Volume 2 Chapter 15 A Mother’s Feelings
Edited by: Kanaa-senpai
Becoming a mother.
The weight of that responsibility bore down on me.
Would I really be able to raise this child?
Could I truly protect him?
Back then, my only saving grace was that I was a straight arrow¹. I would spend all my time worrying about the future until I was paralyzed, unable to move a single step forward or back.
I think my life had always just been a series of following my parents’ orders.
To meet the expectations of my mother, a high school teacher, I studied diligently, got into a prestigious private university, and finally landing a job at a major bank.
When I was a newcomer, I struggled with unfamiliar tasks. Desperate not to be left behind by my peers, I pushed myself to stand out, chased by work from morning until night. Even after returning home, my head was full of nothing but the office.
But after three years, I found my rhythm.
It was as grueling as ever, but my work-centered life was stable in its own way.
In the midst of that, I was blessed with a child.
The father was Sasahata Kota, the man I was dating at the time.
We met during our sophomore year of college while working as tutors at the same cram school. It had been six years since then.
I thought this would be our chance to marry. We had even set the dates to go meet each other’s parents.
But then, one day, Kota simply vanished.
I called and called, but he was gone. I checked with his office, only to be told he had quit.
Luckily, I had his parents’ contact info, but when I reached out, they played dumb, stubbornly insisting they knew nothing. To my shock, they didn’t even recognize my name.
Looking back, whenever I tried to talk about the future, he would dodge the subject, saying he was busy with work or social obligations. He always had a negative opinion; our disagreements had been increasing for a while. Every time we spoke, Kota’s expression would cloud over, and he would always end the conversation by saying, “I’ll leave it to you,” as if he were exhausted.
I was impatient, too.
I heard that my best friend had found a lover, got married, and was pregnant.
Even though I had been dating longer, why was nothing progressing for me?
Not wanting to be left behind by her, I had put Kota’s feelings on the back burner.
He clearly didn’t want marriage or a child.
And so, rejecting the idea of building a home with me, he left my side.
My mind went blank.
About the future.
About this child.
I had to decide everything by myself.
I could no longer rely on him.
I’m sure he didn’t want to be relied upon anyway, and I certainly couldn’t trust him. Even if by some miracle he came back, it was obvious things wouldn’t work out.
So, I consulted my parents.
I told them that marriage was out of the question.
And that on my own, I didn’t think I could balance my career and motherhood.
The response I got was ice-cold.
–Orosinasai.
They told me that a woman who isn’t even married has no business having a child–that the world wasn’t that soft.
They were strict parents, but maybe I had secretly hoped that if they were getting a grandchild…
No, that wasn’t it.
The truth was, when they opposed it, I… I felt relieved.
I didn’t want to break the life I had built until now.
I wanted someone to give me an excuse to give up on this child–an excuse to escape the responsibility. Not wanting to be the villain myself, I was trying to push that guilt onto someone else.
When I realized what I was doing, I fell into a deep self-loathing. I was unconscious, irresponsible, and acting like a child myself.
Continuing to work in that state led to more mistakes.
Nothing was going well, and I felt myself being driven into a corner.
The one who saved me was Momose Mio, my childhood friend since elementary school.
She is my best friend who married a senior from her previous job and took the name Totsuka.
Mio was happier than anyone when she found out I was pregnant.
”Let’s do our best as fellow Mama,” she’d joke. “If it’s a boy and a girl, maybe they’ll even get married one day.”
That was exactly why I didn’t want to tell her.
How could I confess my self-inflicted anxieties to her? Her own stomach was already large, and she was facing the difficult journey of childbirth and childcare herself.
”Honestly, Akari, you start bottling things up the second something goes wrong… Rely on me more. We’re best friends, aren’t we?” Mio said.
She had been suspicious because I hadn’t called… no, she probably heard it from my mother.
Mio’s words saved me when I was at my wit’s end with no one else to turn to.
I was able to make a positive decision to have this child. Well, more like Mio forcibly pushed me toward it.
Having become a mother slightly before me, Mio supported me with her own experiences, from choosing a hospital to health management. Even though she had her own newborn–Su-chan–to care for, she still looked out for me while I was living far away.
By the time my maternity leave started, I moved into the apartment next to Mio.
I even arranged to transfer to a branch I could commute to from there once I returned to work.
”Fufu, now Su-chan and Ma-kun are the perfect childhood friends… The wedding countdown starts now!” Mio said.
She talked as if my moving in just to rely on her family was actually just her getting her own way.
I knew she was just saying that so I wouldn’t feel guilty about needing her.
And then, Ma-kun was born.
A boy.
I named him Makoto.
I poured that wish into his name, hoping he would grow up to be sincere.
The moment I held the newborn Ma-kun, a sense of happiness and a sense of mission that I can’t put into words overflowed in my chest.
I will raise this child.
I will protect this child.
Holding that tiny life to my chest, I made that vow.
…If I hadn’t made that resolution then, my heart might have broken.
Ma-kun was born and shortly after, he suffered from a high fever.
He couldn’t even cry. I could only watch through the glass of the incubator as his face twisted in pain.
If I could, I would have taken his place.
But I couldn’t.
If I had given up on him back then, maybe he wouldn’t have had to suffer like this.
Every time I saw Ma-kun’s face, that thought crossed my mind.
Exhausted and unstable after the birth, I spent my days blaming myself.
About a month and a half later, he wasn’t completely cured, but he was finally able to leave the incubator.
”Hold him as much as you can to make him feel secure,” the doctor said.
I timidly picked him up.
In that moment, I felt Ma-kun’s expression suddenly relax.
It might have been my imagination, but it made my heart feel warm.
After another month, Ma-kun’s condition stabilized.
The cause was never really clear, but as long as he was smiling and healthy, that was enough for me.
”Ma-kun did such a good job~” I said.
”Aa!” Ma-kun replied.
He stares intently at my face.
He reaches his hand out toward me.
When I pick him up, he leans his whole weight against me.
He was so precious I couldn’t stand it.
Su-chan was cute, too, but the child I carried myself was special.
…There is just one thing I’m worried about.
”Aa!” Ma-kun chirped.
”Oh my, Ma-kun, hello!” a nurse said.
He raises his hand to get attention from every nurse he passes.
Ma-kun rarely gets cranky and responds to everyone who calls his name; he’s already a celebrity at the hospital.
On the day we were discharged, the doctors and nurses actually seemed sad to see him go.
At this rate, I’m sure he’ll be friends with Su-chan in no time. She’s such a good girl, after all.
However… I do wonder about him being too charming with women.
I can’t let the wish I put into his name end up as just empty words… No, praying isn’t enough. I have to be the one to guide him.
I became a mother.
The anxieties I had before haven’t completely vanished.
But I can move forward now.
I have my best friend, her family, and my beloved son.
I can work hard just to see the smiles on Ma-kun and the others.
With them, I can overcome anything.
More than anything, I want to watch Ma-kun grow up.
It seems I can’t live without him anymore.
I am so happy I could be Ma-kun’s Mama.
Ma-kun, thank you for being born.
—
Summary:
Akari reflects on her past, detailing her abandonment by her partner Sasahata Kota and the cold rejection by her parents. With the aggressive support of her best friend Mio, she chooses to raise her son Makoto alone. The chapter concludes with Makoto overcoming a health scare and Akari fully embracing her role as a mother.
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Trivia:
- Akari’s mother was a high school teacher, which fueled her strict upbringing.
- Akari and Kota dated for six years before he vanished.
- Mio’s maiden name was Momose.
- Makoto had an unexplained high fever that kept him in an incubator for over a month.
- Akari moved apartments specifically to be next to Mio for support
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Character Insight:
Akari transitions from a person who ‘followed orders’ and sought excuses to escape responsibility to a fiercely independent mother who finds her own purpose through her son.
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Behind the Scenes:
The name ‘Makoto’ (真) was chosen as a direct emotional counter to the lack of sincerity in his father.
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TL Notes:
Notes:
• Kota – Makoto’s biological father. Met Akari while working as a cram school tutor during their second year of university. He disappeared suddenly after six years of dating upon learning of the pregnancy.
• Mio – A 25-year-old fashionable and kind young mother, she is Akari’s (Makoto’s mother’s) best friend and Ma-kun’s godmother. Known for her playful and teasing personality, she enjoys babysitting Ma-kun and encourages a future marriage between her daughter, Su-chan, and him. She’s skilled in cooking and photography, admired for her beauty—even in casual, unpolished moments—and is married to Mitsuhisa.
• Akari – Ma-kun’s mother. A single parent and banker returning to work after childcare leave. Described as a natural beauty who values efficiency. She has a warm smile and is described by her son as beautiful. She is currently caring for her newborn son, Ma-kun. Now, Sse is a high school teacher’s daughter and currently lives next to her best friend Mio to raise her son as a single parent.
• Makoto – The protagonist. He is the son of Akari and currently stays with the Totsuka family while his mother works.
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Edited by Kanaa-senpai.
Thanks for reading.
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