Volume 3 Chapter 53 New Year
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
I opened my eyes a crack, and the familiar ceiling slowly came into focus. Since I’ve been staying over so much lately, the sight felt almost nostalgic. The sun hadn’t risen yet; beyond the gap in the curtains, the world was pitch black. Only the small, warm glow of the nightlight illuminated the room.
(My mind is still foggy, but I remember yesterday…)
I remembered listening to Mother talk about her career change while we snacked on mandarins. We ate New Year’s Eve noodles¹ together for dinner and played cards and Karuta² while the TV hummed in the background. Eventually, Suu-chan started nodding off, and as if caught in her wake, I drifted away too. It was a peaceful New Year’s Eve-or at least, it should have been.
Perhaps because the room was so silent, I was suddenly overcome by an indescribable anxiety. (Was everything up until now just a dream? A mere manifestation of my own desires?) There are moments when that thought strikes me out of nowhere.
In my previous life, I was nothing more than a corporate slave. I had nothing much to do besides work, yet I threw even that away. Even when things seemed fulfilling, I had lost all sense of purpose, leaving a gaping hole in my heart. I never tried to change; I just let myself be swept away. Even when I was on the verge of death, a part of me was ready to accept it. Maybe it was guilt. I collapsed because I couldn’t take care of myself, and I caused trouble for everyone around me.
(I felt like I’d made an irreversible mistake. I just wanted to escape… I wanted a ‘reset.’) Deep down, I must have been wishing for a second chance, just like the protagonists in the stories I read.
And before I knew it, I was living a new life. It was a life that shouldn’t have been mine, surrounded by a mother struggling as a single parent and a sweet, healing childhood friend. I want to see them smile. I want to make them happy. I want to protect them. I believe those are my true feelings; they are my reason for living now.
But at the same time, they are a means to an end. Mother and Suu-chan love me dearly, but they’ve become dependent on me-just as I wished. I want to be wanted. I want to feel them close to me. In this life granted by the Goddess, I want to justify my existence as an anomaly in this world. To do that, I’ve forged bonds more intense than anything my past self would have ever allowed.
And now, I’m terrified. I’m afraid I’ll wake up and find this world has ended, or that they’ll drift beyond my reach. (What if I open my eyes and I’m back in a hospital bed? What if my old life never ended, and I’m just dreaming while some machine keeps me alive?)
The absurdity of reincarnation only feeds the fire of my fear. Being an “adult” doesn’t mean your heart is strong; it just means you’ve gotten better at deceiving yourself. Human nature doesn’t change just because you’ve been reborn. I’m making an irreversible mistake all over again.
I knew Mother’s job transfer was inevitable, and I knew I had to distance myself so Suu-chan wouldn’t be so dependent on me. But I was a coward. I didn’t want to be hated, and I was afraid our bond would weaken, so I hesitated. Chased by an invisible deadline, my heart began to fray. I couldn’t let them worry, so I played the “good boy” while essentially forcing Mother into the role of the villain who would eventually break our peace.
That’s why I was so relieved when she said she was switching jobs instead of transferring. No one had to cry. But it’s all too convenient. It feels so perfect that I’m terrified it’s just a hallucination.
”…Maa… kun…”
As if to quiet my fears, a tiny voice drifted through the dark. I peered inside the futon. It was too dark to see clearly, but I knew my childhood friend was there, curled up like a tiny bird. On my other side, I could hear soft breathing right against my ear. I didn’t have to look to know Mother was there.
Feeling their presence, the weight in my chest vanished. (Thinking about it now won’t solve anything.) I abandoned the cycle of thought and let myself drift back toward sleep… wait, how did Suu-chan end up on this side?
* * *
The morning sun spilling through the curtains woke me. A hand was resting gently on my head. I rubbed my eyes and looked up at the woman smiling down at me.
”–Happy New Year.”
”…Happy New Year, Mom,” I replied. “I look forward to being with you this year, too.”
”Me too, Maa-kun,” said Mother.
I kept my voice low to avoid waking the other sleeper, but something began to wriggle under the covers. With a rustle, the futon bulged upward and the warm air escaped.
”Eep!”
Startled by the sudden chill, she pulled the futon back over her head, seeking warmth. She fumbled around in the dark until she found me, then crawled over my body toward the ‘exit.’
Suu-chan poked her face out near my neck and gave me a sleepy, blissful grin. Then, stifling a yawn-
”Happy… New Year… I look forward… to being with you… too… faw…”
”Happy New Year,” I replied. “Same here.”
”…mufuu.”
Satisfied with her greeting, Suu-chan hugged me as usual. While gently stroking her head, I voiced the anxiety still lingering in my mind.
”…Mom, you’re really changing jobs, right?”
”Yes, I am,” Mother replied, her expression softening. “Did you think it might have been a dream?”
Mother let out a small laugh. “It’s okay. I’m definitely changing jobs, and I’ll be with Suu-chan forever. Besides, even if it was a dream, it’s a ‘prophetic dream,’ so it’ll come true, right?”
”…Together forever… mufuu.”
And so, surrounded by the two people I cherished most, I safely welcomed the new year.
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Summary:
The protagonist wakes up on New Year’s morning, grappling with intense existential dread and Imposter Syndrome. He fears that his happy new life is merely a dream or that he is manipulating his mother and childhood friend into dependency. This internal turmoil is eased when his mother confirms she is changing jobs to stay with them, securing their future together.
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Trivia:
- The protagonist’s fear of ‘waking up in a hospital bed’ suggests his previous life’s death was caused by overwork, tying his trauma directly to his current anxiety.
- The mention of ‘Goddess (Others)’ implies he doesn’t fully trust the entity that granted him this life, seeing himself as an ‘anomaly’ or ‘foreign object.’
- The change from Mother’s ‘transfer’ to ‘job change’ is a critical pivot that prevents the narrative from shifting into a separation arc, focusing instead on deepening domestic ties
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Character Insight:
The dynamic between Maa-kun and his family is revealed to be one of mutual dependency; while they ‘rely’ on him, he actively cultivates this dependency to affirm his own existence. This is highlighted when he thinks, ‘they are likely dependent on me… just as I wished.’
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Lore And Worldbuilding Context:
The concept of ‘prophetic dreams’ (seimu/masayume) is introduced as a way for the characters to rationalize the protagonist’s unnatural foresight or the ‘convenience’ of their happy endings.
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TL Notes:
The term ‘Corporate Slave’ (Shachiku) is used to maintain the harsh tone of the protagonist’s self-reflection. ‘Toshikoshi Soba’ (New Year’s Eve noodles) is localized but noted for its cultural significance of ‘cutting away the year’s hardships.’
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TL Notes:
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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