Volume 3 Chapter 181 Sarah’s Vow 2️⃣♡
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Sarah picked up the scattered sheets of paper, then quietly walked back and sat in her usual spot on the canopy bed.
”So? Do you trust me?” she asked, her voice light but unsure.
Kian looked at her and answered flatly, “No. Not even a little.”
”W-Why not!?” she cried, eyes wide with shock.
She opened her arms in disbelief, wearing the look of someone who truly didn’t get it.
Kian paused, tempted to say, “I want to nap, so please leave,” but in the end, he stayed. He would see this through.
”Sarah,” he said, meeting her gaze, “what part of everything you’ve said makes me feel like I can trust you?”
”I said I’d live for you! I even showed you that oath!” she pleaded, sitting up straighter.
”You said you’d give yourself to me… but only because you thought that would make you happy, right?” he asked calmly.
”I… I did say that,” she whispered.
Kian let out a tired sigh and rubbed his forehead.
”And when I asked if you’d kill Umar, you said yes.”
”I did. Of course I did,” she said quickly.
”Then doesn’t that mean you were willing to throw away a former teacher… just for your own gain?”
”Ah…” she murmured, her voice trailing off.
Kian shook his head lightly.
”In the end, nothing’s changed. You told me all about your selfish past, and even now, you’re still living by that same rule. You always pick what benefits you most. So if someone came along who made you happier than I do, wouldn’t you leave me for them? You’re like a spinning weather vane… I don’t see how you think you can win my heart like that.”
”But—what should I have done, then!?” she shouted, eyes trembling.
”There’s nothing you could do,” he said plainly. “That’s just who you are.”
”Don’t say that! Don’t give up on me!” she yelled, clenching her fists.
”I don’t know what to do anymore…” he said, voice low. “Honestly, I don’t even know what it takes to be trusted.”
”Did you think of something!?” she asked quickly, leaning forward and resting her hand near her hip.
”Maybe we try copying someone who is trusted,” he said after a beat.
”So… I should pretend to be you?” she asked with a small frown.
”I’m not trusted by anyone,” he said. “It’s not me—it’s Natra, Linca, Rufna…”
”Miss Linca is trusted?” Sarah asked, tilting her head.
Kian normally disliked putting others above himself, but now wasn’t the time for pride. The talk needed to go somewhere.
”Linca had a lot of friends, right?” he asked.
”Yeah… she did,” Sarah replied softly.
”And I bet she still does. What about after I was exiled?”
”She still had many. She often went out for tea with warrior monks from other families.”
”That sounds like trust. Sure, Linca flatters people, and she might sway with the wind like anyone else, but… when she sees someone in trouble, she steps up to help. Even in normal life, she shows kindness without thinking. She just acts. That kind of person makes others feel good just being near them. That’s the kind of presence that builds trust.”
Kian’s tone stayed calm as he continued.
”Then there’s Natra. She made a promise to fight for me—and she kept it. Even when it meant almost dying, like when she faced Oswald. She didn’t run. She stood her ground. That’s what makes her different. Once she makes up her mind, she follows through. No matter what it costs. That’s why I can trust her, even if just a little.”
Sarah tilted her head again. “What about that smiling guy?”
”You mean Rufna?” Kian asked. “She barely feels human when you talk to her every day… but she’s clear about right and wrong. And she shares that with everyone around her. Didn’t Natra tell you? She was the one who found out about the Nakash family’s Oasis massacre cover-up.”
”…Yeah. She did,” Sarah said quietly, her face twisting at the memory.
Kian poured water into her goblet and handed it to her.
”Thank you. I’ll drink it,” she said, taking the cup.
”Anyway,” he continued, “the important part is that all three of them—Linca, Natra, and Rufna—they each live by a solid rule deep inside. Being able to help others or take care of your job is just the outside. What matters is that they don’t shake inside. That kind of steady heart… that’s probably what people mean when they talk about having beliefs. And when people like that are on your side, it’s easy to trust them. You don’t have to second-guess.”
”I don’t have that kind of belief… do I?” Sarah asked.
”You do have one,” Kian said. “Your rule is simple: you only move if it helps you. At least, that’s how it’s been so far. I don’t know what you’ll become from now on. But since what helps you can change anytime, you might hurt others without meaning to. That’s not someone moving for another… that’s someone just chasing benefit.”
Sarah lowered her eyes. “I’ve used your feelings, and I threw away everything Mr. Umar did for me. I betrayed Nakash, the people who were loyal to me. And I tried to shift everything onto you… All this time, I’ve only acted for myself, trying to look good. But in the end, I just hurt everyone…”
”Yeah. You asked Umar for help, then said you’d ‘convince me’—like it was your job. But in the end, you gave in to me and killed Demete. From Umar’s view, that’s betrayal on the highest level.”
”And you, who made me kill him, have the nerve to say that?” she asked, her voice tight.
”I don’t have the right to say it,” Kian admitted, “but if we’re talking facts, that’s what happened.”
”Then what about your rule? You said you fight for someone else. Isn’t that the same as Natra?”
”Now it’s getting complicated,” he muttered, giving a bitter smile. He placed the goblet on the table and looked up.
”Natra doesn’t follow everything I say. She has her own standard. If she thinks I’m wrong, she tells me. She doesn’t lean on my rules to live her life. On the other hand, your ‘for me’ rule depends on me. That kind of belief only works if I stay the same. And that’s why no one else can trust people like that. Just like Demete.”
”Demete acted once. For Mr. Umar,” Sarah said, lowering her voice.
”Yeah. He turned his back on everything else. As you know, no one liked him. Not the Guild staff, not the Wolfmen. Not a single person trusted him. To Umar, Demete was a tool with some magic skill—but one with a deep flaw. He had no trust.”
”So… you’re saying my thinking is the same as Demete and Mr. Umar’s?” Sarah asked with a bitter smile.
”You didn’t mean to be,” Kian said quietly. “But yes. That’s how it came across. And no one wants to open their heart to someone like that.”
”But… I’m not like them,” Sarah said.
”You’re not the same,” he agreed.
”I’m different?”
”You are,” Kian nodded. “You can think about your own actions. That’s something they never did.”
”That’s… because of you, Kian. If you weren’t here, I don’t think I would’ve realized anything.”
He shook his head again.
”Even if I helped a little, it was you who chose to look inside yourself. That’s already proof you’re not like them. Mr. Umar and Demete thought what they did was right. They never looked back. But you’re trying to. ──So for now, maybe try building your own belief. Something that won’t break. If others praise it, great. But if it’s strong enough to guide you, then maybe… you’ll be someone worth trusting.”
”Belief… That’s hard,” she said with a weak voice.
She stared at the floor, lost in thought.
”It’s a bit old-fashioned,” Kian said, “but maybe take a little from Azraelism’s teachings? The good parts, I mean.”
”There’s no Azrael God,” she said bluntly. “Even if I act against justice, nothing ever happens. No punishment at all.”
”For a Death Sword User of Azrael to say that… we’re really at the end,” Kian chuckled. “Then maybe use the ceremony lines Princess Maribel gave me when I became a Knight?”
He recited them from memory:
Fearlessly, confront the enemy.
God loves courage and justice.
Help the weak.
Never abandon your companions.
Even if it leads to your own death.
Protect the Queen of Izerland.
Be the guardian of the law and conscience.
Do what you believe is ‘justice.’
”You don’t need to protect the Queen,” he added, “but what about the rest? Especially, ‘Never abandon your companions.’ That one matters the most to me. In my opinion, you still haven’t picked who your companions really are. You’re unsure who to help, who to leave behind. If you don’t figure that out, you’ll always struggle to choose. You’ll keep running into the same problem.”
”Choosing the comrades to protect… Miss Linca told me something like that before,” Sarah said quietly. “That deep inside, I still hadn’t sorted out what I should protect… and what I shouldn’t.”
Probably because she tried to be kind to everyone. That kindness made her unsure.
Linca could see that clearly. That’s probably why so many good people stayed by her side.
But it was hard.
Linca did it without trying—but for Sarah, and for people like Kian, it was difficult. They had to deal with shady people, do dirty jobs, and wear polite masks for their family’s sake.
Um…
Sarah stood up slowly from the bed, brushing her hair behind her ear.
”I was thinking… maybe we can try working together?” she said, her eyes unsure.
”Working together how?” Kian asked, leaning back in his chair.
”I mean, I’ll try to earn your trust. And maybe… you can try to trust me a little first. I feel like we already know each other well, so starting from nothing seems strange.”
”That’s an interesting idea,” Kian said, resting his chin on his hand. “But did you forget I don’t trust anyone?”
”I didn’t,” Sarah replied, her voice softer. “I paid attention to what you say… and how you act. If it were really true, I’d be sad. So I kept telling myself it wasn’t.”
”And has that helped you believe in our past talks?” he asked, watching her.
”…Yeah. A little,” she said, nodding.
Sarah didn’t usually notice small feelings, but somehow, she always saw through Kian’s lies. It was as if she could sense the truth behind his words, like she understood him on a level no one else could. It was strange, and a little scary.
She wanted moments like this—quiet talks. Not just to fix her own feelings, but maybe to help guide his too, even if just a little.
”────”
Kian looked at her in silence for a while. Then, without a word, he got up from his chair and sat beside her on the bed. He gave her a light pat on the side, as if to say, go on.
”Is… is this really okay?” Sarah asked, voice shaking a little.
”You’re lonely, aren’t you?” Kian said, his eyes kind. “You don’t need to make any deals. I’ll stay with you.”
”…Kian…”
”You don’t need to watch my face for answers. Even if you can’t trust me yet… if you don’t walk away, I’ll still be by your side. I’ll support you no matter what.”
”But if I do that, I’ll just end up depending on you again… and I haven’t given you anything.”
”It’s enough that you think what I’m doing is strange. Just knowing that… makes me happy,” Kian said, smiling gently.
Sarah’s eyes widened. Then her face tightened, and she lowered her head, still as a statue.
Not knowing what else to do, Kian reached out and pulled her hand, guiding her gently onto his lap.
”……”
Sarah didn’t resist. She sat facing him, her body light and quiet. Her warmth sank into him, soft and close.
”I’m doing something I shouldn’t,” she whispered.
”It’s okay,” Kian said, placing a hand on her back. “If you want to change who you were… I’ll help. I want you to live the way you want.”
”──────. …Thank you, Kian…”
Sarah said that in a breath, then leaned forward, pressing her face into his chest like she was trying to disappear inside him.
* * *
Their lips touched lightly in the dark, soft and quiet.
In the end, Sarah stayed close, clinging to him like she couldn’t let go.
She pressed herself against him, searching for his warmth. His arms wrapped around her slowly, one hand at her waist, the other gently at her back.
”Mm… ah… mm…”
Each kiss made her chest feel tighter. Her mind was cloudy, but the heat in her body only grew.
She hated herself a little, thinking it was weak to feel this way, but she couldn’t fight it. Kian’s warmth, his scent, everything about him made her feel safe, even when her heart trembled.
Just feeling him close like this made her heart melt. She knew it was shameful… but it was also the only thing that made her feel real.
Even his hand resting on her back, his breath near her ear, made her skin burn. The world faded, and all she felt was him.
”I must look so stupid,” she whispered, voice cracking.
”Why make that face when it feels nice?” Kian asked quietly, brushing her hair back.
Hearing that, Sarah buried her face deeper into his neck, her arms holding him tighter.
She wanted him to feel good too, wanted to give something back. Her hand slid along his side, careful and nervous.
”…Mm…”
Her breath caught. His fingers, warm and gentle, traced her side through the thin fabric. Her body twitched.
”Just feel it,” Kian whispered. “Don’t think too much.”
”B-but…”
”I want to see you smile. I want to see you happy.”
”…Ah…”
He hugged her closer.
Their lips met again, deeper this time. She felt like her heart might stop. His kiss was strong, but not rough—like he was trying to pull out something buried deep inside her.
”…mm… mmm…”
She couldn’t even open her eyes anymore.
”…mmm… mmm…”
Everything blurred. She gave up trying to think, letting herself fall into his warmth.
This heat.
Since they met again, Kian had always given her this warmth. They were childhood friends once, almost like family. Part of her thought maybe… maybe this kind of love had always been there.
Even if she lost everything—even if she lost her beauty or her body—she felt like Kian would still hold her.
”…L-love…” she whispered, shaking, tears slipping from her eyes.
”Love, love, love…”
Each word made her chest squeeze tighter.
She wanted to say it clearly, wanted to confess it properly. But the words were like chains.
”I like you! I really like you! I like you, I really, really like you!” she cried.
Her voice shook. Her feelings were messy, selfish, and full of pain. But still, Kian didn’t pull away.
He just smiled and held her.
”You don’t have to cry,” he said, brushing her cheek. “I want you to smile. Like before. Like the old days. Let’s take each other’s hands again.”
”…Kian… wuu…”
”The past is gone. We can make a new start. I want to try again… with you.”
”…Mmm…”
Her fingers touched the edge of the cloth at his waist, playing with the string.
Kian’s eyes narrowed just a bit, as if sensing something.
”So that’s what this was all about… You were planning to convince me with your body from the beginning, weren’t you?”
”Maybe,” Sarah said, half smiling. “I don’t think I have any other way left.”
”That’s exactly what I meant.”
”…Huh? What do you mean?” she asked, tilting her head.
Kian let out a long breath and leaned closer, resting his forehead gently against her belly.
”Stop pretending you’re some perfect girl,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Let your body move… just let it follow what it wants.”
* * *
Sarah did what he asked.
Not because she wanted to—but because she didn’t want him to look away.
She let go of everything else. Her shame. Her fear. Even her doubts.
She thought maybe she hadn’t changed at all… but it didn’t matter anymore.
”Hah… hah…” she breathed quietly, her chest rising and falling.
With slow movements, she climbed atop Kian, straddling him carefully as he lay beneath her.
(Once something breaks, it doesn’t go back to how it was.)
Tears welled up in her eyes.
She cried because she knew how this might end—and still, she chose to stay. Even if all they had was this fragile closeness, she would accept it.
With trembling hands, Sarah slipped off her nightgown and lowered herself onto the bed, placing her body over his.
”I don’t know what you think this is,” Kian said, lifting his hand to her cheek, “but I’ve never hated you. Not once.”
(Liar…)
Sarah closed her eyes, her heart pounding, and let her body sink lower, closer.
She felt it—not just him, but his warmth, his presence, the pull of his life against hers. She shivered at the sensation of her power slipping into him, like mist curling into air.
A faint, pleased smile rose on her lips.
Even now… even like this… he was accepting her.
She moved carefully, settling into him.
She meant to punish herself with pain—but instead, there was warmth. Her body responded to his without hesitation, and a quiet sense of being full, complete, spread through her core.
”Mm… mm…” she breathed in low sighs, swaying gently.
She moved slowly, back and forth, lost in the steady rhythm. She didn’t try to please him. She wasn’t thinking that far. It was only about what she could feel—what she could still have.
Her body shifted forward, her hands gripping his shoulders. She leaned in and brushed her lips against his.
No pride. No shame. Just quiet honesty.
And when he returned the kiss, something inside her trembled.
”Sarah,” he whispered, his lips close to hers, “I like you.”
Her eyes opened wide.
”…Liar…” she said in a soft, shaking voice.
”I’m not,” Kian said firmly. “I mean it.”
”Don’t say that,” she said, turning her head. “Don’t give me hope.”
”What’s so wrong about hope?” Kian asked quietly. “Just listen to me. If you don’t plan to bring the Nakash family back together, then what do you want to do?”
”I don’t care!” she snapped. “None of that matters to me!”
(As long as I can stay with you…)
The words burned at the edge of her throat.
But she didn’t say them.
Instead, she pressed her forehead to his chest, breathing unevenly.
”If you have no plans,” Kian said gently, “then once we’ve finished things in Dacia, I want to marry you.”
”No! Wait—what…?”
”You heard me,” he said with a faint smile. “When it’s all over… join my harem.”
She blinked. “H-Harem?”
”Yes.”
”M‑Me…?” she asked, her voice small.
Kian gave her a slow, firm nod.
”I’ve said it before, haven’t I?”
”────!!”
Her heart thumped wildly.
Sarah bit her lip and looked away, whispering, “R‑Really…? I can be part of it?”
She still didn’t believe she deserved it—not fully.
But his nod was steady, like he was answering a question even deeper inside her.
”Yes. I want you to be my wife.”
”…Can I think about it?” she asked quietly.
”Of course. It’s important,” Kian replied, smiling softly.
The fear and doubt Linca had planted inside her started to fall away.
Sarah wiped her tears with the back of her wrist.
”Thank you, Kian… You’ve given me so much.”
”I should be the one saying that,” he replied. “You’ve helped me more than I can say.”
”But…”
”No buts,” he interrupted, reaching for her hand.
His touch was light—just enough to remind her he was here.
”You helped me. That’s not a weakness. It’s something precious. So let’s not bury it under guilt.”
”…If you say so,” she murmured.
”Be proud, Sarah. You’re the one I fell for.”
She didn’t respond.
But she didn’t need to.
He was asking her to trust him—and this time, maybe she would.
Kian wanted her strong.
Even with her doubts, her past mistakes, her fears… he still wanted her.
(Show it, Sarah. Let your actions speak louder than fear.)
What she had done couldn’t be erased.
But maybe it could be answered.
Maybe… healed.
(I swear, Kian. I’ll love you—no matter what.)
She didn’t need to say it.
He would understand.
Sarah looked down at him with gentle eyes.
”…?”
(He gets it…)
She didn’t know what expression she wore.
She only knew how warm she felt.
She reached for the blanket folded near the foot of the bed, pulled it up, and draped it around his shoulders, climbing over him once more.
It was chilly—but under the same cover, they’d both stay warm.
Her chest shifted against him as she leaned in. Kian’s gaze flickered.
”W‑Well… whatever that means, I’m glad to see you’re feeling better,” he said, trying to steady his voice. “Ah…”
”Hah… hah…” Sarah chuckled faintly.
She tightened her arms around him, pressing her body into his and brushing her lips to his again.
Under the soft warmth of the blanket, they moved slowly together.
Rustle… hush… heartbeat…
Their skin met gently, bodies close, breath mingling.
”Whoa—”
”Mm… hnn…” she whispered.
”Th‑That’s… really something…”
”This?” she replied, blinking innocently. “Heh… maybe.”
She licked his lips playfully, her expression soft and teasing.
There was no shame in her now—just affection.
”Whoa… okay…”
”I’m fine today,” she said, breath brushing his ear. “So… don’t hold back.”
Kian’s arms tightened.
”G‑Got it—!”
”Eep—!”
His grip around her waist pulled her down gently.
Her vision blurred slightly, and stars seemed to flash behind her eyes—not from pain, but from how intensely she felt his presence.
Their closeness was real. The quiet sounds between them—the shuffle of skin, the soft press of motion—were loud in her heart.
”I‑I’m… I’m close…” she whispered, her voice like wind.
She held him tightly, body trembling with feeling.
Her chest rose and fell with every deep breath, as though her heartbeat had moved to the surface.
And then—
”Ugh… It’s… happening—!”
”Ah…!”
Warmth bloomed beneath the blanket.
Not just physical—but emotional. A soft, glowing relief.
She looked down, eyes glossy, as she lay on his chest, her fingers curling into his skin.
She felt the heat lingering at her waist, but instead of discomfort, she felt gladness.
Because it was from him.
And somehow, that made her feel safe.
(Love. Love.)
Sarah wrapped her arms around Kian’s neck and kissed him again—deep, slow, and filled with tenderness.
She let her feelings flow through it, trusting him to understand without needing words.
She could’ve stayed like that forever.
”Mm… still going strong,” she said softly.
”Sorry,” Kian replied with a light smile. “Guess I’m a little too fired up.”
”It’s okay. I want more too… Shall we?”
He nodded.
”Yeah.”
”Then let’s,” she said, smiling gently.
And with that, Sarah began to move again—slow, gentle, and full of quiet warmth.
Notes:
• Linca – Jibril’s favorite girl. High-ranking warrior monk woman from Shin, with strong abilities like ignoring attacks and poisons.
• Demete – A male dark elf shaman and a servant in the Umar household.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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