. Specifically, it has the great merit of allowing one to bypass several steps in ceasefire negotiations.”
”Three thousand men for a month… that’s about six thousand Franz Kingdom Gold Coins³, then?”
”It depends on the gear, the march route, and the logistics, but for basic infantry, that’s a fair estimate,” Talia agreed.
”I learned that from Sarah and the rest during the Ramsey incident. They said the enemy Beastmen legion would be so financially drained after waiting just ten days that a major merchant guild would go belly-up.”
”Sarah would indeed be knowledgeable in such matters.”
”She was the former second-in-command of Nile⁴, after all… Alright, I’m done. Is this wording okay?”
”I think it’s good. Well done. Finally, there’s Linca. It’s better to convey your feelings directly to her rather than relying on logic. That is likely what she desires.”
(What does it even mean to write with ‘feelings in the foreground’?)
Is she telling him to write some bizarre poem like the ones Linca always sends him?
But he’s no poet.
He’s not Mr. Robert—as he tilted his head in confusion, the rapid clicking of high-heeled shoes on the stairs above reached his ears. Kian capped his quill.
Before he could react, Talia collected the quill, the inkwell, and the unfinished letter for Linca.
The letter to her would have to wait.
Even if Priscilla was an acquaintance, she was an official envoy from Chatillon. This was an unofficial setting, but Kian had to receive her with at least a modicum of courtesy.
Well, Linca persistently writes ‘Please ignore me’ in every letter anyway, so putting her off for a bit should be fine. He’s covered the essentials in the letter to Sarah, and frankly, a personal letter to Linca was low on Kian’s priority list.
”Good morning, Ms. Priscilla.”
Kian placed his right hand on his chest, spread his left arm, and executed a shallow knee bend.
It was the Western-style bow Rufna had taught him when he was appointed as a Brave Duke. It’s a pale imitation he’s not fond of performing, but he tries to remember it occasionally as a necessary ritual.
Behind him, Talia performed a bow far more graceful than his. She placed her hand on her chest and pinched the hem of her miniskirt to lift it, a gesture that was distractingly erotic. He felt like he could hear the sound of his self-control breaking at the sight of black tights, a miniskirt, and her thighs.
”Morning, morning, morning! Lord Kian!”
Priscilla came dashing down the stairs, radiant in an ultramarine dress. She wore a matching hat adorned with white flowers and a pearl necklace she hadn’t been wearing the day before.
It was the kind of outfit that would invite trouble from thugs in an instant if she were walking through the slums of the East End. She clapped her gloved hands together and dipped into a low curtsy.
”Sooo sorry! I was intrigued by the formula Ms. Talia was drawing the other day. I stayed up late researching it and ended up oversleeping!”
”No, you’re precisely on time. We simply arrived too early,” Kian assured her. “Good morning to you as well, Lord Blumer. Thank you for your assistance the other day.”
”The pleasure is mine, Lord Kian,” Blumer replied.
Presumably acting as Priscilla’s escort, Lord Blumer stood clad in glittering armor. He offered a stiff nod. His armor seemed to favor aesthetics over functionality, to the point where he couldn’t even bow properly.
”I will be serving as Lady Priscilla’s guard today. I look forward to working with you.”
”Likewise. This is Talia, my magician. I believe we haven’t performed a formal introduction yet.”
”I am Talia. It is an honor, Lord Blumer,” Talia said. “As you can see, I am currently inhabiting the body of Lady Lyritisse, so please address me as Lyritisse as the situation requires.”
”Understood. Was His Eminence Augusto pleased?”
”Yes, very much so.”
Talia responded without expression, but Kian didn’t miss the subtle tremor in her voice. She has a soft spot for father figures ever since the incident with Albert.
It clearly pained her that Augusto had wept with joy for her, even though she wasn’t his biological daughter. Just as Talia understood Kian, over these past six months, even the dense Kian had begun to pick up on her feelings.
”I will transform into Asterios shortly and escort you both to the palace⁵. I expect we’ll be intercepted by the guard or the Order of the Lightning Knights⁶ on the way, but leave them to me. Also, I hope you’ll overlook it if my speech becomes a bit coarse while I’m in character.”
”Oh, yeah, totally fine!”
”Understood… Heh, for the cunning Hero of Ramsey to play the part of a foolish bull sealed on a lonely island; this promises to be a most amusing spectacle,” Blumer remarked.
”Please, whatever you do, do not laugh,” Kian said.
With that, Kian ensured no one was watching and transformed into Asterios. Since he was already wearing traditional Cretan formal wear—a white and gold toga—the sudden expansion of his physique wasn’t an issue.
”Heh, fascinating.”
”…Well, the transformation looks like this, n-mo,” Kian said.
”N-mo?”
”Is something the matter, mo, Ms. Priscilla?” Kian asked.
Priscilla froze for a heartbeat, staring up at Asterios’s vacuous face, and then—
”Bwah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah-hah!”
She doubled over, clutching her sides as she dissolved into fits of laughter.
”Wh-What is with that ridiculous way of talking?! Are you actually being serious?!”
”I’m perfectly serious, n-moo. I am Asterios, n-moo,” Kian insisted.
”Ugh… pffft, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
”You’re laughing far too much, n-mo. It’s not like I enjoy speaking this way, mo…”
”Hyah-hah-hah-hah! Hee-hee! No, stop! Don’t say another word! To think that Lord Kian, pfft-kuh-kuh-kuh, the strongest hero in Izerland, is saying ‘n-moo’… ha-ha-ha-ha!”
”N-mooo! I’m going to get angry! Even I have a limit to my patience, n-mooo!”
”U-hee-hee-hee-hee!”
”Chairwoman, the carriage I summoned has arrived,” Talia announced.
In contrast to the Chatillon group who were struggling to breathe through their laughter, Talia proceeded with the business matter with clinical efficiency. She stepped onto the stairs, her long legs striking a silhouette against her miniskirt, and beckoned Priscilla—who was still squirming with her hand over her mouth—and Blumer—who wore a smug, irritating smirk—toward the road above.
”As a precaution, I have secured three carriages, all six-seaters. Are there any other attendants?”
”No, just the two of us today,” Blumer replied.
”Pfft-hee-hee-hee… pfft, whew, whew…”
”Talia, when did you have time to call for a carriage, n-moo?” Kian asked.
”Bu-foh… ha-ha-ha-ha!”
”This morning, Chairman,” Talia replied curtly, releasing the bird golem that had brought the confirmation back into the sky.
”Lady Priscilla, Lord Blumer, I shall take the liberty of escorting you. This way, please.”
* * *
Kian and Blumer took separate carriages, while Talia and Priscilla shared the third.
It was a peculiar arrangement for a ‘guard’ detail, but Priscilla showed no reluctance to being alone with Talia. Blumer had also climbed into the trailing carriage with suspicious haste, leaving Kian to wonder if he had any real intention of protecting her.
Priscilla had appeared somewhat wary when boarding, but by the time they disembarked in front of the palace, she was already sticking close to Talia, chatting like an old friend.
Kian wasn’t sure if it was Priscilla’s naturally sunny disposition or Talia’s high social intelligence, but he found himself envious of their easy rapport.
He’s always been bad at interrupting a conversation in full swing… While he was hesitating, Asterios—or rather, Kian—was promptly surrounded by the young knights of the Order of the Lightning Knights, spear tips leveled at his chest.
”General Asterios, what brings you here?” one of the knights questioned.
”Nbo-bo-bo! Do-bo-byururu! Bu-bu-bo-bo-bo!”
(A dwarf girl knight and a shark-beastman knight. Is the dwarf the commander? He’s forgotten her name. The shark one was definitely ‘Sha-Sha.’)
While he was pondering why he only remembered the name of the one who couldn’t speak Azrael-ese, the palace gates swung open. Marquis Scipio and his subordinate Balinars stepped out with purpose.
”—!! The White-Haired Dragon Witch… Lady Priscilla of Chatillon?!”
”A pleasure to meet you. I am Priscilla. Am I correct in addressing you as Marquis Scipio?”
”Yes… but why on earth…?”
Scipio’s fastidious gaze shifted toward Kian. Kian offered a cool thumbs-up while maintaining his ‘beast’ persona.
”Pffft…”
”Lady Priscilla?”
”Ah, no. My apologies. Lord Balinars, it has been some time. Thank you for your assistance recently.”
”Not at all. I apologize for having to keep you at sea. I hope the seasickness wasn’t too taxing?”
”Oh, I’m quite used to life on a ship.”
Priscilla smiled warmly. Beside her, Blumer stood in silent attendance.
Before Priscilla could introduce him, Scipio barked “Excuse me!” and stormed over to Kian.
”Hey, you!”
”N-mo?” Kian asked.
”It is not ‘n-mo’! …I mean, it is not. General Asterios! Why are you roaming around out here alone? Where is your handler?!”
”Your Excellency Scipio,” Talia interjected smoothly.
”Pleased to meet you. I am Talia, Kian’s magician. I have been entrusted with overseeing General Asterios for the time being. As for Lady Guria Selda, she shared the General’s bedchamber last night and is currently… fatigued. I shall be accompanying the General in her stead.”
”Unleashing this beast without even a chain is a massive liability! What is Lord Kian thinking?! This is a gross dereliction of duty!” Scipio fumed.
”Easy now, Sir Scipio. Lord Asterios is behaving himself. If anyone is making a beastly racket, it’s you,” Balinars teased.
”Wh-! Balinars! You insolent…!”
As usual, the teasing caused the half-elf’s pointed ears to turn a vivid red behind his glasses. However, feeling the eyes of Priscilla and Blumer on him, he managed to choke back his rage.
”We were informed by General Asterios that there was a matter he wished to discuss, so we sent word in haste. Thank you for accommodating us,” Priscilla added with a smile.
She produced a scroll that looked to be an official letter from Guy.
”It’s regarding the matter discussed when your envoy visited Chatillon.”
”C-Could it be? You’re going to aid us?!”
”We’d like to deliberate on that further. Guy felt forced to decline initially to address Chatillon’s domestic concerns, but as this conflict will cast a significant shadow over the military and economy of the entire West, he feels a strong desire to support Crete in some capacity.”
”……!!”
”Usshi-sshi-sshi-sshi-sshi. See? You ‘glasses’ bastard. If you leave it to me, everything’s solved-moo!”
”Pffft… haha…”
”It’s ‘all’s well,’ you idiotic bull! Just be quiet! Any more of this will be a national embarrassment!” Scipio snapped.
”N-moo? Did I say something wrong, n-mooo?” Kian asked innocently.
”No, the General has performed his duties with excellence,” Talia praised.
”As Ms. Talia says, we’ve reconsidered based on the General’s persuasion,” Priscilla confirmed.
”Impossible… a decision of that magnitude, reversed in a single night… purely by Asterios’s persuasion… Chatillon is moving…?”
Scipio was stunned. His meticulously polished glasses slipped slightly. A bizarre grin, like that of a man convulsing from poison, was frozen on his lips.
”Man, General, you’re the real deal! I knew I could count on you!” Balinars cheered.
”That’s right, mo, Balinars! You’ve been respecting me with all your heart since the meeting, n-mo!”
”Exactly! Oh, man, we who were nothing but talk should be ashamed of ourselves!”
By including Scipio in ‘we,’ Balinars had effectively called his boss a windbag in front of foreign dignitaries. Scipio had turned a sickly pale out of sheer, unadulterated fury.
”Esteemed envoys, this way please.”
”Thank you, Lord Balinars. Ki—General Asterios is joining us too, right?” Priscilla asked.
”Naturally, n-mo. The meeting can’t function without me, n-mo. Oh, and I’m bringing this female magician Kian gave me. Since Guria Selda is out of commission, I need someone to wipe my nose when it runs, n-mo.”
”I’ve been granted a degree of discretion by Kian regarding the guild’s military operations. I can provide immediate feedback on Crete’s requests,” Talia added.
”…Understood. You may join us.”
With his confidence utterly shattered, Scipio followed Balinars through the palace gates. The arrogance he’d displayed at their first meeting was gone, replaced by a back that looked small enough to radiate pure melancholy.
”We shall escort you, General,” the dwarf knight stated.
”Nbo-bo-bo, doryu, bo-bo-bo!”
”N-mo. Good work.”
Kian offered a solemn nod to the girl knights and followed Talia inside.
* * *
”According to our spies, seven hundred warships have regrouped at Cyclops Island⁷. These are primarily from the Nile domain, under General Lee-Gensou. The Malc warships led by Shidarkan are mostly anchored at the provincial capital, Fenicia⁸. They appear to be targeting us from the west, now that the ‘Great Current’ has subsided.”
They were ushered into the war room—the same one Kian had visited after the ‘light-of-the-penis-netori’ incident with Guria. It seemed they’d learned that straightforward intel was a better way to win over Chatillon than the lavish entertainment they’d tried with Homolka.
Priscilla (and Guy) wanted the cold, hard facts: the state of Crete, the scale of the enemy, and the viable strategies. Scipio’s directness was the right call.
”The enemy’s total manpower exceeds thirty thousand.”
Scipio slammed his palms onto the marble table, which was covered in detailed maps of the region.
This was top-tier military intelligence—information that would put Crete at a disadvantage if Priscilla memorized it. Scipio was willing to risk that to secure Chatillon’s aid.
”Their magic division exceeds two thousand. It might even be over three thousand. Our rough estimates suggest the combined forces of Shidarkan, Mansoor, and the former Umar faction total two thousand. Combined with Nile’s magicians, three thousand is a certainty.”
Scipio scanned the silent room.
Priscilla and Blumer remained stoic. Talia was equally unreadable.
Kian was casually picking his nose while sipping grape juice through a straw.
”Furthermore, their magicians are of the highest caliber. We’ve listed the most dangerous individuals. For instance—Hanami Tsai.”
The half-elf stood and slapped a pointer against the blackboard behind him.
There was a portrait of an Oriental woman who bore a striking resemblance to Linca.
”Former Head Magician of the Umar Vahid House⁹. An expert in barrier magic. While her defense is peerless, her offensive track record is equally staggering. In the Battle of Beirut¹⁰, where she fought the previous Twelve Divine Generals¹¹ alongside Umar, she personally shattered a grand-scale incantation cast by five hundred elite magicians. Her maximum effective range is reported at two kilometers.”
”Two kilometers? Is that with a magic wand, n-mo?” Kian asked.
”‘A magic wand’? It is a sorcerous staff, Asterios. She is a high-ranking magician of Azrael. Naturally, she wields Rank 1 equipment,” Scipio corrected.
”Hmm.”
Kian dropped his feet from the table, looking bored. The chair leg hit the floor with a heavy thud.
”That’s it, mo? That’s not impressive at all, mo. You talked her up so much I got excited thinking I’d have a real fight on my hands, n-mo…”
”What did you say?!”
”Are you out of your mind?!”
Balinars and the dwarf knight both gapped at him in disbelief.
(Medea was still recovering from her run-in with Mansoor, and Circe was too busy to attend. Crete’s side consisted only of Scipio, Balinars, and the dwarf girl. At least the numbers were balanced.)
”Were you even listening to me, General Asterios?!”
Scipio’s glasses flared white as he shook with indignation. The pointer in his hand creaked.
”She annihilated five hundred magicians single-handedly! Her range is two kilometers! If we step within that radius, we’re finished!”
”Eh? N-mo?” Kian asked.
He wasn’t trying to be ‘Asterios’ just then; he was just being honest as Kian. Was he being that weird?
He means, crushing five hundred magicians is something even Aliona could do in her sleep while bound by her contract.
Rufna, obviously.
Sarah and Linca could probably pull it off too.
(Okay, maybe if those five hundred magicians were Sarah or Linca-tier, it would be a big deal… but still.)
Two kilometers.
That’s basically Sarah’s bare-handed range. Or about seventy percent of Linca’s range when she isn’t even trying.
Maybe modern sorcerous staffs just aren’t as good at boosting range as they used to be? The Battle of Beirut was before the Sorcerous Revolution, after all.
But still… it felt underwhelming. Compared to the awe-inspiring power Rufna showed at Ramsey or Aliona’s casual incineration of the sea serpent, this was small potatoes.
As someone who loves a life-or-death struggle more than a warm meal, this was a massive letdown.
(Then again, the spec sheet isn’t everything. Performance is what counts. Hanami is Linca’s mother. He’s sure she’s got some surprises up her sleeve—some ancient Shin country techniques to keep him on his toes. He bets the fight will be a real blood-pumper.)
”Well, I suppose to General Asterios—a warrior of myth—Hanami Tsai is just another magician,” Priscilla offered with a wry smile.
”If it’s the General, he can likely dispose of her with ease.”
”Naturally, we’re counting on you to handle the close-quarters engagement. That’s why the royal family summoned you,” Scipio said, readjusting his glasses. He glared at Kian.
”Do not underestimate the enemy. You are immortal, Asterios, but if you charge in blindly, you’ll be turned to ash by her grand magic. You’ll revive only to be burned again and again in a loop of death. Even if your heart doesn’t stop, the moment your limbs are incapacitated, it’s over. She’ll slap a sealing talisman on you like a jiangshi and drag you to her lab for experiments. So, do not underestimate them. And do not charge in alone!”
”I won’t, n-mo. It depends on the distance, but even I—this Lord—doesn’t think I can win against Hanami while the ships are miles apart, n-mo. That’s right, n-mo… if I’m going to kill her, I’ll swim through the ocean, leap onto her deck, and take her by surprise, n-mo. This Lord is clever, n-moo!”
—
Summary:
Kian and Talia rendezvous with the Chatillon envoy, Lady Priscilla, and her guard, Lord Blumer, at a cove in Crete. Kian adopts his crude ‘Asterios’ persona to maintain his disguise, much to Priscilla’s uncontrollable amusement. They proceed to the palace for a high-stakes military briefing with Marquis Scipio and Balinars, where the threat of the massive invading fleet and the legendary magician Hanami Tsai is laid bare. Kian, accustomed to the overwhelming power of his own companions, finds the enemy’s legendary status surprisingly underwhelming.
—
Character Insight:
Kian’s standards for power have become drastically shifted due to his proximity to Aliona and Rufna, leading him to view a ‘world-class’ threat like Hanami Tsai with boredom rather than fear. Talia continues to act as Kian’s anchor, managing his administrative affairs while suppressing her own emotional vulnerabilities regarding father figures. Scipio’s desperation is palpable as he reveals state secrets to secure Chatillon’s aid, highlighting the precarious position Crete currently holds.
—
Behind the Scene:
The ‘Asterios’ persona serves as a double-blind; it hides Kian’s true identity while allowing him to act as a powerful deterrent. The mention of ‘jiangshi’ and ‘demon-sealing talismans’ reflects the Eastern (Shin country) origins of the enemy magician, Hanami Tsai, introducing a cultural shift in the magic system being described.
—
T/L:
Notes:
• Talia – A high-ranking vampire spirit currently possessing the body of Lyritisse. In this form, she has flaxen hair, blue eyes, and thick lips.
• Linca – Jibril’s favorite girl. High-ranking warrior monk woman from Shin, with strong abilities like ignoring attacks and poisons.
• Shidarkan – Gloomy, bearded son-in-law of the Malc family (Flora’s clan); once a modest Malc magician, ordinary next to Shajar’s elites. Attends the Cyclops Island war council after losing his wife, Flora, and sisters-in-law in the northern base’s destruction. First appears Vol. 4 Ch. 45. Reminder: bereaved Malc son-in-law—sober, doubtful, and dim but dutiful.
• Gensou – Eccentric young Eastern monk-general in Azrael’s army, playful yet ambitious. Wields sun-like magic, swordsmanship, and assassination tactics. Linked to three masked wives—Seishi, Oushoukun, and Yougyokukan (Head Magician). Ally of Mansoor and Oji, serves under Jibril, proposes Operation Assassination. First appears Vol. 4 Ch. 45. Reminder: playful Eastern general with masked harem wives, always late but magically explosive, contrasting serious monks with his bathrobe vibe and schemes.
• Mansoor – Crimson-eyed elder monk and Azrael’s Divine General from the Shakerdoust domain near Dacia. Wielding mist form, blood-drinking, rapid healing. He ties to allies like Ryoma and Hanami Tsai. First appearing in Vol. 4 Ch. 25. Quick tag: vampiric red-eyed grandpa-general who mist-forms and drinks blood, obsessed with rescuing his captured son unlike other human monks.
• Mag – The wolfwoman under Yelmar—the one who was caught by Kian’s group earlier.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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