Chapter 50 The Uterine Massager and the Queen’s Negotiation
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
It was said that until about ten years ago, the Canaria Kingdom was ruled by a King and Queen who were close and happy. Since I hadn’t been teleported over here yet, that’s just hearsay, but they even had a long-awaited prince, and the country was supposed to be completely smooth sailing.
That all changed instantly when the King and Queen sadly perished from a plague. Foreign royalty who had succession rights through marriage alliances, along with powerful nobles who also held claims, came flocking like flies.
Then, Her Majesty Queen Cecile Canaria rose up brilliantly. She drove off the swarming crowds and declared that she would hold the throne until her younger brother, Roland Canaria, came of age.
She kept her word, acting as a temporary ruler. She even broke off her prearranged marriage and refused to take a consort, single-mindedly carrying out state duties for the sake of passing the kingdom to her brother. It’s a beautiful story, often told at home and abroad, about how magnificent Queen Cecile is.
”Did you see that nasty look in Her Majesty’s eyes? Before she took the throne, she wasn’t like that at all. It’s because she endures such a harsh workload, all for the sake of making the country a little better for her brother.”
”Indeed, they do well for a mere human with such a fragile body. Your goods are the finest comfort for a Queen like that. You invented a good thing at a good time,” Merluza, the Royal Guard Captain, observed alongside Muse.
Ah, so that fierce glint in her eyes was the result of accumulated fatigue, a consequence of driving off those who would ruin the country. And the reason she shamelessly uses my store’s products is probably because she’s thrown away her femininity and has no intention of taking a partner, just to keep the succession from turning into a nasty fight. Ah, poor Queen…
I felt like a heavy responsibility had been dropped on me, but I knew I could only make my adult magic tools in peace because Her Majesty was maintaining the peace of this kingdom. That thought at least gave me a bit of renewed energy.
”If that’s the case, I can offer the best products possible. I have the ‘Uterine Massager’ and the ‘Hot-Hot Ddo Buddy.’”
”Another name that’s certainly very tempting…” Muse mused softly.
”Hmm, I think I can imagine the gist of it…” Merluza muttered, his cheeks coloring slightly as both men subtly shifted and rubbed their thighs together. Just then, the door opened again, and Her Majesty returned. Perhaps because she’d been playing with her important younger brother, her face was slightly relaxed and gentle. I thought that maybe she was originally as lovely a woman as her brother is supposed to be.
”Forgive me for the wait. My brother is just such a demanding little thing, it can’t be helped,” the Queen announced, stepping back into the room.
I suspected the Queen was actually the one spoiling him, but as a wise man, I stayed silent and just nodded. Her Majesty then cleared her throat noisily, “Ahem!”, and returned to her previous stern expression. She eyed the magic tool in my hand.
”Is that, perhaps, an unreleased product as well?” she inquired with an arched brow.
”Yes, it is called the ‘Uterine Massager.’”
”Ah, I see. I imagine, then, that the tip of that part vibrates?” she pressed.
”Indeed, like this,” I replied.
I moved the sliding switch, and the Uterine Massager started to violently HUM with a deep, powerful tremor. The three of them swallowed hard at its aggressive display. Anyone who knew the efficacy of the ‘Vibrating Buddy’ could easily guess the power of this new device.
”As the name suggests, this magical tool is intended for uterine massage, but I would actually like to introduce a different use for it today,” I explained, watching them closely.
”Hmph. Well, I suppose it could be applied to the Npples or thighs, not just the uterus,” the Queen remarked, folding her arms.
”No, that’s not what I mean. Would you mind turning around for a moment?” I asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.
”Hmm? I don’t mind, but…” Her Majesty looked skeptical, but she obediently turned around. Unfortunately, her everyday dress didn’t have a plunging, bare back or anything, but just the absence of that sharp gaze changed her entire impression.
”May I touch your hair?” I asked, keeping my voice soft.
”Eh? Ah, well, alright,” she consented, the visible part of her ear turning red. That was a more girlish reaction than I expected, but she didn’t resist. Since Muse and Merluza weren’t moving either, I figured I was fine. I carefully took her slightly dry-looking golden hair in my hand, exposing the beautiful line of her shoulder. Then, I pressed the Uterine Massager to it.¹
”Oh, what is this…?” Her Majesty gasped.
”Since it is a massager, applying it to any place where you feel tired, like this, can loosen the knots,” I instructed, watching the subtle shift in her posture—the weight of the crown pressing heavier than any armor.
”Aaaahhh… Yes, I certainly feel like this is going to work,” she sighed deeply, her tension melting away, a rare glimpse of the woman behind the throne surfacing amid the endless grind of rule.
”Besides the shoulder, you can use it on your lower back, your arms, your legs—anywhere on your body that feels a bit heavy. Try using it, and you should feel somewhat better,” I advised, knowing full well how power’s burdens knot deeper than muscle.
After massaging Her Majesty’s shoulder for a bit, I handed her the Uterine Massager. It seemed she was quite heavily fatigued, because she continued to massage her other shoulder, making a sound like an old man soaking in a hot spring, and looking utterly blissful—bliss that masked the isolation of command, where even relief came laced with suspicion.
”Aaaahhh… That is unbearable bliss. What in the world is this? I dare say, are you a genius…? Muse, we must make him a court mage after all. Or a civil servant, or a royal merchant—anything! It would be a huge loss to leave him unguarded,” she declared, her eyes closed in rapture, voice betraying the hunger for reliable allies in a nest of vipers.
”Please, don’t say such idiotic things, Your Majesty. That would give the opposition an opening to claim the Queen has resorted to frivolous hobbies and extravagance,” Muse cautioned, keeping his voice low and serious, his pragmatism the thin thread holding courtly chaos at bay.
”Aaaahhh… Truly, the world is a troublesome place, isn’t it?” the Queen lamented, sitting down heavily in the chair while keeping the massager pressed against her shoulder—a throne room lament echoing the compromises that forged her reign.
Personally, I liked my current business and had no intention of working in the royal palace. It looked stifling, and seeing the tired faces of Her Majesty and Muse made it clear it was a huge pain—the kind that chews ambition into dust.
”H-Her Majesty, let me use it too! My shoulder has been hurting lately from wearing my armor,” Merluza pleaded, leaning forward, his soldier’s weariness cracking the stoic facade duty demanded.
”No! I am not letting go of this now,” she protested, clutching it tightly, a queen’s possessiveness mirroring the scarcity of true respite.
”Please, just a little bit, just the tip!” Merluza whined like a child, hierarchy dissolving in shared human frailty.
”Noooo,” the Queen refused, a surprising childishness in her voice—rare vulnerability in a life scripted by protocol.
Merluza and Her Majesty were having a childish spat. Well, that vibration is addicting. In the end, I agreed to prepare this product for both Muse and Merluza as well—small mercies in the web of alliances forming unbidden.
”But if this is the case, couldn’t you simply sell it by hiding the sexual use?” Muse inquired, adjusting his glasses, ever calculating the knives hidden in plain sight.
”I did consider that. But Muse-san, is the Church an organization that would let a flimsy excuse like that pass? If I were to get hit with another sales ban after mass production, my shop wouldn’t survive,” I countered, stating the plain facts of the situation—survival’s math as unforgiving as any ledger.
”Ah, that’s certainly a matter of life and death, isn’t it? I feel it’s fifty-fifty whether the Church would overlook it, but we can’t take such a gamble,” Muse observed calmly, his gaze sharpening with the predator’s instinct for opportunity.
”Exactly,” I confirmed, exchanging glances with Muse, who had the same covetous look as Merluza. As I thought, my business is facing a difficult course correction until I can settle things with the Church. I wondered if Sister Amelia was handling things well—the quiet anchors we all cling to amid tempests.
”By the way, what was the other product?” Muse asked, drawing my attention, steering us toward the next pivot in this high-stakes dance.
”What? There’s still another one!?” Her Majesty exclaimed, leaning forward, completely taken with the massager—curiosity overriding the regal mask.
”Y-Yes. It is the ‘Hot-Hot Buddy.’” I responded, presenting the new product. I handed her the Hot-Hot Buddy and explained how to use it. Her eyes changed color as the Buddy began to warm up in her hand, lighting the strategist within.
”This is…! Merluza, try holding this,” she commanded, holding it out, command voice laced with the thrill of potential leverage.
”Y-Yes, if you please. …W-What incredible warmth!” Merluza gasped, his eyes widening, soldier’s mind racing to tactical applications.
”Tell me, shopkeeper… no, Kento. Is it possible to adjust the temperature of this product?” the Queen questioned, her tone suddenly governmental, throne room shifting to war council.
”Eh? Well, yes, it’s difficult, but possible. Are you planning to use it as a substitute for heating?” I asked, confused by the shift in atmosphere—innovation’s double edge cutting toward statecraft.
”Indeed. It might be useful for maintaining the northern border line. Especially during the winter, fuel costs are ridiculously high,” she declared, her eyes now calculating the margins of empire.
The northern border line, of course, was the location where a standoff with the country whose royal family held a claim to the succession was ongoing. It was predicted that they would attack two or three more times before Prince Roland came of age, making it a critical issue for the Canaria Kingdom—geopolitics bleeding into every corner.
”Tell me the materials. If we can save money, I will pay you a reward. How does this emit heat?” she demanded, the ruler’s face firmly in place, stripping away merchant pleasantries.
”It’s Fire Rat hide. I combine it with the vibration mechanism, and the friction generates the heat source,” I revealed, keeping the explanation simple—secrets traded like pawns.
”Muse, what is a Fire Rat?” the Queen asked, turning to her advisor, chain of command snapping taut.
”As the name suggests, it is a tiny monster that emits fire. I believe it lives in the northern mountains and northern regions, but Merluza would know more about it,” Muse replied, knowledge as currency.
”Yes. They live near the northern border line. They’re a moderately troublesome opponent; new recruits can be burned to a crisp if they run into one in a small space,” Merluza confirmed, his face serious, scars of duty etched deep.
”But that means securing the materials is possible?” the Queen pressed, her eyes gleaming with potential—victory forged from scraps.
”It would be possible. We run into them constantly during patrol duties,” Merluza affirmed, triad aligning in ruthless synergy.
The three of them nodded to one another with the most terrifying expressions I had seen all day. The conversation had drifted into dangerous territory, and I wanted to pretend I knew nothing, but Her Majesty glared at me and spoke—power’s gaze inescapable.
”I apologize, Kento, but the sale of the ‘Hot-Hot Buddy’ is canceled.”
Her Majesty, with the ruthless face of a stateswoman, made her cruel declaration. I couldn’t just silently agree to this statement, though. I reacted immediately and returned her gaze—the little inventor staring down the crown.
”Hah!? That’s impossible! That product was supposed to fill the hole left by the ‘Vibrating Buddy’ sales ban! It was my store’s great chance for a comeback…” I protested, my voice rising in panic, stakes laid bare.
”But there is now the possibility of it becoming a military secret. This is for your own good, too. You wouldn’t want to be kidnapped by an enemy country while selling the ‘Hot-Hot Buddy,’ would you?” she reasoned, her logic impeccable, if threatening—protection’s velvet glove over iron fist.
”Th-That may be true, but in that case, I absolutely cannot give you the technical know-how!” I shot back, protecting my assets, independence the only shield left.
”I said I would pay you!” she argued, exasperated, crown cracking under negotiation’s strain.
”You said ‘if it works out’! Given the size of my business, I can’t afford to wait on a gamble that might not pay off for that long!” I exclaimed, crossing my arms in defiance—David to her Goliath.
”Ugh… Muse, we really should make him a court mage after all. He’s too capable to be left running wild,” she grumbled, rubbing her temples, admiration warring with control.
”While I agree there is now room for consideration, the risk of taking him on is still too high, I feel,” Muse cautioned, ever the pragmatic advisor, balancing scales.
”Ugh-guh-guh…”
Her Majesty applied the Uterine Massager to her shoulder and then her forehead, pondering for a long while. I, meanwhile, kept thinking things like, I shouldn’t have come here, and once they noticed me, there was no escaping—ambition’s trap sprung. Finally, with a great sigh, Her Majesty turned a face of resignation towards me.
”Very well, I understand. I will pay you some amount upfront immediately, and I want your cooperation in the development of a heating magic tool for the army. I will pay an additional reward upon success,” she offered, making the first major concession—queens bend when the game demands.
”The reward is tempting, but I am, first and foremost, someone who avoids getting involved in trouble…” I began, trying to push for more, greed tempered by caution.
”Listen to the end!” she snapped, cutting me off. “In addition to that, I will give you my full cooperation in restarting the sale of the ‘Vibrating Buddy,’ even if it means picking a fight with the Church. Furthermore, even if both the ‘Hot-Hot Buddy’ and ‘Vibrating Buddy’ end up failing, I will use my authority to ensure the survival of you and your store. I will give you money, I will provide people, and if necessary, I will even use my influence. You will be free to develop as many magic tools as you like. Are you still refusing this offer?”
Her generous, no-holds-barred proposal made my head swim. The question wasn’t whether to refuse or not—I knew what sort of fate awaited me if I said, “No, thanks” after she’d gone this far. The cold eyes of Muse and Merluza on either side of the Queen made that very clear—alliances forged in necessity’s fire.
My thoughts were about whether there was a trap and if I could still push for more. Greed should be avoided, but at the same time, blindly agreeing to the other party’s demands should also be avoided, I reasoned—the merchant’s creed amid royal intrigue.
”…First, regarding the development of the heating magic tool, allow me to meet with your magic toolmakers and work with them for a bit before I make a final judgment. I’ve hardly ever worked with other magic toolmakers, and I don’t know if my half-assed, self-taught methods will work,” I proposed, aiming for a small safety net—trust earned incrementally.
”Hmph, I suppose that much is acceptable. I have no intention of simply handing off the job, and if the work can’t proceed smoothly, it’s a loss for us too. What else?” she inquired, seeming relieved by my initial acceptance, partnership teetering into view.
”Regarding the ‘Vibrating Buddy’ matter, I have already secured cooperation from the ‘Beast-person Association’ and have collaborators within the Church. I would like to request that you coordinate with them,” I stipulated, thinking of Amelia—webs of loyalty woven tight.
”I see. That is to say, you want us to avoid causing trouble for those people, yes? It would defeat the purpose if we were to cause a breach in your personal relationships and earn their hatred. I fully understand,” the Queen agreed, nodding sagely, wisdom in compromise.
”Thank you. …Also, you said you would provide people, but I can’t show you all of my techniques and know-how,” I added, still trying to keep my secrets—innovation’s edge guarded fiercely.
”I understand that! You keep listing obvious things one after the other! What is it that you truly want to ask about!?” she demanded, losing her patience, humanity flashing through majesty.
”…Then. …Is it just the production of magic tools that I’ll be free to do as I like?” I asked finally, a sly curiosity creeping into my voice—testing the leash’s length.
This time, Her Majesty didn’t reply immediately. She looked up, down, right, and left for a moment, shifting her gaze to nowhere in particular. Then, with an innocent yet wicked expression, like a child who’d been caught doing something bad or an ogre who’d found a human child, she grinned evilly—power’s playful menace.
”If I said yes, would you run away in the middle of the night?” she challenged, eyes piercing deceptions.
”Who knows? I wouldn’t want to consider such a thing. If it were just me, perhaps, but I have people I need to protect, after all,” I countered, bringing up my trump card—family the ultimate anchor.
”What, you have baggage? No, a woman, is it?” she pressed, instantly seeing through my vague statement, perception honed by betrayal.
”How about you find out? You’re welcome to investigate if you have the time. I will only tell you this, though: if any danger comes to her, I won’t be able to stay calm,” I warned her, the subtle threat clear and direct—love’s ferocity rivaling crowns.
”Hmm… Very well. I guarantee the safety and livelihood of you and those you protect. And of course, your freedom of commerce. If there are any other inconveniences you take issue with, bring them up the moment you feel dissatisfied! However, my involvement is limited to only the ‘Vibrating Buddy’ and ‘Hot-Hot Buddy’ matters. Anything beyond that depends on the profit you bring me!” she declared, ending the negotiation with finality—pact sealed in mutual ambition.
”As you wish, Your Majesty. I shall work myself to the bone for your sake,” I said, the words feeling utterly hollow as they left my mouth—survival’s script recited.
”Now which mouth said that?” Her Majesty scoffed, laughing viciously at my false sincerity. Then, she picked up the Uterine Massager—which she had, thankfully, turned off and placed on the desk—and pressed it against her shoulder with a deep, resonating HUM—relief’s hum underscoring empire’s endless churn.
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Summary:
Queen Cecile, weighed down by the kingdom’s political strife and succession crisis, finds temporary, unexpected relief in Kento’s Uterine Massager. Her desperate need for a heating solution for the northern military border leads her to attempt to ban Kento’s Hot-Hot Buddy for military secrecy. The ensuing, high-stakes negotiation forces the Queen to offer Kento an unprecedented level of protection and cooperation with the Church in exchange for his genius. Kento, exploiting her exhaustion and political weakness, leverages the safety of his secret companion for even greater concessions, ensuring his business’s survival and freedom.
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Character Insight:
Kento isn’t just a merchant; he’s a calculating political operator who uses his ‘adult’ magic tools as bargaining chips. His true motivation isn’t a desire for the Queen’s favor but a deeply selfish need for a peaceful, profitable life with his companion. The Queen, for all her iron-willed rule, is a profoundly weary woman whose need for comfort makes her vulnerable to Kento’s demands.
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Behind the Scene:
The chapter’s climax is the shift from a product demonstration to a major political negotiation. The Queen’s full authority is brought to bear, but Kento cleverly counters by making the issue a matter of national security (his kidnapping) and then personal safety (his companion’s) which the Queen, driven by her loyalty to her own brother, is unable to refuse. The Uterine Massager is a symbol of the Queen’s suppressed personal needs breaking through her political facade.
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T/L:
¹ The Uterine Massager is a more potent version of the Vibrating Buddy. The name Shikyuu Massage-ki (子宮マッサージ機) is kept for its specific context, but the function described is purely for deep-tissue relief. ↩
Notes:
• Cecile – A high-ranking, powerful woman in the capital who possesses the authority to regulate business and commerce, particularly concerning moral or public order issues. She is currently investigating Kento’s shop, ‘Harvest.’ Have long golden hair, elegant, and wearing expensive white dress with gold accesories.
• Roland – he younger brother of Queen Cecile and the heir apparent to the Canaria throne. Clean, golden-blonde hair, same color as the Queen, innocent, beautiful face that could be mistaken for a girl but dressed in a boy’s formal wear.
• Merluza – The Captain of the Royal Guard, a veteran soldier and Lion Beast-person. She testifies to the military necessity and effectiveness of the ‘Tremble Ddo-Buddy’ (which she calls ‘Bob’) for female beast-person soldiers, ensuring job performance isn’t compromised by ‘heat’. Have dull yellow hair, large feline ears, wearing armor, and large scar over the right eye.
• Muse – Cecile’s trusted attendant and chief maid, Muse handles sensitive, discreet tasks like espionage and product acquisition. Have sharp, black eyes, wearing maid uniform, and have expressionless face.
• Amelia – The Sister of the Church of Demon-Subjugating, who usually buys from Kento, has light blue hair.
• Kento – The owner of the magic tool shop ‘Harvest,’ which discretely sells adult goods. He’s a former overworked, ordinary salaryman from modern Japan who was suddenly transported (isekai’d) to this fantasy world. He has dark hair and an unremarkable appearance, typically wearing a plain, slightly suspicious-looking shop owner’s clothes looks like Kazuma Satou from certain series. He has a minimal amount of magic power, enough to craft his specialty items.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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