Chapter 570 The Banquet of “Ddo-Buddy” ②
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
”It sounds… completely ridiculous, but—”
The Queen took over from Archbishop Trantestar, her shoulders shaking as she spoke. The Archbishop was already fighting not to laugh, mouth pressed shut. So his usual smirk wasn’t his only face after all.
The others—Prime Minister Dan Samoro, the “Holy Figure” Loire-Rose, Cardinal Mork, and Mother Marian—were the same. Holding it in. But snickers and giggles slipped out anyway. This was strange. Hadn’t I been called here for a full-scale Succubi crisis?
”T-The products… from y-your shop. An… avid user… lived in the village.”
”…Um, I can guess where this is going. Could you all just laugh it out? Hard to follow when you talk in bursts.”
”O-Oh? My apologies. Pff… Pfft… Ahaha! Ahahahahaha!”
The Queen broke the ice, and everyone let go. Marquis Samoro and Cardinal Mork looked half-reluctant, but the Archbishop, Rose, and Marian laughed wildly.
Well, who could blame them? They’d been terrified the world was falling into darkness, only for the Succubi invasion to fail in the most ridiculous way. All that dread just… vanished.
”Phew… Ah, haha… Goodness. My apologies again. I’m quite finished now. Probably.”
”…So? How were the Succubi repelled?”
The Queen—who’d finally stopped laughing—had another two or three shakes before putting on a serious face. Yeah. No saving face now.
”To repeat: the Succubi appeared in a small village, far from any town or main road. Succubi are cunning; they usually attack such isolated places in groups to make them their playgrounds. …I’m sure you know more about their nature than I do.”
She was right. I’d done my own research on Succubi. Partly because they weren’t fully extinct on the Southern Continent, but I’d been curious long before that.
They were one reason the Church of Demon-Subjugation ended up how it was. And putting that aside, they were fascinating monsters. …And from a purely erotic angle, they caught my interest.
”But even in that remote village, a devotee of your goods lived.”
”……”
Right on cue—another round of snickers. I felt sorry for the woman whose identity as an “avid user” had probably been exposed to the whole village. But as a story now, it was hilarious.
”Many of them turned out to be long-time regulars from before our trade with the Empire was restored. Your products have been quietly but surely spreading through the Empire and the smaller states.”
”…I’m grateful for their business.”
Yeah. Given my shop’s sales volume, it wasn’t a shock. Goods shipped to the Holy City had likely crossed borders and spread across the whole continent.
”And that’s when the Succubi struck. They hit the whole village at once. Naturally, a fiend came to that devotee’s home. And then—”
The Queen paused for effect. No—she was just holding back another laugh.
”Enchanted by the creature’s magic, on the edge of falling into the incubus’s trap, the devotee looked at the naked beast and said flatly… ‘Uh, is that it? That’s tiny…’”
”……”
”His pride shattered. The incubus flew into a rage and lunged. She fired a second shot: ‘If it’s not ribbed, it doesn’t do it for me. Can you change its shape or something?’”
”……”
”At that moment, she snapped out of it. Supposedly ‘enchanted,’ her desire vanished. All that stood before her was a naked, pathetic pervert. She grabbed the ‘Ddo-Buddy’ (a personal pleasure tool) by her bed, raised it, and beat the incubus half to death.”
”……”
”The rest is simple. Realizing the village was under attack, the devotee went into her family’s bedrooms and thrashed the Succubi there. Then to her neighbor’s house, same thing. With her newly awakened family and neighbors, she gathered a group and swept the whole village.”
”……”
”Call it luck or strange fate—she wasn’t the only devotee in that settlement. In fact, almost every woman had a ‘Ddo-Buddy’ on her nightstand. So most of the people were immune to the enchantment from the start.”
”……”
”So the Succubi that invaded Wielope and the smaller states were completely wiped out. And they lived happily ever after.”
”……”
The serious members tried to hold in their giggles. The Archbishop and the “Holy Figure” clapped wildly. If you could call it thrilling, it was. Rose smacked Cardinal Mork’s shoulder, bringing up that old heresy trial.
”See?! I told you guys! I literally said these Magic Circuits (items powered by magical energy) aren’t evil, didn’t I?!”
”My word, this is a great achievement, Lord Harvest,” the Archbishop praised warmly. I didn’t know if I should be happy or embarrassed. …Let’s go with happy. Hooray! I sold adult goods and stopped a demon invasion! We did it! …What do you mean, it makes no sense? Don’t worry. I don’t get it either.
”…Is that what you meant by ‘the power of God,’ Archbishop?”
”Indeed. Even the Wielope Empire, which rejects ‘asceticism’ (self-denial) and banned your goods, crushed the invasion completely. The Clergymen of the Holy City, who practice asceticism daily, could never be led astray by such demons. This is not just your victory—it’s a triumph for the Church. It proves the teachings of the ‘Ascetic Faction’ are correct and effective, even today.”
It sounded like a joke, but he was serious. The old teachings from ancestors who suffered under the Succubi… stripped of religious talk, the core idea was probably: “To fight Succubi, just become kinkier than them.”
”What do you think as an expert, Mother Marian?”
”Oh, my♡ I haven’t faced Succubi myself, so I can’t say for sure, but I like to think I wouldn’t lose to those village devotees♡”
Calling her a match was an understatement—she was the strongest. But Marian spoke humbly. …If regular people could fight Succubi with my stock, she could probably take down the legendary “Succubi King” without effort.
”Hehe. Your hard work is paying off, isn’t it, ‘Holy Eminence’♡?”
”Hmm, I had my doubts, and I know I’m a irresponsible ‘Holy Figure.’ But the timing is perfect. We’re going back to the Holy City in triumph, wiping out every Succubus on the way. Once we do that, those old conservative factions can’t say anything to us, right?”
I see. If they pulled that off, her political standing would skyrocket. A clear win for her faction, proving the old traditions they’d kept. Rose turned to me.
”So, because of that, Kentocchi, we need you to sell, sell, sell as many ‘Ddo-Buddy’ units as possible! Not just on this continent—across the world. If you do, we can end this threat without any slipups. And we’ll reward you well.”
So I wasn’t just called for an update, but to negotiate this big expansion. From my side, I had every reason to celebrate and no reason to refuse.
It would protect people from the Succubi, support Nada-san and the others on the Southern Continent, and the profits would be huge. I was about to start laughing for a very different reason than everyone else.
──The greatest harvest season in my shop’s history had arrived.
”Of course. Leave it to me. I’ll make them down to the last piece and sell, sell, sell until every corner of the world is covered!”
Now that the cards were on the table, this was my field. I shook off the last of my confusion, nodded firmly, and struck my chest with certainty.
Notes:
• Trantestar – A smirking, middle‑aged or elderly Archbishop of the Canarias Great Cathedral, he initiates the current trial, appears as a shrewd, suspiciously neutral figure allied with Kento while overseeing Church politics during the Empire’s retreat.
• Loire-Rose – The current Saintess and “Holy Figure” staying at the royal palace to coordinate with the Church. Born to a Salvation Faction family and adopted by the previous leader, she has a divine look—white hair, pale skin, blue eyes. Behind her holy mask, this top Cathedral authority is actually a pragmatic, money-minded trickster running a side workshop. A perfect mix of divinity and chaos.
• Marian – Mother Superior of the Canarias convent and the Church of Demon-Subjugation’s strongest Ascetic Faction nun. She has wavy purple hair, a busty build, a tear mole, a Monroe walk, and a black habit. A mother figure to companions, she uses her status to aggressively pester and influence Kento about the Devil’s Stick. Provocative and obsessed with Alex-kyun, she uses supernatural vaginal control.
• Samoro – Marquis Dan of the Samoro family is a prime, middle-aged veteran courtier and powerful Prime Minister. Distinguishable by his abundant white hair, grand mustache, and opulent robes, he leverages his immense noble prestige and court experience to staunchly back the Queen. Having served previous rulers, he remains a deeply loyal and influential political ally dedicated to supporting her reign.
• Mork – A central figure in the ‘Inquisition.’ Acts panicked and constantly looks sideways, seemingly pressured by the masked Inquisitor. He represents the rigid, fear-based opposition to the protagonist’s products. A Cardinal and the right-hand man to the Holy Figure. He is a skilled user of Holy Arts.
• Dan – A high-ranking official serving as the Prime Minister. He stands behind the Queen during audiences and provides silent approval of successful diplomatic interactions through subtle gestures like nodding.
• Harvest – Viscount Kento Harvest, representing a prominent family line, is a gaunt, pragmatic former adventurer and merchant who manages a magic-circuit shop and acts as a diplomat to the Southern Continent. Clad in a tattered academic coat, this royal mentor leverages Earth-based technology knowledge and noble authority in politics. Known for being soft on women, he is proactive with numerous lovers and dependents.
• Kento – Lord Harvest is a reclusive, dark-haired viscount and young isekai inventor from the Northern Continent who resembles a salaryman. Bound to the Queen, he runs a magic shop and tavern, crafting adult goods. Analytical yet easily swayed, he is pampered by subordinates and disciples, shares a quiet bond with Amelia, corresponds with Meryamisha, and maintains a pragmatic approach with guests like Nada.
• Nada – A tall, slender Southern Continent envoy with dark skin and sharp almond eyes, this previous workshop guest masquerades as a male merchant for Meryamisha’s intelligence network to report on the Succubi outbreak. Protective, intuitive, and adept at escaping danger, she trades with the protagonist, shares an intimate bond with Kento, and steers regional commerce amid a succession dispute.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
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